A night to remember
Gabriel was unknowingly killing my curiosity by keeping his past a secret. I no longer had any doubt that we had met in some life time. And that he was trying to hate me for something that happened when we met. I just didn't understand how he couldn't see the injustice in blaming me and taking revenge when I didn't even remember what had occurred. I seriously believe that no one is the same as they were a minute ago, so lifetimes ago was a lot of change a person went through. I had changed since I came to that place. I was no longer the same as I had been on earth. A lot of things I did I would stop doing and a lot of things I didn't do I would do. If I came back it would be different. How can Gabriel not understand this? He too must have undergone changes. Everyone matures one day. But it seems he wants to stay focused on something I did in a life I didn't know and didn't even remember and that doesn't matter anymore because I was certainly not the same person who did whatever it was for him.
I thought these things as I helped him wash and put away the dishes. I couldn't help but notice that he was very organized. The opposite of me. He also seemed lost in thought and I took the opportunity to observe him without him saying anything arrogant to me for staring at him. He was beautiful. Perfect. That's why I mistook him for an angel. Did any of his other patients love him? Did they fall in love with him too? This was not difficult. Not only because of his beauty, but because of the charismatic and outgoing charm that he sometimes left in front of his seriousness and arrogance.
I turned my face quickly when he moved his head to my side. He was wiping the sink and I had already put away all the dishes. I was afraid he would question why I had remained silent since I had finished my part.
"I think we're done..." He said, still staring at me with that lost look in his eyes.
"Yes." I answered clumsily. There was no longer any reason for us to stay together, but I wanted to stay close to him. And I didn't know how to say it. After all, I wasn't willing to start hearing insults.
"We'd better go to sleep then." He said as if that wasn't his will either.
"I'll... I will." I said gracelessly. "Thank you for dinner. Everything was perfect..."
"Tomorrow it's your turn to show me your cooking skills..."
"Do you like soups? Are you used to the food that was made in the world I was in?"
"I do. And yes. I am used to food from various worlds, since I used to take my patients' tray myself and end up eating the same as they did..."
"Can we eat meat here?"
"Of course we can."
"It's just that I've never been served anything with meat and I haven't seen any animals either..."
"For you to have the ingredients you need to make a specific dish just tell Alexia and she will provide them and leave them here in the house. Anything you wish to eat she will fetch for you. And before you ask me, I don't know where she gets it from and she won't reveal it to you either."
"Why not? Is it a secret?"
"It is a mystery. She will only tell the person who is going to replace her in that task."
"I see..." I said thoughtfully without understanding anything.
"Good night."
"Good night."
We exchanged no more words and each went to our own room to lie down. I was extremely tired. I closed my eyes, but I couldn't sleep immediately as I thought I would. I couldn't sleep and rolled over in bed the whole time. My body was there, but my thoughts traveled to the next room. My body longed for Gabriel's. My desire was taking on great proportions in that room. My desire was taking on great proportions in that place. My body was clamoring for his and it felt like we were so close and at the same time so far apart. I desperately wanted to feel that he was mine. I could feel the energy of the vibration that was in the air. As if his thoughts were connected to mine. I didn't feel this so strongly while I was in his presence in the kitchen. I couldn't understand that attraction. It was as if everything that mattered was in Gabriel. I felt an abnormal heat and stood up and went to the kitchen to drink some water. This could not be happening! Not there! I no longer had a carnal body and as far as I knew sexual desire was exclusive to the flesh.
On my way back from the kitchen I stopped facing the door to his room. I saw my hand slowly lift toward the doorknob and open the door as if it had a mind of its own. In the dimness of the room a strong hand pulled me inside and closed the door. I was mesmerized by the brightness in his eyes. It was dark and that glow was like a beacon that guided me and radiated the purest desire between us. The magnetism of his body was almost palpable. I knew that he didn't want me. He wanted to hate me... But it was inevitable and impossible to resist that attraction that pushed us towards each other. Suddenly, he took me in his arms and without stopping to stare at me, he laid me down on the bed. I was a little afraid and I knew that it was no secret to him. I knew it, but he didn't care. But my desire was so great that fear no longer mattered. All I could think about was feeling him and giving myself to him.
Gabriel pulled my shirt open, undoing the small buttons, and as soon as my breasts were free I saw in his eyes a mixture of contradictory feelings such as love, hate, desire and repulsion... He didn't act with affection, he was possessive, aggressive, brutal! The lack of tenderness and affection seemed premeditated. When I thought of running away, I felt his lips pressed against mine and his tongue invading my mouth with impatience, with savagery. Then I understood that it was too late for a successful escape. He would not allow me to leave until his desire had been satisfied. And I knew that my body also longed to satisfy that desire that dominated my senses. I felt the blood rush to my lips and in a desperate impulse I tried to stop him from proceeding with that barbarism, pushing him with my hands which only served to make me even more defenseless, for with one of his hands he held me with my hands up over my head, leaving me more vulnerable. He began to caress me all over my body with his free hand and mouth, making me shiver with pleasure. I eventually began to give in and enjoy the savagery. He released my hands and I began to caress him, screaming with pleasure, digging my nails into his back. I urgently needed to feel him inside me. I couldn't stand the delirious torture any longer. Gabriel seemed to read my thoughts, for he positioned himself over me and penetrated me with wild fury. We reached ecstasy together. I had never felt anything like it. I didn't know that the act of love could be so good, in so many ways. He lay down on my side, relieving me of his weight without saying anything. I didn't dare interrupt the silence. It was a comforting silence that spoke more than a thousand words. What happened there was magical. After some time we came together again, but this time he had been very affectionate. That night we made love to exhaustion. He seemed like the same man with different attitudes each time we loved each other. He was no longer Gabriel and I was no longer Liza. We were two beings discovering various ways to love each other and satiating ourselves with each one. We never tired of smelling and feeling each other. That night I got to know every little piece of Gabriel. And I took advantage of this rare moment when he seemed to become more open to feeling and broke down the wall and allowed me to feel the pleasures he gave me. Even though we didn't get tired he lovingly said that we should sleep so that we would be in a good mood to visit my father. At that moment I thought it was bad. I wanted to continue exploring how far we could go in the apex of pleasure, but I ended up accepting and fell asleep feeling his smell and thinking that there was no better smell in the world than that one.
I woke up feeling the delicious aroma of coffee. I felt good and happy. And anxious to repeat the dose. I wanted at least a little more of what I experienced that night. But when I looked to the side I was disappointed that Gabriel was no longer there. I got up and went straight to the bathroom where I took a shower. After changing I went straight to the kitchen. Gabriel was drinking a cup of coffee, looking away. As soon as he saw me he ordered me to sit down and served coffee and toast. His indifference after we had experienced great emotions that night hurt me a lot, but I chose not to comment. Then we would go back to the way things were before, I thought sadly. I didn't want to charge him anything, but I also couldn't help but notice that on his face there was not a trace of affection. His eyes remained cold as if nothing special had happened to him. As soon as we finished breakfast, I put the dishes together and went to the sink to wash them. Gabriel sat there watching me. I felt his eyes on my body as if he were undressing me. The memory of what happened last night came back with full force, making me desire him urgently as if I needed to be possessed by him again in order to continue living. Suddenly, as if guessing my thoughts, he was behind me. I could feel his warm breath on my neck. His hands reached under my blouse and caressed me deliriously. He let go of my breasts and, turning me around, placed me on top of the sink, pulling off my shorts and panties and taking me right there. It didn't even seem like we had loved each other all night. Our desire was great and seemed endless. As much as he wanted to ignore it, this was a fact that he would have to carry with him as well as me. As soon as we reached ecstasy he abruptly released me.
"Pull yourself together so we can go to your father's house." Those were his only words before he walked off and left me alone.
I tried in vain to suppress the tears that insisted on wetting my face. Last night while delirious in his arms I felt that he was mine. Only mine. And I was happy. I didn't take into consideration the barriers that separated us. Two contradictory feelings came together and turned my life into chaos. I loved him and he hated me. Despite the attraction that insisted on uniting us. The hate I felt would do him no harm, but my love... That would destroy me. I shouldn't feel so much love. Not for him! I might enjoy his company for a while, but for the rest of eternity he would be his other half. And how it hurt to think this... It hurt too much!
Suddenly he came back, and I didn't even bother to wipe away the traces of my tears that had flowed abundantly in his absence. I knew he wouldn't mind. But when he realized that I had cried, he gave a resigned sigh and stared at me. His gaze conveyed a mixture of victory and pain. It was as if he had won a battle, but had lost an arm in the war. For some reason he was not entirely happy to cause pain.
"Shall we?" He inquired looking away.
"I need to wash my face." I said and ran out into the bathroom where I stayed until I felt able to face Gabriel again. I didn't mind making him wait. He well deserved that I stayed in the bathroom all day while he waited outside like an idiot. But I wanted to see Dad. It was important for me to be able to spend time with him.
When I finally pulled myself together without looking at him, I went into the bedroom and changed my clothes. Soon afterwards we left. He didn't complain about my delay and that made me furious. It seemed that nothing I did affected him. At least not when I wanted to see him angry. We walked silently past the houses and stopped in front of one that looked just like the one I lived in, but a little bigger. Alexia was on the veranda and came to welcome us, showing great joy.
"I'm glad to see you've been discharged." She said after we entered and settled into the spacious room.
"Thank you! I'm also glad to see you guys away from that environment.... And Dad and Geisa where are they?"
"Your father is getting dressed and will be here soon. Geisa went early this morning to visit her loved ones."
"Ah..." I was anxious and at the same time jealous of Geisa for being able to see them whenever she felt like it. I was no longer hopeful that one day I would be able to see them again in the earthly home, but I thought I had come to terms with that.
Seeing that mentioning my loved ones made me upset Alexia soon changed the subject and started talking about her work there. She liked art and taught painting classes. She didn't mention that she distributed the ingredients to the residents there and I remained silent listening to her talk excitedly about the students and the paintings. I know that it was not her intention to embarrass me, but this subject only served to make me more depressed, as I began to feel useless. I looked at Gabriel and knew that he knew my woes when a smile broke out on his lips. Scoundrel! He still had the audacity to have fun at my expense! Just then, Dad arrived and I ran to hug him. He looked so much younger... I understood that death did not erase my feelings for him. He would always be my father!
"Were you the only one who was my father?" I asked as I released him from my arms and sat back down.
"No. You've had others.... I wish I had... You were always the one who showed the most affection for me. Your brothers didn't give me the importance that you brought in your eyes and your way of acting..."
"I guess for you men, showing affection is not a very welcome thing..."
"That's true. Maybe the way I raised them made them think that I wouldn't like it if they were more receptive."
"I already think that's up to each person's personality."
He shrugged and gave Alexia a quick kiss as he sat down next to her.
"Am I not going to meet my other parents? Aren't they here?" I asked curious and to know everything I could.
"When you are born again in another world your past dies. One forgets and eventually consents to no longer see some people who were precious to us. With birth the past memories are erased. Your other parents must have changed worlds or moved on. Maybe you will see some of them again, but they won't mean anything to you. It will be that way with both of us too when and if you go to another world..."
"Then I will never see them again or know who they were.... I find it hard to erase the way I feel about you. Not even a new birth would make me forget you."
"You will know and see them, but only in your memories of past lives. If any have come back into the world you might recognize them in a sibling, a boyfriend, and even in a person you passed on the street and you swear you know without ever having seen them. And yes. You will forget me. I know that this is not anyone's will, but it would be very complicated if someone recognized someone who in another life was their relative."
"Yes, it seems that it is not only death that takes away those we love, but also birth..."
"Don't be spiteful my child! There are people who were just used as a link from a spirit to the fleshly world. Not that they are not important, but with so many generations we end up losing affection, both fraternal and filial, and even the great passions. Then only those we call kindred spirits remain. These resist even after many generations, and when they meet they feel the same love as before. Although the higher purpose is for all of us to be kindred souls, there is still a great chasm between this reality. That is why we need to face many battles in order to reach perfection."
"That ideal seems unattainable to me. I am not spiteful. I just didn't want to lose my link with you..."
"Could you love me if you met me tomorrow without knowing that I was your father on some world?"
"I can't say..."
"But that ideal that seems impossible to you now you will find it soon within your heart. Your soul will come to demand it of you ever more strongly as you live your lives or walk around here..."
We stayed still a long time talking about this subject. Alexia served us tea and sat down again next to Dad.
"Tell me Alexia, how old did you die?" I asked to get to know her better.
She gave a cheerful laugh while Gabriel stared at me disapprovingly.
"When I came back here from the last world I was on I was already ninety-three."
"Excuse my indiscretion." I asked worriedly, as I thought that question must be unkind there by the way Gabriel scolded me without saying a word.
"There is nothing to apologize for. When I got here I drove my doctor crazy with so many questions I was asking. And you will hear those questions many times yet."
"That's something we have in common.... How did Dad recognize you? You love each other very much, don't you?"
"Since always."
"I would like to remember my past and know how I was physically in other lives."
"You still haven't remembered?"
"No. I haven't had permission yet and I don't even know if I ever will." I said and looked disapprovingly at Gabriel. So he could taste the same poison.
I saw that Alexia looked surprised at Gabriel, but made no comment.
"Will I know immediately when I meet my half that it is him? Or will I not recognize him?
"You may not even know immediately, but you will definitely feel it." Dad clarified.
That made me sad. I wanted to recognize him immediately so that I could free myself from the grip of the overwhelming attraction I felt for Gabriel. I wanted any feeling that would free me from what bound me to Gabriel.
"Alexia, I will be the cook today and I would like some ingredients. Gabriel told me that you are the person who provides that."
"Sure." She said pleasantly and went to get paper and pen which she handed to me and sat down again. "You can write it down and I'll bring it to your house. Don't mind if I forget something. You can come over here and tell me what you missed."
I wrote everything down and handed the paper to Alexia. The conversation turned out to revolve around food and dishes that we had already tasted and hated. We had a good laugh. And I felt happy as if I was finally part of something.
Gabriel called me to leave and I obeyed promptly, because I knew that Alexia and Dad had their own business. As we walked, Gabriel's expression was so different that it put all my senses on alert. It was as if something very important was about to happen. Little did I know that this feeling was well-founded. And with a few words he said that he would surprise me.