That night, Colton had a house party. He invited his friends from home, and of course the group we all hung out with the night before, but other than that, I had no idea what I was walking into or who else would be there. It was the first party I had ever attended, but after my experience in the lake with Eddie, my fears and anxiety had instantly dissipated. I felt new, confident, alive. I felt whole. I felt damn good - I was unstoppable. I was no longer nervous to socialize with strangers or be myself: I was eager, excited to expand my horizons and let the world know who I was, and, as a bonus, interact with Eddie a bit more.
Helena and I stood in her living room, standing in front of the large mirror, fixing up our hair and makeup. Tonight, I borrowed one of Helena's more revealing shirts: a black lace crop-top that fell just above my navel, the sweetheart neckline sitting far down on my chest, a line of cleavage extending from the dip in the fabric. I paired it with light colored acid-washed denim shorts, strappy black sandals, and a black velvet choker with a silver charm in the shape of a sun.
"I'm sorry... he did WHAT?!" Helena asked beside me, her mouth agape as she peered into the mirror and applied mascara to her long lashes.
"Helena, it was un-fucking-real," I replied, gazing in the mirror and adjusting my shirt, attempting to pull it down a bit more.
"God, I'm so jealous," she sighed. "I would KILL to be that close to Eddie, let alone have a full-blown make out sesh with him!"
"It was honestly amazing. But I dunno, what does this mean?" I asked genuinely.
"In the nicest way, babes, it doesn't mean anything right now," Helena responded honestly, setting her pink tube of mascara down on the ledge. "Try to take it easy. Eddie is... a free spirit, to put it kindly. Who knows what's going through his head... ever. He cheated on his girlfriend back home all last summer. I'd be surprised if he wanted commitment," she shrugged. I sighed.
"I'm sure you're right. But, he kinda left it on a cliff-hanger... like there was something more."
"I'm sure there will be more," Helena reassured. "But, maybe not in the way that you expect? I dunno, just don't put all your eggs in one basket, okay? Keep your options open." I was disappointed, but knew she was right. Eddie was ungodly sexy and charming and captivating, I'm sure he could choose any girl in the world. Why would he choose me? I suddenly felt a bit self-conscious, questioning my outfit choice and worrying how Eddie and I would interact that night. "Vodka?" Helena asked me, reading my mind.
"Oh, dude, I don't know about that," I hesitated. "I literally had my first sip of alcohol last night, Helena."
"So why stop now?" she smirked playfully, heading toward the freezer and pulling out a clear, frosted bottle half-filled with a thick, transparent liquid. She removed the cap, placed the bottle to her lips, and took a long swig. She winced, her eyes squinting as she swallowed, immediately grabbing her bottle of Gatorade to chase it. She sighed, relieved, and handed me the chilled bottle.
"You make it so convincing," I quipped sarcastically, staring menacingly at the bottle in my hands. I sighed and followed suit. The thick liquid was freezing cold, yet somehow burned as it slid down my throat, my face and forehead instantly flushing red and filling with warmth. I instinctively grabbed the Gatorade from Helena's grip, chugging it to relive the bitter, acidic taste left in my mouth. "Well that was disgusting."
"It's terrible," Helena agreed with a nod of her head. "But it gets the job done much quicker than sipping on beer all night. So suck it up, take another, and let's go!" I sighed and repeated another swig, not any better than the first. I handed it to Helena, she took another sip, and led me out the front door.
*****
Helena and I walked into Colton's front door, immediately hit with a thick blanket of warm air that was even hotter than the mid-July weather outside. It reeked of stale beer and pot smoke - a scent that was both sickly sweet yet disgustingly bitter at the same time. Strung along the upper edges of the seafoam walls were rainbow colored Christmas lights. The long, wooden dining table in the kitchen had been converted into a pong table, 6 cups arranged into a neat triangle on either end. Kellie, Alina, and two other girls I didn't know were sat on the long grey sofa, red solo cups in hand, cackling at whatever story Kellie was telling. Colton, along with three other guys, stood in pairs on each side of the pong table, throwing white plastic balls back and forth. Brendan stood at the kitchen counter holding his signature beer bottle, engaged in a casual conversation with a pale girl with fiery red hair. Loud bass music played in the background, drowning out any noise or conversations occurring around me. I noticed my eyes darting around the room for Eddie to no avail.
"Hi ladies!" Alina called from the sofa, breaking my train of thought and ushering us over with an excited wave. I followed Helena towards them. "I wanna introduce you to Jade, Cass. Have you guys met?" Alina asked, pointing to the lanky girl perched next to her. I examined Jade, a white baseball cap flipped backwards atop her head, and shook my head.
"I don't think so. Hi, I'm Cass," I smiled at Jade. Jade gave me a goofy, exaggerated smile.
"Fresh meat!" she shouted in a surprisingly low voice. She jumped up off the sofa and slung her bony arm around my neck. "This place is great, I've come down here since I was born! I like to think of myself as the Mayor of Bell Lake, so if you have any problems, you come to me!" she proclaimed, giving me a pat on the shoulder and sauntering off toward the cooler in the kitchen. The whole interaction was maybe 5 seconds, but I was left standing in confused disbelief. How is everyone down here so damn comfortable?!
"Don't be intimidated," Alina reassured with a chuckle. "It's just Jade. She's pretty out there. Has a bit of 'main character syndrome' if you ask me." I smiled and sat next to Alina, replacing Jade on the sofa.
"Cass, this is my little sister, Kim," Kellie called across to me over the music, nodding her head to the other stranger on the sofa. Kim, a young girl, smiled and gave me a small wave, which I returned. "You probably won't see a lot of her since she's way out of our age bracket, but the little brat begged me to come tonight... so here we are," Kellie explained annoyedly. Kim rolled her eyes and shrugged her shoulders.
"Fuck off, Kell. I'm 15, not 12!" Kim gave Kellie a punch on the arm that was a bit too forceful for comfort.
"You leave Kimmie alone!" Helena joined in the conversation, standing behind them and wrapping Kim in a bear hug. "I will protect you, my child," Helena reassured her. Kellie rolled her eyes.
"Is anyone else coming tonight?" I asked.
"I hope so, what a lame party, am I right?" Kellie quipped to the group. I shrugged, silently thinking that there were already too many people here for my liking.
"I think Eddie is coming later with some friends from home," Alina shrugged casually. My heart pinged at the mention of his name. "I hope he doesn't bring Tucker, though. That guy is a total creep weirdo."
"You wanna grab a drink with me Cass?" Helena asked. I nodded my head and walked over to the cooler with her, already a bit wonky on my feet from the shots of vodka I took before we came. Helena lifted the lid and gasped with excitement. "Wow, upgrade!" she chirped excitedly, grabbing two thin white cans from the ice and handing me one. "We got seltzers tonight, baby! No nasty cheap beer!" She popped her tab, clinked her can to mine, and guzzled a few sips. I popped my tab and took one sip, turning around to find Brendan standing behind us.
"Brendan!" I gushed, a pleasant surprise. Although we hadn't interacted nearly as much, I felt the same natural connection to Brendan as I did Helena. He felt like a good soul, a safe person.
"Hi babes," Helena spoke comfortingly, wrapping him in a hug. "I'm sorry for last night. I was a dick."
"Yes, you were," he agreed with a sly smile. "But you're lucky I love your dumb ass." Helena giggled and threw her arms up with joy. "What's up Cass?" he asked me.
"I was hoping I'd see you here!" I told him honestly. "Too many strangers for me," I followed in a hushed voice.
"Tell me about it," he rolled his eyes, jerking his head toward the random men with Colton at the table behind us. "Those are all Colton's cousins. I mean, can I not get away from these spawns of Satan?" I giggled and took another sip of my can.
"You don't like them?" I asked, more for conversation sake as I already knew the answer.
"No, I don't like them. They're all weird 'frat bros' who reek of hangover sweat and desperation," he rolled his eyes. I chuckled and nodded my head in agreement. As if our conversation was heard, Colton called my name and motioned me over to the table. I raised an eyebrow and hesitantly walked over.
"Cass, this is Mark," he pointed to the tall guy standing next to him. He wore a black baseball cap, a simple white V-neck accentuating his thin golden cross chain, and a single diamond earring on his left ear lobe. He gave me a small, uninterested wave. "I need to go bring the keg in, so can you celeb this game for me?" he asked, placing a ping pong ball in my hand.
"Celeb?" I questioned.
"Yeah, celeb... like 'celebrity.' They call it a celeb shot when someone goes for you," he explained, seemingly impatient. Before I had a chance to respond, he patted me on the shoulder said, "Thanks champ," and scurried away. I glanced down at the ball in my hand and glanced back up to Mark, who was already raising his thick bicep and aiming for a shot. He seemed unphased by my presence which offended me a bit, but I'd be lying if I said he wasn't handsome. He had shaggy brown hair that peeked out from the sides of his hat, light freckles dotted his cheeks, his arms were tanned and toned. I was invisible to him, but he surely was not to me.
He threw his ball across the table, which bounced off the edge of a cup and onto the floor. I stepped forward and simply aimed - was there even a strategy to this dumb game? Surprisingly, my ball landed right in the middle cup, beer sloshing out the sides. "Okay celeb!" Mark cheered, finally acknowledging my presence, but only with words, not eye contact. The pair on the other end of the table split the cup of beer and hurled their balls across, both missing entirely.
"Listen, we're already drunk, ok," the blond haired boy defended himself.
"Being drunk is supposed to make you better, Kyle!" Helena called to him, now seated in a folding chair on the side of the table. I giggled, feeling a boost of confidence and taking a swig of my can. Mark took his shot, this time swiftly bouncing it off the table toward the cups. He missed.
"Can I do that?" I questioned.
"Sure you can," he responded casually. "If you bounce it, they're allowed to swat it away. But if you make it, we get two cups taken out." I pondered for a moment, but Mark interrupted me: "Here, watch this. Kyle, can you grab me a beer out of the cooler behind you?" he asked. As Kyle turned away I took my chance, bouncing it off the table and miraculously making it into a cup. The other boy next to Kyle realized too late, swatting after the ball already landed.
"That's two!" Helena barked. I giggled and jumped in celebration, throwing my arms up. I was definitely feeling those two shots now. Back to feeling unstoppable.
"Damn! You're carrying this team!" Mark announced excitedly, yet I couldn't help but notice the emasculated tone behind his words. Kyle and his partner, who still remained nameless to me, chugged two cups and placed them on the side of the table. Kyle took a deep breath, taking the game way too seriously, and took another shot. This time, it went in. Mark grabbed the cup, took a couple swigs, and handed me the rest. I begrudgingly drank it, sipping my seltzer immediately after for some relief.
The game continued until there was only one cup left for us to shoot at, and three for Colton's dumb-and-dumber pair of cousins. I could feel the mix of alcohol coursing through my veins, my cheeks hot and flushed, my body feeling tingly. Mark took his shot and it went in. "Did we win?!" I asked excitedly.
He shook his head and said, "Only if you make it in too." I shrugged my shoulders and shot effortlessly, the ball landing right in the cup. I smiled from ear to ear. "Alright, celeb! Everyone's gonna want you on their team now, but stay loyal to me," he winked at me, holding out his beer to give me a cheers. We drank together before he walked away wordlessly, abruptly ending my excitement. I shrugged and walked toward Helena who had now jumped up from her chair, looking at me excitedly.
"Yo, who the fuck are you?!" she asked, giving me another clink of our cans to drink together. I laughed and shrugged casually.
"Dude, I don't even know," my response was fully honest. "But I fuckin' love it!" I was feeling giddy with excitement - I loved the way I felt. It felt like nothing could ever take me down from the high I was on.
"Come on, I gotta pee. Come with me," she grabbed my hand and led me down a dark hallway, a sliver of light peering out from under one of the doors on the right hand side. Helena paused for a moment. "You think someone's in there?" she whispered. I shrugged, still riding the untouchable feeling from my pong victory, and turned the knob. As I pushed the door open, I was stopped by a force behind it, only leaving a crack for me to peer into and see who was inside.
It was Eddie. Standing there. Looking shocked. With his indistinguishable tattooed forearm wrapped around the waist of a blonde girl pressed up against him, her head leaned into the crook of his neck. He gave me a smirk - a fucking smirk - and shut the door against my palm without a word.
So much for that unstoppable feeling.