I raised my voice unconsciously when I went to talk to him again. He was still standing in the doorway, but facing the room now, finding it funny. The glint in his eyes was unmistakable. I didn't even realize I had walked past him, how upset he had made me.
"Look here, I've just been in an automobile accident and died! How did you expect me to look? Clean and with my hair brushed?"
"I confess that wouldn't be a bad idea..."
"Ah... But of course! On the day of her death, I bet she took a shower, got dressed in her best clothes, lay in bed, picked up a newspaper and read while waiting for death to come..." I ironized.
"You talk as if you died today..."
"And didn't you? I backed away confused by taking a step back."
For a moment, I saw a shadow of compassion pass across his eyes, but it was only for a second. It was so quick I think it was even my imagination.
"You've been here a little over a month, according to earthly home time." He reported impersonally, but I felt a hint of malevolent satisfaction, but that wasn't what surprised me the most...
"But, it can't be! The accident was yesterday... I just woke up and you're just trying to make me confused." "And what would I get out of it? I thought you already knew..." He said frowning thoughtfully.
"They wouldn't leave me on that floor, in time, for all that time."
He looked at me impatiently. The humor almost completely disappearing from his eyes.
"If you slept, on that floor for almost forty-five days it's because it wasn't that bad! And it was you yourself who didn't allow us to remove it. We try to help people, but we can't force anyone to accept our help!"
"You mean I stayed that long.... God! Everyone passing by and looking at me with contempt, believing me to be a beggar! That's why nobody thought my presence there was strange. They were used to seeing me on the floor.
He rolled his eyes.
"How pretentious you are... Do you really think that anyone here, would waste time in thinking anything about you? Besides, despite the resemblance, we are not in the earthly home. Here we don't have society demanding absurd behavior from us! You are absolutely not bound by the rules of the society you once knew. That's over. It's behind you."
I looked up and saw that his countenance was now professional looking. He was speaking like a professor.
"How could you be so rude and insensitive? If you were asleep, how could you be aware that you were not accepting help?" I asked teasingly. Actually, he hadn't been rude, he just hadn't flowered his words. Which I even preferred. He was sincere and that on earth was known as rudeness.
"Of course he had a conscience! He was just hiding from the truth. I didn't want to get out of there, because I was still hoping that it was all just a bad dream and I would wake up in your house, in your warm bed. You are a fool! But you are not the only one. Many do that. I did it myself, although it didn't take me as long as you to wake up, because I wasn't in a nice place that allowed me to have my time of acceptance... So you thought you could escape your destiny..."
"So that was my destiny? Nothing could change..." I asked, but his words that stuck in my mind, were the ones he said that he had not awakened in a pleasant place. I just couldn't bring myself to question him about it. It struck me as something very personal of his.
"No, your fate was much worse.... I even think he deserved it, but these are the Divine Master's designs, and his will should not be challenged."
"What are you talking about?"
"You have developed a disease..."
"Cancer. Antonio told me about it. But it wasn't that I wanted to know. It was why he thought I deserved that fate."
"We all deserve the fate reserved for us. And you are not a special person so that you got away with it."
"The fate that awaited me was better than death. I could have treated myself and survived. We are agreeing on something now. I would also rather have faced my fate."
"Then you should know that you should thank the Lord, for sparing your mother from descending into the hot sky. Your arrival here, ensured that she would not end up there in a few months..."
"What does my mother have to do with this? And what does Hot Sky mean?"
"So you don't know yet? It was not on her own merits that she escaped that suffering, but on those of her mother. The burden would be too heavy for her, for with all her selfishness she would torment her, throwing all the blame for her illness on her back, and she not being able to bear to see her suffering anymore and really believing she was to blame, would take her own life, so that her accuser would be happier, thinking that at least she survived the one responsible for her evil. And as for Hot Sky... We'll talk about that another time."
I kept listening as if he was telling someone else's story. I should ignore him and that was obvious, for I realized that he didn't like me, for he loved my mother very much and would never do such a thing. He didn't sound aggressive, but his words had the tone of someone who wants to hurt To hurt.
"You don't seem very happy with this change of plans..." I decided to tease just to see his beautiful green eyes spit sparks.
"I really wasn't. But not for your mother. For you. I happened to read your chart and was upset that we had to see you here."
I stared at him curiously, and as I looked at him my good mood began to return. I wondered what was in my chart that was so serious? I confess that I could not think of anything I had done to offend anyone. On the contrary. I was always friendly to everyone, without worrying about social status, which was very common on Earth. People were judged by what they had. Social position was fundamental to decide the kind of treatment they would give...
"I don't understand how I could have mistaken you for an angel... You have more characteristics of the... By the way, who did you bribe to be here?"
He let out a laugh. And it sounded like the most beautiful song I have ever heard. I was glad he fell for my teasing.
"You know you have an admirable sense of humor?"
"Not everyone thinks so."
"I can imagine. You don't seem like the kind of laid-back girl who enjoys herself with friends."
"Compliment?"
"Could be. But it can also be... Critical."
"It's not flattering at all."
"I really didn't mean it to be."
"How cruel..."
"What a sensitive little girl..."
For some reason, unknown to me, that man attracted me, even when he was trying to be rude, he was charismatic.
"I'm no little girl. I'm a woman."
He stared at me with a look of undisguised desire.
"I believe you are, but I wouldn't mind if you proved that to me."
I took a deep breath.
"Look, as you made a point of reminding me yourself, I'm in real need of a bath. And besides, I'm exhausted and in no mood to continue listening to your nonsense. So why don't you try being a good boy and get out of here?" I said, imitating his tone, but really wishing I could be alone.
"I wish I could, but I can't."
"And why not?"
"I told you, I've been assigned to take care of you. Until you recover, you are my patient and you will have to put up with me."
"Oh my God! This is a punishment, a torture! Am I in heaven or hell after all?" It was a question meant to be amusing, but he acted serious, getting that professor look again.
"Neither."
"Then it's purgatory. Of course! I'm going through purgatory."
"Not at all. Your life on earth, was rather a phase of atonement, to complete a cycle. Now you are in the progression phase. It is time to weigh the pros and cons of a possible return. This is where you will learn to know yourself and prepare to change phase. You can progress or regress, or even stay as you are, it's up to you. E... There is no purgatory."
"If it were really up to me, I would go back to my body and continue my life. But since I can't, at the moment I'd like to be alone. Would you please leave now?"
"If you're really sure you don't need some help..."
"I wonder if you still don't understand that I need to take a shower, change my clothes, rest.... Things I can do perfectly well on my own, without your help and your audience?"
"Do you really think you can hide something from me? Your modesty, wouldn't stop me from seeing you if I wanted to, which is not the case, through those rags you call clothes..."
"Why do you assault me? What have I done to deserve your resentment?" Now I thought he had gone too far in the word game we were in.
He still stood watching me for some time before he seemed to make up his mind and turned away.
"I am not your enemy. On the contrary. You may think so sometimes, but everything I do is for your good. What I say... You seem to make me act irrationally. I'll leave so you can take your bath, but I'll be back as soon as you're done."
"No need. I'll call you if I need you."
"I am not your servant, young lady! I have already decided that I will stay here as long as I stay here!"
"Which I hope, won't be too long!"
"You bet it will be!"
He said arrogantly and left. Without wasting any time, I took off my clothes and got into the tub. Even exhausted, I wondered why he didn't like me. I couldn't understand Gabriel's attitudes. I kept thinking like this, until I began to relax and forgot everything. I stayed in the shower for a long time, I can't even tell you how long, but it must have been hours, and the most amazing thing was that the water was the same pleasant temperature as when I entered. I got out decided and chose some clothes, trying to understand why I still had the same needs as when I was on the ground, brushed my hair and teeth, and looked at the bed with the intention of lying down for a while, when I saw a tray on the nightstand beside the bed. On it was a great looking soup and an orange-colored juice. I sat up in bed and ate it all, surprising myself with the unmatched taste of the food and the fact that I only realized I was hungry after emptying the tray. I lay down with the intention of resting for a while and then going out to look for someone who could clarify my doubts, but I ended up falling asleep.
As soon as I woke up stretching, I sat up hoping that it had all been a dream proving to myself that Gabriel was right about what I wanted, and was disappointed to realize that it was not my room. Very similar, but definitely not. When I went to put my feet on the floor, I stepped on something soft and recoiled in fright. I went to see what it was and there lying there was a man. My first thought was what is he doing here? On the other hand, I couldn't stop admiring him. He had beautiful legs, thick and with golden hair. He was wearing only his underwear! I smiled as I saw this. How could I be attracted to him even after I was dead? And the only man I ever wanted in my life was no longer in the same world as me... So that question persisted. Why was he attracting me? Even more so with a simple sight? I kept looking at her breasts, getting more and more excited... I jumped, scared and ashamed. It was Gabriel! He was leaning his head on his arms, watching me with that evil smile on his lips. And what was worse, his gaze was cynical and overbearing. There was no doubt about it. He recognized my look of admiration. I don't know how I felt the attraction. I don't even like blondes!
"So, did you like what you saw?" he asked, already getting to his feet.
"What are you doing here in my room with no clothes on?"
"Without clothes? But what are you talking about?" He seemed genuinely genuine in his surprise.
I looked again and saw that he really was dressed. And he stared at me impatiently. But the amusement still shone stronger in his eyes. And he tried to cover it up as if it was some kind of humiliation for him. He seemed to want to feel what was coming out of his mouth.
"I know what happened. You're still mixing your other life with this one and you end up confusing things."
"What does one thing have to do with another? What you said doesn't make any sense."
"Oras, when you were still in the earthly home, if you woke up with a man in your room, how would you expect to find him?"
"What! How dare you insinuate..."
"Don't play innocent. Just because your flesh has died, doesn't mean you have no desires."
"How pretentious and arrogant you are! You mean I wished to see you without clothes, so I did?"
"Exactly, almost that."
"But I didn't wish for any of that! In fact, I keep wishing I wouldn't see you anymore."
"Oh, you don't?"
"Of course not! And for your knowledge, I don't even like laurels. And also for your information, I wasn't even thinking of you when I believed you were naked..." I finished the sentence turning red. I remembered that a friend once told me that she saw a beautiful man once and didn't think about him again, but at night she dreamed that the stranger came into her room and the two of them had sex in a crazy way. She said that even though she didn't know it, the man had been stored in her subconscious, because he had a strong presence. Surely Gabriel was a man of strong presence and could have infiltrated my subconscious. But I would never admit this to him.
"That's not what it looked like..." He said oblivious to my thoughts.
"Look here, how could I wish to see you without clothes on, if I didn't even know you were here?"
"My heart, don't you understand yet that, even unconscious, you feel when someone is on your side? Not just next door, but miles away. For example, you haven't felt the vibrations of your loved ones yet, because you are not very connected to them."
"You're wrong again! I've always been very connected to my family."
"I know that. But it's just that right now you're too busy feeling sorry for yourself."
"But you are very..."
"That's enough! I don't want to delve into any subject right now! Even because your selfishness may be working in your favor. It's not good to feel the vibrations of loved ones? They weaken us and take away our focus..." He said and took a binder from a briefcase and sat on the edge of the bed. "I need to do your file, I should have done it a long time ago, but you are such a sleepyhead..."
"How long did I sleep?"
"You shouldn't think about time here."
"Please?"
"On the clock I was used to, about twelve hours."
"Twelve hours? And you talk as if it were only a few minutes."
"Think about what you just said. Wasn't it just a few minutes for you anyway?"
"You're right." I admitted. Time there was insignificant.
"Good. Let's get started on this bureaucracy nonsense." He said rolling his eyes. By the looks of it we thought alike about some things. Full name?
"Elizabete Pamplona da Costa."
He stopped and stared at me, as if confused.
"Liza?" He asked squeezing his eyes shut, as if that way he could see me straight and suddenly it seemed like he was seeing a different person before him. As if he had seen me before, but not as the girl he had met measuring the water temperature.
"Only my friends call me that, which is not the case with you." I said arrogantly to understand what had changed, but he didn't seem to hear, continuing to look at me as if only now he really saw me.
"But how is that possible? Now there are no more doubts left..." He said softly, as if he were speaking to himself. I wondered if it had something to do with me. I wanted to ask, but something told me that this was not the time. "I watched... I wonder if the little time I was distracted by other patients she grew up and..." He said awkwardly and looked at me, "She's twenty-four?"
"Yes... How do you know?"
"Didn't you notice the number next to your name on the door?"
"You mean each number represents an age?"
"That."
"So, Elisabeth, at twenty-four years old, there's only me?"
"Of course not."
"But I only saw..."
"Because you haven't walked all over the hospital."
"That's true..."
We started talking about that hospital and I found out a lot of things. One of them, perhaps the most important, was that I was privileged to be there, because many spirits used to wander the earth, and they felt hunger, cold, and a lot of pain. Gabriel closed the subject and after examining me, left without saying anything, but before I could blink he was back, with a tray in his hand, and placed it unceremoniously on my lap. The tray contained cookies, juice, and Jell-O.
I thought I had misjudged him, but he really had changed. He was more thoughtful. The sparkle of amusement in his eyes had faded, and he didn't seem to know how to act with me anymore. I felt as if I had lost an important part of him, although I still felt a great connection with him. It was growing by the minute. I wondered if he also felt the same way. If he could see that there was an invisible line that connected us, or if it was all a product of my mind. I couldn't fall in love with him, but it was bound to happen if we kept talking like that. We had been flirting with each other from the moment we saw each other.
"Eat." He said and went to the window. His words roused me from my thoughts and I ate everything in record time and deposited the tray on the nightstand.
"How did you die?" I asked to get a conversation going, but starting to get interested in the story behind the man.
He ducked his head. Something was bothering him, and a lot of it. But his attitude piqued my curiosity.
"You haven't answered yet..."
"Maybe because it's not your problem!" He spoke irritated.
"Why so much mystery? Some dramatic story?"
"You're not ready to know yet." He said heading for the door with strides, but I jumped off the bed and held him by the arm before he could leave.
"Wait, did I have something to do with your... Death?"
He stared at me with ice-cold eyes, but gently removed my hand.
"Don't remind me of the force that moves me!" I said in an irritated voice, and between my teeth.
"I need to know! Was it something I did?" I wanted the Gabriel I knew back, and my eyes filled with tears. Had I lost him too?
"Don't push that subject any further!" He said and walked out slamming the door.
His last words made me sure that something had changed inside him. And I was willing to change that. He was already too valuable to me. That play on words triggered an avalanche of feelings inside me.