EMMA COLETTE IN 'HOW A CRIMINAL OVERLORD (TRUE DEMON LORD…NOT THE SMALL FRY) IS ELECTED INTO POWER…
ED: Hi there everyone, it's been a while. I bet you've all been dying to see me.
EMMA: Actually Ed…I think you'ze just became Public Enemy numero uno.
ED: NAAAANNNNNIIIIIII?! (WHAAAAAAT?!)
FISHY WHISKER: It's the truth Master Ed. Emma ain't lying.
ED: Explain.
BENJAMIN ZUZUZUZU: The Wind brings me tidings that a certain Secret Organization placed a bounty on your Head. For the past Seven Years…and the Eighth is just about to begin (not counting the extra five years of your current Mortal Life), every Major Security Firm has been after you, Interpol, the FBI, CIA, they even took over Hollywood, now every Tom, Dick and Harry wears your Face. There are even some Organizations I can't mention in public to avoid turning our audience into potential targets. They even sent several assassins dude, they tried Poisoned Gas, Poisoned Water, Poisoned Drinks, hijacking your Bus, placing Calthrops in the Path your vehicle travels in an attempt to cause an accident by flattening your Trosky Tires on the Motorway, Bugging your Devices, infiltrating your Social Circles, hijacking your ISP, Weakening the Joints on your Transit Bus' Roof Vents hoping it will fall and crush you. You know boss that if they did that, they be the ones even organizing your Travel Ticket Seat Number, they were spying on you with Aerial Drones, even Radio Broadcasting Corporations were in on the whole Scheme, they even have access to your Medical Records. The whole point was to capitalize on the naivety and ignorance of everyone around you while banking on the fact that you'd be dumb enough to keep silent about all this. You remember that whole string of suicides that occurred between 2014-2015, that was them traumatizing people with some serious Social Terraforming via Radio Waves. Luckily, your Sleep Fight Skills were in Full gear. Now when you hear the numbers 3, 4, 8, 80, 800, 23, 22, 12, 13, 7, 9, 10, 5, 15, 70 and their multiples or factors, you know they be scheming something. When you hear anyone being convicted of a crime, google their names and the names mean 'Justice', 'Guardian', 'King', 'Divine Ruler', 'Generous One' and the like, you know they be scheming something as well.
ED: That Wind sure has been busy, spill the beans…
FISHY WHISKER: Dude, you sent 'em packing without even knowing you were fighting adversaries.
ED: That CIA, as if their Main Base Of Operations isn't named after me, when will they learn that every Military Branch and Secret Tech including…Espionage was taught to them by the Weaver Of Calamity himself. I mean, what dumbass tries to kill a Snake with its own venom. Having heard that, I suppose it's about time I chose my Successor.
EMMA: Say what?! You'ze don't even have A CENT!
ED: I don't need a Scent! I just need to whack my Successor with my Regalia Haori Mode.
EMMA: Ain't that the Cloak you'ze wear whenever you intend to crush a concept.
ED: Yes indeed, harsh times are coming for those who dare oppose FATE/Me. Now I'mma let y'all in on a Secret. Psst…psst, knoweth ye how a Criminal Overlord (True Demon Lord…not the small fry) is elected into power? Well it goes something like…
EMMA: These past Seven Years, you'ze ain't changed one 0110001101.
ED: Why you'ze talking in binary!
EMMA: Quit teasing my accent! And drop the Hitman Reborn Schtick already!
ED: If my calculations are right (and I hope they are…you better be hoping they are not), mankind has roughly two years and one month before the Tyrant Of Tyrants rises to power. Counting from next year, mankind might…and I say again…might finally succeed in building an Arc into Outer Space in exactly Ten Years. In exactly Twenty Years from then saith I, the one and only Maleficent…I shall send a Flood to wipe out all Life on Earth. If by that time Mankind knoweth not what an Arc is…it deserveth to perish. So…the countdown begins.
FISHY WHISKER: Wetin you dey talk now?! (What are you saying now?!)
ED: A simple proverb I am certain only true Naija folk will understand, 'if the Snake is hellbent on becoming the Lion… then the Lion shall wear the Mantle Of The Serpent! If the Criminal shall become Chief Prosecutor, then the Judiciary shall themselves become Criminal Overlords!' Now…let the drama commence….
EPISODE TITLE: 'IS THE DARK NIGHT UPON US?!' (Hello George Washington!)
DA KOR BI…
It is a Dark Night…a very Dark Night Of The Soul, a Night so Dark, only a Bat could see through it. Things couldn't be worse. The City Of Mahtog or should I say…Warthog faces its worst economic crisis yet. Coupled with that is the rising cost of living, a Food Shortage Crisis triggered by two people with the same name shadow boxing each other with Armies (why, wetin kind neutralization chemistry you dey try evoke; what sort of neutralization chemistry spell are you trying to evoke? Acids vs Bases eh? That is gonna create some serious Salt and you know how Salt feels when you rub it in a Wound), Energy Wars launched by the shortsighted Crime Syndicate Corps.
AT A PUB DOWNTOWN IN MAHTOG…OR SHOULD I SAY WARTHOG…
Al Capone: Ya goons! Ya hear the latest filler?! Our boss finally kicked the bucket. That damned old jerk! Not only was he a power hungry power grubber but he knew very well how to cling to power.
Johnny Barbaric (Also known as the Barber/Executioner): Let's play a game of 'House Of Decks'. Ivan The Terrible…our boss…gave the express order leaving instructions on how to elect the next Clan Head. Basically, all contenders for the position of next Clan Head must participate in a game of 'House Of Decks' and they must also be masters in 'Poker Facing'. Like it's said in that great ol' anime 'It's time to duel! Get your game on!' The one who wins will automatically become Clan Head.
Wicked Will (Also known as Sole Crusher): (Shuffles Deck and hands everyone a set of Three Cards). According to the Boss, each of us must play Three Cards handed to you within three turns by me, the Dealer…who is also a player.
Eely Ethan (Also known as Glass Slipper on the Oily Ground): Those are some seriously rigged scales! What are you, a Dragon Tank mining for Oil?! (Plays First Card). I played a Three. According to the Boss, the new Boss shall be the one who plays three subsequent threes within three turns. If anyone plays three sequences of Sixes, that person is to be escorted immediately to the VIP Suite for the Night as Runner up.
MEANWHILE…OUTSIDE THE PUB…
A Sniper points his Sightscope at the Table.
Sniper: Ivan The Terrible is a true Tyrant. The VIP Suite is actually a one way ticket to the Nether Regions.
Johnny Barbaric: (Throws Card Down). I played a Five. At this point, it all comes down to what Card Wicked Will plays.
Wicked Will: (Throws down a Six).
Suddenly, the Atmosphere tenses up as all the other two players stop what they are doing and glare at Wicked Will with very suspicious glares.
Eely Ethan: (Throws Second Card). It's a Three again. Man I'm good!
Johnny Barbaric: (Throws Card Down): This time I played a Four.
Wicked Will: (Throws Down a Six) Oh my goodness. At least if I'm not getting first place and named new boss, I am still entitled to the VIP Suite if I play a Six on my next turn.
Sniper: (Cocks Sniper Rifle and aims Muzzle at Wicked Will).
Eely Ethan: (Throws Third Card Down). Damn! I just got a bad break! I played a One!
Johnny Barbaric: Wicked Will has played two subsequent Sixes. Could the Dark Night possibly be upon us? (Breaks into cold sweat).
Eely Ethan: Scary! That Dark Night! When things go bump in the Night and all Security Protocols are compromised by the 'Iron Teethed'.
Johnny Barbaric: (Throws Third Card). Now you show up! I got a Three! None of us are becoming the New Boss however Wicked Will may still earn himself a trip to the VIP Suite.
Sniper: (Rests forefinger on the Trigger).
Wicked Will: (Throws Third Card Down in Slow Motion as looks of shock and awful horror materialize on the faces of Eely Ethan and Johnny Barbaric.
Johnny Barbaric: Damn! That's seriously messed up! (On Wicked Will's Card is displayed a Joker poking out his tongue).
Wicked Will, Johnny Barbaric and Eely Ethan let out sighs of relief.
SUDDENLY…
(A Bat-a-Sonic knocks out the Sniper. The three look up).
Eely Ethan, Johnny Barbaric and Wicked Will: (Jojo's Bizarre Adventure Joseph Joestar SFX) OH NO! IT'S THE DARK NIGHT!
(BatKnight smirks and swoops down from the roof dropkicking Eely Ethan and Johnny Barbaric to the Ground. Johnny Barbaric's EXP Points invested in High Defense power nullifies the kick but he pretends to be unconscious. Eely Ethan's EXP invested in increasing Evasion Rate causes him to side-step. He receives a slight Nick to the Chin but also pretends to be unconscious.
BatKnight: Wicked Will, Congratulations. You have been chosen to lead Ivan the Terrible's Horrible Terrible Evil Cruel No Good Very Tyrannical Syndicate also known as the ITTHTECNGVTS which actually specializes in Philantrophy. The Name as you may have guessed is simply a Cover.
Wicked Will: But I played Two Sixes and a Joker not Three Trees so how am I the Leader.
BatKnight: A True Leader is not one who is impervious to failure but one who makes a mockery of his worst adversaries by turning all their attacks against him into a Jacob's Ladder. There was a Sniper waiting to snipe you had you played Three Subsequent Sixes. Two Sixes and a Joker is actually proof of your worth to succeed Ivan the Terrible's ITTHTECNGVTS. It connotes that you have succeeded the Will Of Ivan The Terrible to make a mockery of his Worst Adversaries.
Wicked Will: Ivan the Terrible, oh how he was wicked!
BatKnight: Oh Ivan The Terrible, God Rest His Soul, this is what he said to me one Fateful Day.
FLASHBACK…
Ivan The Terrible: Spruce, I have a Dream. The Ultimate Dream and it's all I live for. Once I am gone, I need someone to carry out that dream.
Spruce: What is that dream?
Ivan The Terrible: My singular purpose in life is to make a mockery of all my adversaries by turning their stupid prowess and powers aimed at assaulting me and my compatriots into a Jacob's Ladder to the Stars and this shall be the sign that points to my Successor. It shall be he who plays Two Subsequent Sixes in a Game Of 'House Of Decks', raising the expectations of my foes by making them believe that they have found the true Tyrant they've always been waiting to crown and then crushes their hopes by playing a Joker (Evil Laugh!) As such it is imperative that my Successor must be a True Master in the Art of the Poker Face. (Evil Laugh).
BatKnight: (Evil Laugh) I see, so 'if the Snake is hellbent on becoming the Lion, then the Lion shall wear the Mantle Of The Serpent. If the Criminal shall become the Chief Prosecutor, then the Judiciary itself shall become Criminal Overlords').
Ivan The Terrible: But if anyone by some slim slip of chance called Fate/Me happens to play three subsequent sixes in a game of 'House Of Decks', show 'im to the VIP Suite, you know what I mean right?
BatKnight: Good ol' Davie Jones Locker also known as the Nether Regions of the Universe (Evil Laugh).
PRESENT DAY…
BatKnight: And that's all she wrote!
--THE END
BY IVAN THE TERRIBLE
WORST NIGHTMARE OF HUMANITY…
Emma: The last man to try this deed nearly lost his face.
Ed: Let's leave it there dear Emma, my Colette.
- THE END.