ENYEOK
I watch the world roll past the cold window panel with a void gaze as I rest my head on it.
Even though my eyes are trained on the city vanishing away from my sight, the sound of his breath mingled with mine is all I can hear despite the thumping noise of the wild city.
It's sad how he doesn't bother to lend me a word of reassurance. The grief oozes out of me like a rotten sent and he still manages to ignore it. Wholly. Simply.
And I'm feeling like a burden already. It's Barely been Twenty minutes since I lost everything and I'm already feeling worthless. Hopeless.
It's an ugly feeling to ever have. A feeling I never had until now.
I close my eyes, trying my best to put a lock on my ripening unwanted thoughts. Trying to not think about how easily my parents cut me off from them when I did something that they don't want me to do. They don't even hesitate to leave me in the dark. letting me fall apart, Even though I was their own son. Their only son.
I try not to think of any of it. yet I know it was no use. But I still try.
Isn't that all I can do? Try?
The sudden flash of lightning delivered the heed of looming thunder. It reminds me of the thunderstorm alert I heard this morning. In my home, which is not my home anymore.
Shortly, the cry of the sky is loud and clear as if it's carrying my pain with it. Its tears thumped on the window panel, draping it completely with its icy touch, shutting off my vision of the city that we are passing by.
The car promptly come to a halt and I guess we have reached the destination. I forget it's only five blocks away from my place.
"We're here" Zelan's voice made my head turn to his side so fast that I almost break my neck.
He smiled at me. A barely-there smile, but still a smile. And I added it to the list of what he gave me tonight.
A smile and five words.
He unlocks the door, gets out of the car, and stands on the pavement with his hands shoved in the pockets of his grey sweatpants. He throws me a glance as if he's expecting me to do the same instead of looking at him wide-eyed.
So I hurriedly get out as well.
He glances at me once more before walking into the huge apartment building in front of us. The enormous glistening golden letters on it reads MILO.
The doorman Smiled at Zelan, his eyes nearly disappearing. Zelan reciprocates it with a nod of his head. Then the man glanced at me curiously, I promptly fix my eyes on the floor. thanking God involuntarily that Zelan doesn't stop there to have a small talk with him.
I don't want anyone to see me like this. I felt vulnerable. Hideous.
Zelan walked to the elevator and I followed behind him like a lost kid. And I'm a little grateful that Zelan keeps looking over his shoulder at me as if it's to know if I'm okay.
He steps into the elevator and punches to the 54th floor.
As the elevator keeps on moving, we stand there with no words exchanged, letting the silence devour us wholly.
The space between us starts to fill with our mingling breaths until that's all we can hear. I wish he would let any of the words climb out of his mouth to kill this silence. But then again, I wish he won't.
There's this steadiness that I didn't know I craved for until I had it in my hold. However, I don't know if he feels the same. What if this silence suffocates him other than giving him consensus?
Do I have to say anything? To make it a little tolerable for him?
The warmth of a palm holding onto mine makes me blink away from my trance. The hold doesn't make me flinch away and I wonder if it is the tenderness of it that makes me feel untreated.
When I look up, Zelan's warm icy blue eyes were on me with all the gentleness they can hold in them. And if I were a kitten, sure as hell I would be purring non-stop.
"You okay? I have called your name twice and you don't even budge." He removed his hands from mine and I fight the urge to take it in mine, again. The warmth of it felt too pleasant to ever let go.
When his eyebrows creased together in a questioning look, I remember how I don't respond to him yet. "Uh, yeah—I'm good." I managed. But my voice gave me away.
He runs his hands through his long hair and lets out a sigh, He looks so much like David. I've noticed it before too. But then again, it's the first time I got to see Zelan this up close. He got the same pairs of icy blue eyes as his father and the sharpest jaw that it could probably cut through glass.
My eyes trained down and halt at his adam's apple. It's moving. He is talking. And I can hear his voice but can't comprehend what he just said.
I glanced up and my eyes caught his lips, It was beautiful and soft pink. Moving cutely. He's talking. I can hear the soft tone of his. But too caught up in the beauty of his lips to understand the words slip past it.
He clears his throat. And I flinch this time. What am I doing? I must have looked like a total creep to him. I curse myself underneath my breath. Wishing this floor would open up and take me in.
"I—I just zoned out." The words barely come out of my lips. But it's nonetheless reached his ears.
"Yeah, you must be so exhausted."
The elevator door opens to the 54th floor and spares me from the embarrassment of having Zelan's eyes on me…