"Click…click clack clack."

"Argh I almost had you at that one," murmured Dondon.

"Click clack"

"As if," muttered Helomoto slyly.

His thin lips curled into a grin, knowing he was moments from triumphing. His usual checklist following a chess win was to galavant around and lecture his opponent about the characteristics of a good chess player, which he clearly possessed.

Dondon curled his hands under his chin and assumed the 'thinking man' pose to help with his concentration.

Helomoto stared across the room at Toucan who remained very still, as he enthusiastically anticipated his friend's victory.

"Toucan…my oldest friend," Helomoto thought, "how sad is it to see him in his old age.. the body he trusted for years betraying him with weak health and rhuematoid arthiritis."

Toucan was Helomoto's closest advisor, confident, and taxidermied pet Toucan.

"TOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!"

"HAHA I WIN!" Exclaimed Dondon.

Helomoto furried his eyebrow, gargled up a glob of spit and spat in his goblet.

"Fine," he muttered, "but let it be known you arose victor because my body betrays me. My mind, well that's as sharp as ever."

"I won on YOUR terms," said Dondon.

The deal was that Helomoto would win if the men were able to get through a game of chess, regardless of the outcome. Dondon would be victorious, if they were interrupted by a toot or two of hydrogen sulfide. You see, Helomoto had a condition wherein he could not contain his flatulence. This would not be so much of an issue, afterall he was emperor of Kazkaban and had everything he desired, except that he feared he would succumb to his health like his dear friend Toucan.

"Gas chess" was one of his few attempts at using his mental prowess to control his physical condition.

Helomoto was a bit disappointed in himself, but he did not want to lose the opportunity to galavant, for it was his preferred pastime.

"Come here, Don," he exclaimed. Putting his arm over his son's shoulder he walked him to the window.

"Take a look at this view…soak it all in," he pointed at the scenery. Colossal mountains dotted the horizon and lush pastures stretched across the landscape. The view was peppered with small, bustling villages. They watched from the 27th story balcony of their family's palace…from their vantage point everything appeared miniscule.

Swish Swash. Helomoto gesticulated as he spoke. His gestures were buoyant and pre rehearsed; as such they paralleled his speech almost too perfectly.

"You see son, I worked very hard to be where I am at today. To lead an empire, well that's no easy feat. It requires diligence…gusto…you must be fierce and formidable…a zest for life and good eating habits are non negotiable," he sang.

"One day this will all be yours, but for that to happen you must prove your-"

TOOOT

"-self and show others you're serious. Most importantly, you must prove TO ME that you deserve it- AHHHHHHHHH!"

A gust of cool wind licked his face.

Suddenly Helomoto was…...in motion?

The farmland below stretched until it encapsulated him.

A mix of confusion and disbelief muddied his consciousness.

"Good riddance," Dondon's voice echoed from above, "you never were good at your job. Nothing but a narcissistic old goon. A terrible judge of character. Noone will miss you…and your flatulence will be all that is remembered of you."

Adrenaline pumped through Helomoto's veins. The 4 seconds it took him to fall to the ground felt like an eternity.

His thoughts dizzied him. One does not simply fall off balconies…how could my flesh and-TOOT-blood betray me like this…had I ever contemplated dying in this manner in any of my meditations?...what does it mean to live…to die?...what is existence?...do I deserve

His mind raced.

"Quick," he commanded himself, "collect your thoughts…mind over matter…you have control over what your last thoughts are…think swiftly…be fierce and formidable…the splat will not be the end of you," he thought as he unwillingly clenched his muscles awaiting the moment he hit the ground with his bravado.

He clenched his neck muscles…

"Don's words were fluff, they do not control you."

Clenched his stomach.

"You are the master of your life."

Clench his derriere rather poetically, one cheek at a time…

"You are worthy."

Clenched his toes and his eyes and wholeheartedly awaited the big splat.

"WOOOOOOOOSH" The sound of the caustic wind overwhelmed him and then…..

Everything went black.