It took Charli days to grasp the manifold of events that had unfurled in her life of late, all the while she felt as though she was a walking zombie. Not even Milli's talkativeness and abounding energy could summon her out of her zombie state. Not that she should complain. Her unstoppable emotions had finally numbed her which kept her pain and self-pity in abeyance. It was just that, no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't understand or get over the cavalier attitude of her family - their cold-hearted brutal approach towards her, their total lack of concern, and their unsympathetic feelings for her distress and loss. How could they be so cruel and heartless, unrelenting and relentless towards their own? She churned it around and around in her head a million times, trying to figure it out. Even if she weren't their family, how could human beings be so cruel and heartless to another human being, especially during their time of need? Her anger broke through her numbness, trying to peak its fiery head through her veil of detachment. Her anger far outweighed her self-pity, which was just as well, or she'd probably find herself grovelling to her family, begging for sympathy. She'd die first before admitting her pain to them, and she refused to ask them for anything as well. What they gave her, which was the barest minimum, she would make do with. Her stubbornness and pride brought her a tad of control and a touch of triumphant joy.
Their malicious words merely bounced off her like ping pong balls, leaving no effect, much to their dismay. Their dismay, too, was a small sense of victory for her. She even managed to ignore the glares of accusation she received from all the students. It wasn't long before she stopped noticing anyone at all.
She sat in her favourite spot under the tree in the schoolyard where several birds nested and entertained her with their tunes and endless tasks of homemaking.
"Charli, my mom said you should come and stay with us for a while." Milli's suggestion whisked Charli's attention to the present. There was a tense look on Milli's face.
"You could stay in my brother's room while he's away at college," she added.
Charli remained quiet.
"I've been wanting to ask you for a while now, but I was afraid you'd be angry with me. It's just that I can't bear to stand by and watch you fade away like this. You don't eat. You don't speak. You don't even do your homework. I'm worried about you," Milli exploded.
"Who cares!" Charli replied, in a subdued tone.
"Look, I don't mean to sound unsympathetic but really, you need to snap out of it. I don't know if you've ever heard of the Dalai Lama, but he once said, and I quote: 'We can let the circumstances of our lives harden us so we become increasingly resentful and afraid, or we can let them soften us, and make us kinder. You always have the choice.' So, what's it going to be?" Milli looked at Charli with indignant apprehension, her eyebrows raised, and eyes narrowed with a defiant glare. Charli couldn't help but throw her a grin. A few seconds she burst into laughter. She laughed so much her sides hurt. She tried to speak, "You should see your face, Mill..." Tears welled up in her eyes as she laughed. At first, Milli merely googled her, confused. But her laughter was so contagious that she soon joined in. Before long, they were rolling around on the ground from the laughter.
"Stop. My stomach hurts. I can't laugh anymore. Stop laughing, Charli!" Milli cried.
They ignored the strange looks that were cast their way.
After a while, their laughter subsided and they lay there on the grass, lazily glaring up at the fluffy clouds lodged against the canvass of the pale blue sky.
Charli felt reverberated. She hadn't felt so good since – well, she couldn't remember when last, she felt this way.
"Thanks, Mill!" She turned and faced her friend. "And I'm sorry."
"You don't have to apologize to me for anything, I told you. I'm always here for you. That's what friends are for. I just want you to be okay," Milli replied and grasped Charli's hand tightly in hers.
The bell rang and Charli dodged the zombie suit to allow the essence of life and energy to wash away the numbness around her heart. It felt good to be alive again. They walked to class, still smiling.
Her joy didn't last. A storm of guilt rained over Charli the instant she thought about Chris and how he must be feeling. She had been so self-absorbed in her own piteous life that she hadn't even considered the pain and anguish he must be going through, being all alone.
She had to go and see him. Perhaps tomorrow, as it was Saturday. She would apologize to him. Fear gripped her. Would he ever forgive her? Perhaps she was not so different from her Aunt Lydia and cousins after all – selfish, cold-hearted, and cruel. That thought made her feel nauseous. She even trembled at the thought that she had hurt Chris, even if he was a – a ghost. She battled to form the word.
That afternoon, while sitting on Milli's bed catching up on her homework, Charli regarded her friend thoughtfully, "I need to ask you something, but you must promise not to go ballistic on me or judge me."
Milli raised a questioning brow.
Charli nibbled on her lower lip nervously. Would Milli freak out if she asked her questions about Chris? She let go of her fear. What did she have to lose? "What type of person was Chris?"
A worried expression immediately crossed Milli's face.
"Just humour me," Charli pleaded.
Milli sighed, "Christopher Kempton –" she thought about it long and hard.
"Oh man, he was one of a kind. You know the fairy-tale kind – perfect, rich, handsome, ideal manners, a heart of gold. The Kempton's were good people."
Charli leaned forward, her curiosity at its peak. "And?"
Milli thought about it, before continuing, "he wasn't just good-looking and compassionate, he was the most popular guy in school. Yet, despite all his sports activities, his grades were always top scores. Chris was always an A-grade student."
"What else?"
Milli scratched her head trying to retrieve more information. "Well, he wasn't from Bartonan originally. He and his folks moved into town when he was still young. His mother, although she was a really nice person, absolutely hated Bartonan. Mrs. Kempton came from a wealthy family, had lived all her life in style and luxury, and just couldn't get used to small-town living. Chris's dad, on the other hand, was born and bred here. Apparently, they had met at one of the Colleges in the city, and after college, they got married and Mr. Kempton moved to the city, but some years later Mr. Kempton had convinced her to move to Bartonan with him and Chris. According to my mom, Mrs. Kempton never fitted in here. I guess that's why she left. Then, shortly thereafter, was Chris's accident." She shook her head sadly.
"Do you remember what happened?" Charli's heart broke into a million pieces just thinking about Chris.
"Chris was still unconscious and in an unstable condition when they transferred him to one of the private hospitals in the city. Mr. Kempton packed up and left Bartonan almost immediately afterward. That's the last we saw or heard of the Kempton's."
A deep sadness overcame Milli at the thought of his death. It didn't feel like a year ago, it felt like only yesterday. The memories were still fresh in her mind.
"It's really unfair, you know. Everyone loved Chris. He really was the perfect guy."
"Was he dating anyone?" Charli felt ashamed for asking but she had to know. The thought of him loving someone else gripped her with jealousy, which she knew she had no right to feel, nonetheless, she had no control over it.
"No. Although practically every girl in town was after him, especially Nadia – oh, and trust me, she was truly smitten with him. It shamed me to see what lengths she would go to just to try and get his attention - but he wasn't interested. He told everyone that until he met the one, he would concentrate on his studies and sports." Milli shook her head. "You won't believe it when I tell you, Chris was truly brilliant at everything he did, from his sports to his academics. It was such a heartfelt tragedy to lose someone like that."
Charli couldn't speak, her throat was swollen from wanting to cry. A tear managed to escape before she could stop it.
"OMG. I can't believe you're crying over someone you've never even met," Milli blurted in astonishment.
That's when Charli decided to be open with Milli at last. "Do you believe in ghosts?"
Milli's eyes grew wide, and she regarded Charli warily.
"Milli, you have to believe me. I met Chris. That time at the river, he was there. On the mountainside when I fell, he was there too. And I saw him at school staring at me once." Charli didn't care if she sounded crazy. She couldn't keep it to herself any longer. She desperately needed to confide in someone and needed Milli's support.
Milli remained silent as the shock mingled with uncertainty coursed through her veins. Should she believe her? She didn't know Charli well enough to throw caution to the wind just yet, so she sat, silently, wondering what to say.
"Please, Milli, you have to believe me," Charli pleaded.
"I want to, I really do, but it's so hard," Milli whispered, torn between her emotions and sense of duty to her friend.
Charli nodded sadly. Despite the hurt she felt, she didn't blame Milli for being sceptic. She would have probably been sceptical too, had Milli confronted her with such a story. Charli shrugged her shoulders, "I'm going to go, it's getting late. See you at school on Monday."
Milli walked her to the door.
"Charli?"
Charli turned to face Milli, hopeful.
"I'm really sorry. It's just this is all too much for me. We're still friends, right?"
Milli's expression reminded Charli of a little girl that needed reassurance after being caught doing something wrong. She threw a reassuring smile.
"Of course."
Milli threw her arms around Charli and hugged her.
That night Charli tossed and turned restlessly in her bed. What if she never got to see Chris again? Fear chilled her to the bones. No, she just had to see him again.