'No there was only fear of discovery.'
The moment I wake up, I feel like I could use a skip day.
I get out of bed and walk to my bathroom to ease some of my problems with the toilet.
I happen to pass by the mirror located in my bathroom and the image I see, I know it's not me.
I have dark circles below my eyes and they are so big and so puffed thanks to all the crying of yesterday and at night.
My lips are so dry you would barely recognize them as one.
I look at myself but I don't recognize the person that I see in the mirror.
'What is life bringing on to me?'
'Who is this person in the mirror?'
I retreat from the mirror and walk to the toilet, I don't want to be crying anymore.
I finish doing my business and then walk back to my room.
It's still early if I want I can still make it to class but that's the last thing on my mind.
I walk back in my bed and just lay in it deciding then that I don't want to go to school nor will I have to go to work today either.
I lay there waiting to hear my family get up and head to attend to their business, for me to finally feel my peace of mind.
It takes some time till I hear movements outside and then there is a knock on my room door.
"Sam? It's me, Simmons. Are you up?" I hear him but I say nothing.
He knocks again a few more times but I still don't answer him because I don't have words or discussions left in me.
There aren't any hard feelings towards my brother or anyone really, it's all on me and I need to figure things out on my own before I get to talk to anyone.
"Listen, Sam, am heading to school but I Uhm, I wanted you to know that I am here for you for anything.
I love you so much and never forget that you are my favorite always, bye." His words make my chest hurt.
I feel like crying again, Simmons is so cute and has always been my partner in crime in everything.
He leaves me feeling so down and sad and wanting to run out and hug him but not being able to.
I lay there for some time feeling a war of pity for myself before I finally felt the desire for water.
I get out of my bed and walk out of the bed finally, I feel weak and so depressed.
I just wish everyone here would be out but it won't be long till I face my mother.
I walk to the kitchen and as I grab a bottle of water from the fridge, I hear footsteps coming into the kitchen.
"Lily Samantha." I turn to look at my mother and I don't know if it's because I didn't see her the whole yesterday or if it's because she is wearing a tight dress. Her belly looks to have grown a few inches.
She walks closer to me and stands beside me.
"How are you doing darling? Why didn't you go to school are you not feeling okay?" She raises her right palm and rests it on my cheek.
I look into her eyes and just shrug.
"I felt tired with a little headache."
She pulls her hand away and turns to put some space in between us.
"Are you saying you won't be accompanying me and your father to see a doctor to learn how your little sibling is doing in here?" My eyes move down with her hands as she rests them down to her belly which is no longer flat.
Somehow the thought of the little angel being carried in there manages to bring a smile to my face as I think of it. I think she already looks cute in my mom's belly.
"You've grown ma," I say to her with a smile and when she sees me smile, she also gives me one of hers.
"Yes sweetie, many more days have already passed months can you believe it." I nod my head because it's true.
It's been almost four to five months that we've been here and somehow I haven't made peace with the move, in fact, things somehow found themselves a way to get way worse.
"It's good to see you smile again." My eyes go back to her when she says that. I realized it was then that I smiled, somehow the little angel in my mom's womb managed to put back a smile on my face.
"When are you meeting the doctor?"
"At one in the afternoon. Are you coming?" I think her offer seems inviting and not also overbearing.
I would love to learn more about the baby and get to hear the heartbeat of the angel in there besides staying won't do me any good apart from thinking and crying.
"Yeah, I would love to come if you and Dad won't mind me." She smiles at me. "Silly you, why would we? I just invited you and don't forget you are the older of this baby." She says with her hands back on her belly and I nod because what she says makes perfect sense.
"So you should go up to your room and get much more sleep before we leave to see the doctor." I nod once again and turn to retreat to my room but then I think about something and stop as I turn to look at my mother.
"Will you be fine on your own though?" She shrugs. "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" I just shrug my shoulders because in all seriousness I haven't considered my mother's pregnancy before. I didn't care much if anything, I had forgotten about the fact that she is pregnant and I know it's been so tough on her being pregnant in her late forties. Now I wonder how she manages all on her own.
"Nothing, what are you going to be doing in the meantime?"
"Cook lunch for you and your dad but mostly you. I know you skipped both last supper and today's breakfast." She says that with a pointed look in her eyes like she is defying me to try and deny or say I won't be having lunch either.
But good for me, I have a different consideration in my mind.
"Good, let me help you then." She nods her head excitedly and I like the fact that she doesn't question it more.
"Let's get started then, sweetie." It's still early in the morning but I guess my mother realizes she would do anything to keep me occupied and in her eyes and I also appreciate the company that prevents me from being alone so that I get down to the thinking base again.
We get to work in the kitchen together, somehow it seems like my mother made it her own to make me laugh and keep a smile on my face.
Like out of nowhere she started by spraying me the baking flour and then we got into the fight of putting on more to each.
It made me laugh so hard but I never forget to let my guard down with my mother now that I have realized she is growing.
We finish up by almost eleven, so we part ways to get ready so that by twelve we could be going.
I walk to my room in a very good to how I walked out of it in the morning.
My mom's gesture just showed me a little glimpse of the reality of Kai's words.
Relations aren't maintained by obligation, the will to keep them goes both ways. It just showed me that we can't always have things go good but when the bad also occurs, it's up to us to pass through it together like we did in good times.
I get in a shower and somehow my face got the human color back that it had lost before.
I apply light natural makeup before putting on some oversized pants with an oversized T-shirt with sneakers.
I let my hair down with a sock cap. Am packing my side bag when there is a knock on my door.
"Lily let's head out sweetie, your father isn't able to come home. I've packed lunch already, we are having it at his office."
'At his office?'
'What? When did happen?'
'The same office?'
I hear dangers, I hear screams, I hear alarms everywhere on each side of my head.
'I don't want to be in the same office as Kai's, I would rather be anywhere.'
I look at my mother and I want to take my tag away.
"Mom can't I just meet you up while you are heading to the doctor's." She walks into the room.
"No sweetie, it's the doctor your father brought here for us and he operates in the Embassy of America. It's a one way plus you are driving me." 'Damn it, why haven't I considered it.'
I look at my mother and I know I just screwed myself and I have no one else to blame.
"Yeah well, let's go."
She claps excitedly and I wonder if it has something to do with me or if it's all about dad and the baby.
"Am all set sweetie, so come."
She walks back out and I stay behind looking like a lost sheep.
But whatever happens, I know
I can't just bail on my mother so it only leaves me with only one option which is to avoid Kai at all costs.
TRENTON KAI ROYAL
The Friday becomes so dark and black for me, which is unexpected because usually I know I've been introduced to something called Black Thursday but never was I introduced to Black Friday.
I get a busy day but it doesn't get to take away my mind away from Samantha not even for a second.
Every paperwork work am going through, doesn't end without me going back to Samantha.
Yesterday, I hated how she left things. The whole night I went through the torture of wanting to call but not being able to do so.
I could feel my mind go crazy sitting here and doing nothing but I keep finding peace of mind in knowing she is at least in class. I wouldn't get to her even if I wanted to.
Unfortunately for me, I will have to wait for her to come in after school.
I drag my head back to work but distractions are more than the focus am trying to get today.
There comes a knock on the door, I prevent myself from groaning.
I say come in and compose myself like I've been busy at work and not busy thinking about a certain teen girl, whose father is the one walking in my office.
"Mr Ambassador?" I say getting on my feet to walk to him and greet him with a shake of the hands.
"Mr Royal." He says also shaking my hand with a firm grip.
I look at him and point my arm to the couch seats for him to sit there and when he turns to go sit there I walk behind him too.
We sit facing one another and somehow I feel like I've been caught.
Like somehow he invented my head and he knows that I haven't been working and have been busy thinking of his teen daughter.
"Mr Royal, am sorry to come to you like this without notification but need your hand." I quirk my eyebrows because I feel like am not following here.
"Mr Ambassador, am here for whatever you would like sir."
'Like you are there of whatever his daughter also would like.'
My inner voice interrupts and I find myself cursing and when Mr Adams asks it's when I realize that I might have said 'fuck' louder.
"What?"
I looked at him and I could feel the shame of my actions eat me alive.
'What the hell am I doing?'
"Sorry sir, am… uh." I bite my tongue because I don't have an explanation for my actions.
I look at him and he looks at me, I turn my gaze away scared that he might be penetrating through my soul and could get a glimpse of my situation with his daughter.
We get to glance at each other once again, with a presence of an awkward silence in between us.
"Am sorry for saying impropriety words sir in your presence, the cause is due to sibling's problems. I forgot to send a gift to my young sister for her birthday and I just received a message from her on how pissed she is at me." He smiles at me.
"I know fights like those because I witness them from my kids. Anyway, I won't be taking much of your time. Am here because I was informed of the relationship you had with the late ambassador and I was hoping to get to work with you like you did with him." He says and I frown.
The late ambassador was my father's friend and so I had a way of living with him because I knew him for a long time.
Now am confused about what Mr Adams needs from me.
"My wife is pregnant and we are visiting the doctor so I was hoping for you to attend to serious issues of mine while in my absence."
"I got you, sir."
"Am sorry again for bothering you and adding to your work." He says but I just shake my head.
"It's nothing I can't handle." He nods.
"Thank you, Mr Royal."
"Anytime."
I say to him and we both stand on our feet at the same time.
"Thank you again for your support."
I shake my head in response.
"It's really nothing sir," I say to him and watch as he buttons up his suit jacket.
"I will leave you to it." He says and turns to leave my office.
I sigh a relief breath cursing myself a hundredth times for the hell I just did.
I sit right back down and drown myself back into work again.
Luckily for me, I don't get to have a certain brown-haired and brown-eyed girl on my mind.
I get to have a pause on my work at two in the afternoon and once I try to get out of my office to get some fresh air and maybe something to put in my stomach.
I walk out of the office and head to the lobby I put my left hand in my pocket and look ahead.
I see her and like a magnet pulling its metal, she raises her eyes and they fall on me.
I stopped moving and looked at her in a baggy street fashion that she wore and killed it. I feel my day lightening instantly at her presence but I frown thinking she came earlier or is it already time?
She looks at me and I raise my eyes back at her but when she catches me looking again.
She looks away and I look as she turns to her mother and tells her something before they both resume walking over to where I am and keep going without passing me another glance.
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