'I live in the world as a spectator of mankind than as one of the species.'
Joseph Addison
I look into Samantha's brown eyes and somehow it feels like it's the first time I am looking at them.
The brown color now looks more like honey than I remember them to be and as they stare into mine, they seem to be finding something in my blue ones but I know for a fact that whatever she wants in my eyes, she will receive because I would give her anything.
"I….I I do not know what to say, Kai." She stutters trying hard to form a sentence for me and I know what she just said isn't what she means.
She does know what to say she is just in denial or worse trying to lie to herself as she is to me.
I kiss her jaw before I retreat and pull away from her.
"Alright Samantha, I will not push you but..." I stop midway to make sure she understands me and when she raises her head to look at me a smirk forms on my lips as I say the next words.
"I will make you," I say to her move from her way, and walk back to sit back in my seat.
She is still leaning her lower body on my office table.
I pick up the files that were on my table and look at her.
"After hearing the hectic day you just heard sweetheart, am calling it a day for you. Go home and have a rest as you also consider my offer." I say but she doesn't look like she heard me.
"Samantha?" I call but I get no answer. "Samantha." This time it makes her jump as I call a little louder than before.
"Yes."
"I told you to go home and rest as you think of me and consider my offer." She still looks a little out of place but she manages to nod.
"Thank you."
SAMANTHA LILY ADAMS
The moment I make it outside Kai's office l run, I run to my cabin and pick up my bag glad I didn't do anything because I don't have to clean up anything, so I run out to my car.
I get in start the car and drive, I don't even know where am heading, I don't even have directions turned on. Am just driving away.
I drive and drive turning to left and right now and then.
When I reach a road where I see fewer to no cars on the road, I stop myself when the thought of being lost comes to my mind.
I park at the sideways and get out of the car.
There is a greenery scenery where I stopped my car and stared at it once again, I let out a defeated sigh.
I stand there feeling a rage of pity, anger, sadness, and depression fill me up until I see the beautiful shade of the sun setting and I feel it warm my heart like it's setting with all my troubling feelings.
I reach for my and snap a picture of it then post it to my Instagram story with a caption of 'beautiful shades fade away with sorrowful troubling.'
I stand leaning on my car as I watch the sunset with the sound of passing by cars which are still few to none at all and think about my life.
Firstly it went east and west the moment we came to this country and then I met Kai, following Leila then Lucas.
My sister developed a new side of herself but at first, I always thought it was her coping with the movement because neither was I fine, drowning myself as a cleaner which led me to have a post that I now have wasn't healthy either and I would hate to be a judge of how she was coping.
But what I still don't understand is the hatred she has developed for me. I apologized and tried to show her that am sorry for whatever I did but it's like she wants us to be like we are now.
A voice comes into my head as am still on the topic of my sister's hatred towards me.
"Relations are strong but are not maintained by obligation. The will to maintain and sustain comes from both ways and not just one way, your sister feels you have wronged her am sure you've already shown her your willing to be forgiven and get past everything, so what's left is to let her come to you because trust me on this one persistence won't do anything to someone who doesn't want to change."
I showed her, I showed her that am sorry for whatever I did to her. I again begged Lucas to go and talk to her and see what happened because to me she wouldn't think twice about kicking me. After all, the moment I tried to go to her, she glared at me or worse walked away which hurt me so badly. 'I know am not faultless but in what ways did I hurt my sister for her to be hating on me like she is doing to me.'
As I answer Kai's voice with my own in my head, tears start to fall down my cheeks, I look up to the sky not wanting them to fall but fail at it miserably and then I sniffle and sniffle trying hard not to let them down but it becomes a rage that minutes later am on my knees crying my heart out.
I cry for the life I left in America, I cry for my sister's hostile hospitality towards me, I cry for depriving myself of happiness, I cry for not jumping in Kai's suggestions when I know deep down in me that I want what he is giving me so badly.
'God I would really love to finally get a boyfriend in my life but again I don't want my first boyfriend to be from this continent, this country on the contrary, Kai makes me feel things that I hadn't felt even when I was still in America.'
I want to live, it's been months but I want to feel like my old self.
I want to make friends and have girls' time like I used to do with my girls back in America.
I never had a boyfriend because in all seriousness I've never seen any use for them in the life of someone only a waste of time but, now I want one in Kai because he makes me feel the feelings that I have never felt before.
He makes me desire and feel so many things within his presence only.
Right from the beginning I've always wanted to get to know him more, get to spend more and much more time with him. I've always liked how he excites me and how he makes me feel a beautiful nervous wreck because of him.
I cry my heart out as I lean my back on my car with my arms circled by my bent knees to my stomach.
Rwanda changed me but I want myself back.
"I know you hate this place princess and I also know that you don't want to make good memories here but try me sweetheart and I will make you feel like you are back home in America."
Having Kai's words repeat themselves in my head, makes my heart ache more and tears fall even more when I also remember how I left things and walked out.
I cry until I feel a chill of coldness and when I open my eyes, I get scared of the darkness that came over me in the middle of nowhere.
I get on my feet again and wipe my eyes clean before I get in my car again. I type in my home's direction and am not surprised that it is an hour and a half away from where I am to my house.
SIMMONS YARROW ADAMS
"Good night Remi," I say to my driver as I lazily try to open the passenger door to get out of the car. I feel jetted like I've spent the whole fucking day in a jet going all over the world but the only problem here is that I just spent three fucking hours in practice and the coach wasn't praying us around like we were praying.
The intensity of the practice I can feel right now that am off the field.
"Have a good night too Simmons." I wave two fingers in the air bye to Remi as I close the door of the car and head into the house.
I want nothing more than a good dinner with a fully peaceful mind-blowing sleep.
I walk into the house and head to the kitchen where my mother is cooking us dinner with Dad as the helper.
"Hey guys." My mother looks up at me and her eyes light up instantly as she locks hers with mine.
"Sweet Yarrow, how was your day darling?" I nod my head at my dad before I walk and take a seat on the kitchen island.
"Great."
"Oh am glad to hear one of you has some good news." I look at my mother questioningly wondering what she means. 'Wait did something happen when I wasn't around? I would hate it so much if they enjoyed any fun including family drama when I wasn't around because I intend to enjoy them a lot.'
"What happened, Mom?" She stops cooking and then blesses me with her full attention.
"Yarrow, is everything alright with your sisters?" I look at her and frown. 'Why does everyone keep asking me that? First Sam in the morning asking me if Sav's alright now Mom.' I want to roll my eyes but stop not wanting to get my mom worked up too.
"I think they are fine, why do you ask?" She shrugs her shoulders.
"I don't know I just know something is going on with them, yesterday I had one of them yelling at one another, and when I asked Lily Samantha she wouldn't say anything to me now lilac Savannah walked in with a gloomy face, and hours later Lily Samantha also came home with a puffed face not saying anything." She says all that at once and at the end she looks a mixture of what she just said my sisters looked like.
My father steps beside her to put his arms around her and pull her closer to himself.
"I know you may think am crazy but I know something isn't right." She is now crying herself.
I look at them and I know they deserve some privacy so without saying any more, I get off my seat and snick out of the kitchen without making any noise.
I walk upstairs to Sam's door and knock on it but I get no response.
I tried to pull it open but she locked it inside.
"Sam? Lily Sam? Lil? Sam, please open the door?" I call out to her but she doesn't answer.
I try to knock a little more and when she doesn't answer me, I get away from her bed and walk to Savannah's.
"Sav?"
"What do you want?" Before I knocked on the door she answered and when I pulled her door room it was not locked.
I step inside her room, she is lying on her comfy bed with her laptop on the other pillow of her bed, she has a water bottle in between her hands but I doubt she is having water at this time of the night.
"Hey?" I call to her as I walk to sit on her bed but she rushes me not to. "Yarrow say the fuck you want to say and get the hell out of my face quickly. You do not have to sit." I don't listen to her, I walk and sit on her bed.
"What is going on with you and Sam? You guys I hate how you always leave me out of things. Yes I know am not your twin but am your sibling. Why don't you ever include me?" She scoffs looking annoyed and I start thinking she is going to curse at me to get lost again but instead, she turns her attention to her laptop and replays what she is watching.
"Are you guys fighting over a boy or something?" She shuts her laptop screen with a bang and I scowl.
'Why go all dramatic?'
"Shut up dummy you don't know what you are talking about." By her outburst, I know for a fact they are fighting over a boy.
A quick spin in my head and it doesn't take a genius to realize the boy must be the one and only Rwema Lucas.
The captain of our soccer team.
Lucas is the only boy I know my sisters could be tagged to and be fighting for, so for confirmation, I know it's so him.
But do I blame them? No—the boy is something, I know if I was a girl I would be killing whoever had their eyes on him too.
I turn to my sister and smirk at her.
"So this is all about Lucas uh?" She looks at me with a killer glare in her charming honey eyes and it makes my smirk grow even more because it makes me realize am right.
"Hold up girl, don't stab me with that killer gaze of yours because I have no feelings nor interest in him." 'A beautiful white lie it is.'
"Samantha is a two-faced bitch for sure, that evil witch is not who she pretends to be. The perfect hardworking girl of the Adams my ass." Am sure my jaw would be on the floor if I didn't want her to keep going on because man I wasn't expecting this.
"Why do you say that?"
She still looks at me with a glare in her eyes.
"Why do I say like that? I mean am I the only one who sees through that little wreck's schemes? Yarrow, Sam is a lying bitch and scheming one at that." She says and I look away trying to hide my annoyance because if I were to believe in Sam and Sav, I would blindly go with Sam. After all, I wasn't lying the other day when I told her she is my favorite cause she is.
Now I would rather be anywhere else than here and listen to my lying and coning sister herself bad mouth my other favorite sister.
Am not implementing Sav as a villain here but given her past experiences in America, I know what I know.
"Forget it," I say and get on my feet because am done feeding her lies.
"So you are leaving like that, just like that too, to her, to the stupid bitch that told Lucas to come and apologize at me for having sex with me? You are going to side with the little witch that wants to stand between me and Lucas when I was the first one to get to him but that demon now is standing in between us manipulating Lucas with lies that what he and I had was a mistake. Tell me you want to side with that whore?" I turn to look at Savannah and scoff.
"Stop saying words like those to Samantha, it's not her fault if the guy is choosing her over you. Why make a big deal out of that because if my memory serves me right, I believe it's not like you haven't done something like that to someone."
"Fuck you." I look at her and sigh.
"I know you are like everyone else, always following the evil's spell because she has you all at the tip of her finger right where she wants you to be but trust me, Yarrow, it won't be long till you, Mom and Dad realize you were all wrong about her." I look at her and realize that somehow Savannah isn't in her right state of mind.
"Get a healthy and long rest Savannah because you've clearly lost it." She looks away scoffing at my words.
"At that time, I will gladly tell you all the infamous I have told you so. Now fuck the fuck out of my room."
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