The terror that had suddenly invaded Remus made him cry again. Despite the dark night and the storm he could clearly distinguish it, that monstrous dog's head, resting on a bipedal body.
"I... I don't understand…", was all Remus managed to say, staring at the creature that had stopped at the bottom of the slope, a few meters away from him.
A werewolf.
Remus was in the middle of a nightmare. How long had he been passed out? Had he been there for several days? Was it a full moon? Why wasn't he transformed?
He held a trembling hand to his muddy face. He still had human features. How was that possible?
A hoarse howl resounded and all coherent thought left him.
The creature was coming towards him.
Remus fled around the pond. He almost slipped in the mud, barely catching himself on a tree, and ran down the slope toward the forbidden forest. In the darkness, he could hardly see where his steps were leading. Yet he ran like a maniac, in a straight line. A new warmth invaded him, and his fatigue was gone. He had become a rag doll, animated and guided by a delirious fear.
A yelp caught his attention and Remus turned briefly to see the creature tumble down the slope before he himself stumbled against a rock. He threw his arms forward to cushion the blow, and his wand bent under his weight with a sinister crack. The shock had half fractured it, but Remus didn't take the time to inspect it, content to think of a spell as quickly as possible. A few meters away, the beast was moaning on the ground. He had to stop it from getting up again.
"Stupe…", Remus had turned around and pointed his wand at the creature but what he saw left him speechless.
The beast was now a shapeless mass lying on the ground. Its limbs lengthened before shortening, covered with fur before becoming hairless again while its head grew and shrank in an endless cycle.
What the hell was going on?
Distraught, Remus stood up and took a few steps back, unable to take his eyes off the thing. Then, between two transformations, he thought he recognized it. That hideous face with the glowing eyes. The one he had seen behind his window and then in his bed, lying against his stomach. Ten years ago now.
Fenrir Greyback.
The werewolf's features became canine again and it sat up with a guttural complaint.
A warm liquid dripped down Remus' thighs as he whispered in a strangled voice, "Leave me alone..."
He stepped back, sobbing, before raising his wand with a trembling hand. "I beg you. Leave me alone..."
The monster paused, watching him. It seemed to hesitate, then reached out with one of its strangely human arms in his direction. Remus watched in horror.
"Stupefy!"
His wand reddened and heated between his fingers, but nothing happened. Only the wide crack his fall had caused glowed.
Fuck.
The werewolf continued to move slowly, each step filling Remus with nameless terror. Running away now was impossible. He had to create a diversion first. Remus tried to recall all the spells he had learned. He threw out the first three that came to his mind. "Locomotor Wibbly! Incarcerous! Nebulus!"
His abrupt movements and broken wand made the first spell fail and weakened the second one, a simple string coming to grip the legs of the beast. However, the third spell worked, and a thick fog invaded the forest's edges. Remus took the opportunity to escape, leaving his assailant struggling with his bonds as he made his way through the trees.
If he could evade the creature until daybreak, perhaps he would be saved. Maybe someone would notice his disappearance and eventually send help. At least his friends would come looking for him…
He just wanted someone by his side. So he wouldn't die alone.
A branch snapped and Remus turned to see the monster's silhouette emerging from the mist.
"Stupefy!"
The spell failed to explode its wand, went askew, and bounced against the trees before getting lost in the depths of the forest. The wolf's maw turned towards him and for a moment he held up what seemed to be... a wand?
What the hell was that?
A spell passed within inches of him and Remus yelped, starting to run again. He couldn't understand anything anymore. His feverish mind was having trouble gathering information. So he just ran, zigzagging between the trunks, casting all the spells he could think of: Stupefy, PetrificusTotalus... And soon Bombarda, directly followed by Bombarda Maxima. The spells shot out in all directions, exploding everything in their path. His cracked wand and his terror did not mix well. They had created a terrible monster, a fire worthy of a Fiendfyre spell. Despite the rain, the flames grew and soon acrid smoke replaced the fog.
Remus coughed violently as he tried to escape both the beast and the fire. He let out a periculum and red sparks flew over the treetops, indicating his distress and position. He couldn't stop now. Otherwise, he would be devoured. Either by the flames or by that menacing figure that kept following him, howling between the now glowing trees as it tried to reach him.
Remus didn't want to feel any more bites on his body. No heat on his tender thigh, bruised since he was five and now hurting as he moved as best he could, going over old stumps as he tried to cross the forest.
A flaming branch blocked his path and Remus yelled, his eyes wide as he searched the blaze for a new path. He screamed again when he saw the shadow of the beast through the smoke. He didn't want to die. Please, not so young, not like this. Holding his wand out towards the monster, he cast a spell. The first one that came to his mind, "Endoloris! Endoloris! Endoloris!"
While the first two hit the beast, it was Remus who collapsed in pain at the third, his broken wand having turned the spell against him. A sharp pain seized his body and his vision blurred. His ankles twisted, his nails dug into his palms until they penetrated their flesh. His eyes bulged, and Remus felt his heart explode in his chest.
He thought he was about to die.
Remus did not come to his senses until much later. The fever pierced his skull and made his vision blurred. Dazed, he looked over the branches of the trees, not really knowing what he was doing here. He felt as if he had had a terrible nightmare.
Hearing whimpering, Remus turned his head with difficulty before freezing at the sight of the beast curled up on the ground.
No, it couldn't be.
Fear made the young Gryffindor sit up too quickly, his vision blurring a little more as he staggered backward, exhausted and confused. He was stuck in a frightening, never-ending hallucination.
No. It was never going to end. He had to… He had to… "A... Ava... Avada..."
He didn't have time to finish, tripping over a root before falling, rolling down a long slope, ending up in a ditch, his head hitting a large rock.
If only… If only someone...
"Help me..."
-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-
When Remus opened his eyes again, someone was holding him. His vision was still blurred, but he recognized the smell. That musky scent, both powerful and comforting.
"Sirius..."
"Remus..."
His friend's voice appeased him somewhat. Remus' trembling hand rested on Sirius' as he continued to speak, mumbling at times, no longer having the strength to articulate, "Sirius we have to get out of here... There's a monster..."
"Remus..."
"There's another werewolf... Like me..."
"No, Remus..."
"I think it's Greyback... We need to get away... And there's a fire..."
Remus' eyes, which had remained half-closed, shut and he lost consciousness again, not hearing the last words of his friend who was beginning to sob.
"It was me, Remus. It was me..."
_____________________________________________________________________
The incident in Potions class had not only traumatized James, Sirius too had not come out unscathed. Of course, he had kept a low profile for the rest of the day. He had even forced himself to make a few jokes about the accident, to appear as natural as possible but, still, he felt guilty. Sure, he had always hated Snivellus, but not to the point of wanting to immolate him! It was just a stupid joke... Damn it. What if Snape died because of him? Worse, what if people found out he died because of him? He didn't want to end up in Azkaban! Well, his father would probably kill him first...
He had really messed up this time...
He should never let anyone know what he had done.
Sirius entered the Great Hall, looking around for the Marauders, and finally spotted James' disheveled hair. His best friend hadn't spoken a word all day.
Sirius hoped his Quidditch practice had lifted his spirits.
"Hey, James!"
"Sirius."
Well, considering James' anger, Quidditch hadn't had the desired effect. Sirius glanced at Peter who offered him an apologetic smile, before focusing on his best friend again, asking simply, "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine."
James didn't even give him a look. Was he giving him the cold shoulder? Okay, what he had done in potion class was stupid, but still... James had seen that it was an accident... Did the others know, too? Damn it, did Remus know? He was going to kill him if he found out!
He instinctively searched for Remus, but he was nowhere to be seen.
"Where is Remus?"
This time, James did not even deign to answer him. It was Peter who took care of it, "He left five minutes ago. He didn't look well at all…"
Sirius frowned. Did they let Remus leave on his own? A week before the full moon? They were complete idiots! They knew very well that Remus was fragile during that time. He could faint, fall, hurt himself!
Sirius gave Peter a disapproving glance before turning away and leaving the Great Hall. Considering the grim atmosphere at the Marauder's table, it was better to go in search of Remus, and hope he hadn't already collapsed somewhere in the castle. He had nearly smashed his temple against a table when he collapsed during the last exams and had passed out several times in the summer heat. Sirius could still see him in his arms, pale as death as he rushed to bring him to the Potter mansion, desperately calling for James' parents. The fear he had felt…
Remus... His Remus.
It wasn't just the werewolf's behavior that had changed. Sirius' had changed, too. He didn't realize it at first. It had been a slow, gradual transformation, invisible to the naked eye, but had ended up blowing up in his face over the summer.
-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-
"All right, James blamed him for being too much of a mother hen with Remus. But that was normal, wasn't it? To worry about your weaker friends? Just like it was okay to think they were handsome... It was true that Remus came from a long way down in terms of beauty! When they first met, he looked like a sick chick: skinny, with a bowl-cut, and perched on legs that were way too long for him. And, over the years, Remus had become more and more attractive, and he had noticed it. It wasn't a crime! Besides, he also found James charming! If he had to hang out with people, he might as well be glad they were pleasant to look at... If Peter was handsome too, he would be even happier. Rather than having to put up with his rat face..."
Yeah. That's what he said to himself at the beginning of the holidays. Not very glorious, but he had just tried to turn a blind eye, to protect himself as best he could.
Then, over the summer, he realized he had just been lying to himself. A big fat lie that finally blew up in his face.
He remembered the moment perfectly.
As always during the summer holidays, they had all met at James' house and had finally escaped the summer heat by going swimming in the river that bordered the Potters' mansion. Remus had undressed before entering the water, and Sirius had felt his belly twist as his eyes slid down his back to finally detail the fall of his kidneys. Then they bathed, heckled and Sirius finally carried Remus in his arms in an attempt to throw him into the water after he splashed him.
He had tried.
But he couldn't.
He had frozen when he saw Remus' radiant face a few centimeters away from his own, his hair made even more blond by the light... His laughter, the little dimples that had formed on his cheeks, the way his pointed nose had wrinkled, the way his eyes had closed as he let himself be carried around, abandoning himself in his arms… All these things... All those little details that suddenly made him realize his situation. His feelings. That had caused his lower abdomen to become hot as hell and made him say two words accidentally. Two words that had later accompanied him throughout his stay with the other Marauder.
"Oh, shit."
It wasn't a joke. He could really sum up every moment with Remus with just those two words.
Remus coming out of the water and brushing his hair back as tiny drops of water dripped on his hairless chest: "Oh shit."
Remus offering to share a Popsicle: "Oh, shit."
Remus sleeping with him on the mattress at the foot of James' bed: "Oh shit."
"Oh, shit."
-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-
From that day on, his heart was a mess.
He hadn't tried anything, of course. Remus wasn't gay. Sirius knew it. So unless he could date the other Gryffindor, he was content to take care of him. He tried to be an exemplary friend, even if it was sometimes hard to contain himself.
He just hoped it would pass in time.
"Mister Black. Looking for someone?"
Sirius was startled, suddenly drawn from his thoughts by Madam Pomfrey. As he pondered, his footsteps had naturally led him to the infirmary, the place Remus was most likely to frequent at this time of the month.
"Uh, yes. I'm looking for Remus. Is he here?"
"No. Mister Lupin isn't here. He hasn't visited me in a few days, by the way. Is he okay?", Madame Pomfrey asked, a hint of concern in her voice.
"I don't know. He left earlier and Peter told me he looked sick. I thought he'd come to see you."
"No. I'm sorry, but he didn't. If you find him and he's not feeling well, bring him to me, okay? It's best not to leave him untreated right now. We're only a week away from... Well, you know."
Sirius nodded hurriedly to let her know he could see what she was talking about as the nurse checked that no one was within earshot. "Yes, I know, Madam Pomfrey. I'll try to find him and bring him to you."
Sirius smiled at the nurse before he turned back. Damn. Where the hell did Remus go? Usually, he went straight to the infirmary when he was feeling ill. It wasn't normal.
He suddenly had a bad feeling but tried to pull himself together. James was right, he was worrying too much about Remus. Maybe Remus had just gone to bed. He was sleeping a lot these days.
Sirius went to check anyway, walking up the seven flights of stairs that separated him from the Gryffindors' dormitories to find their bedroom empty. A shiver ran down his spine. This was definitely not normal for Remus. He wasn't the type to leave without warning. Then again, maybe he'd gone to the bathroom because of his nausea…
The inspection of the Gryffindors' toilets was the beginning of a very long journey through the castle. After checking them, Sirius inspected the showers, then the dormitory again, then the toilets on all floors. He then went around the library and all the study rooms, back to the dormitory, and then to the infirmary in case Remus had shown up in the interim.
But he wasn't there.
Distraught, Sirius returned to the Great Hall, looking for James and Peter, but they too were nowhere to be found.
Damn it. What the hell was going on? Something was definitely wrong.
Anxious, he began to wander like a ghost in the corridors of the first floor, his eyes inspecting every face he passed, hoping to recognize his friend's. He even shouted out his name as he walked around the large courtyard despite the rain but no one answered him. Remus seemed to have vanished into thin air.
"Are you looking for Remus Lupin?"
A girl from Ravenclaw was staring at him, a big smile plastered on her triangular face. She had reddish-brown hair cut into a bob and long almond-shaped eyes. Sirius felt as if he had seen her before, but couldn't quite remember her.
Who was she? How did she know his Remus?
The girl noticed his scowling face and laughed, a laugh that Sirius found unpleasant. She continued, "I think I saw him outside. Two hours ago."
"Where did you see him?"
"Near the Quidditch pitch."
Ah yes, he remembered now. The girl was a chaser on the Ravenclaw quidditch team.
"My team finished early because of the storm that was coming up. I guess he left too."
Sirius remained silent for a moment. Remus was outside? By himself? That wasn't like him. He barely thanked the Ravenclaw with a quick nod before he headed towards the pitch.
The girl's voice rose again, "I hope you find him. It's dangerous to leave him alone right now."
Sirius felt his blood chill as he turned again in shock. What did she just say? Did she know about Remus' secret? Who the hell was she?
The Ravenclaw glanced at Sirius before laughing again, "I'm talking about the storm. If he didn't come back and he's out there all alone, he might catch a cold. It's bad enough that he's often sick."
Without giving him time to answer, she disappeared behind the corner of the wall. Sirius stood for a moment staring at the now empty corridor, confused, before suddenly shivering. He was convinced that she had just made fun of him.
Fuck, this time he was sure that there was something abnormal happening. His instincts weren't wrong. Not about that girl. Nor about Remus.
He went to follow her when thunder rumbled in the distance, which made him turn back. He would deal with her later. For now, he had to find Remus.
He quickly reached the exit of the castle, pulling his cloak on his shoulders as he stared at the park. How was he going to find Remus with that storm?
That storm... Oh, by Merlin, it was the storm! The one they'd been waiting for for over a month with Peter and James! The fifth step! The storm that finished the potion to become an animagus!
A month and a half earlier, they had completed the first four steps. They had kept this damn mandrake leaf in their mouths for a month before putting it in a vial that they had then hidden each one on their side. Then they had merely repeated the incantation "Amato Animo Animagus" as indicated at sunrise and sunset until they felt a second heartbeat as they pointed their wand at their chest. And there it was finally the fifth step: "As soon as the first flash of lightning appears in the sky, go immediately to the place where you have hidden your crystal vial. If you have followed the above steps carefully, you will find a blood-red potion."
It was time to become an animagus!
A violent flash of lightning interrupted his moment of joy and Sirius stopped, staring up at the sky from the castle. Should he warn the others? And Remus? Shouldn't he go look for him first?
No. The instructions said to go there at the first lightning. So there was no time to lose. James and Peter must have noticed the storm too, and had probably already gone to get their vials. For Remus, it might be easier to find him once he had turned into an animal.
Along with the instructions, they had come across a second source about animagi that had given them a rough idea of what they would look like when transformed. Thus, Sirius knew he would be a canine. What species exactly, he didn't know, but in any case, he could move faster on all fours, or even track Remus with his nose!
Okay. First, he was going to take the potion, then he was going to transform himself into a super cool animal to go after Remus. He was gonna find him, pretend to be a hero, snog him, and… All right, well, maybe he wasn't going to snog him, but everything else in his plan seemed perfectly consistent.
Wasting no more time, Sirius set off, running like mad to get his vial. The place had to be preserved from any human presence, so he had chosen to hide it in the forbidden forest. At the time, he didn't think it was too risky. He had gone there by a very clear full moon night, with James and Peter waiting for him not far. The location he had chosen, a hollow tree in a clearing, had seemed safe. Even charming. He remembered having admired the plays of lights created by the branches. But now that it was dark and he was alone, everything seemed much more gloomy and he was beginning to think that he had made a mistake in choosing this place.
Sirius stopped to gaze at the trees, but the forest seemed empty of all creatures, except for a few small spiders that wandered here and there.
Using a Lumos to light his way, Sirius pressed on, stepping over a few web-covered stumps and into the woods. He walked until he reached a fallen tree with a large hole in its trunk. The light from his wand reflected off the polished surface of the bottle. Great. It was still there. The chrysalis of the Death-Head Sphinx that he had added in the second step was there too. But the butterfly hadn't come out. Was that normal? There was nothing in the procedure to indicate whether the butterfly should hatch or not.
Sirius lifted up the vial, holding it up to his nose to observe. The potion was a very dark red. It was hard for him to tell if it was blood-red or not. Well, he seemed to have followed all the steps perfectly. He couldn't see what could go wrong.
He hesitated for a moment before looking around. Everything seemed calm to him, but he didn't feel like drinking the potion in the castle or outside the forest in stormy weather. He cast two protection spells just for the sake of conscience then removed the cork before pointing his wand at his heart.
"Amato Animo Animagus ."
He drank the potion in one go.
The effect was almost immediate. A sharp pain came over his whole body and he let go of his wand, falling to the ground, moaning and shivering. He closed his eyes, crying out in pain as his head, about to explode, emptied itself of its thoughts, leaving only the image of a large black dog to appear. He put a hand to his temples and his fingers got lost in a thick fur as he felt his nose and mouth become deformed. Was it supposed to hurt that much? He knew that the first transformation was painful, but it seemed to him as if he had never suffered so much in his entire life.
No... He didn't have to worry... He was going to be fine... The pain would subside.
Except it didn't. After what seemed like an eternity, Sirius still hadn't fully transformed. Only his head seemed to have metamorphosed. From the few instructions he'd been given, he was convinced it wasn't normal.
He finally retrieved his wand before struggling to sit up. It wasn't just the pain that was bothering him. His perception of the world had changed and hundreds of new stimuli were assailing him. Everything had a smell. A scent so strong it was sickening. He felt as if someone was burying his face in the damp earth of the forest. He smelled the sap of the trees so violently that it seemed to flow directly into his nose. And then there was that scent, strong and musky that made him nauseous. What was it?
He sniffed his arm before wincing. It was him.
A violent headache made him wobble and he had to hold on to a tree, almost missing it because of his new distance perception. His field of vision had expanded but had lost depth and sharpness. The forest was now a succession of gray levels and everything seemed blurred. He could distinguish the trees and rocks around him more easily, but their details seemed to have been erased.
Sirius looked at the rest of his body, still human. Maybe the butterfly should have hatched... Maybe the potion should have been less dark... In any case, it was sure, his transformation had been screwed up.
He tried to concentrate and visualize his human form to cancel his transformation but nothing happened.
The situation was getting really scary.
In the sensory chaos that surrounded him, a noise more pronounced than the others drew his attention. A sort of clanking sound, coming from the left, behind the trees. Sirius turned his head, finally lighting up with his wand before holding his breath, blocking out the overflow of scent in an attempt to focus on his sight and hearing.
He heard something walking. Something big... Sirius squinted before suddenly freezing. A spider almost as big as him was moving between the trees, only a few feet away. Followed by another... And another...
Oh, by Merlin, he was going to die.
A thud resounded and Sirius jumped in surprise. Another tarantula had come from behind and tried to pounce on him. Only the spells he had cast had prevented it. They were now forming a force field around him.
Sirius screamed in panic and reached out his wand to cast a new spell on the creature, but only a bark came out of his mouth. By Grindewald the cursed, he couldn't speak and informal spells were of course only taught from the sixth year onwards!
The spider clicked its mandibles and Sirius' ears nearly popped. He could hear them now, those clicks, those hundreds of clicks that seemed to be coming from all directions to get closer to him.
Panicked, the Gryffindor hesitated a moment on the step to follow. Should he stay here, safe behind his protective bubble, or run away?
A tarantula solved the dilemma by striking the barrier again, causing it to crack.
...At the same time, he'd always sucked at defensive spells.
The arrival of two more spiders gave him a boost and Sirius took to his heels, breaking through the barrier he had created to escape. His running forced him to take deep breaths and the strong smells of rain, moss and rotting wood filled his lungs until he felt like vomiting. He almost stumbled several times, his animal vision preventing him from seeing properly while it was impossible for him to know where the monsters that were chasing him were, the sounds of his own steps deafening him.
Sirius jumped over a tree stump before dashing through the brambles, ignoring the thorns that lacerated his uniform. With any luck, they would slow the monsters down.
The vegetation was becoming sparser, a sign that he was approaching the edge, and soon Sirius thought he could see the park's short lawn in the distance, below a wide slope. He barely had time to rejoice when something fell from the tree he had just passed, taking some of the branches with it and crashing hard to the ground.
Sirius' heart missed a beat. Oh damn, what was that? The forest was falling on his head now? Please don't let this be what he was thinking...
A quick glance back unfortunately confirmed his suspicions. A spider, much larger than the ones that had previously attacked him, had tried to jump on him. Behind it, other gigantic forms were moving in the darkness.
Shit. Even if he could get out of the forest, what was he going to do next? He would never be able to outrun them.
Even worse, he could feel his breath getting weaker.
Sirius tried to pick up his pace, but it was no use. He had started to descend toward the edge of the woods, but even with the incline, his legs were weakening. He was out of strength.
Was it worth it to run all the way down there? What difference would it make, really, except where he died?
The shrill hiss of the spider, while not answering his questions, gave him another adrenaline rush. With his breathing completely chaotic, Sirius continued his rush to the lawn. It didn't matter what happened next. There was no way he was going to die in this fucking forest.
Just a few yards. He had to run just a few yards.
The weight of the spider that had just thrown itself at his back took his breath away. Its legs gripped his body like a vice and they rolled to the ground, carried down the slope to the edge of the forest. Sirius tried to curl up, attempting to escape the animal's grip as the rocks and branches scraped his body. He felt the monster's mandibles digging into his fur in search of his throat and grabbed the end of one of his paws between his fangs in a desperate act, biting down as hard as he could.
There was a flash and the beast loosened its grip, leaving Sirius to roll across the park lawn until he was stopped by a puddle of mud. Lying on the ground, he opened his eyes with difficulty. Around him, the landscape was spinning to the point of nausea, a feeling that was heightened by the sensation of a cold, hairy thing inside his mouth. He had taken with him the leg of his assailant.
Sirius managed to roll to the side to spit it out. Confused, he raised his head and his eyes were drawn to a bright light. A great luminous barrier encircled the forest. Behind it, the tarantulas had gathered and were trying in vain to cross it, each of their blows turning against them, making them hiss with anger.
Sirius remained silent in front of the spectacle, watching the spiders struggle against the barrier before finally giving up and returning to the forest. He would have liked to laugh but he didn't have the strength to do so. His whole body was aching. Closing his eyes, he leaned his head back, trying as best he could to put order in his mind, to sort out all these sensations.
Holy gargoyle... He had almost died. This forest was definitely dangerous... Damn it, he was an idiot. Of course, this forest was dangerous. It was called "The Forbidden Forest". What did he expect? He should never have gone there... In any case, it was sure that he would never set foot there again.
He still wondered if Dumbledore knew about it. That there were giant spiders roaming the forest.
A loud thunderclap made him look up to the sky. The storm was getting more intense. It was better to go back to the castle, especially since he was worried about his health. He seemed to be stuck in his animagus form... Was he going to stay like that? Would he have to spend the rest of his life disguised as Anubis?
He tried to take human form again, but fatigue prevented him from concentrating. Sighing, he finally came to his senses. Everything had gone wrong and he needed help. He had to go to the infirmary. To see Pomfrey and McGonagall. He had no choice.
Eventually, he sat up, completely exhausted, his gaze turning for a moment to Quidditch's stadium. He wasn't far from where Remus was last seen. But the other Gryffindor must have already left. He probably got somewhere safe. At least he hoped he did.
Sirius hesitated for a moment before finally straightening up and walking with an uncertain step towards the castle. No matter how much he reasoned, he had the impression that he couldn't abandon the mission he had given himself. With each step, he turned and looked all around him in the hope of seeing the other boy. As if Remus would suddenly appear before him. He even tried to use his nose by closing his eyes to focus on his smell. He made every effort to remember exactly what Remus smelled like, to compare it with all the other smells he could detect. But he found nothing. If Remus had indeed been there, his scent had vanished with the arrival of the rain, replaced by the scent of wet earth and grass.
He opened his eyes again, disappointed. If his ugly dog's head had been able to produce tears, he would have cried. How could he have thought that finding him would be so easy? Maybe Remus hadn't even disappeared. Maybe he was reading somewhere in the warmth of the castle. Maybe they kept passing each other, missing each other while he was looking for him… Fuck's sake. All the time he was just imagining a fucking story, with his stupid hunches. James was right, when it came to Remus, he was completely out of his mind. Everything he'd done so far was ridiculously reckless and immature.
As Sirius was about to give up, a glow caught his eye. About ten meters away, on top of a hill, someone was using his wand to light up.
Sirius thought his heart would burst out of his chest. Was it Remus? Had being completely paranoid served him well for once? Even if it wasn't Remus, the person must have needed help to be there, alone, in the middle of a storm. Maybe it was James or Peter. Maybe their transformation went just as badly as his!
Without further thought, he rushed towards the mound. A few meters up, the mysterious stranger had his back to him. He looked unwell and wobbled, as if he were about to collapse.
Sirius was about to signal his presence when he turned and faced him, his wand raised in front of him finally revealing his face. Despite the mud and terror that distorted his features, he could be recognized in a thousand ways.
Remus was right there, right in front of him.
For a brief second, Sirius felt as if everything was back in place.
"Remus!"
Sirius had wanted to shout his name, but nothing had come out of his throat except a howl. He didn't pay much attention, however, completely focused on his friend, who was shaking like a leaf a few yards away from him. What the hell was he doing there? Why was he in such a state? What had happened to him? Had he been mugged? Attacked? Oh, Merlin, Remus. His Remus.
Sirius climbed up the slope to try to get closer to him. Why did Remus look so frightened? Sirius has never seen him like this, with his eyes so wide open! Why was he running for his li- OH SHIT!
"REMUS!"
Another scream, another howl. Reality hit Sirius hard. It was he who terrorized Remus. He'd come back to him in the middle of a storm with a bloody dog's head! How could he make Remus understand that it was him? That he was in no danger? Remus looked so messed up. Maybe it was better to let him go, to let him lose him so he could go back to the castle alone…
Sirius hesitated and slowed his pace for a moment, stopping at the top of the hill to observe his friend's trajectory. The latter had descended the slope before running in a straight line... in the direction of the forbidden forest.
"DAMN IT, REMUS! COME HERE !"
Sirius took off after him, racing down the slope before tripping over a root and sliding down the hill. He groaned at the fall, but soon forgot about the pain when he saw that Remus had also fallen to the ground. His poor friend must have hurt himself... Damn... Remus looked so scared...He had to make himself recognizable. He had to get back to his human form... He had to breathe, yes, that's it, he had to breathe, to clear his mind.
Sirius closed his eyes, trying to focus on his human form. He felt the pain again, similar to the one he had felt after drinking the vial, spreading through his body, and stirring his muscles. It hurt... So much… But it worked. He could feel his mouth shrinking, his coat becoming smaller, turning into flesh... Yes. It was working... Oh...
Oh no, it wasn't working at all!
Sirius felt like he was imploding. His hands burned horribly and he brought them as close to his face as he could to see claws continually moving in and out of his fingers. His knuckles were covered with fur before receding. Everything was repeating itself endlessly. He felt as if he had entered some kind of loop. Shit. Was he going to die? Could anyone die from this?
He looked up at Remus, who seemed terrified by the situation. If only he could tell him that everything was going to be okay... That he was going to take care of him...
Groaning, Sirius looked down at his hands again before being drawn to the glint of his ring. His ring... It was the memory of a distant ancestor, one of the few Blacks who had not been a complete bastard. He had worn it all his life. Remus knew it. Maybe if he showed it to him, he would recognize it...
He let out a scream as he finally gave up trying to regain his original form, the pain washing over him one last time before it subsided to a tolerable level. With his head back in canine form, he stood up as best he could. The smell of urine reached his nose and he felt like crying. Shit. Remus had peed himself because of him?
Remus…
"Leave me alone..."
Sirius' heart cracked. Remus looked like he was in agony.
"I beg you. Leave me alone..."
If only he could leave him alone. Let him go. But if he did that, Remus would surely go to the forest to seek refuge.
Sirius desperately held out his arm towards Remus to show him his ring, but Remus paid no attention to it, too busy casting spells on him.
"Stupefy!"
Remus' spell had no effect and Sirius felt sorry for him.
"Locomotor Wibbly! Incarceruos! Nebulus!"
Correction, Sirius didn't feel sorry for him. Remus seemed to have regained his composure, which made it harder to deal with him. Luckily his wand was screwing things up, otherwise, it would have immobilized Sirius for good.
Sirius had no trouble getting out of the thin rope that had been wrapped around his legs. To his surprise, the fog was no obstacle either. He could hear the branches creaking under Remus' footsteps and the loud sound of his breathing. Better yet, he could smell it.
Was it because he had given up on transforming that his senses had become disciplined? It seemed to him that once he had accepted his new body, his pain had subsided.
Remus had blinded himself, which gave Sirius the advantage. If he could find him and immobilize him, maybe he could stick the ring under his nose and Remus would understand that he was not a danger.
Either way, he had no choice. They were in the forbidden forest now. There was no way he was going to leave Remus alone in this place.
Sirius pulled out his wand. Hopefully, in the action, his wizarding instincts would take over and he would be able to cast a few spells without having to formulate them.
"Stupefy!"
Remus had missed him by inches. Waving his wand, Sirius tried to cast a Petrificus Totalus. The spell went off with a bang but somehow missed the other Gryffindor, who took off like a rabbit through the trees. Of course, it wasn't enough that he didn't even know if his spells would work, he had to aim like shit.
To make matters worse, the fog intensified until it became opaque white. Sirius had to stop running. They were getting closer to the center of the forest and the trees were becoming too numerous, forcing him to grope his way forward. Dashes of color flew here and there, sometimes grazing him. Spells that Remus seemed to be casting on a string.
An explosion sounded and Sirius' hair stood on end. Using his sense of smell and hearing, he tried to find his friend, moving forward with his arms outstretched to warn himself of obstacles. Then a bright light allowed him to see his surroundings again. A tree was on fire. No, not just a tree…
A part of the forest was burning.
"Bombarda Maxima!"
Remus had just yelled from a few feet away and Sirius saw his silhouette cut through the trees, lit by a flash of white. Then everything turned gray and there was only the smell of fire. Remus had lost control. Obeying only his own terror, he had set fire to the deepest part of the wood, which consisted of dry trees with intertwined branches that caused the flames to spread at an incredible rate.
They were going to die if they stayed here any longer.
Despite the suffocating flames, Sirius began to run again to follow Remus' lead, watching for the fateful moment when he could pounce on him.
He thought he had found the right moment when a flaming branch blocked Remus' path, causing him to lower his weapon as he panickely looked for another way. This was his chance. In one swift movement, Sirius threw himself in front of Remus and took advantage of the surprise effect to try to step over the flames. But Remus was faster. Sirius saw him draw his wand as he shouted these terrible, forbidden, words.
"Endoloris! Endoloris! Endoloris!"
He felt like he was being stabbed and then thrown backward, as if a spear had impaled him and then carried him along on its way. He didn't even feel the ground beneath his back as he crashed to the ground. No outside stimuli reached him. For a few seconds, he felt nothing. Nothing but the hole that had opened up in his chest.
Then came the real pain.
Hundreds of arrows had just pierced his body. He was sure of it. He could feel each of his organs being punctured, each of his veins opening. The points were testing him, cutting into his ribs, little shards of bone slipping through his flesh.
Sirius wanted to scream but nothing came out of his throat. No relief was allowed and he had to stand there, suffering in silence, begging inwardly not to be shot even once more, to put him out of his misery. But no one came to his aid, and he remained trapped inside his own body, praying for death.
-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-
It was a burning sensation that brought him back to reality. Sirius slowly opened his eyes, groaning from the sweat that had dripped from under his eyelids. He lay there, staring into space before the smell of burning drew his attention. His cloak was catching fire. Damn...
In spite of the urgency, he took time to react, still stunned, slowly getting up to take off his cloak and let it burn.
Around him, the fire had invaded the forest. It was dangerous to stay here. Sirius knew that. Yet he couldn't move. He felt as if he was seeing reality behind a thick veil, as if he were already dead.
He watched the fire progress until the toxic fumes made him cough violently. It was better to leave…What had he come here for again?
He brought a hand to his face, confused, his fingers wiping the sweat from his forehead. Well... He had regained his human form... That was nice... This way, he wouldn't scare Rem...
"OH FUCK, REMUS! REMUS!"
Sirius looked around in a panic. Where the hell was he? He couldn't see him. He couldn't hear him. Was he dead?
"REMUS!"
Sirius finally approached a corner for the moment spared from the flames, facing a small ravine with a stream running through it. That's when he saw him, lying on the rocks.
Remus was unresponsive and blood was pouring from his forehead.
Sirius almost jumped out of the way, running down the slope, rushing at his friend as he nearly collapsed on top of him from the momentum he had gained.
"Remus! Hold on! I'll get you out of there! I'll get you out!"
He grabbed Remus to carry him in his arms, crossing the river with him. The coolness of the water helped him withstand the infernal heat that now reigned in the undergrowth. It gave Sirius enough strength to quicken his pace, and he made his way through the still-intact trees to emerge from the forest unharmed, about ten minutes later.
"This is it... Remus. We made it. We made it..."
"Sirius..."
"Remus..."
Sirius held Remus against him as he sat down in the grass, watching his swollen face, covered in blood and mud.
All because of him.
"Sirius, we have to get out of here... There's a monster...", Remus seemed severely delusional. He spoke without interruption, sometimes with a voice so weak that Sirius could not understand what he was saying. He was talking about Greyback. He had not understood. Sirius had to tell him the truth.
"It was me, Remus. It was me..."
He looked down at Remus. The boy had fainted.
Hideous sobs erupted from his chest and Sirius cried without stopping, clutching Remus to him as if his life depended on it.
"MISTER BLACK!"
The Headmaster's voice startled him and Sirius couldn't help but cry harder at his sight. Dumbledore was there, accompanied by the other teachers. He looked both worried and angry. The glow of the flames echoed in his beard, which was still red in places. He glowed like a phoenix.
"IT'S ALL MY FAULT, PROFESSOR!", Sirius had screamed in such a heartbreaking manner that Dumbledore paused, visibly surprised. His face softened and he ordered Madam Pomfrey to grab Remus.
Sirius hesitated for a moment before finally loosening his grip, letting Remus slip from his arms into hers. She gave him a worried look, "What happened? What happened to him? Did he get hexed?"
"I... I don't know. I don't think so. But he hit his head. Heal him, please."
"Don't worry about it, Mister Black. He'll be fine."
The nurse straightened up, holding the boy against her as best she could before Slughorn came to assist.
Dumbledore ordered them to take the boy to the infirmary before turning to the other teachers. "Put out the fire before it gets out of hand."
They nodded, drawing their wands. It reassured Sirius a little to see the entire teaching staff taking charge of the situation. With them, the blaze would surely be brought under control quickly.
The headmaster pulled him out of his thoughts by placing a hand on his shoulder. " Mister Black. I think it's time to give me some explanations."
Sirius looked up at him. Oh, he knew he was going to be in big trouble. But right now, he didn't care. Remus was saved. That was all he cared about.
Nodding his head for a long time, he finally whispered in a strangled voice, "I'll tell you everything."