Chapter 4
I still can't believe this even after he told me the truth by himself. After I left the doctor's office three hours ago, I met him awake in the ward. I went ahead to confront him, and he could only tell me that he was scared of losing me. He thought that I would leave him if he told me that he had a brain tumor.
"I'm sorry, Wendy. I know how you feel. Believe me, I didn't intend to deceive you. I was scared of losing you. I didn't want you to run away from me," The pain in his eyes as he say those words to me earlier, all I could think of was the pain he has been going through.
'I just want to have a happy life with the woman I love in these few years I have left to spend here. I... I just want to have a child. I want to know what it feels like to be a father' his words break my heart into a million pieces. The thought of losing my lovely husband in two years drives me crazy. Turns out that the cancerous cells have spread so much that he has just two years to spend on earth. He's eventually going to die. My Alex will eventually leave me and never come back to me again. As much as I want to be strong for him, thinking about it breaks me. I can't pretend to be fine. I'm not.
"I'm sorry for putting you through this, Wendy..." His voice sounds from behind me, and I turn around to see him standing with pain written all over him. I can imagine the pain he's suffering, knowing that he's going to die soon. I can imagine the fear in him as time draws close to him.
"Alex..." Hot tears pour down my cheeks as I finally turn to face him. I have so much to say to him, but where do I start?
"I know that I don't deserve a place in your heart. I shouldn't have kept it away from you for so long..." He pauses as a drop of tears slid down his cheeks.
"At first, I thought there was no reason to live. I was patiently waiting for the day that I'll finally leave this world, but after I met you... I wanted to live so badly. I found every reason to want to live, I want to fight for my life, stay alive and make babies with you... I want to hold my kids in my arms and be a good father to them, but it seems like life will never give me that chance," He smiles as more tears pour down his cheeks.
"With every second that tick, I find my death drawing closer to me, and I can only be terrified. I don't want to ever go a day without seeing your smiles, but that is a dream that will never come true for me. I'll eventually leave you alone, Wendy..." He sniffs back his tears and turns his face away.
"And if we later have a baby, I trust you'll be here to take care of him or her. I know you'll tell our kid how much I love you and him, right? You'll be happy for my sake, right?" His hand trembles as he cups my cheek in his palm while staring into my eyes. How much pain has he been hiding from the world all this while?
"You won't die, Alex. I promise, we'll find a solution to this, and you'll be fine, OK?"
"It's not up to you, babe. Yes, I want to stay alive. I want to be with you. I love you so much, I don't want to leave you..."
"Then stay with me forever, Alex. Don't go anywhere, please," It feels like a have a dagger in my heart. Seeing the pain in his eyes hurts so badly.
"Life won't give me the chance to, babe. I don't want you to be too addicted to me, so you would be able to get over me real quick when I'm gone. I can't stay with you, I can't stay by your side forever, but can we treasure these two years that I have left?" More tears pour down his cheeks.
"Alex..."
"Shhhh! Don't cry. It hurts to see you cry, OK? I can do the crying, OK?" He chuckles dryly as he wipes the tears from my eyes. Behind his laughter, all I see is a strong man that's willing to be happy to make me happy.
"Just get pregnant for me, babe. I want to hold my baby in my arms for at least a year before I go," He says to me.
"Stop it, please... You're not leaving me, Alex. You'll be with me forever, you promised me that," I wrap my arms around him and hug him tightly like he'll vanish if I let go of him.
"Shhhh! Don't cry, babe," He strokes my hair slowly, while I cry on his chest.
Days later
The past few days have been awful for me, as I couldn't stop myself from crying every day. The thought of Alex dying keep haunting me, and the more I think about it, the more terrified I become. I don't even want to imagine how life would be without him.
We're finally leaving for New York tomorrow by first flight, and I'm packing up our clothes.
"Babe..." His cologne fills my nose as he wraps his arms around my waist, and kisses my hair. He was outside just now, maybe he walked in while I was lost in thoughts.
"Hmm..."
"I told you to stop packing, that I'll do it. Come on, drop it already," He takes the cloth I was folding, and drops it on the bed. He turns me to face him, welcoming me with a warm smile on his face.
"Do you want to go anywhere? Like tour around the city, and have some fun?" He asks after he pecks my lips.
"No," I reply to him.
"Why? What do you want to do?" He asks again, tucking my hair behind my ear.
"Nothing,". I reply to him, and he sighs briefly.
"Come on, babe. We can't stay at home all day, and..."
"I want you to stay alive, Alex. For my sake, for the sake of your mom that has sacrificed so much to raise you, and for the sake of our unborn child," His face expresses shock at my last words. Just three days ago, I fell sick and I had to go see a doctor. The result came out that I am two weeks pregnant. As much as it's good news, I still can't help but feel sad about it. My husband will soon leave me, and now I'm expecting a child. It hurts.
"Huh?" He blinks his eyes.
"I am going to give you a child, Alex. Will you keep your promise of staying by my side forever?" I ask him, and his face drops sadly...