Nong Praew sprung up from her seat at the sight of me. She ran and threw her arms around me, picked me up from the ground and spun me around. Praew easily towered over me, like the six-foot giant softie that she was.
"Why are you in Bangkok?"
"What happened to 'hello'? What happened to 'how are you'?" There was laughter in her voice.
I pulled her head under my armpit, ruffling her short straight hair as she protested. We took our seats after a few minutes of playful tussle. She had already begun grilling the meat so I took over.
"The office sent me here to resolve an issue."
"Whoa! They are now sending you on out-of-state business meetings? My little, Praew.'' I pulled her puffy cheeks and she wiggled in excitement. "Is this all you want to eat? I'll buy more."
"Didn't you say you were broke?"
"Never too broke for you na krap."
"Mehh." We both cringed at the cuteness.
"Phi, when are you coming home? Are you running away? Is it because of the money problem? No one expects you to bring anything."
"I know."
"So?"
"When are you moving out? You always talked about leaving, what happened?"
Nong Praew shrugged. "I like it there. I like helping out with the restaurant when I can and meeting the same people. Bangkok is too much for me. I still have all the time in the world, right? You always call me a fetus." She laughed. "But you should come home for a bit."
"It seems I will soon. They announced Chiang Mai is where the land for the eco village will be."
"Eco village?"
"Remember the competition I told you I'm participating in?"
"Ah yes. Awesome. It's about time, I'm sick of our parents, maybe you can talk some sense into them."
"Am I missing out on anything?"
She exhaled. "Don't tell Po I told you but, Mae moved out two months ago."
"What?" My eyes widened.
"She just moved back in, but they still aren't talking to each other yet. Phi, I think they might get a divorce."
"Why didn't you tell me? Does Phi Hannah know?"
"They don't want anyone to know. Especially Phi, you know she'll come home and never leave."
I frowned. Mae and Po had just celebrated being together for thirty-seven years the previous year. They were teenage sweethearts turned life partners. All those years, suddenly a divorce? I took a moment to take it in and went back to grilling.
"Your birthday is coming up; do you want anything?" I fed her and she beamed, nodding. "What?"
She turned on her phone and showed me a picture.
"Oyi! No!"
"Why not, Phi?" She tugged my arm.
"Don't you think it's weird to still have your brother buying you underwear at your age? You aren't in university anymore."
"I never know what to pick. You do it better."
"Nope, I'm done buying underwear for you."
"Phi!" She clung onto my arm. "Please! I want this to be special."
"It's your birthday, it's going to be special with or without new underwear."
She leaned back, looking me straight in the eye. "I'm going to lose my virginity."
I choked, spitting out the food as my eyes watered. Praew quickly handed me a cup of water.
"Nong Praew!"
"Yes, Phi."
"I don't need to know everything!"
"I want it to be special."
"Didn't you just hear me!"
"Help me, Phi. Do you want me to be a virgin forever?"
"You're just twenty-four, you have forever."
"Nobody is a virgin at twenty-four, Phi!"
"Says who? Huh? Who told you that? Nong, trust me, sex isn't all that."
"It's easy for you to say, you've had tons of it. Phi—I'm not a very desirable person—"
"Nong—"
"I wish I was gay sometimes; girls fawn over me. They like the way I look. I really wanted to like girls, it would be easier. I have tried. I really have. But I'm very attracted to men, and they don't find this...," she gestured to herself, "attractive." Her once bright eyes sunk and I exhaled, feeling every ounce of her frustration.
It saddened me. Up until that day, I had no clue she was struggling in that way. We always talked about dating and she said over and over again she was not ready. I should have seen the frustration in her eyes before she said those words to me. Nong Praew always wore her emotions on her sleeve, she wasn't that difficult to read.
"I just want to know what it feels like... even if I get to experience it only once." She smiled.
I left Nong Praew feeling downcast. I felt like a failure of a brother. I should have told her how beautiful she was every day while growing up, until she believed it herself. I hated the way she spoke about her virginity, like it was something to get over with, or a burden she was carrying. Maybe it was a burden to her, a reminder that she was not beautiful in a way society deemed acceptable. That she had to struggle to receive admiration and affection from the men she desired. That was something I could relate to.
I wanted her to wait until she found a man who looked at her with outstanding admiration. A man who thought her thick thighs, flat chest, broad shoulders and firm hips were seductive. A man who would love to run his hand through her short hair, the one she kept insanely clean, and always smelt like vanilla and candy. I agreed to shop for her nonetheless, anything to put a smile on my Praew's face.
Thoughts about Praew crowded my mind, and walking is what I did when my head was full. It was a rather long distance. I contemplated calling Nat to check if he was nearby with the car, but ultimately decided to complete the journey on foot.
Just a few blocks away from Wut's building, I came across a newspaper and magazine stand. I stopped, glancing through the women's magazines and picked up a few swimwear and fashion magazines, a little guide to help me shop for her. I paid and turned to leave when I bumped into someone and the magazines went flying to the ground.
"So sorry..." I began to squat to pick up the papers when I turned to the stranger. "Sud?"
"Kit." He smiled. "I'll get it." He squatted, picking up the magazines as I watched, completely baffled. "Here you go." He handed them over to me.
"What are you doing here?" I asked, receiving them.
"Visiting a friend."
"This is coincidental?"
"No." He smiled again, that wicked smile that used to make me feel safe in his eyes. "I stopped by your office, you weren't there so I asked your assistant, and he told me you moved." He sniffed.
I studied him for a bit, his eyes were sunken and red, dark circles surrounded them. His cheeks were pale but the tip of his nose was red, too. He'd been rubbing them over and over again. He couldn't keep still; it was all too familiar.
"You're high." I sighed, looking away.
"I didn't want to come, I'm... I'm... I have no one else, Kit. Today has been particularly difficult."
"What happened?"
"I found my father."
"Really? That's... That's great." I smiled at him. He looked away, rubbing his nose and fidgeting. "Isn't it? It's what you've always wanted right?"
"I wish I hadn't. I don't know why I thought it'd be different."
It didn't surprise me that Sud was disappointed with his reunion. I tried to warn him for years, people do not change, especially a man like his father. He was set on it, like a crack in a rock, nothing I said could ward him away from searching for his father.