I stood superhero style, in front of the ceiling to floor window, playing the Marvel's Avengers theme song in my head with the entirety of Bangkok's skyline laid out in front of me. It made sense to me why the rich got richer and the poor, poorer. Because how could anyone not be massively inspired, looking over such an outstanding view while working. After five minutes of pretending I was Iron Man, I got to it.
The view worked like a charm; I kept working throughout the day. Nat joined me for a few hours before returning to his Grindr sexcapades. I worked through the night and passed out on the floor by 4am. When I woke, Jaran was seated behind his desk working. He paid me no mind, remaining focused on his screen. Half asleep, I staggered up and took my seat, scratching my back as I turned my laptop on.
"Go take a shower first," Jaran said. I shook my head, my eyes barely open. "You will stink up this office, I didn't sign up to share my office with a smelly person."
"You didn't, I won fair and square," I grumbled.
Jaran scoffed. "Do you know you fart in your sleep?"
"No, I don't. Stop it," I weakly replied, leaning over my desk and burying my face in my palm.
"You do, it doesn't smell so bad though."
I sprung up, hands on my waist as I glared at him. "It's too early to annoy me, Jaran!"
"It's 11am."
I hissed, storming out of the office.
I arrived in my bedroom still sleepy as I crawled into bed, pulling the blanket over my body and allowing myself drift back into slumber. The door flew open and so did my eyes. Nat walked in, jumped into bed and wrapped his arms around me from behind.
"Tired?"
"Mhmm," I replied, eyes shut.
I turned around and put my forehead to his chest while his hands caressed my back. Since we moved into Wut's home and got our separate rooms, our cuddling sessions drastically dwindled. It was such a big part of our relationship when we lived together in our tiny apartment. At every chance we got, we held each other. We were equal amounts of clingy, which made it easy not to miss the physical aspect of a romantic relationship.
"I really want to meet him."
"Don't do it," I grumbled back.
"If I did, and he turned out to be a complete asshole, would you stop me from crying on your lap?"
I shook my head, reciprocating his embrace, patting his chest. He breathed a soft chuckle and sniffed my forehead.
"I miss you," I said. "I hate that you're back on Grindr, they take all your time."
He moved his head back a bit to get a better look at my sleepy face, but I left my eyes closed.
"I'm sorry. Should we go on a date this week, bowling?"
I smirked, nodding. He pulled me back into his embrace and caressed me to sleep. I had truly missed his company. It was the most time we had spent apart since high school.
A small part of me was jealous. Nat never had a problem making new friends, people easily flocked to him, I just happened to be one of those people, but he was always there, never made me feel like a third wheel in his life. It was the first time I felt we were maturing, becoming adults with different interests, drifting apart even.
I woke up to him gone, normally he'd still be in bed playing a mobile game or scrolling through social media because he knew how much I hated waking up alone. With a sigh, I got out of bed, hurried a shower and went right back to the office. Jaran was still at his desk working with his feet up on his table, relaxed into his seat. I pulled out my chair and noticed a neatly packaged kaeng kari kai and oliang drink set on the table. I lifted the meal. It was still warm.
"Phi Janya left it for you," Jaran said, not looking away from the sheet he held high over his head.
"I thought she doesn't work on Sundays?"
He stopped swaying his seat. "I don't know, she was just here."
I sat down, pushed the meal aside and turned on my computer to begin work.
"Eat first," Jaran insisted, still not looking at me. "It will get cold soon."
I opened it up, took a spoonful and nodded. It was really delicious. My focus was split between working and eating. Occasionally, I'd sip my drink. For the most part, the office was silent, just the sound of the air conditioner and clicking keyboards.
I was incorporating a tinted glass setting into one of my outdoor designs, a space I decided to name: Heaven's Door Way. A dome, only made of tinted glass with artworks engraved in them. Only when the sun hits the dome would the artwork be revealed. I wanted it to become the heart of the eco village. A place where people could sit, listen to music and create, surrounded by flowers, beautifully crafted statues, so much beauty.
It became a bit tricky when I tried incorporating my clean air design into it, I hit a roadblock. Roadblocks slowed me down, I hated them. It required me to break down my designs all over again, trying to figure out what was possible. I sighed, taking the final sip of my drink before slouching back into my seat.
"I can't focus with all that noise you keep making," Jaran complained.
I sighed louder, intentionally trying to irritate him.
"You can share what the problem is, I might be able to help," he offered. I turned to him, dropping my head to the side. "Just saying." He shrugged.
I leaned forward and took out my phone to call Nat. "Forget it, you won't understand it anyway."
"Try me," he spoke softly.
I turned to him, studying his face to try and determine how genuine he was being. His expression was blank, brow raised, lips pressed. He didn't seem to care. I began to explain my roadblock, detailing my inability to see a way to infuse my clean air design because of all the glass I was incorporating into the structure. "The pipes will be exposed," I said with a sigh.
He got up, rolled his seat over and sat next to me. I pointed out more problems and he listened attentively until I was done, then began throwing ideas my way. We talked about what was possible and different things to try. His suggestions carried a deep understanding of my initial vision for the eco village. Eventually, he brought his laptop over, pulled up samples he had previously used for a similar project.
"I didn't know you worked on Rigital's tech village," I said, both impressed and surprised.
"I just pitched in a little."
"A little? Looks like you designed half of it, I couldn't even get my foot in the door."
"It was a last-minute thing," he replied, looking away.
"Wasn't it invitation only?"
"It was."
"How did you get in?"
"Kit—"
"What? Think I'm going to steal your inside man?"
He let out a soft coy laugh that was beautiful enough to make me smile too.
"It was for a friend. He asked me to pull something up and I did."
"Who is this friend?" I pressed on.
"Rama–"
"Rama Ruangwiwat? The freaking C.E.O of Rigital?" My jaw dropped.
"You know him?"
"Who doesn't! He was on Forbes self-made billionaires list last year! Are you kidding?"
"Oh."
"Oh? How do you know him?"
"We went to high-school together, he is a dear friend.'
"You went to high-school with Rama Ruangwiwat!" I nearly screamed, falling back into my seat. "How the fuck did you end up broke!"
Jaran laughed, holding his head. "You are starting to sound like a fanboy."
"He's hot, he's a billionaire and he cares about the environment, what's not to love! You lucky bastard!" I smacked his shoulder and he groaned.
"Ouch?"
"Do you think you can get me in to see the village, it'll really help with my design."
"The village is not yet finished, I can't make any promises, but I'll ask Rama."
"Thanks."
"You're welcome." He took out his phone and began to type.
"I didn't mean now." I chuckled.
Ignoring me, he continued to type for a few seconds before putting down his phone. "Why later." His phone rang and he picked it back up. "How does tomorrow after work sound?"
"Wow... umm... yeah, that's fine." My eyes stayed on him as he replied the message. "You know... you have such in-depth knowledge of my designs."
"Do I?" he replied, not turning to me.
I pondered for a few minutes before leaning forward to ask. "It was you, wasn't it?"
"Me?"
"You finished my speech for the presentation," I stated in an accusing tone.
He seized typing, turned to me for a few seconds before looking away, lifting his laptop from the table, leaving me without an answer.
I began to wonder if I had made the wrong assumption. With the amount of time it'd take for him to familiarize himself with my work, it didn't make sense. But soon my questions shifted from 'why would he do it?' to 'why won't he look at me?'. His gaze remained pinned on his screen. I lowered myself, tilting my head to see his eyes from under.
"What do you think you are doing?" Jaran moved his face further away.
"Why are you avoiding looking at me?"
"I'm not."
"Just now, you—"
He got up and rolled his seat back behind his desk. I scoffed, blinking as I tried to make sense of his sudden shifty behavior.
"Anyway, I hope that helped." He went back to typing rapidly.
I opened my mouth to ask further questions, but my phone rang, interrupting me. I allowed it ring for a few more seconds before picking the call.
"Phi!" Nong Praew's voice came through the phone.
***
I grew up with three amazing sisters. Phi Hannah, who had moved to Chanthaburi with her husband four years prior. They had a beautiful girl, my little niece, Nong Waan.
It was not hard to make Phi laugh, she was incredibly cheerful. Her heart was warm and filled with so much light, she brought joy to every room she entered.
Even after we got punished or scolded, she always found a way to make us smile. When she first moved out for university, I cried a lot. She was my comfort person. I could not have asked for a better older sister.
Nong Ratana was always in some sort of trouble growing up. She was head strong and never listened. She was also the first person I came out to. Nong blackmailed me into paying her to keep my sexuality a secret.
Now I laugh at that memory, but at the time I was furious. She had me doing the dishes for a whole month, only for me to discover she had a girlfriend and had already told Mae and Po she was dating. She was fifteen. You will also never find anyone more generous, accepting and down to earth.
Nong Ratana lived in Japan with her Japanese girlfriend Phi Tamiko, a professor of biology at the University of Tokyo. At the time, I had only met her once through a phone call, but they were set to visit Bangkok during the school break that year. Mae was eager to meet the forty-one-year old woman her daughter was dating. She didn't voice her concern and disapproval of their relationship, but it was very apparent.
Then there is Nong Praew. Because Nong was too young, I never really got to form a relationship with her until she was in high school, by then I was in university. One day she showed up at my dorm out of nowhere in tears. She was being bullied for being a tomboy and wanted to hide out with me. Little did she know her big brother was a bigger bully.
Nat and I got our gang together and showed up at her high school the next day. We tracked down her bullies and gave them a piece of our minds in the form of severe punishments. We showed up and stalked her school every day for weeks without her knowing, just to make sure her bullies didn't act up. It forged a bond between us, and she instantly became my favorite.
I know, I know, you should not have a favorite sibling. I love all my sisters equally, but Nong Praew and I grew a deeper connection.