"Ring Ring."
"Hello, Jaxley, Smith and Cone…how can I direct your call?"
A soup of sounds inundated the room: the click clack of multiple keyboards, a complacent copy machine running diligently, a coffee pot brewing angrily, high pitched voices escaping from a noise sealed conference room.
The room smelled of fresh A4 paper, cheap Shoprite brand Coffee and revenge.
It took Helomoto a while to understand what was going on. He was unsure if he was falling asleep or waking up from a dream. He couldn't quite open his eyes yet.
"Ohhhhh my…forgot to bind the reports, silly me. I hate Mondays," a jelly sweet voice exclaimed.
Wooooooshhhhhhhh!
Helomoto abruptly flew a few yards. Something….someone….hugged his body.
"Tsk tsk," the owner of the voiced licked her teeth and hummed to the beat of Sweet Caroline.
"Sweet Caroline….how do I know what that is…"Helomoto pondered. Before he could understand what was occurring
SMASH!!!
CLICK!!
"AAAAAAAAHHHH" yelled Helomoto as his head was crammed into a surface.
He unwillingly kissed this smooth, polished surface and simultaneously admired the technique used to freshly shave the parchment he just canoodled and gaped at the inanity of the situation.
"One does not simply force an emperor to caress surfaces." Helomoto thought.
"You there!" He yelled looking at the young lady adjacent to him.
"Explain yourself! I shall have you beheaded for treating me as such!"
"Humm di dumm dumm dummmm," the lass whispered, completely ignoring him.
A waterfall of thick, curly hair hugged her caramel complexion.
Helomoto looked around. He was in an office room, he was sitting at the lass' desk.
It was messy. Files, pencils, a candy bar, sticky notes all littered her desk. "Melon A. Melon," was written carefully on the nameplate.
WOOOSHHHHH
He flew a few meters once again.
"I SAID HOW DARE YOU TOUCH ME YOU SWINE!!!!' Helomoto spat.
He looked around- he now sat at the desk next to the half empty cup of coffee and the business cards.
"How was this possible? He thought, "Did I shrink or did everything grow?"
"Crack..smack smack smacckkk."
Helomoto's head was whacked several times.
"Darn it, this was supposed to be state of the art too…nothing but a piece of trash…ah well you can never trust the product of an infomercial that's aired after 3 am," whispered Melon.
All of a sudden he felt sick to his stomach. He slowly understood what had happened..why the lass was ignoring him.
"This can't be," he thought.
He quickly began unraveling what had happened. He stood next to his son on his balcony…he was pushed off to his death and then….he was here.
Helomoto had believed in reincarnation but he always believed he would evolve forward. It dawned on him that he could confirm his suspicion if he simply looked down at his body…
He took a moment to realize he was still clenching his muscles.
"Just pull the bandaid off," he thought, "how bad could it be? I was an emperor for Pete's sake, surely I reincarnated as...as a peaceful desk flower."
He took in a deep breath and just looked down.
GASP
Helomoto heaved in shock. His body was slick and metallic. His limbs were long and his teeth, sharp and twiggy.
"What kind of a plant was made of metal?"
None.
No plant fit this description..not even in the future where he clearly came to life.
He was no plant, nor was he a flower. He was not a shrub or a cactus he was… he was…
" AHHHH MEL! Is that the Yafki Staplez 500?" shrieked a voice.
"Yes maam! Only the most state of the art, frictionless, office grade, next generation stapler ever!" Responded Melon, "and this lady owns it!"
A stapler.
Helomoto had reincarnated as an office stapler. His eyes welled with tears as he took it all in.
From emperor to stapler and of all days….on a Monday morning.