It was break time before switching classrooms.
"…Okay."
I was standing nervously in front of the door to the
library.
At this time of day, Kikuchi-san would be already in there.
When I opened the door, I would enter her calming, peaceful
world. And by now, I should be completely used to talking
one-on-one with her—right?
But on this day, I felt a little different. Of course, there
was a reason I was so nervous.
I slowly reached out to the door, thinking back to my
meeting with Hinami that morning.
* * *
"All right, let's wrap up the small talk and discuss your plans
moving forward."
"You never waste a second, huh?"
A second earlier, we'd been deep in conversation about
the incident between Tama-chan and Konno, but then
Hinami had just casually switched to a completely different
topic. I had to stay focused so her conversational agility
wouldn't trip me up.
But the way she repositioned herself so easily was pure
Hinami. Mask or no mask, she had the raw ability.
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"Of course not. Especially when it's been weeks since my
last chance to give you an assignment for your goal."
"Well…that's true." I nodded.
My goal—to have a girlfriend by the time we started our
third year. Fall was already turning to winter, so that only
gave me three or four more months, including winter break.
"We need to make up for lost time."
"So you're saying…you have a new assignment for me?" I
asked with some resignation.
Hinami grinned. "Hexactly."
"Haven't heard that in a while."
I guess her mind was on other things.
Huh… That's actually kinda interesting.
That meant her life at school must have calmed down
enough for her to joke around. Of course, I was a little
embarrassed by the nostalgia I felt hearing her say
"hexactly" again.
"Right? I have to use it now and then, you know. Hanabi
established her 'character' thanks to your strategy, and I
have to set an example, too."
"So it's all part of the plan…"
Hinami giggled. It was really only when she said
"hexactly" or talked about gaming that I could see one layer
past her mask. Which meant that most of the time, the mask
was way too powerful.
"Anyway, what's my assignment?"
"Well…" Her expression turned suddenly serious, and she
seemed to size me up with her eyes. "You've said it yourself
in the past."
The mood was quickly getting heavy, and I gulped. "…Said
what?"
She slowly pointed a finger at me. "That you'd like to set
your goals and assignments based on what you really want."
I nodded. "Yeah. No lying to myself, no acting fake. And I
reserve the right to turn down any assignments or exercises
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that would make me do that."
For some reason, Hinami grinned at my straightforward
answer.
"Right," she said, baring her white teeth ominously. "And
I hope you're ready to live up to those words."
I flinched; she was up to something. What? What kind of
sadistic command was she about to give me? But I wouldn't
let her beat me. I was at a higher level now. Bring on the
ridiculous assignments.
Suddenly, I felt bolder than before.
"Of course I will. A man never goes back on his word."
"In that case…I'll start by asking you a question."
"Okay, what?"
She rested her cheek on her palm and leaned toward me
with a sadistic gaze.
"Who would you rather date right now—Fuka-chan,
Mimimi, Yuzu, or Hanabi?"
"Wha…?!" That was a fastball. I leaned back.
As I stood there reeling from all the information whirling
around my mind—not all of it necessary or relevant—Hinami
closed in for the next hit.
"Or maybe…me?"
"You…?!"
Hinami rested her finger on her glistening, exquisitely
parted lips, drawing my eyes to them. The glint of the winter
light highlighted the vaguely seductive moisture.
"So…who do you like?"
She was obviously acting as she looked up at me with
adoring eyes, but I still couldn't help feeling flustered by the
cuteness of her expression, gestures, and tone of voice. It
was just instinct.
"Um, well…"
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Her question was definitely designed to throw me offbalance.
"Yes?"
Her moist eyes were doing a perfect job of making me
blush…
But if I focused on the content of the question…I had to
admit it was important.
I'd told Hinami I didn't want to chase after a girl if I
wasn't sure I liked her—and that I wanted to work toward
what I really wanted in life.
She'd accepted that.
If we were going to use my own feelings to decide the
target of my next assignment, then this was a crucial
question.
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She was asking me to choose for myself, of my own free
will, who I wanted to date.
Kikuchi-san, Mimimi, Izumi, or Tama-chan. Those were
my options.
"…Hey, wait a second." I'd just realized something.
"What?"
"Why did you include Izumi? That doesn't make sense."
Weren't Izumi and Nakamura starry-eyed, newly matched
lovebirds? I mean, Mr. Cool Guy was walking around with a
hand-knit tissue cover in his pocket. Guess he does have a
sweet side after all.
Hinami sighed. "You may have moved up a level or two,
but you will always have the heart of a virgin."
"I literally am a virgin, not that it's any of your business."
I wish she'd stop full-on dissing me. It was depressing.
"Listen. If you want to pick Yuzu, that's a legitimate
option. Relationships are shaky—they can end at any
moment. And it's not like they're legally bound to each
other. It's ridiculous to give so much respect to something so
impermanent."
"U-uh, I'm sure you're right, but…"
Ninety percent of high school romances probably don't
last, but…I could hardly believe she'd say that after seeing
how Izumi and Nakamura got together. I mean, it took all
our help and some major effort from Izumi herself, but now
they were dating for real. I'd hoped Hinami would say they
might end up getting married or something.
"I bet you think they might end up getting married or
something, don't you?"
"Huh?"
"Well, it's not unthinkable, but it's ridiculous to tiptoe
around hoping for it. They're a bunch of idealists who
worship romance like it's a religion. It's so boring."
"Wow, that's a pretty strong opinion when you don't even
know if that's what I was thinking."
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Of course, her guess was exactly right. Sometimes, I felt
like she had ESP. It happened when we were playing
Atafami, too. Scary. I wish she'd stop with that.
She waved off my complaint.
"There's no rule that says you're not allowed to go after a
girl with a boyfriend. It's entirely acceptable. They're not
married, and even if you did steal her from him, it would just
mean you won at the game of love fair and square by being
the better guy. No one would hate you for it. You could even
say it was a good thing in the long term, if it means you and
your rival ended up as better people."
"Well, if you put it like that…"
I could see her point. I had a weakness for arguments that
used game analogies; her values were so close to mine in
that realm.
"Right? Still, Yuzu would be a very challenging choice for
you at this point. You'd be wiser to choose someone else
since you're still barely out of the tutorial. You'll be at a
disadvantage in terms of raw stats at least until you start
your third year."
"I wasn't planning to pick her anyway…"
She and Nakamura were too perfect together, and I didn't
have the motivation to try to break them up.
"Oh, so Yuzu isn't your type?"
"That's not what I meant!" I shot back anxiously. I could
see how my comment could be interpreted that way, though.
Bottom-tier characters can sound stuck-up when they don't
mean to.
"So you do want to date her?"
"No, I didn't mean that, either…"
"Mm-hmm…" She gave me a challenging look.
"What?" I stared back at her.
She stuck her pointer finger in the air. "Okay, imagine
this," she said, smiling as she prepared to get to the heart of
the matter. "If Yuzu broke up with Nakamura and told you
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she wanted to go out with you, what would you do?"
"What?!" That was so far out of left field, I almost jumped.
"That would never happen!"
"You're right. It wouldn't."
"Um, no," I said, depressed that she agreed with me so
quickly. So why did she ask?
"But hypothetically, what if she did? What would you do?"
"That's a tough question to answer…"
"Listen. This doesn't just go for Yuzu. The same goes for
Mimimi, Fuka-chan, or Hanabi. If one of them told you right
now that they liked you, what would you do? Haven't you
ever thought about that?"
Honestly, no. "I mean…that would never happen."
"I know."
"Hey now."
Again, she agreed right away. I know it's true, but it still
hurts. Can't you soften the blow a little? Bottom-tier
characters are people, too, you know.
"…But your inability to say unconditionally one way or the
other is connected to your situation right now."
"Huh?"
"Never mind what I just said. If one of them confessed to
you, what would you do? You say you don't want to pursue
anyone until you're sure you like them, but you haven't even
thought about who you might like. Don't you think that's
even more insincere?" Hinami tore into me, completely
brushing over the part I was most curious about.
"Well, if you put it like that…"
She was right; it was hypocritical to say my goal was to get
a girlfriend and then completely ignore my own feelings. The
only places a guy can get a girlfriend without taking any
risks are a dating sim or a harem rom-com.
"This is all hypothetical, so give it some thought."
"Right, all hypothetical."
"Yeah. Okay, so imagine you're chatting with a girl, and at
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the end of the conversation, she asks if she can talk to you
after school. She says she wants to have a private
conversation, so she invites you to meet her on the landing
of the stairs in this building, because no one ever comes
here. And when you get here and you're alone together, she
blushes and tells you that actually, she's liked you for a
while. That kind of thing."
"Yep, I'm definitely imagining it."
When she described it in that much detail, I could almost
see the whole scenario.
Here in the old school building…just the two of us. What
is this, a movie? Plus, I haven't done anything in this scene.
Is that okay?
But the question is, how do I react? If I turn her down, I'll
come off as conceited, but if I go along without feeling the
same as she does, that's wrong, too.
The vague hypothetical turned into a movie in my mind.
So what if all that happened, and then…
…Tama-chan said she liked me?
Or Izumi said she liked me?
Or Mimimi?
Or Kikuchi-san?
Right then—
"You're blushing."
"What?!" I yelped.
Hinami was having the time of her life with this. I swear.
She definitely did that on purpose. I just about died of shock.
"Well? Now that you've played out the whole thing in your
mind, did you figure it out?"
"…Figure what out?" I asked uncomfortably.
Hinami tapped me on the center of my chest. "Wasn't
there was someone you could imagine dating?" She smiled
confidently.
"No… I mean, I don't know."
Hinami reacted triumphantly to my vague answer. "Well,
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that person will be the target of your future assignments."
She raised one eyebrow. "Which means those assignments
will be based on what you want, correct?"
"…Yeah."
Hinami snorted condescendingly. "Your assignments
from this point on will mainly be about getting you two
together."
She won, I had to admit. Her ever-rational approach left
no room for contradiction.
Just now, she'd made me imagine a certain scenario in
order to assess my feelings, then said she'd base my
assignments on those feelings.
That way, what I wanted became the foundation for her
actions, and my original concern was done away with. I'd
been swept up by her negotiating skill; since there was no
possible counterargument, I couldn't do much about it.
"By the way, it's best if you have at least two options."
"Why do you say that?" I asked.
Hinami gave an exasperated sigh. "I'm fairly sure I
explained that a long time ago. Do you need to hear it
again?"
"…No."
As she stared at me, I tried to think back. Yeah, we had
talked about something like that when I first started
training.
"Now that you mention it, I do remember. You said it's
like how in a shooting game, you can play better if you've got
a couple of lives left instead of just one, right? 'Cause you
can't play as well when you know you might be screwed."
"Right."
She had a point. It wasn't just shooting games, either—
whenever I have only a few stocks left, I get panicky and
sloppy.
"And you said it was better to go after more than one girl
at a time for the same reason."
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"Exactly… Oh, wait," she said, pointing at me sharply.
"Hexactly."
"It doesn't really work if you forget the first time."
Hinami smiled with satisfaction. "You really are getting
better at firing back during conversations."
"I—I thought I'd give it a shot anyway…"
What, so she was giving pop quizzes now? Just having a
normal conversation with her is exhausting. I wish she'd dial
it back every so often.
"But you're right. Remaining composed is extremely
important."
"Composed?" I wasn't following.
"Listen. Love is a battle, and human emotion is a variable
that also happens to be critical to the fight. When you lose
your cool, your emotions get confused, and when your
emotions get confused, your actions do, too. And when that
happens, the other person can tell, and that sets your
relationship back. I might even go so far as to say that
maintaining a stable emotional state in a strategic and
rational way is the single most important point when it
comes to love."
So that's the key, huh?
"Then can't I just try not to lose my cool? I shouldn't have
to go after more than one person at once, right? There's
gotta be other ways."
"What, like meditating or something?"
"Th-that's not what I meant… Don't you have any other
suggestions?"
Hinami sighed like I'd completely missed the point. "You
have no idea what you're talking about because you have
zero experience in love. The reason most relationships fail
before they even start is that one person gets worried that
the other person is going to disappear, and so they start
fawning and acting all weak and turning the other person
off."
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"R-really?"
Hinami nodded. "I don't know if you've ever experienced
this, since games are your one true love…but it's like when
you get a LINE message from the person you like and freak
out. You start swinging from happy to sad until you can't
think logically at all, and the reply you send is totally
unnatural. Or you end up overthinking it and write
something that sounds cold. Then you hate yourself for it,
and when you see the person, you spend too much time
explaining yourself, or you panic and leave awkward silences
in the conversation."
Wow, that was a strangely specific example. Was this
Hinami's own weakness, perhaps?
"Speaking from experience?" I asked jokingly.
Hinami giggled, sounding very unruffled. "Sure am. This
poor guy tried to dump me."
"Oh…"
I'd just been treated to a beautiful reflect spell, a reminder
of why she's in the top tier. My noob skills don't work
against her at all.
Hinami went on, having taken no damage whatsoever.
"My point is, panicking and messing up in love is usually
caused by the cognitive dissonance that occurs when you
believe there's only one person in the world for you. It's a
narrow-minded perspective."
"Cognitive dissonance…?" I parroted. For a talk about
love, this was getting really technical.
"It's an easy mistake to make. I bet you're thinking I'm
telling you to pursue multiple girls at once, but you're
worried that will be too difficult."
"Well, basically. I mean, it sounded like the strategy of a
bona fide Casanova."
"Actually, the opposite is true."
"The opposite?"
Hinami stuck her pointer finger in the air.
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"When it comes to love, pursuing multiple people at once
is easier than pursuing just one."
"…Huh."
I was genuinely surprised; that thought had never entered
my head.
"Just telling yourself that there are other people who you
could date gives you a bit of distance, and that allows you to
keep your cool so you can make your decisions rationally."
"I can see that…"
Leaving aside the question of integrity, her technique did
seem like it would help me maintain some perspective when
I was thinking about everything. I could probably even run a
list of pros and cons with my options. But was that really a
good thing?
"This isn't just defensive; it's an offensive move, too.
When you let your crush catch a glimpse of her competitors,
you throw her off-balance."
"Hold on. That is a really underhanded thing to suggest."
She sighed. "It's nothing. Calling it 'underhanded' is just a
sign that you're still worshipping romance, too."
"You mean it gets worse…?"
Is love really such a dirty game? And if so, can someone
like me really win at it?
"Don't forget; there's one more added benefit."
"There is?"
So we're killing three birds with this multiple-girl strategy
now?
Hinami grinned and pointed at me. "You're convinced it's
hard. So you'll have more self-confidence after achieving it."
"…Ah."
Once again, she had me convinced. Still think we're
playing dirty with this, though.
On the other hand, I really could use more confidence. I
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had it in spades when it came to games, but when it came to
love, not so much.
Thanks to my gaming confidence, I was able to make
decisive choices at critical points in Atafami, and I could see
how the same thing would apply to love. That ability to trust
myself at key moments was more important than I'd
realized.
"You need to be more confident. That's another reason
why I want you to start getting closer to multiple girls at
once—it'll help, I promise. It's an effective strategy for a
noob, and your chances with either of your choices will also
improve. Of course, this is assuming these are all girls you'd
be interested in dating to start with, and I'm not suggesting
you cheat on anyone and ask two girls out at once. All I'm
saying is that you should get to know them more as people.
Then, based on that experience, you can go out with the one
you genuinely want to date. What do you think?"
She was firing arguments at me so fast, it was like I'd just
speed-scrolled through a product list on Amazon. I was
starting to feel like I'd wanted what she was selling all along.
"Okay, okay… That's really all I have to do?"
"A response worthy of nanashi. You catch on so quick."
"U-uh, thanks…"
"All right then, from now on, I'll be giving you
assignments with all that in mind."
"O-okay."
It was really hard to say no right after she complimented
me. That must be another of her negotiating techniques.
Scary.
"Which brings us to the question of which two you want to
get to know better."
"Umm…well…"
"Yes?" She smiled, waiting for my answer.
"…Can I have a little more time to decide?" I asked,
glancing away from her.
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She made a dissatisfied hmph. "How long is 'a little more
time'?" Her voice was completely flat.
"Um…about a week?"
She sighed very loudly. "I see."
"Um, sorry."
I apologized reflexively. She could express anger without
saying anything specific—that was a high-level technique. I
was getting used to her sharp tongue, but when she changed
up the pattern, my resistance went down again. Huh. That
must have been her goal.
"So? What do you need it for?" she asked curtly.
"Uh…" I searched for the right words, trying to organize
my thoughts.
I honestly didn't know why myself, but I really didn't like
the idea of just throwing out a name.
And that uncertainty was why I wanted more time. I
wanted to give the assignment appropriate attention, too.
"I guess I want to really think about how I feel toward
each of them."
"To really think about it, huh?" Hinami's face was blank.
She sighed loudly again. "Fine. It's true that you've been so
caught up in assignments and class drama that you haven't
had many opportunities lately to examine your feelings.
Maybe it would be more efficient to take some time now to
think. Resting is a basic component of contemporary
bodybuilding techniques, you know."
"Thanks, that's a big help." I wasn't sure why she had to
mention bodybuilding, but I let out a relieved sigh.
"Okay, you have one week. Two at the most. Spend that
time considering who you're interested in and who you want
to get to know better."
"A-all right."
Hinami looked up. "Buuuut it would be a waste of time to
leave you without any assignment at all, so…I'll give you an
easy one."
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"Easy?"
"Yes," she said, fiddling with her cell phone. After a
second or two, she showed me a slick-looking web page.
"…Instagram?"
There was a long stream of pictures showing trendy
clothes, tasty-looking food, images of Hinami and her
friends goofing around, more pictures of Hinami's face or
her whole self against an elegant backdrop, etcetera,
etcetera. So this is her page, I'm guessing.
"So you want to remind me that not only can you do
anything, you're also a great photographer… Whoa!"
When I scrolled up to the top of the page, I saw how many
followers she had.
"Three thousand… You have three thousand followers?"
"Yup," she answered casually, slipping her phone back
into her pocket.
"Wait, why? How did you get so many?"
"Who knows?"
"Come on." What kind of answer is that?
"I honestly don't know. If I had to explain it, I'd just say
I've consistently posted high-quality, public photos of
subjects people want to see, and that attracted a lot of
followers. I didn't post stuff for a public audience, so it really
wasn't intentional on my part."
"So you're an…Instagrammer…" I said the word timidly,
since it came from a totally alien world to mine. It felt so
strange in my mouth.
"Not particularly. People can follow me if they want, but I
don't intend to tailor my content for the public. I don't have
the time to put in the effort to be a top influencer."
"You're so disciplined."
Since she couldn't aim for the top, she wouldn't do it at
all.
"What did you expect? Youth and beauty will always lose
value in the long run. I maybe could expect a return on the
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investment if I wanted to attract a rich man to marry and
take care of me for the rest of my life, but I want to win by
using the abilities I built up on my own. That means instead
of using temporary youth as a shortcut to my immediate
goals, it makes more sense to devote myself to improving my
individual skills, which will pay dividends in the future."
"I'm starting to get scared by how far into the future you
look…"
The way she kept so cool was really frightening. I
wondered what sort of vision she had for her life.
As I sat there in shock and awe, Hinami coughed. "…
Anyway, we're getting off topic," she said, tapping the screen
of her phone with her fingernails. "Social media is the
point."
Social media—so sites like Twitter and Instagram, and
older sites like mixi. Ah, good old mixi. I used to belong to a
group on there called "Masters of Atafami." Little did I know
back then that I really would master it.
"I think by now, you understand from experience that in
order to live the life of a normie, at least at school, you need
to rise in the class hierarchy."
"Yeah, that's a really basic thing."
I think everyone has a strong sense of that hierarchy to
begin with, but I'd truly begun to notice it once my
assignments started. In a closed environment like school, it's
genuinely hard to escape the tyranny of the pecking order.
"Of course, one of the first things you have to do is join a
top-level group. Once there, you have to maintain a good
position without getting labeled as a poser. Are you
following me?"
"Yeah, I get it. Although I'm not sure if I'm already doing
that or not."
Lately, I'd been hanging out with Nakamura's group, but I
wasn't quite sure what my standing was.
"Right. You're like 'the funny guest' with them."
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"The funny guest?" That's…vague.
Hinami nodded. "You're not a fully integrated member,
but you're entertaining and unique, which makes you like an
invited guest. It's very common in the school hierarchy."
"It is?"
Maybe it was because I'd been at the base of the pyramid
until recently—buried beneath it, really—but I didn't quite
get her point.
"Yes. People who are good at something are temporarily
invited into a group, and for a while, they entertain the
group with that skill. Then the group either gets bored of
them and phases them out, or they get attached to them as a
person, and the guest becomes a regular."
I'd never been interested in classroom politics, so I hadn't
observed the phenomenon myself, but I could easily imagine
it.
"But I'm not particularly good at anything," I said.
Hinami raised one eyebrow. "You're not? Didn't you tell
off Erika Konno? And didn't you insult Nakamura on our
trip?"
"That's my skill?"
Actually, the first time Mizusawa talked to me, it was
about the incident with Konno. And I did feel closer to
Nakamura after the overnight.
"Since Nakamura is the dictator type, there aren't many
people willing to fire back at him and be funny about it. That
makes people take an interest in you."
"I have felt more comfortable since that happened…"
"Right?"
I'd assumed the reduced distance was because of our
naked encounter in the hot spring, but I guess another factor
was at play, too. Of course, all that started with another one
of Hinami's assignments.
"That's an example of how positions gradually change,
both within groups and the class as a whole. And they never
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change because of the person's thoughts or ideas—it's always
because of how other people see them."
"Yeah, I can appreciate that."
When you're dealing with a group, positions are always
shifting. Mood and image matter more than one's individual
will. If you wanted to get a little pretentious, you could say
it's all about branding.
"So your assignment starting today—is to start a private
Instagram and post photos on it."
"You want me to post…on Instagram?"
Just saying the word was still uncomfortable, and now I
was supposed to run my own account…?
"Yes. That will give you a new understanding of how
people see you and make you more self-aware. Then you can
start controlling your image. Those are the two main goals of
this assignment."
"To understand and control my image?"
"Right," Hinami said, showing me her phone again.
"Imagine if you didn't know me but you saw this page. What
would you think of me?"
"Well, um…"
I took another look at Hinami's photos.
All of them were the kind of thing you'd expect to see from
a girl keeping up with the latest trends, but because of the
wholesome images of her hanging out with her friends, it
wasn't off-putting. There was also a smattering of cute
pictures of Mimimi, Izumi, and other girls having a good
time together.
Then, every so often, she'd posted pictures of Nakamura
and Mizusawa, and since anyone could tell at a glance that
both of them were popular, normie guys, that exponentially
increased the normie vibes coming off the whole account.
Wait a second, where's Takei?
"I'd think you were a super normie. But in a nice way, not
an obnoxious way."
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"Right? That's what I'm talking about. And good work
noticing the niceness; that shows you've grown."
"Oh yeah…?"
I was torn between basking in her praise and being
annoyed that she called herself nice, which left me without
much to say.
"Anyway, using social media and posting snapshots of
your life is an opportunity to show off your position to
people who look at the page."
"Sh-show off?"
"Some people in class still don't pay any attention to you,
right? If they see, like, 'Hey Tomozaki's having fun with
Nakamura's group,' you can manipulate your position in
class."
I gave a hollow laugh at her calculated approach. "You are
a force to be reckoned with."
She was asking me to make a strategic move after
scrutinizing how other people saw me. Was that why she was
on social media herself?
"I saw some pictures of Mimimi and Nakamura on
there…"
"Yeah. I always make sure to get their permission first,
but they don't really mind."
"Oh, okay…"
Given that I'd been online constantly since early
elementary school, I wasn't entirely comfortable with having
pictures of my face posted on the Net…but I guess normies
didn't care? Maybe that attitude is old-fashioned now.
"So do you get my point? You're going to use social media
to convince the classmates who think you just occasionally
drop in on Nakamura's group that you're really a part of it.
Solidifying your class image is the goal of this assignment."
"So basically…strengthening my foundation?"
"Mm-hmm. As long as a certain someone keeps stalling
on the romance front, that's about all we can do, isn't it?"
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"S-sorry…"
I can never let my guard down with her; she hits me with
those comments when I least expect it. And they sting extra
because I'm not ready for them. Ouch.
"Anyway, I want you to create an Instagram and take the
pictures I tell you to take every day."
I thought for a second. "And they'll be normie-ish
pictures?"
"Yeah. But that's too broad, sooo…" She grinned. "…
During the coming week, while you're deciding on your love
interests, I'm giving you a seven-item photo quest."
"A photo quest…"
Again, straight out of a video game…
"Every day, I want you to choose one of the seven
assigned photos to shoot and show to me. You'll do that for a
week until you've got them all."
"Wow, you weren't kidding…"
Embarrassingly enough, I was actually excited about this.
Such is the nature of a gamer.
"I'll send you the assignments now. Wait a minute."
She started briskly typing something into her phone, and I
could tell she was really enjoying herself. Man, I bet this is
gonna be a tough one.
After a couple of minutes, my phone vibrated.
"I sent you them on LINE."
"Oh, okay."
I opened the chat window and read the following
message:
• A shot of you with Shuji Nakamura and Takei
• A shot of Takahiro Mizusawa wearing glasses
• A shot of Hanabi Natsubayashi making a funny
face
• A shot of Yuzu Izumi eating ice cream
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• A shot of at least two girls you've never talked to
before
• A shot of Minami Nanami eating ramen
• A shot of you with Fuka Kikuchi
"Wait a second now…"
"Piece of cake, right?" Hinami was smiling happily, but all
I could see on her face were the words Resistance is futile.
"Uh, y-yeah, sure…" I crumbled instantly.
She nodded, still smiling.
"But I noticed you said seven photos, not five this week…"
"That's right."
"Meaning you want me to work on the weekend…"
"Of course." A huge grin still covered her face.
"Whew…okay!"
I couldn't help sighing, but I still switched to a peppy
response midsigh. For nanashi, a man of his word, there was
nothing for it but to complete the assignment.
Earlier, she'd talked about resting and taking time to
think, but this week was shaping up to be super busy, thanks
to her.
* * *
So there I was, standing in front of the library in a daze.
One of the seven photos in my quest was a shot of me with
Kikuchi-san. I hadn't noticed at first, because some of the
other assignments were more striking, but when I thought
about it, this was the only one that required me to take a
picture with one other person. This was gonna be tough.
That's why I was standing nervously in front of the
library.
If I was going to get this shot, the ideal time would be to
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stop by the library before changing classes. I could have
started with one of the others, but I figured I should go for
the tough one while I had the chance.
Plus, I'd been wanting to have a good conversation with
Kikuchi-san ever since the conclusion of the Tama-chan
incident.
I slowly pushed open the door. A gust of healing air gently
caressed my face; negative ions and plasmaclusters or
whatever had nothing on this. Kikuchi-san's healing powers
lay beyond the realm of both science and the occult.
She was enshrined delicately in her usual spot.
I slowly approached. When she noticed me, she gave me a
gentle smile that embodied love itself, perfecting the scene
inside the library.
"Hello."
"Hello."
We greeted each other at almost the same time, and I sat
down next to her. I was able to do that totally naturally now,
since I'd stopped worrying so much about how close or far
from her I should sit. But today, I was super nervous.
"It's so good that things have settled down a bit, don't you
think?" she said succinctly. By "things," she definitely meant
the Tama-chan situation.
"…Yeah."
This was the first time we'd really talked since then. She'd
helped out a lot, and I still hadn't thanked her.
"Hanabi-chan was amazing." She smiled faintly, like
morning sunlight melting the snow.
"Yeah, she was." I returned her smile.
She nodded, like morning dew dropping from a leaf. "She
had so many barriers in front of her, but she just flew over
them," she said warmly. "I think Hanabi-chan always had
the strength, but she didn't know how to use her wings."
What a very Kikuchi-san-like metaphor. It made sense,
though.
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Tama-chan had changed her surface-level behaviors and
laid the groundwork to get the class to accept her character.
But beneath it all, the underlying foundation was made from
the strength she always had.
And that's the dream, isn't it? To be accepted without
changing who you are at heart.
"Yeah…and because she was so strong, once she learned
to fly, I think she became completely free."
Kikuchi-san smiled happily at my continuation of her
metaphor. "…Exactly."
I smiled back at her. "Thank you again for all your help…
It really meant a lot."
She shook her head slowly. "No, it was nothing. If you
ever need anything in the future, I'd be happy to help."
"Okay, thanks."
"…Although, there's not much I can do."
"That's not true." I contradicted her modesty with as
much sincerity as I could. I mean, she really had saved us.
Tama-chan's heart had been shut tight to the world, and
there was no question that Kikuchi-san's words played a big
role in opening it up.
"Just hearing you talk about your perspective opened her
eyes to a lot of things," I said.
"…Did it, really?"
"It did! That's why I know I can count on you in the
future."
She nodded slightly as a blush crept up her face, then she
looked up at me. "All right… Let me know whatever you
need."
The gentle, gradient shades of her white skin, faintly
flushed cheeks, and mysteriously tinted eyes enchanted me
like the northern lights, touching my retinas with a whole
rainbow of colors. My brain, unable to process her
overwhelming beauty, flickered like an old TV as my heart
thumped wildly.
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"O-okay… Thanks. I will."
"O-okay."
We both fell silent, and time ticked awkwardly on. The
books around us seemed to grow a little warmer under this
restless, yet gentle and comfortable atmosphere.
"…But…"
"Huh?"
Kikuchi-san's expression as she broke the silence was
strangely solemn.
"I wish I knew what Hinami-san was thinking that day,"
she said.
"…Uh-huh."
"Something about it seemed so wrong…"
She was talking about Hinami's showdown with Konno.
To most of our classmates, Hinami had probably looked like
the perfect heroine. Her performance was almost flawless.
"Wrong…?"
But her cunning still showed through, just a little.
She hadn't been able to fully hide the cunning of the
demon queen.
Mizusawa had sensed it, and so had Tama-chan. And
apparently, Kikuchi-san, too, given she'd been interested in
Hinami's motivations the whole time.
"I don't know how much of that Hinami planned out, or
what she was trying to do. I'm not even sure if it's all right to
ask you about it."
"…Uh-huh."
As someone who knew the truth, I was grateful she wasn't
taking this anywhere more specific.
I didn't want to lie or hide anything if she asked me a
question.
"But—if what I think is right…," she said, getting deeper
into the topic. "Then the question that bothers me is why she
decided to go that far."
"…Yeah, I know what you mean." I wondered the same
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thing.
Why on Earth didn't she stop when she'd won?
"I think she just couldn't accept something about that
situation."
"…Maybe so."
I was impressed by how close Kikuchi-san was to the
truth.
Hinami had said the exact same thing that morning.
"…There are some things even I can't accept."
Kikuchi-san really did seem to be able to see things no one
else could.
"When people get angry, I think it's usually because the
situation isn't what they think it ought to be. On that day,
the situation had diverged so far, she simply couldn't bear to
leave as it was."
"The way they think things should be…"
"Yes." She nodded.
I thought for a moment, but I couldn't say for sure one
way or another.
Still, if I was to borrow Kikuchi-san's words, I think I
could call what she was describing Hinami's "ideal."
"I wonder what that is for her." I could only answer in the
vaguest terms.
"So you don't know, either…"
"…No."
I didn't.
I felt close to Hinami sometimes, but in fact—I knew
nothing about her.
That was exactly why I said what I did in front of the shoe
cabinet that day.
When Mizusawa asked me what I thought of Hinami, I'd
answered like this:
"I think I want to see who she really is."
"Oh right…" Kikuchi-san seemed to have remembered
something.
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"What?"
"If you don't mind, there's something I want you to see…"
"Really?"
She touched her finger to her cheek shyly, looking away.
"I…wrote a new book. I thought…" The words trailed off,
fading like sound in a dense forest. But that only made them
all the more mysterious, and the unspoken request reached
my heart like an enchantment.
"Oh yeah, I'd love to."
"Th-thank you…," she said in a barely audible voice, her
face flushed bright red. I wondered a little why she'd
suddenly remembered at that exact point in time, but when
she gave me that look, my brain basically stopped working.
"W-well, next time…I'll bring it."
"O-okay."
"Okay, bye!"
She bowed deeply and then disappeared out through the
library door. The image of her receding into the distance was
even prettier than usual, but I was in too much of a daze to
file it away in my memory. I'd completely failed at my photo
quest. No—that holy atmosphere made it impossible. If I
took a photo in there, I bet it would come out filled with
fairies and elves.
* * *
After school, I met with Hinami and explained that I hadn't
taken my photo for the day. She brushed it off casually.
"Sounds like you didn't really have a chance to get out your
phone."
When I thought about it, I realized that aside from the
shot of me and Kikuchi-san, I'd probably have to get all the
others after school or on the weekend. Most of them had to
be taken while I was hanging out with someone.
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Hinami said it would be fine to take them after school and
then show them to her the following morning.
With that in mind, I finished the meeting in a hurry and
rushed back to the classroom. I had to figure out a way to
walk to the station with Nakamura's group and stop
somewhere on the way.
When I got to the classroom, they were still talking by the
back windows. Close call. If they'd already left, today's
mission would almost certainly have failed. Starting the next
day, it would probably be a good idea to skip the after-school
meetings if I could.
"Hey."
I walked casually toward them, making a conscious effort
to look like I belonged. The three of them returned my
greeting without any real reaction, accepting me into their
circle like it was the most normal thing in the world. It was a
little thing, but I couldn't help feeling happy about it.
Suddenly, I noticed something.
"So…you guys don't have practice today?" I asked as
naturally as I could.
Mizusawa didn't belong to any sports teams as far as I
knew, but I was pretty sure Nakamura and Takei both
played soccer.
"Yeah, I quit after the rookie match the other day,"
Nakamura answered gruffly.
"Oh yeah?"
He nodded, and Mizusawa stepped in to explain.
"Some of the guys said they'll be playing till the end of the
year, but since it looks like the team won't make it to the
prefectural playoffs, most of them are quitting now."
"We're supposed to focus on test prep, so we can't play in
any tournaments next year!!" Takei sounded extremely
disappointed about that.
"Huh," I said, then realized something else. "…So what
about Hinami?" She was still attending morning track
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practice, and I think she was going after school, too.
Nakamura waved his hand dismissively. "She's her own
thing. She went to the big interscholastic meet this year, and
I bet she'll keep going to meets next year, too," he said.
"Yeah, everyone thinks she'll win some medals."
"O-oh…"
When you take an objective look at Hinami, it's honestly
hard to believe she's real. She even gets special treatment at
school. Well, I guess if she does well at track, it's a good
advertisement for attracting new kids to the team.
The four of us picked up our bags and exchanged casual
glances.
"Let's get going," Nakamura said, and we left the
classroom. They were acting like I was a regular member of
the group, and it made me nervous.
* * *
I was starting to get really anxious now.
On the way to the station, I'd been planning to find a good
moment to stop somewhere and nab the shot of me with
Nakamura and Takei, but it didn't look like that was going to
happen.
Because…
…we'd just walked by the arcade the four of us often went
to hang out at.
There was a diner near there, too, and a couple of other
places, but we'd passed every single one of them. The only
thing left ahead of us was the station. In other words, if I
didn't do something, we'd all just go home.
But actually, it made sense. It wasn't like we stopped
somewhere every time we walked to the station together.
Before I steered us toward taking a picture, someone needed
to suggest we go somewhere.
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But that didn't seem likely to happen. And that meant I'd
have to do it myself. Ah, I get it now, Hinami. This was
actually an all-around training assignment.
I took a deep breath. "You guys wanna stop by the
arcade?"
I'd never made a casual invitation like that before. It was
embarrassing, and surprisingly nerve-racking.
"I'm too burned-out today," Nakamura said, like that
settled the matter. Seriously? That happens? I was shocked.
Since I'd never invited them to hang out before, I didn't
account for this possibility.
But what to do about it? If we went home now, I wouldn't
be able to complete the day's assignment. I had to hold my
ground somehow.
"Come on, let's just go!"
"…Huh? What's with you today?" Nakamura looked at me
suspiciously. I'd never even made a suggestion before, and
now I was being weirdly persistent about it.
But as a gamer, the key thing right now was to do
everything I could to complete the assignment given to me.
That meant I had to negotiate. Mizusawa and Takei weren't
saying anything, so if I could just manage to convince
Nakamura, we'd probably all end up going.
So if I used the fact that Nakamura hated to lose…
"What, you scared of losing to me again?" I said
theatrically. There, that should get a reaction out of him.
"…Dude, come on."
But Nakamura just looked at me pityingly, like this whole
conversation was a waste of his time. Huh? It didn't work? I
felt like I was running in circles—like my feet were sliding
out from under me.
"I—I did beat you at Dogfight 4…"
"I know that…"
My desperate attempt to explain myself was in vain.
Nakamura was still giving me that weird look. Shit, I messed
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that one up. Now everything was weird. How stupid of me to
take on a normie superboss in conversational combat.
Trying out new stuff always has risks.
"Heh-heh, you really are funny."
Now Mizusawa was teasing me, too. Damn it. Why was
this happening?
Nakamura gave me a confused look. Then he sighed.
"Whatever. If you want to go that bad, then fine."
"Satisfied, Fumiya?"
"Whoo-hoo, let's go!"
"…Uh, okay…"
So they ended up going to the game center with me out of
pity. Well, all's well that ends well, so I'll take that as a win.
* * *
The four of us were inside the arcade, playing a music game
I'd just started practicing.
"Ouch…"
"Man…"
Nakamura and I were in 1v1 mode, and the battle was
intense.
Nakamura had said he was "pretty badass" at the game, so
I had assumed I might lose, but after practicing once a week
or so, I was giving him a run for his money. It was probably
because gamers and nongamers don't always use the same
words to mean the same thing. To me, just started
practicing meant I'd been working on it for about two
months, but that probably came across differently to
Nakamura. Meanwhile, he'd started showing up on the
ranking lists at the game center, but he was still weak. In my
book, badass was a term reserved for the best players in
Japan.
"Yesss!"
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In the end, I beat him by the skin of my teeth.
"Shit!" Nakamura said, standing up and taking a swig of
soda. For someone who didn't want to go to the game center
in the first place, he sure was getting into this.
"Hey," Mizusawa said casually. "Wanna take a break?"
Nakamura clicked his tongue in annoyance. Yikes.
"Ha-ha-ha. So, Shuji, thoughts on the school festival?"
Mizusawa asked.
Nakamura frowned. "Huh?"
"The organizing committee and stuff."
"Oh."
"You're gonna do it, right?!"
Nakamura sounded like he couldn't care less, Mizusawa
was as cool and collected as usual, and only Takei was super
excited—or so I thought.
Nakamura grinned and scratched his neck. "Do I have a
choice?"
"Not really, huh?"
Mizusawa and Nakamura nodded at each other. Hmm.
That was surprising.
Apparently, all three of them were into it, actually.
Mizusawa looked at me. "What about you, Fumiya? You're
joining too, right?"
"Huh?"
"The committee. You in?"
"Uh, o-okay."
I nodded, swept away by the momentum. That was pure
Mizusawa—his way of speaking seemed so casual but was
actually quite aggressive. Well, I didn't have any reason not
to run for the organizing committee other than fear, and I
had a feeling Hinami was going to tell me to do it anyway.
"Wonder which girls are gonna run!" Takei said eagerly.
After thinking for a few seconds, Mizusawa said, "Erika
and her crew will probably ignore the festival completely, so
I'm guessing Mimimi and her friends?"
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Nakamura nodded. "Yeah, probably."
Huh. So normies had different stances toward the festival
depending on their group. I'd noticed the same thing with
the sports tournament. Some, like Nakamura's and Hinami's
groups, got really involved, while others, like Konno's group,
avoided it completely.
Nakamura sat down next to me again. "Okay, Tomozaki,
one more game."
"Good. I've been waiting," I said cheerfully. By this time,
Nakamura was able to put up a real fight, so playing him was
fairly fun. Damn, I was getting so caught up in this that I
almost forgot about taking the picture. I had to start
strategizing.
But instead, I got lost in the game again, pushing the five
buttons in time with the rhythm of the music.
If I knew this was going to happen, I would have practiced
more. Honestly, I'd just gotten in a few rounds here and
there between other games. I was hardly at a level I could
feel proud of.
Nakamura won that match.
"Got 'em! "
He was obviously pleased with himself.
Shit, that sucked. I wanted to play another round. I'd
crush him next time for sure… Uh, wait a second. Is this my
chance? Since he was in a good mood, he was probably more
likely to say yes if I asked for a photo. Maybe I'd lost the
battle to win the war. When you lack the skill to make the
moment, you've gotta seize the opportunity when it comes. I
couldn't let it slip by.
With those thoughts in mind, I turned to Nakamura.
"Hey, wanna take a picture to celebrate?"
"What are you talking about?"
"I mean, that was a great game. And…I was thinking of
starting an Instagram?"
In the middle of my explanation, I realized it made no
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sense, so I scrambled to come up with something more
convincing.
"No way, Tomozaki's got an Insta?"
"Uh, um, yeah."
"Yeah. Whatever, fine." He seemed slightly suspicious, but
at least he said yes. Now I just had to get Takei in with us,
but I had a feeling…
"Takei, wanna get in the picture?"
"For sure!!"
…Yeah, that wasn't hard at all.
I opened up the camera app, which I'd learned how to use
when I got the assignment, and took the shot.
"Okay!"
Beaming happily, I put my phone away. Assignment
complete.
But for some reason, Mizusawa was giving me a confused
look. I made eye contact, and he smiled cynically.
"Most people don't want to take a photo in front of the
results screen after they lost…"
I glanced behind me and saw "YOU LOSE" in huge letters
on the screen. No way, I just took a picture with that behind
us?
I checked the photo on my phone.
"…No, it's fine."
"What's fine?" Mizusawa said, unconvinced. I showed him
the photo.
"You can't read the words, so it's all good."
The picture pulled up on the screen was so blurry, you
couldn't even tell what the words said. Behold, my
nonnormie photography skills. Guess I lost that round.
"Oh. Okay."
Mizusawa gave me a pitying look. Figures. Our faces were
totally blurred, too. Hopefully, a certain someone would be
understanding…