He was in a dream. Nothing was real.
That's what James was trying to convince himself of while Peter levitated him to the ground.
His feet touched the stone floor and he soon felt the weight of his own body pressing down on his knees. Yet he still had that floating feeling.
He couldn't anchor himself in reality.
"James. Are you all right?"
James didn't answer, obsessed by the tragic spectacle that was being played two floors down.
Lily had reached the first floor, followed closely by Mary and Mulciber. She had begun pacing nervously around the Slytherin, observing him from a distance. Sometimes she tried to approach and then immediately retreated while screaming, her face hidden in her hands, the horror of the scene unbearable to her.
"James, I'm scared. What are we going to do?"
James ignored Peter's distress and went down the stairs. Each step he took made his heart beat a little faster and, he arrived in a sweat on the ground floor.
He barely had time to set foot in the hall when Lily pounced on him like a wild animal, ready to throw herself at his throat. Her hair ruffled and her eyes reddened, she hissed like a gorgon.
"James! I'm going to ki-", She didn't finish her sentence, stopping suddenly to stare at the young man, looking troubled. "James? My God, James, are you all right?"
James did not react. In fact, he couldn't even hear Lily's voice. Everything around him had vanished to make way for nothing but a chilling image: Snape lying on the ground.
The blood streaming from his head kept spreading, swallowing the cobblestones in a dark tide. His body exuded sweat and iron. Was he dead? James was afraid to find out. He had to force himself to look at his face.
That's when he saw them. Those two black marbles staring at him.
Severus' eyes stayed wide open.
James froze. Snape's wet gaze seemed to be seeking some precious consolation in his own. As if in his distress Snape had decided to ignore their barbaric past to cling to him.
A need for intimacy as disturbing as it was sudden.
James swallowed, kneeling beside him. He had no comfort to offer, no reassuring words. So, he just looked at him, revealing his helplessness, hoping that Snape would find some small satisfaction in this admission of weakness. A bandage.
A few feet away from them, Lily screamed again. She seemed to be back in charge. She ordered Mulciber to find Madam Promfrey before sending Peter to look for McGonagall. She then spoke actively with Mary, talking at full speed, desperately trying to find out what spells would be most effective in stopping the hemorrhage.
"We're not being taught enough healing spells! We are not taught how to heal!", She kept repeating these phrases in a shrill voice. Mary tried, in vain, to calm her down.
Snape broke eye contact with James and unsuccessfully tried to turn his head in the redhead direction. A new pain came over him, like that of an anguished child who couldn't see his mother coming back. Lily's absence made Snape suffer. James suffered with him.
No matter how hard the girl tried to save Severus, she would not go near him. Worse still, she remained with her back facing the scene. Rigid as a statue, she was content to talk, staring at the wall in front of her.
Mary, who stood between her and the boys, seemed to act as her shield. She was also the one who was in charge of casting the healing spells. She took an uncertain step towards Snape, wincing at the sight of blood before pointing her wand at him. This gesture panicked the Slytherin, who began to wiggle his arms slightly, trying to reach James. His lips barely moved, and the shock of the fall had silenced him, but James was sure he was calling out to him. He demanded his attention. Or rather, his protection.
As a reflex, he grabbed Snape's outstretched hand, clutching it between his fingers. Ignoring Mary, James called out to the redhead in a stern voice. Seeing her so distant made him sick.
"Why don't you come and do it yourself, Lily?"
Lily raised her head but did not turn. She had wrapped her arms around herself to keep her body from shaking. She took a few seconds to respond, sniffing several times, clearing her throat before finally confessing in a weeping voice, "I can't..."
"Why?"
"Because I can't stand the sight of blood. If I look at him, I'll faint. I... I know he needs me... But I can't do it. I can't help him, James... I can't help him…"
Her voice broke and she burst into tears. James and Mary exchanged a look of remorse before lowering their eyes to Snape. He was breathing rapidly, like a small animal. A tiny game wounded to death, staring at their hands with a disturbed look on his face. James couldn't tell if he'd been able to follow the conversation. Unless it calmed him down, the situation confused him enough to allow Mary to operate.
James slowly nodded his head. "Go ahead. Do it."
Mary cast several spells to limit the bleeding. Each time, Severus' icy fingers pressed against his and James felt his heart beat a little harder. It was the first time they had ever touched each other for so long. Usually, they only jostled briefly. Now, he could see Severus' hand clutching at his. His nails digging into his flesh. Their scarlet palms rubbed against each other, blood soaking the Slytherin's bandages.
What a strange sensation.
"Severus…"
Despite the pain, was Severus moved as well? Had they managed, for once, to share a feeling other than disgust or anger?
Although James had never admitted it, he had always thought they were connected. He had felt from their first meeting this unbreakable bond between them – this knot impossible to undo.
Five years ago, on the Hogwarts Express, when he and Sirius arrived in that carriage, thinking it was empty. Next to that redheaded girl, that weird boy... The pallor of his face. The unusual angle of his nose...
The deep darkness in his eyes.
The immediate fascination James'd felt for him. That had foolishly driven him to strut in front of him. Because at eleven he was just a stupid child, used to being the center of attention.
He had wanted to be the center of his attention.
Dumb provocation. Bitter response.
"You think you're special. You're not."
Rough, scathing words, like leather straps.
Unconscious Prometheus, Severus had brought fire within him. He had lit an eternal blaze in James' chest. Every day James fed these flames. Every day he punished Severus.
He forced him into a distant relationship, based on obsession and bad faith.
Sneaky glances and unsaid words.
Turns and detours.
Severus may have been actively involved in setting up this pattern, yet he was not the instigator.
Perhaps it was time to finally ask for his forgiveness.
James pressed his thumb against the Slytherin's palm to get his attention. Then he realized his hand had loosened its grip and was now slipping through his fingers.
"Severus?"
Severus' mouth was ajar, his eyes veiled and his eyelids half-closed.
"Severus?", James continued to hold his hand, waving it gently to get his attention, "Hey... Do you hear me? Wake up... Do... Do something…"
Severus didn't move. The situation left James speechless. He put the snake's arm down on the ground before coming to frame his face with his trembling hands. His skin was cold and his lips blue. When James ran his fingers over it, he felt only a faint breath.
Despite the treatment, he had lost too much blood. His heart would soon stop beating. He was freezing. Turning into a wax doll. Not dead yet, but no longer truly alive.
Eyes wide open, James remained silent.
Then he screamed in horror.
His hands rushed into the pool of blood, desperately trying to push the liquid into the Slytherin's skull.
Lily called him in a panic, "James! What's going on? What's happening?"
James answered in a strangled voice, "Fuck, Lily! Come here! I think Severus is... He's... He's…"
He met the terrified look of a young boy and was unable to finish his sentence. Despite the late hour, a small group of Slytherins, some first years apparently, had ventured into the castle. They were all staring at Snape in horror.
Once again, James couldn't find anything to say.
He was no help at all. Not to these kids. Nor to Severus.
He broke down in tears.
"Get out of the way!"
The sentence was pronounced at the same time by Madam Promfrey and McGonagall, who each arrived on one side of the hall. Behind them, Mulciber and Peter whimpered in front of the scene.
Madam Promfrey rushed at Severus. The adrenaline gave her incredible strength. Her arm struck James with the power of a bludger, throwing him to the ground.
McGonagall was gentler. She first ordered Mulciber to take the first few years back to their dormitory before she leaned over James, worried, "Mister Potter. You have a bloody nose. Can you breathe?"
James blinked. His cheek had ended up in the blood. He felt the liquid sticking to his face when he nodded, "I'm okay."
That wasn't true. The blood mixed with his mucous had ended up in his throat, making it hard to breathe, but it wasn't important. Only Severus mattered.
"Please. Save him."
The professor's thin lips pinched, and she shook her head before turning to the nurse. "Poppy! Do you need me to assist you?"
Madam Promfrey didn't answer her. Bent over Severus, she was busy making complicated wand movements while reciting an incredibly long formula. Around them, the blood was flowing back, absorbed by the wound.
The Slytherin's face began to turn color again. Madam Promfrey turned to McGonagall. "Help me. Lift him so I can see the damage. Be careful, he looks like he has some neck injury."
"Do we have to take him to St. Mungo's?"
Madam Promfrey had a short laugh before getting serious, "I treat four Quidditch teams, Minerva. I'm used to big boo-boos."
The two women gently lifted Snape's upper body and pulled his hair apart. The fracture at the back of his skull was wide and deep. Still bleeding.
Afraid they would force him away; James hadn't dared to get up. Lying against the tile floor, he had watched them straighten the young man before strangling at the sight of the wound.
Had he done this to him?
Where Severus' head had rested, small splinters shone brightly.
Madam Promfrey snapped her tongue against her palate before casting new spells. The size of the injury diminished but did not close. The nurse straightened up.
"I need to get him to the infirmary now. I can't do more without the proper tools. Come with me, Minerva, I need your help."
McGonagall nodded. Noticing that James hadn't moved, she approached him one last time. "Do you need care too?"
"No, Professor. I'm… I'm fine."
He was having trouble following the conversation. Madam Promfrey was now levitating Snape's body in front of her and the way his inert limbs hung in the air made James sick.
Professor McGonagall also observed the scene out of the corner of her eye before responding, "Fine. In that case, go back to your dorm and shower. Don't be noticed. There is no need to panic your little classmates.."
"Yeah. It will be done."
"Of course, we'll also have to have a little talk tomorrow. Drop by tomorrow morning before school."
"Sure…"
The headmistress watched James in silence. Seeing him so docile seemed to worry her. Her strict face softened for a moment.
"Don't worry. Mister Snape is in good hands. He's going to be all right." She almost smiled at him before turning her heels, following Madam Promfrey who had already disappeared into the castle halls.
"James, are you okay?" Peter took advantage of McGonagall's departure to get close to him and help him up.
James reassured him with a brief nod before approaching the girls. In Mary's arms, Lily was crying.
"You should go to bed," James whispered.
Lily wanted to turn to him, but Mary stopped her. "No. Don't look at him. Come with me."
"Mary's right. Just go."
It was better if Lily didn't lay eyes on him. He was covered in blood.
The two girls walked away, and James took a heavy step toward the center of the room. Tiny fragments lay on the floor.
Bone fragments.
He took a tissue out of his pocket and picked them all up before wrapping them up.
"What are you doing, James?"
"I'm putting out the fire, Peter. I'm putting out the fire."
______________________________________________________________________
Dumbledore was not angry. In fact, he was surprisingly warm. After reassuring Sirius about Remus and the care he would receive, he invited him into his study, healed his scratches, and had a house-elf bring him a clean uniform, which the young man quickly put on behind a shelf. Then he served him tea and cakes.
Once again, nothing ever went as Sirius had planned.
"Mister Black. Now that you're well settled, perhaps you could tell me what happened?"
With his mouth full of pastries, Sirius was caught unawares and hastily swallowed it all.
Dumbledore laughed before gently tapping his hand, "Come on, take your time! Take your time! Don't choke!"
It was already too late. The young Gryffindor's hamster cheeks had accumulated so much food that he suffocated. Ganache came out of his nose and tears streamed from the corner of his eyes. He owed his salvation only to a small paper towel in which he blissfully blew his nose. Dumbledore laughed. Even Fawkes seemed amused by the situation.
"You were famished, Mister Black!"
Shame was burning on Sirius' cheeks. He didn't even dare look Dumbledore in the eye. "I'm sorry, Professor Dumbledore. I was starving. I think it's because of the dinner I skipped and my... my transformation…"
Dumbledore raised an eyebrow, intrigued. "Your transformation?"
"Yes. Actually, it's a little complicated…"
And Sirius told the headmaster everything: their plan with James and Peter to become animagi and spend the full moon nights with Remus, the latter's disappearance and the hours Sirius'd spent searching for him, the storm, his failed transformation, the giant spiders, the chase and finally the fire. The only detail Sirius did not mention was the use of forbidden spells by Remus. He spoke for what seemed like an eternity, with Dumbledore listening intently as he sipped his tea.
At the end of his story, the old man put his cup on his desk and remained silent for a few seconds, as if meditating. Sirius wiggled in his chair, uncomfortable. What would happen to him now? Was he going to get detention for the rest of the year? Get expelled? By Merlin, he'd rather have the spiders as flatmates than have to go home. If his parents found out he'd been expelled, he was dead.
At the thought, his whole body tensed up and old wounds opened. No, he couldn't stand it. Feeling his father's heavy cane against his ribs again...
"Well...What a night.", Dumbledore's voice was strangely quiet.
Sirius closed his eyes. This time the sentence was about to fall. He was finally going to know what was going to happen to him.
"I think you'd better go to bed."
"Heh?"
His mouth full of lemon pie, Dumbledore smiled at him from across the desk. He ate far too much sugar for his age, it could have had bad eff... Oh, for Merlin' sake, why would he think that now? He didn't give a damn about the blood sugar level of the headmaster! Dumbledore had just asked him to go to bed as if nothing had happened!
"I... Professor Dumbledore... Although I have nothing against plotwists, on the contrary, I love them, I must confess I'm a little... confused. Well, I mean... I've still done some stupid, forbidden things. And you're not punishing me? I'm not saying I should be punished! But it's kind of weird. Or maybe you think it's all Remus' fault? In that case, you're wrong!"
"Mister Black."
"Remus wasn't in his right mind. He wasn't in control of himself! You know him! You know very well he's an exceptionally nice person. He wouldn't hurt a fly!"
"Mister Black…"
"I'd rather you punish me than him. You can expel me if you want, but, please, leave Remus alone! Apart from his parents he only has this school and-"
"Mister Black!"
Dumbledore had suddenly raised his voice, startling Sirius who hurried to apologize, "I'm sorry, Professor. I got carried away."
"It's nothing. I can see all the... affection you have for your friend," He had a strange smile that Sirius, in his great naivety, did not notice. "And I can assure you that nothing will happen to him. Mister Lupin is in much greater need of care than he is of reprimand. As for you, I never said you wouldn't be disciplined. I said you'd better go to bed. It's already very late and you must be exhausted. I find it very difficult to reprimand someone who has used so much courage to help a friend, but you've indeed broken a lot of rules. Therefore, Professor McGonagall will give you a proper punishment tomorrow."
Dumbledore paused, laughing at the horrified look on Sirius' face before resuming, "Don't worry about it. You won't be expelled. However, I think you're in for a really rough time. So, I'm going to give Gryffindor 50 points for your incredible courage and a great sense of friendship", He winked at Sirius, "To limit the damage."
"I... Thank you very much, Professor Dumbledore."
Sirius got up from his chair, grimacing at the sudden pain he felt in his legs. After all, he had run a lot, in addition to having fallen down several slopes and having taken two doloris in the face... He could be happy to get out of it with only a few aches...
He hoped it would be the same for Remus.
"Professor Dumbledore…"
"I promise you that we are doing everything in our power to help your friend. He'll be fine. He won't have any after-effects if that's what you fear."
Dumbledore's words made him feel a little lighter and Sirius allowed himself a smile. "I hope you're right…"
"With Madam Pomfrey by his side, I am more than confident. Go to sleep now. You need it. Would you like me to walk you back to your dormitory?"
"No, thank you, Professor. I'll be fine."
-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-
After walking through the entire castle, he finally reached the Gryffindors' dormitory. He was going to be able to find James and Peter. Damn, he hoped everything had gone well for them. Had they managed to become animagi?
He needed to see them so badly.
"James! Peter!"
He had rushed like a madman into the room, shouting their names at the top of his lungs before lighting one of the lamps with a wave of his wand.
"Guys! Wake up! I've found him!"
"What? You found Remus? Is he okay?" Peter had gotten up in bed at the news of Sirius, looking worried. Oddly enough, despite the late hour, he was wide awake. He usually slept like a log.
Sirius nodded frantically. "Yeah, I found him! And no, he's not very well. It's super complicated to explain! Something terrible happened to us, Peter! Wait! We have to wake up James, too! He needs to hear this!"
Peter seemed to tense up at his words. "It's best to let him sleep, Sirius. He's not... he's not himself."
Sirius raised his eyebrows. How could Peter say that? James could be spitting slugs out of his nose, Sirius would still tell him what had just happened. It was far too important. "Are you kidding me? He has to know too! Hey, James!"
Even stranger than Peter's insomnia was the fact that the curtains on James' baldachin were closed. Sirius swiftly pulled them aside. Under the covers, James was awake but motionless. Lying on his back, he gazed vaguely at the canopy of the bed. His fists resting on his belly were clenched around what appeared to be a red cloth purse.
Sirius raised an eyebrow in front of the scene but continued to speak, "Fuck, James, I thought you were asleep! Didn't you hear me or what? I found him! He's in the infirmary!"
"I know," with an inexpressive face, James spoke in a dull voice. He didn't even lay eyes on Sirius.
Sirius gave him a dubious look. Did James know about Remus? How could he have known?
Something was wrong.
"What do you mean "you know"?"
"It's because of me that he's in there."
"What? You're the reason Remus is in the infirmary?"
"Severus."
"Seve... What?"
"He's in the infirmary because of me."
Sirius blinked in disbelief. It couldn't be. James was joking with him. "Wait. I tell you I finally found Remus and you're talking about Snivellus?"
"Don't call him that."
"What?"
"Snivellus. Don't call him that."
A very bad joke, obviously.
"You've got to be fucking kidding me, James. This can't be happening! I tell you I finally found Remus, and this is your answer! Hello, I found Remus! You know, one of your best friends, the fourth marauder, the one who's been missing since dinner! I think something terrible has happened to him!"
"Sorry. I didn't notice he was missing."
This time Sirius felt his blood boil. Peter wanted to intervene but Sirius prevented him from doing so, throwing him back with a violent blow of his arm. It was not with him to provide explanations. Moreover, there was nothing to explain. The situation was intolerable. He had the right to be angry. He had the right to explode.
"No way, James. You're not that stupid, are you?"
"I've had other worries, Sirius."
Peter tried to intervene again, "That's right, Sirius, there's been a lot of-"
"Shut the fuck up, Peter! I don't give a fuck what happened! You didn't even realize Remus was missing! You... Did you at least check your vials?"
"Our... vials?" Peter repeated hesitantly.
"Yes, your vials! I remind you that we've been getting up at dawn for more than a month to repeat an incantation at each sunrise and sunset, to become animagi. We were supposed to wait for the storm to transform. And, surprise, it took place right after dinner!"
This time James stared briefly at Sirius before exchanging a silent glance with Peter. Within seconds, Sirius' features contracted into a scornful pout, very similar to his father's. His rage grew even more terrible as he realized this.
"You didn't even think about it."
Once again, he felt like he was becoming Orion Black. The feeling repelled him. James and Peter probably didn't realize they were pushing Sirius to look like a man he loathed more than anything. He hated them for that.
Although ashamed, Peter still tried to explain himself, "To be honest, we didn't even notice there was a storm, and.-"
Sirius interrupted him with a sharp gesture, "I've heard enough. I'm out of here."
It was better to leave before things got out of hand. He was already in enough trouble.
Sirius stormed out of the dormitory, slamming the door behind him.
What kind of joke was that? What was wrong with them? How could they not have noticed that Remus was missing? The whole world was going crazy today...
And it was mostly his fault...
"Hey, Sirius!"
"What the fuck do you want?"
Sirius' aggressive tone startled the boy who had greeted him warmly. He raised his hands in the air, moving back a few steps. "Whoa! Calm yourself! I come in peace!"
Sirius cast a murderous glance at him before finally settling down. Although they were in the same year, the two of them had never really talked. Still, Sirius remembered his name: Calvin Hooper. Sprout's favorite student, and probably the most gifted botanist in all of Hogwarts. He was skinny and blond, with a long, angular face. His bulging eyes were surprisingly red. Was he having an allergy or something?
"I'm sorry, Calvin. I'm a little… upset."
Calvin relaxed and came over to gently pat Sirius' arm, failing to reach his shoulder because of his tall stature. "Don't worry. It's okay. What's going on? Did you get kicked out of your dorm?"
"Well, yes… I kicked myself out, actually."
"Oh, that's dumb."
"Yeah, that's...That's dumb."
Very dumb actually. Where was he going to sleep tonight?
There was a small silence. Sirius stared at his shoes with a defeated look on his face. There were sofas in the common room. He could spend the night there. If he couldn't sleep, he could always build a fire. And when the sun rose, he would go to Remus in the infirmary to apologize. He might even stop by the Great Hall to bring him some food.
Calvin snapped him out of his thoughts again, "So… Since you don't have a room anymore… Do you want to come with me? We're having a little party in our dorm with my friends…"
The offer made Sirius raise an eyebrow. He wasn't really in the mood to party, but maybe with a little luck, it would cheer him up. And anyway, it wasn't like he had anything better to do until he could visit Remus. If he was going to wait, he might as well not be alone. "Well, yeah, I'd like that."
Clavin seemed delighted with his answer. "Great! I've always liked you, but we've never really had time to talk. You'll see, we're nice! Come on!"
With a huge smile, the blond boy grabbed Sirius' arm to guide him to the door of his dormitory, boasting on the way about the parties he organized with his friends, more "special" than the others according to him. Walking behind him, Sirius was beginning to wonder if he hadn't made a mistake in accepting his offer. What was a "special" party? He'd already been through way too much weird stuff tonight, but it was obviously too late to back out now. His hand on the doorknob, Calvin was cautiously looking around, checking to see if any other students were hanging out in the hallways.
"We soundproofed the door with spells," He warned Sirius as he glanced behind them one last time, "so get ready to go in quickly to avoid making too much noise. We don't want the prefect to hear us. Come on. One, two, three!"
Calvin quickly opened the door before pushing Sirius inside. The room was filled with music, laughter, and smoke. Sirius could barely distinguish the faces of the other boys, who greeted him with surprised "Hello". They smoked long cigarettes that gave off a strange, round, sweet smell, very different from that of tobacco. Sirius showed one to Calvin, looking intrigued.
"What is that ?"
"That, my friend, is magic weed," Calvin replied. "Come on, sit with us."
Three other students were sitting in a circle in the middle of the room. A curly redhead, a tall black guy, and a short Asian boy. Sirius sat next to Calvin, who made the introductions.
"Sirius, I introduce you in order: Zachary Johnson, Yoann Beauchamp, and Grady Dinh. The others: the great, the famous, Sirius Black."
All three greeted him again with cheerful smiles. Obviously, Calvin hadn't lied when he told him he liked him. He had a little fan club. Sirius usually liked the attention, but the evening he'd just spent made him a little more shy than usual.
He smiled awkwardly, "It's nice of you to talk about me like that, but I'm nothing special."
Calvin chuckled, "Are you kidding or what? We're fans of all the shit you do with your friends. Like that time you hung the Slytherins by their underpants at the chandelier in the hallway. That was genius!"
The others agreed, building a list of their best jokes. Apparently, each of them had a favorite anecdote about the Marauders. Sirius was flattered. He couldn't hide it, even if it was a bit strange for him to be the center of attention of other people than James, Remus, and Peter. Strange but not unpleasant. And then at least Calvin and his friends weren't constantly pulling faces. It was good for Sirius to see other people smile. He needed that.
Sirius's attention was eventually drawn to a massive, rectangular object in which a black disc was spinning. The object reminded him of wizarding gramophones, but without the horns.
"What is this?"
"This ?" Zachary said with a bit of amusement. "This is a stereo system we've bewitched. You can't imagine what a mess it was to sneak it into the castle. You like music, Sirius? Listen to it. Listen to the music and tell me if you like it."
Sirius fell silent and listened. A man was singing in a soft voice to a rock tune.
So, so you think you can tell
Heaven from Hell,
Blue skies from pain?
Can you tell a green field
From a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
"I love it," replied Sirius. "Is it a witch band?"
"No. It's a Muggle band, Pink Floyd. The best band of all time. You don't know Pink Floyd?"
"I've never heard of them."
Zachary and Yoann exchanged shocked looks. Calvin laughed on his side, amicably putting his hand on Sirius' shoulder. "I think we've got a lot to teach you. Starting with this."
He took the joint out of Grady's hands and handed it to him. Sirius took it and rolled it through his fingers. The brown paper was slowly burning. He could see through the so-called bewitched herb. The smoke it gave off stung his nose a little, but the smell was really sweet. Very pleasant.
"Magical weed, right?"
"Yeah," Calvin replied with a smile, "it's for relaxing, enjoying music. We buy it from a Ravenclaw. What's his name again? Xenopolus Lovefood?"
"Xenophilius Lovegood," corrected Grady.
"Yeah, that's it. Xenophilius Lovegood. He says smoking it helps you see wrackspurts or something like that. You want to see some wrackspurts, Sirius?"
Sirius had no idea what wrackspurts were, nor did he know if he really wanted to see them, but he didn't feel like refusing at Calvin's insistence. Either way, it couldn't hurt, could it?
"Well… Yeah. I guess."
"So, take a big drag on that joint and hold your breath as long as you can."
Sirius hesitated for a moment before bringing the joint to his lips. The smoke burned his throat, and he forced himself to hold his breath before choking. Then he coughed for a long time, tears coming to his eyes, while Yoann and Zachary applauded him, Grady and Calvin patted him on the back to help him spit.
"Don't worry, it'll pass," Calvin reassured him. "Soon you'll feel good. Come on. Take another one."
Calvin didn't lie. A few puffs later, Sirius was lying on the cushions in the middle of the dormitory and laughing as he stared at the ceiling, completely euphoric. The smoke seemed to have stayed inside him. It was fresh now, rising from his chest to fill his head, making him dizzy. TheWish You Were Here song was playing on a loop. Yoann offered him a glass of whiskey that Calvin had stolen from his parents. The blond kept bragging about it, giggling.
"I managed to bring it back to the castle by pouring it into different vials. I made it look like mandrake juice!"
They all laughed. Sirius clumsily grabbed the glass and brought it to his lips. Half the alcohol spilled on his face, but he didn't care. He didn't care about anything anymore. The drugs had drained him of all his anger. He finally felt at peace with himself.
He closed his eyes, concentrating on the music, repeating the lyrics.
And did they get you to trade
Your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
And did you exchange
A walk-on part in the war
For a lead role in a cage?
His body was getting lighter and lighter. His thoughts were fading.
How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls
Swimming in a fishbowl,
Year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have we found?
The same old fears.
Wish you were here
Except one.
"I wish Remus was here…"
"What did he say?" Grady asked.
Yoann shrugged his shoulders while lighting his joint. "No idea."
The boys ignored him, starting to laugh again.
Sirius put his glass down, repeating in a lower tone, "I wish Remus was here."