After Mimimi was gone, I shuffled along the side of the road
like a typical bottom-tier character, mulling it all over. What
in the world did Mimimi mean by what she just said?
"You thought I meant I liked you like that, didn't you?!"
plus "Actually, I do like you like that" equals…what?
The extremely simple formula in my mind was trying
desperately to produce a certain answer.
But that possibility didn't gel with who I was. If I redid the
equation based on that premise, I got an internal
contradiction, which produced an error message that finally
broke my mental calculator.
I wanted to get someone A-tier to do the math for me…
which probably meant I should call Hinami.
But I felt like if I asked her and she came up with the same
answer that I did, we'd have different ideas about what I
should do. She'd probably try to make me use it to my
advantage somehow.
I didn't want to do that, and I didn't want to hear Hinami
suggest it.
Just as I was considering it all, my phone buzzed. I took it
out and looked at the screen. There was a message from
Mizusawa.
[Can you come to Omiya right now?]
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I didn't know why Mizusawa was suddenly asking me to
meet him, but his timing was perfect. Kitayono was only one
stop from Omiya, and my commuter ticket would cover the
distance, so I didn't even have to worry about paying.
Plus, I wouldn't make any progress on this trying to make
sense of it myself.
I slung my bag over my shoulder again and headed for the
station.
* * *
I was sitting in Starbucks. I hadn't been to a normie spot like
this in a while.
Mizusawa was sitting directly across from me, looking at
his phone and sipping a soy latte or something.
Apparently, he'd gone to the arcade with Nakamura and
Takei, and they'd just split up.
"Uh…so what's up? Why'd you ask me to meet you?" I
asked him.
"I think the real question is, what's up with you?"
"…Huh?"
I didn't know what to make of his question-answer. He
was the one who'd asked me to meet him at the drop of a
hat. I'd just gone along with it.
"Don't play dumb. Did something happen after school, or
am I wrong?"
The certainty of his tone startled me. What did he know?
I panicked and snapped my mouth shut.
"Did you get turned down? Maybe 'cause you told her you
liked her too soon?"
"N-no."
Those words—told her you liked her—sent me into an
even bigger panic. Was it possible? The thing with Mimimi
had only happened fifteen or twenty minutes earlier. Had he
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already heard about it? Man, if so, he had good informants.
"Or maybe the reverse? She told you she likes you, and
you turned her down?"
"Wait a second, how do you know all this?" I asked in
shock.
Mizusawa laughed, sounding very amused. "So I was
right. I told you—I see you, man."
"S-seriously…?"
He had to have a network. But still, how did he know
about Mimimi? I hadn't told anyone—had she?
"Did someone tell you?" I asked.
His answer was terrifying.
"No, but when you came back from the library earlier,
something was definitely up with you."
The blood drained from my head.
"…From the library? Not just now?" I asked timidly.
He peered at me, puzzled.
I think I just made a huge mistake. "Uh, um, never
mind…!"
I hurriedly tried to cover it up, but Mizusawa sat there
thinking for several seconds with a very cool expression.
Then he smiled, as if he'd just made an especially intriguing
discovery.
"So that means…someone confessed to you after the
library incident!"
He arrived at the truth with no trouble whatsoever.
I kept calm and said nothing, but before his sharp gaze, I
might as well have been sitting there naked.
"So it's Mimimi?"
If he could figure me out that completely, I was totally
helpless. "No, uh…how did you know?"
"Ha-ha-ha, I had no idea, but thanks for telling me."
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"Oof…"
How could I have left myself so open to attack?
"So what's the story? Mimimi really confessed to you?" he
asked eagerly.
At this point, I was probably best off going all in and
asking for a normie perspective on what I should do.
Stewing over it alone definitely seemed like a bad idea.
"Uh, I'm not sure if she confessed, but she said
something," I admitted.
Mizusawa cackled. "Wow, what a stroke of luck. All I did
was ask a leading question because I thought something
happened when you were in the library with Kikuchi-san,
and now here we are."
"That's some misunderstanding…"
He was asking me about something else, and I went and
told him everything. What the hell? But I was glad he was
the one who found out. I didn't have to worry about him
using the information against me.
"So tell me the whole story."
"Well, actually…"
Resigning myself to being pried open, I told him what had
happened with Mimimi at Kitayono.
* * *
"Ah, interesting."
He was kind enough to take everything I said seriously.
"I was thinking maybe she didn't mean she likes me, but
this is all so new to me. I'm really confused."
"Hmm."
He sipped his soy latte or whatever and peered at me over
the rim. "What are you unsure about?" he asked very
directly.
I thought about what answer would get the most wisdom
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from this top-tier character from another dimension.
"I want to know what's going on. I'm not even sure she
was telling me she liked me…"
Mizusawa scratched his cheek lightly. "It's a tough call.
She might like you, or it might be a tactical move."
"A t-tactical move…?" I flinched. So that was a possibility?
This was getting really next-level.
"Yeah. You know how some girls say they like you just to
get your attention, right?"
"Uh, I've heard rumors…"
That kind of thing comes up occasionally in TV shows and
manga.
"She didn't say it after you started dating, so it's not like
you absolutely have to give her an answer. If you want to go
along like you have up to this point, you can totally do that."
"I—I can…?"
That seemed insincere somehow, but he'd probably just
tell me I read too much manga.
"I can say one thing, though, and it's that if you wanted to
date Mimimi right now, you probably could."
"What?!" I blurted out loudly enough to startle the people
sitting near us.
"Keep it down, geez!" Mizusawa said with a smirk.
"S-sorry."
"No worries," he said, smiling again. "But I could see how
the situation would light a fire under her butt."
Once again, he was starting to lose me. "Under her butt?"
"Huh? Yeah, obviously."
"…Why?"
What could have made her feel like that? I had no idea
what he was getting at.
He sighed. "You really are clueless about this stuff."
"S-sorry. Can you explain, please…?" I asked humbly.
"I told you. Attractive guys attract people," he said simply.
"…Huh?"
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This new clue did nothing whatsoever to enlighten me.
"I'm guessing she got worried that Kikuchi-san or one of
the girls at Gumi's school would snap you up."
"N-now I'm really lost…"
He looked at me with a fairly serious expression. "I think
you're not." There was something joking in his tone, but also
a hint of rebuke.
Like he thought I was pretending not to see the truth.
"You've got a bad habit of using your weakness as an
excuse. You don't want to deal with other people's
expectations and feelings for you."
Now I was guilty and confused. "B-but if someone
snapped me up, there's plenty of other guys—"
"Listen to me," Mizusawa interrupted with quiet force,
and my pathetic mumbling stopped. His sharp gaze locked
with mine. "I've asked you this before. When are you going
to stop the masochistic shit?"
"…Uh…"
I remembered then. Mizusawa and Mimimi had both told
me that I should stop putting myself down. Right afterward,
I'd tried to cut down on it, but lately, I may have gone back
to my old habits.
"Maybe you really haven't noticed this."
Mizusawa's piercing eyes didn't stray from me for a
second, probing all the darkness settled at the bottom of my
heart.
"When you put yourself down—you seem almost
relieved."
It felt like a punch in the face.
"You didn't realize that, did you?"
"…No," I said in a daze.
Relieved? Was that how I felt?
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But when I really thought hard, I could see it, deep inside
me.
"You're good at games, right? So you should understand
this. If you give yourself a security blanket and make
everything safe and easy, you're not going to get any better."
"Um, I…"
I understood so well that it hurt. So well that it stung.
To reduce the pain of losing, you make up excuses before
the fight even begins. Losing becomes less scary, and you
don't have to put in the effort to improve. You can feel safe
without really fighting. Eventually, you get to feel that relief
whether you win or not.
But you'll never become a better player.
"Stop lowering the bar so you feel safe. The real cool guys
are the ones who grow to reach the higher bar they set for
themselves," Mizuswa said confidently. He had the goods to
show for it. "And another thing I don't know if you've
considered."
"…Yeah?" I barely managed to say.
"If someone does like you—"
"But—"
"Just shut up for a minute."
Before I could reflexively deny the very possibility, he
smoothly shot me down.
"S-sorry."
His expression didn't change. "Honestly, I personally
couldn't care less if you put yourself down. But…"
Once again, I heard that rebuke in his tone.
"…when you do, you hurt the person who likes you."
His words cut deep, and for a moment, I couldn't find a
reply.
"…Oh," I finally mumbled.
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Mizusawa sighed and looked away from me. Then he gave
a huff of a laugh, like he was letting the air out of an
overblown balloon.
"Just keep that in mind."
* * *
I was in my bedroom with the lights out, lying faceup on my
bed and going through everything again.
A week earlier, Hinami had asked me who I liked, and I
told her I wanted time to think about it. I thought that would
be a way for me to face my true feelings.
But a few days later, Kikuchi-san had turned her allseeing gaze on me and shown me the truth with her frank
honesty.
And I'd realized what really lay at the bottom of my heart.
I hadn't put off choosing who I wanted to date because I
needed to confront the truth.
I'd put off choosing because I was afraid to confront my
own weakness.
And then when I talked to Mizusawa, I'd realized
something else.
He came off as a player, but he'd clearly chosen one
person—Hinami.
Meanwhile, I acted sincere on the surface, but in reality, I
was running away from making a choice.
I used "sincerity" as a cover for abdicating responsibility.
I guess I'm an incurable bottom-tier character in the game
of life after all.
This wasn't just about lacking skills or embarrassing
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myself.
I put myself down and avoided committing to a decision.
I let myself feel safe without fighting and used my own
weakness as an excuse.
I told myself no one would choose me and let that be
where it ended.
I ran from the truth.
Well, if that was the case…
If I wanted to take another step forward, then I had to
face up to my own weakness.
I'd have to accept it and take another good look at my
current reality.
Then maybe one day, I could carry the feelings of another
person with my own strength. Feelings I'd ignored.
Feelings…for me.
Get off your high horse, loser.
You think you could choose someone to be with?
Don't be ridiculous.
Stop misinterpreting things. Don't be pathetic.
You're harmless. You're a stupid little rock.
All the voices in my heart wanted to drag me down, but I
had to push them aside. I could still hear them, but I had to
act like I didn't.
I had to pretend I was a top-tier character.
I had to put it into words.
The darkness was welling up inside me again, so I pushed
it down and took a long, slow breath.
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Some part of me had already sensed it.
The awkward way our eyes met. The strange feeling I got
from the littlest interactions or conversations. Her shy
expression, the blush on her face and mine.
It wasn't that I hadn't noticed—I'd just pretended I hadn't.
I wouldn't run away into my own weakness anymore. I
wouldn't tell myself any more lies.
Damn it, I'd say my own truth out loud.
Okay. A girl…
…Minami Nanami…
…likes me.