"Arghh!" I let out a muffled scream into my pillow, shaking rigorously.
The morning brought with it a daunting realization of all that happened the previous night. How I sheepishly behaved in the presence of Jaran, throwing myself at him. I couldn't stand myself. I cringed at every piece of memory as they flashed through my mind.
____
LAST NIGHT
____
"That was a fast yes, I meant—"
"I want to marry you, Jaran!" My eyes welled up with tears, I began to sob.
"Uhh..." Jaran squinted at me, confused.
I threw my hands around his neck, squeezing tight, as if in a blink he'd disappear.
"You said I'm pretty! I'll marry you because you said I'm pretty! I'll make a great husband!" I wailed.
Struggling to breathe, he began pulling me away from his neck, but I held on tighter. The more he tried to get me off him, the harder I squeezed, crying my eyes out.
"Kit! get off me!"
"Don't you want to marry me anymore? Please don't leave me!"
"I'm not leaving you! I'm dying!" He choked. "Kit!" But I refused to let go.
___
PRESENT DAY
___
"Arghh!" I screamed again into my pillow, shaking my legs.
I hurled myself out of bed, grabbed my pillow and began flogging the mattress with it. Over and over and over again, then I took a short break to pull my hair and stomp my feet before continuing to punish the bed for my crimes.
I hurried to the door after I wore myself out. I needed to tell Nat everything. Share the cringe with him. I pulled the door open, immediately slamming it shut at the sight of Jaran standing in front of it. Stifling a groan, I spun in annoyance, fisting my palms. I was nowhere near prepared to face him. The things I said to Jaran; of all people! His ego must be over the moon I believed. I took a deep breath and pulled the door open again.
"No," I said, pushing past him and walking speedily down the hallway.
"Kit—"
"The answer is no!" I turned into the staircase.
"I haven't even said anything."
"I know what you're going to say! No!"
"You already said yes! You can't take it back!"
"Pfft! I can do whatever I want!"
"You were begging me last night! Begging me!"
I turned into the kitchen. "I'd rather peel my skin off than continue to pretend we are married." I hurried to the fridge for some water.
"Huh?" Wut and Pure said in unison.
"Ok, deflate your big head. You are acting like you're doing me some grand favor," Jaran said.
"What exactly are we talking about?" Wut asked.
"I'm no longer lying to people about being your husband," I continued.
"Let's not rush into these decisions," Wut included.
"Your point being?" I turned to Wut.
"It will help with the competition."
"Wha..." I stuttered and turned to Nat. "Nat! stop chatting with HotCockForHungryBottoms6969 and back me up here!"
"I think he might be my soulmate." Nat grinned.
"No one finds their soulmate on Grindr," Jaran said, reaching to have a taste of Pure's soup. She slapped his hand away.
"Who asked you?" Nat glared at Jaran.
"No one does, Nat," I added.
"Oh gee, the grinch and I agree on something," Jaran said.
I tilted my head at Jaran, and he shrugged at me.
"He hasn't asked me for a dick pic yet, hasn't sent any dick pics. He asks me about my day, we talk about music and cars, traveling..."
"Nat, listen to me, no one goes on Grindr to talk about cars. You go on Grindr to fuck. He's playing you," I further drove my point.
"Why would he do that? If he didn't want to get to know me, he'd just stop."
"They're called Unicorns. They woo you, make you feel like they care, take you on a date even, and then convince you to bareback. They do fuck really good, but then you'll never hear from them again. They'll ghost you, block you on Grindr too. They prefer to...you know...hit it once. Either that or you are straight up chatting with a psycho," Jaran explained.
"So... They do fuck really good though?"
"Ugh!" Jaran and I signed in unison.
"That is beside the point, Nat. Are you trying to get played?" I gulped down my water.
"Nope, just laid, but I never hit it bareback."
"What does that mean?" Pure asked, turning away from the stove and joining us on the kitchen island.
We threw awkward glances at each other then began to stutter ambiguous sentences, poorly trying to explain what barebacking meant on purpose. It wasn't just Pure that was curious, Wut left his gaze on us too, waiting for an answer.
"Anyway! Can we go back to my problem?" I pleaded.
"Yeah, Jaran, back off!" Nat chastised.
"I have a pretty decent plan," Jaran pressed on.
"If the plan doesn't involve you dropping out of the competition, then we have nothing to talk about."
"I'd rather walk ten thousand miles, in a shoe filled with glass," Jaran replied, folding his arms.
"There you have it!" I shook my head at him.
Jaran sighed, turning to leave the kitchen.
"Wait!" Pure stopped him. "Since you are all here, I would love to invite you guys to a Christian con—"
We all grunted in protest. Nat rose from his seat to attempt an escape from the kitchen.
"Nobody leaves! Ok? I listen to all of your crap all the time, so you're going to sit down and hear me out!" Pure scolded.
We shuffled our legs back to our seats, Nat and I exchanging SAVE ME glances.
"Alright. So, this Saturday, Phi Wut's church is organizing a family and friends conference. Pulling together different families to help build good Christian relationships and I want you all there with me."
"Why?" Nat asked.
"Because it's family and friends, and you are all my friends now."
"Friends is a strong word," I countered.
"True, that's kind of a stretch," Nat included.
"Ok! Let me make myself very clear, all of you are coming. In a few months, I'll be married into this home, and in charge of it. You all want to be on my 'good side', not on my 'not so good side'."
"That is blackmail!" I pointed out.
"You say potato, I say green grass." Pure smiled.
"That is not how the saying goes," Nat muttered under my breath.
"Listen guys, this is really important to me, I need you all to come. Just a few hours. If you don't like it, you never have to come again," Pure's voice was meek and pleading.
We took a moment before slowly acknowledging with a nod.
"Awesome! 10am, Saturday. Chill style, no suits, keep it elegant, brunchy, smooth. Dress to impress. I mean that in every sense of the word."
"Got it." I rose from my seat, snatching some bananas for breakfast.
Nat and I strolled out of the kitchen hand in hand. Work was in a few hours, and we were far from ready. I was still reeling from the hangover; a headache and an aching neck tormented me. I massaged my neck, wishing I didn't have to go into the office. Nat broke away to answer a call and I started up the stairs. I grumbled and whined while getting ready for work that morning. Sluggishly pulling myself into action while my brain rumbled with thoughts.
The office is so far away, but my bed is so near.
Why can't I just be a trophy husband, never work, just marry rich.
Someone come carry me to the bathroom!
Honestly, I think it should be illegal to work for food.
Ouch! Soap in my eye!
Should I fap? It's been too long since I came.
At this point my lips will turn to stone if I don't get kissed soon.
That's right! I have no clean clothes. I left them in the dryer.
I threw my bathrobe on and hurried down to the laundry room. Quickly, I piled my clothes into the laundry basket and began the trip back to my room, lazily shuffling my legs and whistling, not particularly focused on anything.
I stopped, tilted my head with an upside-down smile when I realized I had just walked past a half open room I never noticed before. I retraced my steps backwards and poked my head in. My jaw dropped and my brows elevated. I opened the door further, making a full entrance. I couldn't blink. My eyes widened as I moved closer to the table, scanning everything on it. The view was spectacular. Bewildered, I let my basket of clothes fall to the ground.
"Jaran!" I screamed, fisting my palm.
"What are you doing here?"
I turned to the door, shivering with jealousy. "You have an office!"
Jaran walked over to his seat. "Yes, and?"
I glared at him for a moment and ran out the door.
"Kit!"
I could hear Jaran's call as he chased after me, but I was determined to reach my destination before him. I ran back up the stairs with Jaran chasing closely behind, faster than my legs could carry me. Once I arrived at Wut's door, I began banging relentlessly. The door swung open when Jaran arrived out of breath.
"He has an office!" I yelled
"I was here first!" Jaran said at the same time.
"What is going on?" Wut furrowed his brow at us.
"He has an office, I want one."
"I'm not giving up my office!"
"I'm your boss, Wut, remember all of that 'I'm on your team, Sir' talk?"
"I've lived here longer; I don't care about your bromance cult."
"Sir I—" Varawut tried to get a word in.
"Then we have to share!" I cut in.
"Share my office with you? So you'd steal my designs?"
"First of all, ew! Second of all, EW!"
"Ok! Don't act like you do not want to!"
"Third of all, EW!"
"How long is this going to take?" Wut tried once more to get a word in.
"Who the hell wants your dusty designs!" I continued.
"Guys!" Wut startled us. "Sorry, but I'm late for work. Khun Kit, Nong Ja has been here longer, I can't ask him to leave his office for you."
"Thank you, Wut!" Jaran clapped.
"However, Nong, that is a pretty big office, you can share. Greed is one of the seven deadly sins."
"Uh huh, I'm going to go to MY office now." Jaran turned away. A smile of satisfaction on his face.
"Thanks for nothing, Wut." I sneered at him.
"Sorry, Sir." He bowed and I walked away.
I let the sleeping dog lie that day, but later that night, Nat and I plotted and manufactured different ways to make Jaran's life miserable until he conceded and allowed me move into the office.
Cue in the James Bond theme song.
OPERATION INVADE THE OFFICE
MISSION 1: Buy a fake remote-controlled snake. Convince Phi Janya to let us into his room while he is away and sneak it under his blanket.
MISSION 2: Jaran sweetens his green tea every morning. Steal all the sugar and replace with salt.
MISSION 3: Mess with his water heater so it only runs ice cold.
MISSION 4: Send him an email with a link to a gay porn site, but when he clicks on it, straight porn pops up.
One by One, we successfully accomplished our missions, and then some. We'd wait by the door or around the corner to see or hear his reactions. It was deeply satisfying, sending Nat and I into deep laughter each time he'd scream our names. It was all that occupied Nat and I's free time throughout that week. At some point, it wasn't even about getting the office, we were just having a good time. I remember thinking how happy it made me, I felt like a kid again, running around, playing stupid games.
The more mischievous we got, the more I expected Jaran to retaliate, make us pay. He never did, and as the weekend drew closer, I became more dreadful. He wasn't budging, so that could only mean he was plotting the most epic comeback.