"See you tomorrow, Che!" Exclaimed Melon.
She turned off the last light in the office and swiftly closed the door.
Helomoto survived his first day in his new life. The realization of what had happened was too much for him to handle and instead of delving into self reflection he chose to numb the feelings and entered into a state of catatonia.
But after a full work day and overtime he could no longer remain sedentary.
"How could this happen TO ME!" he thought, "I was an EMPEROR and a good one at that."
"What could I possibly have done to deserve this? Did I have one too many beheadings? But they deserved it, it couldn't have been that."
"It was the flatulence, that had to be it. I dirtied the nose of those around me and for that I am being punished."
"What absolute nonsense! There must have been an error with my reincarnation. That's right! I'll write a letter of complaint to those that are responsible for this."
"BUT HOW WILL I SEND IT?" He questioned.
Sqeaaakk. The door opened.
"Now let me tell you what that pesky little vermin told the ladies about my chocolate pie. She said my secret ingredient was POOP and that's what gave it the rich flavor! FECES! Who does she think I am? I will feces her jealous face." A heavy woman walked into the office while simultaneously pulling a cleaning cart and yapping into her phone. She held a flip phone with her head pressed on her shoulder.
She had bright red-pink lipstick on, a cheap blonde wig, and lime green glasses. She was quite heavily endowed on her backside and it looked like she was having difficulty balancing herself.
"Ah, the servant has entered," thought Helomoto.
"You there, look here now!"
"Bertha, I was fuming. I was not gonna let a scrawny mouse-looking twig treat me like that next to my friends. You know what they say…revenge is a dish best served cold." She cackled.
"Hellooo, I command you to look. I will have a word with your boss," Muttered Helomoto.
"So next time, I'll put some of her 'secret ingredient' in her dessert!" yelled the woman as she erupted into boisterous laughter.
Helomoto realized the woman could not hear him.
He slowly shuffled through the stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression.
"How was he to live an entire lifetime as an inanimate object?" he pondered. And what would guarantee his next life wouldn't be worse. After all, inanimate objects don't have free will. And even if he did live a virtuous life, it wouldn't mean anything. He was an excellent emperor and look where that landed him.
"I was the cream of the crop, I was David against Goliath, I arose victor in every chess match I joined." He said.
TOOOOOOT
TOOOT TOOOT TOOOOOOOOOOOOOT
All of the feelings he held in had built up and upset his stomach. They were now exiting.
SMACK. SMACK SMACK SMAAAACK.
"For all the money they're worth, these damn staplers never work. Never understood the hype," the lady muttered as she smacked Helomoto's head.
"I know they're supposed to automatically staple when they sense paper, Bertha, but they're like ghosts. Keep stapling for nothing! A big waste."
Helomoto frowned. "I guess this is what my life will be like from here on end."