Three months have gone by in what I could only refer to as an instant. Nothing of note has happened over these three months except one - my love for the girl that I had glimpsed only once has continued to grow exponentially with each passing day. My heart screams for her, my heart longs for her presence, almost as if she had always been a precious part of my heart and I had only recently lost her; which couldn't be true, right?
Ever since that day, I have frequented these places in the hope that one day, I will once again catch a glimpse of her. I have come to these heights without missing a day and till now I have had no fruitful findings. Forget about seeing her again, I wasn't able to even find hints of her traces. It was as if the world was trying to erase her from my life. It was cruel and I suffered in intense agony every day.
Right now, I was climbing up a steep slope as I panted for breath. It took me five minutes to scale the difficult slope and reach a level walking ground. I walked leisurely as I watched a few teenage girls laugh as they ate street food. After a minute of walking, I took a left turn and walked straight for a minute again which led me to a small open space in front.
My eyes immediately looked at the spot where I had been when I first saw her. I looked around. There were no signs of her. The only other company I had then was two dogs who were fighting over a piece of torn cloth.
I sighed, having turned up empty-handed once again. Normally, I would just go back home after being disappointed as expected but today, I marched onward, toward the small cottage space a few meters ahead.
As I entered, I waved my hand to Sumi, the daughter of the storeowner who ran the small store and teashop next to it. She waved me back with a smile on her face and I went to the teashop where someone was already seated in one of the seats.
"Yo, Peter, you still alive?"
Upon hearing my voice, Peter turned his eyes and only his eyes toward me and raised his right hand that was clutching a cigarette in greeting.
I sat down next to him and asked Sumi to bring two milk tea for us.
"So, what happened?" I asked Peter. He didn't reply. I had an inkling as to what he wanted to talk to me about but I still wanted to hear it from the horse's mouth so I kept quiet and waited for him to speak. But, he didn't.
"You called me here to say nothing?" The reason why I had come to this shop today was that I had received his call an hour ago and he had asked me to come here immediately and thus, I came.
"If you don't have anything to say, I am leaving." I acted as if I was really about to leave and that seemed to work.
"No, wait. I will speak." He fell for my little act.
If it were any other day, Peter, who was quite sharp, would notice and realize that it was just a front I put and there was no way I would leave after I have already ordered two cups of tea for us.
As I sat down, Peter took out another cigarette and lit it. He puffed and exhaled a mouthful of smoke into the air. Then, he spoke.
"We are breaking up. Me and Paige."
"I see." That was what I more or less expected after hearing his voice over the phone and seeing him in person. He looked like the jilted lover portrayed in movies.
"She seems to have fallen in love with someone else." He said and that was something I did not expect.
My shock must have made it to my face as Peter looked at me and gave a derisive laugh.
"Shocked, right? So was I. Shocked to death."
Peter and Paige - the two had been going out right after we started high school. To all of us boys who had seen them together and who had met Paige, they were the perfect couple. Even from afar, we could tell that they loved each other, dearly and not just on the surface but down to the core. In this world, where we heard and saw girls jump from one guy to the next like a game of hopscotch, we were both happy for and jealous of Peter who had found such a pure-hearted and innocent girl who loved him. We were all but sure that the two of them will go on to marry each other in the future and the couple had said as much themselves.
But four years later, Peter had said that things weren't going that well between the two of them. I was shocked to hear that from him. Never had I thought that I would hear something like that from Peter but I also understood that feelings could change over time, no matter how strong they may be. But of course, I told him no such things and instead encouraged him to do everything in his power to keep this relationship afloat. He had said that he would try but he had also said that they could break up any moment if things continued this way. That was why, when I received his call earlier and heard his voice I knew what was up.
Sumi entered. She had a smile on her face but when she saw Peter in a grave mood, her smile vanished. She wordlessly put the cups down and after making short eye contact with me left just as wordlessly. I could hear loud sounds from outside that belonged to men followed by Sumi's voice that said that the space was full today and they can't serve any more customers. I made a mental note to thank her for her kindness later on.
"The guy's name is Robert. She met him at her uncle's wedding."
"How do you know all this? Did Paige herself tell you?"
"No. Her Facebook and Instagram accounts were made using my Gmail so I knew her password and when I opened it last week, I saw the exchanges between her and that Robert guy. She said that she loved him."
What a classic cliche way to find out that your partner is cheating on you.
"What did you do then?"
"Of course I confronted her about it."
"And what did she say?"
"She admitted it. All too easily." Finally, I could feel Peter's voice breaking. He was having difficulty explaining it all to me as it brought back the memories of that painful time once more to the front of his mind. But, he did continue for he wanted to let at least someone know that he was suffering, that he was in immense pain.
"You know what she said after that? That we should break up. That she couldn't continue to be with me when I already know everything. That she doesn't want to see me hurt."
Quite some nerve to say that after hurting him in the worst possible way.
"Hey, where did it go wrong? What did I do wrong? Was my love not enough?" Peter turned his head toward me and asked me, pleadingly, while knowing full well that there were no answers I or anyone else had that would satisfy him and justify his current predicament.
"I never thought that a day would come when I would have to be separated from her. I never did."
And for that matter, no one did. We all thought for sure that they would be together for the rest of their lives. We were all but sure of that as if it were only a fact. But now the present was showing us something different from what we all imagined.
It made me wonder what a fickle maiden love and emotions were. No one knew when you fell in love and likewise, it was impossible to tell when someone would fall out of love. What I learned from Peter's situation was that no matter how much you loved someone, that love can fade away, like a dry flower that loses its color with the passing of time. Then, will my love reach the same conclusion? Will the love that I have for that girl that I only met once fade away at some point in the future? Is this blazing flame inside my heart just temporary and it will die out once the fuel finishes and not even ash remains? That prospect scared me. It scared me to death. If I am to forget this feeling someday, then, I don't want to live till that day. I would rather end my life when the flames of my passionate love still lap around the walls of my heart than live an eternity with a died-out flame.
"Hic...Oh, god...what the hell is this? This is so, so wrong."
The sound of my friend crying next to me was what brought me back to reality from my thoughts. I scolded myself internally for selfishly thinking about my own circumstances when my friend was in dire need of my support and presence.
"Was I not enough? Was I not good enough? Is Robert better than me; does he love her more than me? Is that why she left me for him?"
At this point, his silent sobs had transformed into painful cries and he was not trying to hide his tears. He let it flow, freely and wildly, each drop the proof of the pain he was suffering and the love he still had for Paige.
Really, love is a double-edged sword. While in love, you feel like you are at the top of the world; you feel like you are the happiest and the most fortunate person alive. You believe that you can do and be anything for the sake of your loved ones. The love your partner showers you with is all you need to live is what you think and if and when that love suddenly comes to end, the whole world comes crashing down. Now, you feel like you are the lowest of the low, and the unhappiest, and the most unfortunate person in this world. Now all the insecurities circle around your head making you think that you are a nobody, that you are worthless and you don't deserve, and you can never be and do, anything.
The same was happening with Peter. And he had it worse because in his case, the girl he loved had left him for another. That would imply to him that he was not good enough and that's why she left him.
I slowly wrapped my hands around him and hugged him tightly.
At this moment, there were no words in my arsenal that would make the situation right. And likely, no one else does as well. The only one who can pull himself out of this situation was Peter himself. But that didn't mean I could do absolutely nothing. I had an important role to play here and that was to stand by his side as his support. It won't be easy for him to get back up all by himself. He might tumble and he might once again go down and it was my role to make sure that it didn't happen. I will stand by his side, and support him with everything I've got until he gets back up completely.
"It will be alright, Peter. It will be." I gently ruffled his hair and tried to console him like a mother would a child.