November 4, 2022
I woke up at 9:47 pm as I was next to Aileen as I see she sleeps so peacefully; she sleeps like she's dead.
Oh shit ….
I thought as I checked her pulse quickly and this fluttered her to get up and asked
"What's going on ?…" I was relieved.
I sighed in calmness as I replied flirtatiously " nothing just checking you out …"
We both smiled as she said
"Well you better watch out, my boyfriend will be here any minute …"
It was all jokes as I played along as I said
"Well then let's make this quick …."
We got twisted around as we started laugh in joy as she said "oh- oh wow ! Oh !"
10:03 pm
I awoke again quickly to go to the restroom as I rushed for it.I went through the hallway as I nearly slipped but I entered with ease.I was in my boxers as I lifted the toilet seat and began to drain it.I felt ease I felt I've been holding this in since the morning after the whole female OJ situation.
I walked back out into the room to smell such a bad odor, it reeked of what I've let out.I see stains of some of the vomit on the bed and a bit of chunks relaxing around Aileen as she sleeps; it was such an unpleasant site.I walked back out of the room as I entered the kitchen and thought
"How the hell is this aftermath going to be Settled, will we throw the sheets and pillows away ?,
Will we keep this a secret or is she going to shower at least ?"
Didn't matter anyways, I could finally realize the don't knock it until you try it scenarios.I looked in the fridge to get out a bottle of beer as I sat in the kitchen table in the dark.
I let it absorb me as I felt inhumane with the act I've invested in.I opened the bottle as I took a small sip, I didn't have too much of a problem today.I hear the outside traffic as cars swooped by and people still walked the streets; it looked unreal.In such a time we live in I don't expect outside interaction- hell I haven't had it in months.
A part of me wants to go out and see what the city has to offer and another part of me wants to lay in bed and rest.I was twitching my right leg as my demeanor changed sinister, I got out a coin.Heads I go, tails I sleep; I flipped it.As I waited, all I could of now is the consequences if I go and the not so fun day if don't.
I was slowly feeling lightheaded but the coin hitting the kitchen table awoke me more.It spun and the rustling clanking has made it verdict, it was heads.I felt happy yet disturbed that I had to go out now.I had on my denim pants and black boots with a long sleeve striped shirt underneath my green bomber jacket.I had 27$ on me as I looked through the hallway and into the bedroom.Aileen was cozy and unbothered but know when she sees I'm gone this late I'll be in trouble; doesn't matter.
11:12 pm
I was outside of a liquor store with three random men I've never met in my life but our conversation sparked.I was about a few blocks from home as I see people pass by as I know they know who I am and who I'm with; nosy bastards.I saw this old lady who's our neighbors walk by, I just know she's gonna say something about this to Aileen.
"Look man like I'm saying with serial killers….I love to like study them and see what pushes them to do it, you know ?" Said this guy named Tom.All three looked like the same guy but different drink of choice in each hand.
"Yea that seems- seems cool man just gotta see it all starts starts starts, Fuck- it starts when they were young man …"
Replied Michael as Jason looked confused,
"I mean don't you think….just maybe….we're amongst a killer right now it could be one of us …." He said trying to scare us, we all laughed as Tom added on,
"It's probably our new friend Sid over here, he's probably got some Ed Gein shit going on at home, haha …"
We all laughed as I said
"Man that's funny …but I ain't know killer … too lazy to do it …."
They laughed more as Michael said
"You know it's crazy though…a person can be pushed to such lengths to take someone's life …. You know like shits crazy man …."
We all agreed as Jason added on
"Yea I mean some are self-aware right, some understand what they're doing at least….like the motherfucker- Ed Kemper …. Big motherfucker …"
They all agreed more as Tom added on
"Yea he fucked his mother- haha "
We all laughed more at the fact as Tom looked around to see two men walk by us as he was mad.
"Aye- aye you two !"
He said to them as they turned,
"Where y'all going ?" He asked as one replied
"Aye we just going home man, we ain't want no problem with y'all …"
Tom seemed more mad as Jason and Michael looked ready, I was confused.
"Problem ?, he talking about problems- hehe…..ain't nobody got problems but you sounding like you want one ?"
Tom yelled as he approached them as Michael and Jason followed, the two men looked scared but still didn't back down.
They exchanged words and it became a shouting match for a minute until one of the two pulled out a switchblade, Tom began laughing.
"Oh aha…. Okay we playing like bitches now …. "
He said as the three back away as the other two felt a bit more superior.
"What's happening now ?" Said one of the two as Tom quickly pulled out a Glock 19.It made the two runaway in fear as he started laughing, all three did.
"What happened now, I wanted to see how tuff y'all are- you pussies !!!" He yelled at the top of his lungs.The three came back to me as I still stood in our drinking spot.They got back to talking about the most bizarre things as i was left confused.
I only just met these guys and got cool with them as I offered to buy them some beer and now here we are.
I played it off as we got back to talking about but suddenly a car came into the parking lot; it was a 2012 Ford Fusion.Tom in the moment thought the worse as he had his handgun ready but I could tell who it was.Someone worse than anything Tom could imagine.
The tires screeched as she didn't even park right, she blocked the entrance of the parking lot as rolled down the window and started yelling at me.
"Get in the fucking car !" She yelled as I felt a small embarrassment as the three started laughing at me, "oh yo mamas got you now Sid…" said Michael as Jason added on
"Oh just go home man …. "
I approached the car as drunk as a sober sailor as I said
"Aileen- Aileen the hell you doing here; what's going on ?" I asked as she reached out from her window and gave me a slap.The three see this and still laugh as I reacted to slowly as I let out a groan in pain.
"What the hell was that for, I don't know what I did ?"
I asked as she got out of the car she was furious as she did treat me like my mother:She got me by the ears and threw me in the backseat.I jumped in as I laid on the two seats like a bed.
"Oh you'll see when we get home …. You drunk bastard …"
She said as she saw Tom and them and said
"You bums go home too …." This made them laugh more as she got back in the car and drove us home quickly.She drove in anger but still was driving at a pace, not too reckless.
"Aileen….Aileen…Aileen !" I yelled as she yelled back
"What !?"
I laughed as I said "whoa don't be so loud, you'll wake the kids up …."
She was confused but understood the significance as she played along.
"Alright then let's not be so loud man …"
It was silent as we got to a red light, she looked back to see me curled up.
I could tell she was disappointed as I said
"I'm sorry….Aileen I'm sorry I'm such a miserable fuck …."
She felt bad but still a bit furious,
"You're not a miserable fuck Sid….you just gotta stop doing this going out shit man…..I hate doing this time and time again….
It's insane, I could hear her speak but I don't know what hell she's saying.
"Like I love you dude but doing this is annoying, we shouldn't be living like this "
I again don't know what the hell she's saying but I know it's motivational.
"We're still young Sid-I mean I turn 20 in a few months; let's just relax you know man ?…."
I didn't know what to respond with other than this,
"Rosebud …."
She scoffed as the light turned green, we drove as she parked on the same spot she had in front of the house.She got out and tried to help me get out as I participated.
"Let's go big fella …" she said as I got out with her as I had my arm around her.We walked up the stairs as we walked the hallway of the apartment building as she locked her car.
We made it or the elevator as I was still plastered, I leaned against the wall as we waited for the elevator to arrive.
"What ?" She asked as I couldn't stop looking at her, the elevator opened.
We entered as I replied
"Nothing….just can't get my eyes off you …."
She chuckled as she clicked the button for our floor.It was silent for the moment of the elevator ride as she got my arm around her to help me walk it inside the apartment.
It dinged as we got out quickly,
"Come on man …" she said as walked, each felt suddenly felt like an ice walk.I nearly slip with each step as she was very supportive of it.
"You got it- you got it… nearly there …."
We made it to our door as she opened the door, we entered.
She closed the door on her way in with her foot as we continued walking fast as she got me to the couch.I slept like a baby as she stood over me with her hands on her hips, she felt bad for me.She was saddened as she began to tear up but changed her attitude quickly.
She walked up to the front door and locked it as she gave me one more glance until she entered the bedroom and slept.The day after was such a facade of peace when this blur of the night wrapped up.
November 21, 2022
In the wondering neighborhood as Aileen and I exit a bar; I'm furious.
"Come on it's not worth it, this isn't like you Sid…" said Aileen as I stood outside the bar on the parking lot as I took off my jacket.
"Come on you little bitch, show me how tuff you are ….!!!" I yelled as two men exited the bar in a fit of rage as Aileen continued to neutralize the situation.
She got in between us as she said
"Please don't fight, just let it go Sid please !"
One of the men added
"Listen to your bitch man …"
The two looked ready to beat my ass but what he said really pissed me off.
I shoved Aileen out of the way as I began to fight the two men.
"The hell you say ?" I said as I grabbed one by his hair a dropped him to the ground but the other punched straight in the face.I fell as he pounce on me, the other man was slowly getting up after the fall as well.
I wrestled with the man as he had me in a small chokehold,
"No you gonna calm down now bud ?" He asked as Aileen watched and asked
"Please just let him go- don't hurt him …"
I felt miserable that I couldn't defend her on my drunken pride and was being humiliated in front of her.
The other man got up now and began to kick me in the stomach repeatedly as Aileen tried to help me.She grabbed the man's shoulder but he turned and shoved her away.This really infuriated me as I got a good elbow hit on the man's chest, I was free.I got up as I tackled the other man down and began wailing on him repeatedly.Each punch more and more personal and each grunt I had was as aggressive as possible.
I was too slow to noticed the other get up as he got me off his friend and pulled out a hammer.Can imagine the horror in my eyes, this bastard Carrie's a hammer around.He swung it around to scare me down as his friend got up.The stood over me as one said
"Let's get the fuck out here, little bitch ain't worth it …".
They started walking as the one with hammer spit on me, I sat on the floor in misery.
Aileen stood there as she saw the rest of this unfold; she looked angry.She walked up to me as I started to tear up; she noticed.Her demand or changed from angered to caring; she took a knee and hugged me.
"It's okay baby … it's okay …." She said as I cried in her arms that night.I couldn't stop as we walked to her car; people from the bar saw this and started their jokes and gossip.
We got in her car as she started to get out of the parking lot, I still couldn't stop my drunken emotions.
"Baby….baby I'm sorry….I'm sorry I'm such a fucking wreck…a miserable piece of shit …..I never treat you right I know that …."
I said this as we were on the Main Street again getting home.
"I'm suck a fucking loser- I don't know- I don't know why you stay with me …."
I sobbed as she is holding back her tears as she's trying to stay strong.
"I mean Christ, if you leave me I have nothing …I'm nothing my own sister doesn't talk me anymore …."
I kept going on this banter of sorrow as she just listened while trying not to cry.She was in the essence of anger and feeling disgusted with how I speak.She can't really argue about it or debate as you can never understand a drunken fools reasoning.
We got home once again as a deja vu has hit once again for us two.It's saddening to admit that this isn't our first trip down this path of despair.I once again wait for the elevator and walk the hallways to our home as I again sleep on our couch.Aileen again looks at me in disappointment as she locks the door and goes to the bedroom alone…again.
November 28, 2022
I sit inside of the home of Janice and Ross as this is a little dinner date they invited over for.Janice has made grill chicken with mash potatoes with green peas; such a bland dish.We sit in this square shaped table as this two story home insults me with how nice and organized it is.
These two really have it good for themselves in life than I'm surprised I don't see any children running around yet.From what I recall, Janice works as a social worker and Ross is a major in exercise physiologist; whatever the hell that is.We all ate like a commercial as Janice sparked the table conversation.
"So you guys free next year in March, me and Ross are thinking of going to a concert …."
Aileen's eyes sparked as she asked
"Is it what I think it is ?"
Janice nodded as Aileen couldn't believe it; I don't know what music they're leaning towards but Aileen likes it, I love it.
"Sounds fun, you wanna go Aileen ?" I asked as she replied
"Fuck yes …."
Janice and Aileen speak to each other on the concert as Ross gets my attention as he sits aside me.
"So Sid you wouldn't believe this idiot I have working with me …. " he kept it going as I still don't understand what he's speaking about.
"Like he thought it was right to push this man into the narrative of recovery a day after his injury….the guy had just got in a car crash like Christ- Christ let him breathe for a day or two you know ?…hehe "
This talking intrigued me as he splurged the question that angers me every time.
"And his way of work is as trainee, you should try it man you could probably do better than this moron …hehe …."
I know he was joking but this look in his eye looked like he was interviewing me.I scoffed as I replied,
"Oh I couldn't do all that, ain't you gotta go to school for that ?"
Ross started to laugh a bit as he said
"Oh in this program you'll be done in less than a year and can get the starting pay of 20$ an hour … just think about it …."
He cunningly pulled out a business card as I looked at it for a second and looked back at Ross.I went from angry to a facade of smiles; I took it quickly.
"Alright….I will….I will; you got any beer ?" I asked as he simply replied "oh we don't drink in this home man …." This ruined my mood as I had took a sip of my glass of water, water is so tasteless.I hate it.
The night went on as Janice and Aileen had their little talks in the kitchen still as me and Ross talked in the garage.
"So are you familiar with Ted Bundy ?" Asked Ross as I thought about the name as I replied,
"Serial killer ?"
Ross laughed as he nodded and said
"The serial killer ! Yea the serial killer- a real sick fuck…. Not one of my favorites.I'm more in depth with Richard Ramirez or Dean Corll or even The toy box killer- some real sick fucks …."
The names are knew to me as I don't know much but the ones I discuss with Jason and them at the liquor store.Ross continued speaking,
"I mean Christ you have to see how moronic some of these were when getting caught, Dennis Rader and the floppy disk….Dahmer drugging himself …. I mean have you heard of this one- Luis Garavito being afraid of the dark …. Or this old bastard out in Texas, that one's interesting … I just find it all fascinating …."
This whole talk had me interested but now I'm creeped out.I find this all odd and I looked around the room to feel a dark presence.Odd and dark decor off statues and religious symbols.
"Yea I guess …" I said as he added on,
"Do you ever have the sense of eating flesh… or eating someone …. Like cooking them up and making them like a burger ….?"
This really set me off as I said
"Aye whatever you got in life- don't play me now Ross …"
I asserted my dominance in the room as he tested me,
"I'm not trying to scare I'm serious….do you know how easy it is to kill ?, it's just one little switch that stops you up here ….." he pointed and poked his head as I stepped up to him with a fist ready as he backed away.
"Whoa relax man, just trying to have a conversation…."
He said menacingly as I exited the garage and went to Aileen to get the hell out of here.
"Aileen we gotta go …." I said as Aileen asked worryingly
"Why ?" Janice was confused as well as I made up a lie,
"Well I just feel sick right now and I'd like to go to the hospital…. Please let's go baby …"
Aileen hurried quickly as she said a fast goodbye to Janice as we left the home.We got out as we got in her car as fast as I could blink, such a weird place.
We got out of the driveway as we she drove quickly to the nearest hospital as she said
"How are you feeling right now ?" I laughed as I replied
"I'm not sick….I just wanted to get out of there …."
She was confused and frustrated as she said
"What-why !?"
I tried to think of something,
"Because….because I can't lie …. I'm jealous of them…they live so well and I just feel embarrassed being near them…I hope you can understand…." I said as she felt bad for me more as she replied
"No I get it …. I understand- you wanna go home ?"
I nodded as we headed there.I can't lie, the things I just said was partly true.I can't understand how this woman still tolerates and stays with me.