“Our proposal is a forty percent share in the business, as well as visitation rights with Harry”. James linked his long fingers, as his hands placed firmly upon the table in front of him. Firm; just as his tone, with a sharpened gaze to accompany. Many the attorney had cowered under the famously dominant gaze of James Henry, but not Vivienne. This was child’s play, which her vacant laugh suggested.
“That is a ridiculous proposal, Henry. And you know it”. It’s true, he did know it. But he also had to act accordingly to what his client wished. Vivienne placed down her fountain tip pen, and matched his body language. “Fifty percent of the business, solo ownership of Harry, and alimony for the next three years”.
“Now that is ridiculous”. James responded.
“And an even divide of all savings and shares”. Vivienne added, whilst holding James’s unblunted gaze, mirroring his mettle. The estranged husband and wife sat opposing each other, with the life they shared, and the love that once was, laid out upon the table between them. Figuratively, of course.
“My client does not accept”, James spoke near instantly.
“Are you sure about that?”, Vivienne now turned her stare towards Thomas. “Divorce court is very expensive and very emotionally draining. Do you really want to end this in such a manner? After all you’ve been through together?”.
“You are to direct all questions and statements towards me, Knight”. James knew what she was doing. The resolve in her voice, the softness that she laced through her words — he had no doubt was part of her authentic kindness, but he knew she was trying to get to Thomas. And James was right, she was trying to appeal to his brother with the reality of what could be, as she was also trying to avoid having to raise a certain subject, especially for Jane’s wellbeing. But it must be done.
“Considering the history with the… infertility issues, my client has requested solo ownership of Harry”. Vivienne could feel the stiffness that crawled up Jane’s spine. She was repeating her apologies within the walls of her head towards the woman, which of course she would voice later in private. Emotion was also evident across Thomas’s face at the sore mention of the family they had tried, and failed, to create. “As well as the other conditions. Take the week to think about it, then we can meet again”, Vivienne spoke before James could, concluding the second mediation. She whispered in Jane’s ear, telling her to take a breather in her office. Thomas tried to speak to Jane as she stormed out of the meeting room, while Vivienne sat there, rotating the pen in her hand as she watched James follow his brother out of the board room.
James felt a sense of defeat starting to creep within, as he left his brothers side, and walked down to the cafe on the corner, where he planned to sit and organise the notes for his next meeting while grabbing a quick bite to eat. Vivienne was currently consoling a triggered Jane in her private office. She apologised for having to raise such a sensitive subject, but also reminded her that these things would be exposed. Jane wiped her few tears, and left after Vivienne gave her a hug that was filled with empath. The divorce attorney sat herself down behind her desk, and let her mind dissociate for a few minutes. She understood how it felt to want something so bad, yet correspondingly, the urge to reach whatever limits necessary to get away from that same thing that was once very much wanted.
“That’s about enough of that”, she spoke to herself, before standing and rolling the tension from her shoulders —ridding her body of memories— before grabbing her wallet and heading for the door. She had a quick thirty minutes before her next meeting, and a coffee was very much needed.
The tension that was currently embedded across his brow, began smoothing as his eyes caught the sight of her walking through the double wooden doors. She joined the line, and once she was at the front, started chatting away with the owner who was working the counter. His ears heard her laugh that was filled with lightness and the warmth of disposition. Vivienne’s eyes raked over the selection of sweets upon the counter, as his gaze urged to rake over her and her sweetness, however, he restrained himself. He was a man of respect, and he most definitely held a solid respect for Vivienne Knight. After her order was placed, she walked over to the shelf that held a combination of magazines. Opting for a home design magazine, she turned to look for a place to sit quickly while she waited for her order, only to see James sitting there, giving her a half smile while his hand raised in gesture. Her block heels sung as she walked across the wooden floor, towards the suited man.
“James”. Now he was getting her actual smile, not the smile of an attorney that hid secret plays and smoking guns. He replied with her name, and motioned to the chair opposite him.
“Are you sure?”, she held a hesitancy.
“Please”, he affirmed. Vivienne took the offered seat, as James put his phone and laptop away, giving her his undivided attention. “I must say, despite the circumstances, you are a worthy opponent”.
“Gee. Don’t trip yourself over the mass of flattery, James”, her playful tone stirred a laugh from him.
“Favourable? Enviable?”, he offered somewhat coolly as her laugh now sounded. He liked that sound. It made him feel… something. He wasn’t quite sure yet.
“Thank you, James. I am really enjoying working with you, despite the circumstances, as you said. But it will be over soon”. It would, and then they would go their separate ways for who knows how long until their work paths crossed once again. He didn’t want that. He wanted to get to know her more, the woman who sat opposite him now, not the attorney.
‘Ask her, no, tell her that you would like to get to know her better after the case is closed’, James thought to himself, as Vivienne thanked the cafe worker who brought over her takeaway coffee and cake.
Despite the dark coolness that James Henry diffuses, insecurity plagued him at times. His eyes were also observing the way the tall, tattooed barista took his time making small talk with Vivienne. The way the young man’s body language was oozing with the need for her attention, with an obvious wish to talk with her in more of an intimate setting. It was hard not to fault the young man. Her body was shapely, ‘plus-sized’: society would label her. Her feminine, hour-glass shaped form was also very blessed when it came to certain areas upon the landscape of her body, and it could be hard not to notice. Vivienne was a such radiant woman. And not just physically, but the light that she radiated, could easily lure the most disinterested, reversed being. His mind travelled back to the first time they had met, at last years Christmas event, that was attended by members of numerous legal firms. His mind saw it again as if it was yesterday: champagne flute in hand, as her abundant hair cascaded around her face, overflowing over her left shoulder that remained bare. The midnight black, full length dress that governed her body —layering her curvaceous form— left both her shoulders revealed. Strangely, James remembers just how entranced he was by her shoulders and the soft dip between her collarbones. ‘Ridiculous’, he thought for a grown man to react in such a manner to a bit of skin and bone. But the softness that he saw across her collarbones and shoulders, felt like the same softness that expelled from her. It flowed around her words of certainty, through the tonality and intonation of her voice. And not to mention the contrasting vigour of her handshake. He was so fascinated by her from the start. But it wasn’t a stomach-fluttering-could possibly be sick- fasciation, no, there was only the warm kind of fascination.
Butterflies can carry concrete within the walls of our stomach and chest, that will in time begin to weigh us down. Those butterflies can also nibble away at your stomach lining - demonic; behind their sweet facade. But other times, those butterflies carry and deliver warmth. Turning those tense insides into a state of relaxation.
James returned back from his mental trip within the recent past, as Vivienne’s eye’s locked with him once again, and her hands collected her afternoon tea. She stood, pushing in the back of the chair with her durable thighs.
“It must not be easy, representing your own brother, and in such a delicate…situation. Kudos to you”. She spoke with a look of understanding across her face. He gave a small nod of silent thankfulness for her compliment.
“You have a brother, don’t you?”, he asked, causing her to laugh immediately as the subject of her brother came to mind.
“Tony”, she affirmed. “Medical Engineer. A bit of an oaf though”.
“Well it seems we can empathise with one another on that ground”, James laughed.
“See you next week. Hopefully we can reach a settlement then”. She winked before turning on her feet, and making her exit back through the wooden doors. James finished his chocolate croissant, washed it down with the remaining mouthful of tea, and then recommenced his day. But that wink lurked on his mind.
That night, under the darkened skies of the city, the legal battlers went about their planned evenings. James collected his freshly made cup of tea, as well as his new novel, and walked to his bedroom, placing them down on his nightstand. His veined hand pulled back the dark green coloured duvet before he removed his t-shirt and sweatpants, leaving himself bare, to slip between his overly priced, matching coloured sheets. His long dextrous fingers thoughtfully removed his bookmark, placing him back where he once was between the pages. Without much active thought, his mind stopped consuming the words that his eyes were reading, as his mind wandered to the thought of Vivienne. He grabbed his phone, pulling the charger out so he could lay back in bed comfortably, before entering her name into the search bar. Nada. His search was fruitless. He didn’t even know her personal email, well, I mean, why would he?
His mind kept wandering; what was she like in her personal time? What did she spend her days off doing? What did she fill her evenings with? She was so kind, so positive, he contemplated on how shaped she was by her life experiences. Was she one of the lucky ones and had a relativity smooth life? Or had she experienced painful lessons and obstacles? Surely the previous? She was young —younger than him anyway, as he was nearing his thirty-eighth year— and was known for her kindness. ‘Surely pure kindness cannot survive such emotional plague and turmoil?’, James wondered to himself. Nevertheless, there was a pull that he felt towards her. Not just a pull of warmth and comfortability, but a darkened pull. A darkness that he knew. A darkness that he had gained from harsh life experiences that now dwelled within his being. But then James reminded himself, that he is in fact tucked up in bed by nine-thirty on a Wednesday night with tea and a good book, and Vivienne was probably doing the same —
“I don’t do sleepovers, honey. So you’ll need to go now”. The young man named Will began to protest as Vivienne handed him his shirt.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to stay?”. She laughed warmly, but began to walk the drama student towards her apartment door.
“No, Will, honey. That is part of the girlfriend package”. The dark blonde raised his inquisitive brow at such an idea. But she shut it down. She had done her part with some caring aftercare, but now it was time to call it for the night. “Stay safe getting home”.
Vivienne went about her post-coitus routine, and began removing the bedding from her bed. Both sheets, all pillow cases, wrapped around each other as she walked towards her laundry and threw them in the hamper. She remade the bed with fresh matching linen, before jumping in the shower and washing the scent of the twenty-two year old from her body. As the water trickled down her relatively satisfied body, her mind reflected upon the act with the young Will. He was an eager boy, who wanted more, but he knew where she stood. She was not interested in establishing a relationship. She wanted a break from commitment, promising herself a year at least of just casual love.
She never thought she would be able to feel the way she did now. Yes, she had had casual experiences when she was younger, but she was always left with a feeling of hope afterwards. A hope of more to come. But they often didn’t. She had often felt emotionally out of control in those situations, like no matter how cool she attempted to be in said situations, her feelings would often betray her. Now, it was a different story. She really enjoyed it. And now she found herself being able to be rather intimate within the time with a sexual partner. Her intimacy flowed with speaking praise, touching with intent, and embracing them afterwards within her loving arms. But then she would remind them that they had to leave. That’s where she stopped the intimacy. She never let them stay over. Never. No matter how nice it felt sometimes. And none of this was done in a heartless manner, no, on the contrary; she just knew where to place the boundaries now. Then, she would refresh her personal sanctuary, cleanse her body, and then go to bed with herself and herself alone. And on nights where her body would yearn for another body next to her, wrapping their arms around her and pulling her into the safety of their chest, she would remind herself —
‘I have gone to bed with me every single night of my life. It’s always been me. I am always there for myself’.
How different we are, yet similar. We all strive for the same things: acceptance, love & belonging. We seek these through differing avenues of life. Usually with another, or a pack. Yet, these people we are meant to feel such feelings with —such security and safety— are often the places we feel them less. Instead, it is rejection, hurt & neglect that we are faced with from the places we should feel most at home. There is nothing wrong with continuing to look for these within another, however, we should be our first source. We should find these within ourselves first, which is exactly what Vivienne had now done for herself.