#Chapter3 Mate
Kyungsoo/" Jongin spoke as i was reading something in the internet . i flinched and quickly closed the laptop for him to not see .
/"you ok ?/"
i nodded instantly and he smiled amused yet confused .
/"you sure ? /"
yeah don’t worry you just scared me .. as always /"he chuckled at that and i just rolled my eyes .
i'm going out .. i told you that they ran into something like a week ago right ? /"
i nodded confused
/"well it was someone .. we don’t know who they are or what they want so my father took them with him and he kinda told me to come now and talk to them with my
parents .. /"so he’s leaving but he’s not gonna leave me with all the others is he ? Him running into some lost wolf's wasn't something special it happened quite a lot. He would try everything to prevent them going rogue and i guess his parents shared the same opinion.
ok /"i nodded to him and he gave me a kiss .
I’m sorry .. I’ll be back soon the packs also here so ..maybe you can befriend them a little more /"oh great ... so he is leaving me alone with a bunch of people who hate me ... again .
i forced a smile and nodded
/"sure don’t worry just be safe got it /"he nodded as well as he got his jacket on and walked towards the door .giving me a last peek on my lips before he shut the door .
i sighed opening the laptop again .
it’s been a week after the last time Jongin left and i had that great talk with kris .. i felt even weaker because ever since then I’ve been feeling tired and there were times i felt so fucking desperate like when i drop something i feel like crying or ripping everything apart . i feel like an idiot .i don’t want to do anything anymore i just want to sleep all day and i hate that i think that way. I’ve been having to pee a lot recently as well .
but i can’t find anything in the internet that fit to that ..
sure there it says pregnant but what the hell i'm a guy i can’t . it also says .. depression .
Was i now seriously having depression ? but why ? It didn't make any sense i was happy ..
i loved Jongin and he made me feel so lucky .
i'm not depressed !
annoyed i slammed the laptop close and threw my glasses away . see what i mean !? why did i feel so angry about this i don’t know !? i felt like i could cry !
suddenly feeling more desperate .. i felt angry yet sad and i just wanted to hug Jongin and cry .
i groan running my fingers through my hair over and over again .
someone’s having aggression problems /"i raise my head at Sehun’s voice and blinked at him as he sat down onto the couch with Chanyeol .
what did you expect ? he’s a human ? /"Chanyeol answered and i felt my heart sinking again as i looked down .. i get that i'm a weak human now .. no need for them to tell me that all the time
they just can’t control themselves .. yet they want someone like Jongin to fight their wolf all the time-/"
/"i never forced Jongin to fight his wolf !/"i interrupted their little talk about me
But they only laughed at that
/"you don’t get it do you ?/"Chanyeol started but Sehun continued for him
/"Jongin is an alpha who earned it with his heart which means he’s one of the strongest alphas/"
i know that /"i told them obviously as i crossed my arms hiding how much i was feeling proud that i had him as my boyfriend .
well did you also know that having a human as a boyfriend is only pulling his image down ? the fact that he has to control his wolf because of you is making him weaker .. you only bring shame to this pack and its fucking annoying .besides that .did you also know that there is something called a mate ? once Jongin finds his mate you'll be gone anyway .. so why don’t you do us the favour and already leave ?/"Sehun finished and Chanyeol lost a low chuckle.
but i just stared at him with tears in my eyes i .. i . i thought i could have been his mate ? oh my god am i really that stupid ?why am i this stupid ? i will lose him eventually /"but i love him/"
so what ? Weak little shit-oh excuse me i meant humans abuse those words always ./"at that a tear now left my eyes because he doesn’t have to explain me how people abuse those words .. I’ve experienced it for way too many years
wait .. you didn’t actually think that you were Jongin’s mate did you ?/"so what if i did .. i mean we fit together right ? we love each other and are nothing but happy together right ? isn’t that what a mate is ?? or was our bond too weak because i'm human and can’t even feel when he’s sad or hurt ...
, oh great Sehun now you made the baby cry /" Chanyeol tried not to laugh and i quickly whipped my tears away feeling ashamed of how weak i am one again.
guys has anyone seen my phone ? /"Kris came down the stairs as well stopping as he saw me and i turned away even more . fuck
he sighed annoyed .
/"what happened now ?/"
we only told him how it is /"Sehun raised his hands acting innocent which Chanyeol found funny now
kris /"Chanyeol called to upstairs and i stood up now not letting myself take this . taking a few steps to the stairs . Sehun set me a foot into my way causing me trip and fall forwards . hearing their laughter behind me . i couldn’t stop myself from tearing up more . it was too familiar to me .. it reminded me of school and my family .. it reminded me of my life before Jongin saved me.
/"god, you're so pathetic go and cry somewhere else/"
i heard steps as i was about to stand up again and knew that kris had now joined them with their laughs . i don’t want to take this.
/"how Jongin can love him is a mystery to me /"no .
/"I can't even look at his face without feeling disgusted /"shut up.
shut up
shut up
/"shut up !/"i yelled at them
ohh, someone’s finding their voice ?/"Chanyeol joked and everyone started fucking laughing again .and i just felt so helpless .. i felt weak . so without hearing more of them i just rushed upstairs and closed the door of mine and Jongin’s bedroom behind me .
i jumped onto the bed and pulled all the blankets over me as i curled up into a ball remembering everything of my past . i hugged my knees tight as i felt the urge to just lock myself in the bathroom again and never come out of it.
i might not be his mate but that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love me or that i can’t love him .
i don’t care if he someday leaves me because he finds his mate . what’s important to me now is now and now i still have him ..
all i wanted was to fucking live without fucking problems ! i just wanted to have a happy end ! why do people hate me so much?
why does life hate me so much to not give me the happiness that every second guy i see on the streets lives.
when i opened my eyes again i was suddenly on a wooden floor .laying there as i stared in fear at the shadow coming closer towards me .
/"come here, come
HERE !
listen to me !
i said !
LISTEN TO ME !
i will teach you RESPECT ! and set that devil poisoned little faggot mind of yours right ! /"
baby /"my eyes opened and i struggled around catching my breath as i looked around the room .only to stop as a pair of warm hands land on my cheeks cupping my face and turning it to look into those beautiful eyes .
baby shh .. calm down it was just a dream /"if only it were ...
just a dream.
i exhaled calming down .. my stomach felt weird again and to be honest i felt kinda sick but i was too exhausted to move or throw up now so instead i leaned into Jongin as he stroke over the back of my head still whispering soothing words to me when i just closed my eyes feeling his warmth feeling the warmth of the only guy i know that cared about me .
i thought .. i thought i was back .. there . and he was-/"i sobbed but he only stroke over my head hugging me tight
shh .its ok .. i got ya .. you won’t ever have to be near him again . I’ll protect you i promise/"
is it selfish of me that i hope his mate will never come ?
I had no one if he left me .