She told herself that this was another win, she told herself she didn't make anything wrong, she told herself that tomorrow would be better. She told herself...
"Have what no one dreams of, search for what is inside you, surrender to yourself" A music says.
Once, a wise person said and many replied. "If you don't try, you won't fail." After this, many created their own quotes.
"Life can't take me down if I stay on the floor"
"No one will betray me if I stay alone"
"I won't feel deception if I don't grow expectations"
In Japan there is a girl who tries everything, she puts her soul into everything she does, only to hurt herself more, she bears the pain as everyone says. "Ganbare Sato"
[ I can't fail, we only live one time, I only have one chance, I need to give my best. ] Is the thought that summarizes her. Living in Tokyo, studying in a public school, she studies when most relax, she works when many sleep, and she fails in everything they want to be.
She tries her best, but barely keeps herself out of the worst, a little above average grades, never passes a class, the number of days she didn't attend school can be counted on her fingers.
[ This time, this time I'm sure I will get a perfect grade, the time I have spent will not be for nothing. ] The girl passes her eyes from the bottom to the top, confident to see her name as the last, on the top. [ Akira Sato... 11 ] She never maxed any grade after schoolyard.
Akira never had a problem in her half-time work, reliable and forgetful, if one-day Japan decides to choose a student as their best example, an example of a common member of society, it wouldn't be her, she wouldn't succeed.
In the art club, when she draws something, it results in a beautiful art imitating frightfully, the reality, doesn't matter how much she struggles, she can't make anything new, losing even for common robots, almost like 'her soul died'
"The design is very simple and common. You haven't shown any creativity or originality. You just copied an object that was in front of you. You haven't added anything new or interesting" She can't forget how hard these words sounded, it was a simple test, but the result was a failure, one of many she made.
If you have money, you also have not only power but beauty, she spends 20 thousand Iens monthly with the cheapest things she can get her hands on, trying to be one of the most beautiful, she only hits the top of the above-average grade. One day she tried to use social media for the first time, after hearing some college students saying about how many likes they had, she lonely tried the same, curious about what is this so popular way of interaction.
In the school bathroom, as many other girls did, she took a photo, using filters, and finally a post with no words, despite her amateur skills, the effort she spent monthly with her appearance made her receive 10 likes in 2 minutes, she took a time to look at herself, the camera was showing a changed version of her, with perfect white skin, shiny long black hair, more spaced eyes, round, less jawline, she keeps looking for more differences. [ So that is who, I am? Filters, but I don't look that way, wait, can I use these filters to know what I should change? ]
"Hey Sato, I saw your photo on Twitter, you look pretty good." A not-popular student said, Sato never had a problem with bullying in her life until that moment, a one time in life problem, all the students, teachers, were respectful to her, but that student made Akira never use any kind of social platform anymore, and the photo she took was deleted by the student, the few people who saw forget it her 'perfect altered' face quickly.
Friends are important to every person, as sociable beings, is utterly important to keep sanity and increase the chances of success in life, Akira though has no more friends, after Koukou (high school) the existence of freedom vanished. "Hm? I don't remember the last time I talked with her, but I think we are still friends"
"Is it just me, or she seems distant? I don't remember seeing her in the library anymore"
"Now that you said, I don't remember either, did she got bored of reading?"
"She used to read books? I don't remember seeing her doing anything more than study"
"Yeah? I used to go from time to time and bump into Sato, she used to read literature I think"
"Obviously literature, maybe if she wasn't so cold looking..."
"Cold looking? What are you talking about?"
"N-Nothing at all, I just used the wrong word, but yeah... She have a cold glance, and she looks like a scared kitten, any sound startles her, geez"
"Because, library? Genius? It's not a place you expect sounds, duh"
"Forget what I asked"
Hobbies, the meaning of this word is unknown to her. "Does... Studying counts as a hobby?" She would answer. "Don't tell me you are the type that studies on vacation!?" They would reply. "Hobbies are an important part of being human." Many would say, humans have needs, such as a time to enjoy life, this wasn't different for Sato.
[ My life will really start when I enter on Shougaku, it will be so fun ! ] Thought the small Akira.
[ My real life will start when I get on Chuugaku, I will do my best ! ] Thought the teenager Akira.
[ My real life will start soon, when I pass Shiken Jigoku (examination hell) with a max grade ! ] Thought Akira.
"Bring out every feeling you hide, and you will see, your plans will succeed"
Meiji Shrine, Jingu Shrine, Yasuki Shrine, the girl prays to any deity in any place, anyone who can hear her words, since her father gave a wise reason for it. "There is one quote I like about, there is a famous unnamed god, I know very little about it, there was a person called Nieztche who said that:
"God is dead, God is still dead and we killed him"
"The meaning of his words is, with the knowledge with have nowadays, prayers seem a little pointless."
"We have medicine for almost every I'llness, humanity also have food enough for everyone, we have the knowledge to break whatever myth, legends, mythology, it was mostly an overused excuse in our past days, we feared thunders, so we created Zeus, an Almighty god who controls thunder, we feared death, so we have many reapers and gods of death as well, but hear me, 99℅ of what we heard was just legends of someone who swears to see or hear, something unknown and uncontrollable, they could be lies, hallucination"
"I know very little about this philosopher, but what he means it's that, we shouldn't believe that gods exist, but we also shouldn't believe they don't exist, we should always ask, ask ourselves of it, to doubt, question, this is why I want you to pray, pray to anyone who can hear you, and not only one, hope for the best, prepare yourself for the worst."
She prays, but never receives an answer, however, she knows, that her future will be bright, after the internet answers her doubt when she was younger. "It's very simple, to pray you need to be truly honest with yourself, close your eyes and accept your weakness, be always thankful for what you have and only ask for what you truly needs, wish as only they could give it to you, and after that, work as it only depends on you"
[ I am Akira Sato, a creation of something that I don't know
Weak is my body, and empty is my soul
I do everything I can to live as I want, on the righteousness patch
I don't know what is life
I wish to be helped but also to help
Yet doesn't matter what I do, I never achieve anything, so again I pray
Anyone who can help me, doesn't matter who is, god or human, demon or deity, make my life worth to live! ]
January has come, and so has the most important part for many Japanese people as well, the last exam of high school. "Sato, you are religious?" A girl says, she is afraid as every student, afraid of not being able to continue, it's an instinct of survival, everyone knows that death awaits, but no one wants to 'die' so early.
"I don't think that's the question, but we can say I am a believer, if there is any deity looking at us, I want to believe they are good, kind, and they want to help us, I know, there is a chance of them being what we fear, demons, spirits, but if they are like that, then I can proudly endure what they try to do with me, because I live righteously"
"I only asked because of our last exam, but, that's quite an impressive answer, did you thought about what to do with your life?"
"A profession?"
"Obviously, what more would it be?"
"Well... I didn't think about it, but I hope to get a good score, I'm positive that I will get some good university waiting for me"
"I wish I had that amount of hope"
She was unsure as well, but the faith that awaits her, someone determined, would be no other than success. [ Damn I can't sleep, maybe I should study, just one last time, everything will go just fine, I know everything that will fall on the test, why do we worry? I've done well on the simulation, not well enough, but I'm smarter now ]
"I will be older, so more wiser" they say, but the girl didn't sleep the night, the worry of failing was too much to bear, she has spent so much time studying and working to properly afford the university, failure isn't an option for her.
[ We only live one time, I only have one chance ]
School and university entrance exams are particularly difficult and are therefore commonly called Shiken Jigoku (examination hell).
University Admissions is an exam that is administered annually, each section is rated at 200 points, with a total of 600 possible points, the exam consists of a combination of multiple choice questions and discursive questions, the result of the exam is used as a criterion for admission to various universities in Japan, as well as being taken into consideration by employers during the job selection process.
The music says again. "Everything I have persisted in says that my moment has come for the dream to achieve"
Almost breaking the pencil, she thinks. [ What in the world happened with me!? Why I can't understand such a simple stupid question!? ]
She feels her blood boils inside her as she looks at the test, leafing through the test she ends up looking at her name. "Akira Sato" Is just another person who will fail, like many, to achieve greatness in life.
[ It can't be... I'm not sure of half of what I answered, how, just how? Why do these questions make no freaking sense? ] She looks around, her eyes don't deceive her, the room seems like a battlefield, everyone is a dead corpse, destroyed by questions made especially to not be answered by simple people, only the talent and the lucky ones could achieve the best that society could accomplish.
Released in late February, students can access their results online or through a letter sent to their homes. Akira slowly and carefully opens the envelope, she knows, the result will be awful, the test wasn't the problem, she was nervous and tired from the night, something outside her control.
"300 points, that's a deception, Akira, didn't you say that you were sure of your answers?" The last glimpse of hope faded away, all her hard work after her 15 years old was nothing, but Akira was still positive, she is smart, kind, beautiful, and healthy. [ It's just not the time yet, I just need to work harder ] She already thought many hours before the arrival.
After 15 years, she spent her nighttime working in family marts, Akira's father pressured her to do it, and a deal was made, if Sato had a good amount of points, which was expected, they would afford all the basic and the money she earned, 2 million of Iens, would be all hers.
But this didn't happen, she lost half of her money, her parents are what can be said as "extremely rigid"
Akira always had a limited amount of time to have fun, play with other kids, and hang out with friends, after entering school she had to study 3 hours more every day, many praise their way of raising the alone child Akira Sato, the result looked perfect, a happy child smarter than 90℅ of the kinder garden, after the subjects start to be more difficult, the study time increased to 4 hours, and she had to study by herself, her parents didn't have the high school knowledge, but they always checked if Sato wasn't cheating.
Sato's parents weren't evil, they gave her all she needs, food, water, and some presents, but not the amount many receive, thanks to her peaceful personality no problems happened until now, Akira had failed a true fail.
They didn't shout at her, but they thought of giving another 'punishment' and they did, the objective of the deal, of the daily pressure, was pure to the growth of Sato as a member of society, to her parents, Sato is like a plant.
A plant needs water, sun, good and clean air to breathe, but also be checked every time, no insects should crawl on her, and the plant needs some parts to be cut to evade a bad look, but more important than everything, it needs to grow in direction of the sun.
"For a tree reaches heaven, her roots need to be inside of the hell"
So was made, Akira is sent to live alone with her own money and grow herself again, she got herself
a simple place for only one person, in Ikebukuro, an 100 thousand Ienes monthly apartment, expensive thanks to the near station and being inside of Tokyo, the capital of Japan, but the place is simple, a tatami bed near the entrance dividing space with a little kitchen, only one window to enter some oxygen, not far away a tight bathroom that only one person can stay by time, expensive but enough to her needs.
She works now in a burger king with two co-workers, on the Rikko Street, from 10 AM to 5:30 PM. The place has a good atmosphere compared to the half-time work at night in other near Family Mart on Minami Street, an 2 floors establishment, the second floor is usually noisy and compared to other convenience stores, is not well cleaned, there is a place to eat but no one does it.
The reason for the job is Akira's purpose, she wants what her parents want, an important and well-remunerated job, with a healthy amount of work time, she wants to have a happy family, let her parents enjoy old age together without the need to worry with possible future bills.
What everyone wants, the basic, unfortunately, life is fair, everyone dies alone in the end, but suffers thought their life.