(It's a bright and early day and Ed is fast asleep on his bed. Suddenly alarm bells start ringing).
ED: (Rolls off bed and falls to the ground, waking him up!) V-VONGOLA BELLS ARE RINGING! VONGOLA BELLS ARE RINGING! BYAKURAN IS ATTACKING OUR BASE!
EMMA: (Suddenly rushes into the shack!) KI-MI! (Bites an apple threateningly). ARE YOU'ZE AWARE WHAT TIME IT IS NOW?!
ED: I saw it…BYAKURAN! BYAKURAN! (Has a tearful look in his eyes).
EMMA: HEY YOU!
ED: BYAKURAN CAN SEE ACROSS PARALLEL DIMENSIONS!
EMMA: Will you drop the Hitman Reborn schtick already?
ED: No Emma…thou faileth to comprehendeth the ferocity of his power. Ano densetsu otoko! (That legendary man…).
EMMA: And he dives right into anime culture. (Bored look).
ED: Can locate me in all dimensions. I must find a way to block his vision. (Serious look!).
EMMA: (Slightly irritated!) HEY! YOU JUST HAD A DREAM! CUT IT OUT! BESIDES, HITMAN REBORN IS JUST AN ANIME!
ED: (Looks sorrowful) Emma Gomen! (Sorry!)
EMMA: NAAANIII?! (WHAAAAAT?!)
ED: I failed to inform you. Anime characters have been crossing over into reality since the Wolfbarons of Shining Force Version MMO made their move.
EMMA: BAKAYAROOOOO!!! (YOU IDIOOOT!!!)
ED: As crazy as it seems, I'm going to have to do the one thing I have always feared…(Has a yanderic look in his eyes)!
EMMA: Ed! You have a yanderic look in your eyes. You absolutely despise yanderic characters so this is getting scary!
ED: I repent!
EMMA: (Collapses on the ground). I did not see that coming.
ED: IT'S TIME TO INVOKE THE EVER INTELLECTUAL BUT DISASTROUSLY DASTARDLY HARAGURO MEGANE MODE! (VILLAIN IN GLASSES MODE!) SPOTLIGHT!
(Lights shine on a shelf. The shelf has a single book on it).
ED: COME TO ME! BENEDICT!!! (Shelf ejects book! Ed catches book and strikes a pose. On the book is written the words 'Good News Bible'.
EMMA: You named your Bible Benedict? (Has a suspicious look in her eyes. One eyebrow is raised.)
ED: (Pushes up glasses so they gleam in the light). DON'T BE RIDICULOUS EMMA, I did not name Him Benedict. His name is Benedict by Universal Transliteration! HMM HMM HMM HMM HMM!
EMMA: Are you going to open 'Him'?
ED: Emma, stand back. I haven't done this in a while. It could get dangerous.
EMMA: (Stands back).
ED: (Opens Bible. The Light pours out into the room. When the Bible is opened, an image glares out at Ed. An image of a city on fire! The image is subtitled. 'The fall of Nineveh' (Nahum Chapter 2). UUUGGGHHH! (ED LOOKS DISTRESSED. HE SLOWLY TURNS TO LOOK AT EMMA!)
EMMA: You don't look so good. Saw something scary?
ED: As expected of Benedict…look. (Shows it to Emma).
EMMA: UUUGGGHH!!! I don't feel so good.
ED: Maybe it's a fluke. A freak of nature. Let me turn the page. (Ed turns the page. The next page it lands on is Jonah 1-2 which reads "One day the LORD spoke to Jonah son of Amittai. He said, "Go to Nineveh, that great city and speak out against it; I am aware how wicked its people are".
ED AND EMMA: (Recall the events of "This show shall be discontinued".) USO DAROU!!! (IT CAN'T POSSIBLY BE! They both drop to the ground.)
ED: As expected of God…you don't have to be aware that you fall into his plans to fall into his plans. KAMI SAMA KOWAI! (God you are scary!)
EMMA: So what are you going to do?
ED: (Just one more page…Ed turns the page…It lands on Ecclesiastes 5:8 which reads "Don't be surprised when you see that the government oppresses the poor and denies them justice and their rights. Every official is protected by the one over him and both are protected by still higher officials.
EVEN A KING DEPENDS ON THE HARVEST!"
ED: SHUNKAN KAIFUKU!!! (Instant Regeneration!) (Suddenly leaps from the ground with a fiery look in his eyes! Pushes glasses up and they sparkle in the light. When the reflection fades, Ed looks absolutely serious.
EMMA: Ed? What'ze up? You'ze never looked this serious!
ED: I just had an epiphany! King Solomon was a boss and I mean boss as in the final boss of a good game! It's time to retitle the episode!
EMMA: But I have no idea what the new title is! (Looks down at the ground for a moment. When she looks up, Ed is in 'Regalia Haori Mode!' HEY! HOW DID YOU CHANGE SO QUICKLY?!
NARRATOR (FISHY WHISKER): Allow me to explain the difference between Ed's 'Haori mode' and 'Regalia Haori Mode!' Haori mode for Ed usually consists of…
ED: CUT THE CHITCHAT! ALL THEY NEED TO KNOW IS 'HAORI MODE' IS DONNED TO POINT TOWARDS A PERSPECTIVE AND 'REGALIA HAORI MODE' IS DONNED TO CRUSH A CONCEPT!
NARRATOR: As you can tell, Ed is not exactly the most logical person in 'Regalia Haori mode!'
ED: 'INVOKING ACCESS TO AYZAN NIGHTBANE AND AYUMI KIRISAWA'S PYROSTELLIS LUMINARES! RELEASING EMMA'S LIMITERS…
EMMA: HEY! I'M NOT A ROBOT!
ED: ACTIVATING SCANNERS! MIRRORING REGALIA HAORI MODE! ENGAGE 'REGALIA HAORI MODE VER. EMMA! (A matching Regalia Haori costume appears over Emma).
NARRATOR: But as absurd as it sounds, Ed seems able to use his characters' fortes in Regalia Haori mode in unexpected ways.
ED: Ready?
EMMA: Yeah, I heard you loud and clear.
ED AND EMMA: RETITLING EPISODE…
THE TRUE HIERARCHY OF POWER!
SCENARIO:
DA KOR BI (ONE DAY):
In a certain kingdom…
Poor citizens: We demand our rights! We demand our rights! Give us our rights!
Rulers: Those miserable street urchins again?! All they do is waste their time with public demonstrations!
Ruler 1: Send the police to deal with them!
Ruler 2: Okay sir! (Calls the police. Use any force necessary to quell these riots…sorry…I mean 'peaceful demonstrations!'
ED: Hey, Hey, where is Thor when you need him.
THOR: And though we are but peaceful demonstrators do not assume that we cannot be provoked!
ED: I beg, it didn't come out of my mouth o! Marvel said it in Ultimate Avengers 1.
POLICE: Stop these riots or we will shoot!
POLICE: Give us our rights! We demand our rights! We demand our rights!
POLICE: OPEN FIRE! (They start shooting. People are wounded. Some are killed. The people retreat).
Ruler 2: Ahh, it's so quiet now. We finally have peace.
NEXT DAY...
POOR CITIZENS: We demand justice! Stop the senseless murders!
RULER 2: These people again!
POLICE: What do we do? Some of them are threatening to sue us.
RULER 2: Who controls the judiciary but I?
POLICE: They say they will sue the judiciary for injustice as well and demand your removal.
RULER 2: WHAAAAT?! I can't allow that to happen.
Ruler 1: You fool! Who controls the executive but I, the president?
POLICE: They also said they will impeach you before your term is over. If I should put it in their words, 'LIE LIE (if everything else is false, this one thing I will make true), the president shall not enjoy the full tenure of office!
Ruler 1: Those fools actually have the power to unmake me! What do I do?!
Ruler 3: You fool! Who makes the laws but I?! If we amend the laws, your power will be absolute. LET'S KARAOKE!
'This country is like a cooking pot
In it we are the meat
Like the pot protects the meat
This town will protect us!'
ED: SHIKASHI…!!! (HOWEVER…!!!)
EMMA: Ed? Why did we retitle the ep?
ED: Little did they know that their food supply was listening to their empty boasting!
EMMA: Huh?! I lost you.
ED: Ever heard the saying 'trees have ears?' Well trees bear food. And one thing I know about trees is…(Pushes up glasses) THEY TOLERATE NO RIVALS! So the trees got together and also began to karaoke!
TREES:
'So they say they are the meat
Those rulers of human cities
Then no more will we bear our fruit
To feed the real meat.
If we don't bear our fruit,
The animals won't eat.
If the animals don't eat,
Those boastful kings won't eat.
When everyone is hungry.
They will realize that their power
Came from their control of the food supply
Hence their power is actually us!'
EMMA: Since we are bonded by Pyrostellis Luminares, I can vaguely comprehend the nonsense you are spouting.
ED: So in the end, the true hierarchy of power and the moral lesson of this ep is…
'The common people serve the authorities. The authorities serve the rulers. The rulers serve the king. The king serves the food and the food serves God! So what do you think Emma, impressed by my epiphany?
EMMA: I am impressed Ed but at the fact that everything that comes out of your mouth is twice as ridiculous as the last and at the same time twice as intelligent.
ED: But that doesn't solve my immediate problem…
EMMA: WHAT NOW?!
ED: BYAKURAN! WHAT ELSE?!
EMMA (LOOKS BORED): Hey you! If anime characters are really crossing into reality, don't you think Vongola X and his famiglia will defeat them here like they did in the anime?!
ED: Now that I think of it…yes…it does make sense…however naïve Emma…HOW ABOUT THOSE AUTHORS WHO DON'T WRITE HAPPY ENDINGS?!
Emma: Well I guess authors have something to think about don't they?!
THE…END?!