Today would be the day. The final mediation, the last chance before this case would go to court. Both Vivienne and James hoped that their clients would see sense, but just as reflective to life, one can never be too sure what may pop up.
“My client agrees to the even divide of the business, shares and all other assets, however we are not relenting on the unwillingness of the three year period of alimony, as well as solo care of Harry. Fifty-fifty shared care is our last offer. I would advise you and your client to accept this offer”. James laid the verbal proposal upon the table, hoping that Vivienne would make Jane see sense, so that old haunts could remain historical.
“My client is not only entitled to that three year alimony, but she also deserves it. My client’s career suffered, due to her giving up work at the request of her husband”. Today was going to get ugly, Vivienne knew it, as did James.
“It was for the best”, Thomas cut in but stopped as James raised his hand, gesturing for him to halt his words.
“My client wanted the best for his pregnant wife, and suggested for her to pause her career while she was with child, considering the previous miscarriage”. James felt terrible raising this sensitive history in front of Jane, as if any of this was her fault. No one was at fault. They were just hurt. “And then unfortunately, with that pregnancy also ending in miscarriage, my client again suggested that Jane continue her work hiatus, for emotional and mental health reasons”.
“The point being, Henry”, Vivienne interjected in an uncompromising tone, “is that my clients career was sacrificed, whilst Thomas’s career has excelled. They both experienced the terribly unfortunate fertility issues together, yet career set backs were not shared together, were they?”. James couldn’t fault Vivienne on that those facts, but he wasn’t about to admit that. And before James could reply, she pulled a piece of paper from her folder and placed it on the table, and pushed it towards them. They both looked at the document in front of them. Vivienne saw Thomas’s face drop, whilst James’s stayed neutral. “And while my client was experiencing said issues, it seems as if her husband was at least emotionally cheating on her”.
Vivienne couldn’t deny the stake that she had felt ready to burn. She tried to never take on her client’s emotions, but this was starting to seep in. She wanted to yell at Thomas, without any dignity whatsoever. She wanted to bellow at him from across the table and tell him what she really thought of him for messaging some woman but such emotional matters, and thanking her for spending time with him that day. How fucking dare he? Her heart really hurt for Jane. She couldn’t imagine losing her second child while her husband was sharing himself, and their business, with another woman.
“It was hard on me as well. Especially when you wouldn’t talk to me or want me to touch you. She was a friend from work, we just talked and cuddled, that was it, I swear”, Thomas explained from across the table. Although his reaction was not as worried as Vivienne had expected, which made her look to James, who was already looking at her. As Jane interjected that emotionally cheating is just as bad, if not worse sometimes, it was if Vivienne could hear James’s thoughts. She just knew he was about to match her. But with what? He then pulled a piece of paper from his own briefcase, and moved it across the table with the same attitude that Vivienne had. Both her and Jane looked, and what Vivienne saw made her take a deep breath, causing her facade to slip slightly.
‘Fuck’ - she thought internally. She had no knowledge of this whatsoever. This was another element of shock.
“I think you will find that your client has been having her own affair. With digital verbal confirmation that the affair was in fact sexual”. James’s long index finger reached over to point at the message bubble that was attached to the shared picture of an erect penis, that asked her when she wanted to ride it again. James could tell from Vivienne’s expression that she had been completely unaware of Jane’s betrayal.
“I need a private council with my client. Please wait here”, Vivienne spoke as she stood and gestured for Jane to follow her. She closed the door with a slight vigour, indicating to James that she was truly unaware, and is rather unhappy about discovering the information in such a way. He had experienced this before with previous clients, having unforeseen information spring up and ruin his entire legal play. He also felt for his brother, yet he could see the fault on both sides. They were both hurting. Yet, that hurt was no excuse to betray one another. James had already given his brother a piece of his mind when he admitted to the emotional affair.
“What in the hell, Jane? Why didn’t you disclose that to me?”. Vivienne stood with her hands on her hips, while a look of shock and frustration crossed her features.
“I’m sorry, it was a terrible mistake, and I really didn’t want to bring it up. It only happened that once. I never went back”. Vivienne scoffed at Jane’s words.
“Yes well now it’s there, its been brought up. And now not only do I look like an idiot for not knowing my client well enough, you’re going to have to prepare to lose Harry”. Jane couldn’t lose their well loved dog. It wasn’t the healthiest way of coping, but Harry had become like their child. He had filled that empty void. She started to protest with worry, but Vivienne cut her off. “I said be prepared. I will still fight for him, but we’ve lost ground now”. Vivienne’s stomach felt tight. This had become increasingly messy, yet it could still be worse.
The mediation concluded, as did the marriage. The once lovers agreed on even shares, a three year alimony, and shared care of Harry the dog. Vivienne remained just as firm as James did, but she couldn’t deny the feelings of defeat, embarrassment, and unease that all swam around her empty stomach. Now, she was using her lunch time to sit in her chair and stare out the window that was situated behind her desk. Her fingers fiddled with the pen in her hand, lifting and closing the lid on repeat, just as the thoughts that swam around in her mind. She had never been able to fully comprehend how a person could cheat on their partner. Why someone would make such a decision if they had already chosen to be committed to their lover, to their partner. She would never be able to understand or fathom the idea.
Cheating is a reflection of oneself. As horrible the betrayal is for the partner, it is simply about the cheater. It’s a selfish act in more than one manner. It’s a mirror, that they hold up to themselves. And despite it actually being about themselves and the person that they are, the partner has no option but to have their cheaters shitty choice thrusted upon them. It’s all choice. We have the choice to vocalise how we are feeling; what we are lacking, what we are needing, before actioning such betrayal. But people don’t. And then sometimes, the choice is repeatedly made. There is no self-reflection, no self-growth, there’s only a shitty human being forcing their own trauma onto someone else, for it to become their own.
To be honest, Vivienne had seen worse than this. At least Jane and Thomas ended somewhat amicably, and she felt for him just as much as her, but her mind wondered to the thoughts of what if they had communicated better, more openly. Would they of remained faithful and not seek comfort from third parties? Or were they just simply too unmatched from the beginning without realising? Or were they matched but had grown at different rates and could no longer keep up with each other? How can two beings make such a commitment to one another, yet be so unsynchronised? The sound of an email notification pulled Vivienne back from her contemplation.
James:
Vivienne,
I am afraid
Regards,
James Henry.
At first, Vivienne laughed, but then her laughter dried as she began to worry why James was afraid, and what of? But just as she began typing back, asking the attorney if he was in danger, the email thread grew with a quick follow up from him.
James:
Please excuse that, I hit the send button by accident.
Vivienne:
Phew! Haha. I was worried there for a minute. That was quite funny though.
James:
I can assure you that all is well, it was just a pure error. But I can see how amusing that would of looked. But to proceed with what I originally tended to say —
Vivienne,
I am afraid that our time working together has concluded, however I would like to comment again, that I enjoyed working opposite you. I have the utmost certainty that you are strictly professional, however it is also understandable if the ending of that case threw you slightly. I have experienced the same situation in my career, where critical information was kept from me and jeopardised the case.
Vivienne: Thank you, James. I enjoyed working with you. Congratulations on the win. Stay well, and all the best :)
James wasn’t quite sure on how to take that. It wasn’t quite the reply he was expecting. He wasn’t expecting for her to end the conversation there and then. He was planning the next reply to ask her if she would like to go for coffee sometime, but now it seemed that the moment had passed. As for Vivienne, she appreciated his kind words but the wound still felt sore. She didn’t hold anything against James for doing his job, and doing it incredibly well. The wound was unknown to him. The scab had lifted at the sides, causing a slight bloodshed from the private wound. Not to mention that she did feel a little sore about somewhat losing the case, she always did, as would any attorney. It was to be expected. She felt like shit and needed a pick me up, so she picked up her phone and sent a message to the person she knew would easily be able to help her feel better.
“What’s up ya butt?”. Tony Knight— medical engineer, designer of artificial internal organs and body limbs, as well as the older brother to Vivi, as he referred to her as.
“Ah”, the attorney placed down her glass of beer, while she considered how to word her thoughts. But if anyone knew how to understand her, it was her brother. The siblings has been through thick and thin together, and through a troubling childhood, they had both made it out essentially as best friends. Although they were born years apart, and looked different in features and colourings, they could almost be like twins. Although she definitely had more of a calmness within her, while Tony would just push and push, and partied and partied until he hit a wall. Vivienne had learnt how to curb her appetites, Tony had not quite mastered that yet. “I just had a case that I didn’t quite win. That’s all”.
“Trial?”, Tony took a swig of his beer in-between questions.
“Nah. Mediation, and it wasn’t even that bad comparatively, it was just more the situation and stuff. It doesn’t matter”. She took another sip, and he gave her a moment, knowing she would continue to vent if he gave her that space. “Not to mention the opposing attorney is a bulldog in a suit. I nearly had him but he got one up on me”. She scoffed as she sipped again.
“I thought you were the bulldog in the suit?”. Vivienne mocked a laugh towards her brother at the smart crack he made. “Was there… was there cheating involved?”. A touchy subject he wasn’t sure to raise.
“Yeap”. Now Vivienne took a larger sip of the brew. “It doesn’t effect me as near as much now, but this one… just did. I don’t know why”.
“People are cunts”, Tony stated matter of factly, while Vivienne rolled her eyes at the bluntness of her brother.
“Don’t say that word. It’s a terrible word”. Vivienne Knight was not one for clean vocabulary, but that word she reserved for when she was truely angry, or hurt. She would almost flinch when she heard it.
But on the subject — where do the lines between hurt, sadness, and anger, actually blur? For isn’t anger just sadness but turned inward? On ourselves? Perhaps not the healthiest of tactics, but for many it is easier to process anger than sadness. We can often feel like we have resolved some of the sadness after we experience a bout of anger, but do we really? Isn’t the sadness still there afterwards. Is anger a facade or progression of sadness? Can we not just be entitled to feel anger as an only reaction without the double emotion?
Vivienne was no longer angry nor sad, which her brother knew, but sometimes those memories are triggered. Or perhaps we get to a point where when we are triggered, the trigger doesn’t take us back to the original event, but back to the emotions that we felt from said event. Vivienne was sure that that was what was happening to her now, that she was remembering how she use to feel, and that made her feel more sick than what had happened.
“You have an admirer over there”, Tony advised Vivienne before he ordered another round of beer. She didn’t care much about being caught, and freely turned to look straight at the man who was sending her a now shy, flirtatious smile from the other side of the room. She returned the smile —with hers being more platonic— and then turned back to her glass of beer, which was much more interesting to her. “What? Not prowling tonight?”.
“I am as it happens. I have someone coming over later”. She told no lie.
“Ew”. The limit was reached for that topic of conversation between the siblings.
After her and her brother finished their drinks and shot a game of pool, Vivienne returned home to get ready for her new visitor. Billy, a twenty-two year old English student. She spent the remaining free hour folding some laundry and replying to some text messages and emails that she had received earlier in the evening. She then took a few minutes to herself. A few minutes of mindfulness, to help soothe her mind from the frantic work week. This was good for her brain, as it could often run chaotic. But she needed something more physical to help rein in her chaotic thoughts that left her brain feeling as if it was unable to function properly, like a full stop that just sat in the centre of her mind and wouldn’t move. Her bell alerted her to the arrival for her lover of the night, the young man who had already expressed specific interests with her whilst they communicated over the past few days.
She opened the door. It was time for her to relax. It is what she deserved.