~
Recap;
I was completely speechless, not knowing what to say, think or do really.
My heart was in overdrive as conflicting feelings and thoughts ran through me and I was a completely rattled mess, just staring at the doorway of my new summer room, where Caiden's back was moments ago.
I just made out with Caiden, the man I had a one-night stand with and my best friend's fiance.
Well...
I'm fucked.
Chapter Four
I stay up in the attic for a while before going down.
I hear my phone vibrate beside me on the bed and groan, finally hit with my thoughts.
I lean to the side and collapse face first on my bed, my hand coming out to swiftly snatch my phone up from the bed, and spring up when I see Marleys name flash on the screen.
I swipe my finger on the screen and answer it instantly.
Rave, you're missing the fun. We just got done dinner and now we're all ready to play some games." Marleys voice shouts over the others that must be down there with them, and I hear light music floating in over her voice and the shouting voices in the background.
"Marls, I was just kind of hoping to have our catch-up talk before I went around everyone else and-"
"Oh, I know Rave, I still have to explain a lot. But all that can wait, I want the most person important to be with me, especially at my bachelorette/engagement party. This summer was supposed to be for us Rave, just us two. But it changed and now I couldn't be happier that my best friend and the man I'm going to marry are under the same roof for celebrations." Marleys shouts into the phone, making me cringe and pull the phone away a few centimeters.
I felt a sharp pang instantly travel from my gut to my heart.
Marley and I had been inseparable mostly since we were babies. We grew up side by side, then moved to the same town and then later to the same city for college. We always lived on the same street, always choosing each other over any friend we'd meet, any boy we'd come across.
It was always just...
Us.
Now there is a third thrown into the game of life and friends and I have no idea what is going to happen.
I cannot let Caiden get the upper hand again, I need to try and distance myself, I can't allow what happened with Caiden to repeat itself.
Marleys has never had a boyfriend, much less a fiance.
She would always get bored eventually with her latest fling or flat-out be uninterested in anyone, always curling her nose up at anyone I'd suggest, yet swoon over every other guy she'd lay her eyes on.
This is the first time Marley has actually loved somebody this much. This is the first time, she has actually been committed and interested in somebody, and if Caiden makes her feel like this, then I will not stand in the way of giving her happiness.
I wouldn't risk my whole life with Marley to a man I had slept with only once before.
'But it only takes once to fall in love...' My inner voice told me.
Even though it was loud, I push it to the side and ignore what my mind just told me, choosing to focus on Marley
"I can eat up here, can you get Samson though, I need him." I say, almosty through gritted teeth.
My nerves were kicking up and my hands were shaking.
Samson isn't just my pet, he is also my almost service dog.
Samson is in the middle of training to be my service dog. I have severe anxiety and ptsd, along with severe panic attacks. My anxiety makes it very hard to be out of my house, where people are, I have a hard time being around people.
I have ptsd from almost getting run over by a raging maniac who then took a knife from the inside of his car, got out started chasing me, while screaming.
I thought it was funny at first, granted I was only sixteen at the time and ran to have fun, but when I stopped, he kept running and swinging.
I eventually ran away and didn't stop, fear lacing my entire body and tears staining my eyes and cheeks.
Because of that, and a few other choice encounters, I have severe anxiety when I am around violent/loud altercations, or be in areas that have large groups of people. It brings back a lot of what happened. I rub my arms and scratch.
When I have my really bad panic attacks, I move my leg up and down really fast, and start to panic and if I can't get out of a situation that makes any of my conditions act up, I instantly freeze drop to the ground and have a complete mental break down and start to senselessly cry, or try to find the nearest possible exit in that situation and run so I can have my panic attack calmly without anyone else around.
I have ptsd when I sit on the floor and have my mental breakdown, becoming completely unaware of my surroundings being brought back to that day.
Samson is in the middle of being trained to help with it, being a half-emotional support animal and to stop me fidgeting, rubbing or scratching and to help find the best possible escape route, grab me and flee to a safe and quiet area where I can have my panic attack safely.
He is almost done, but he still gets distracted easily, I am extending the class period time because I really want him to grasp these things, and along with extended training, I am doing my own personal training with him.
We go out almost daily and do exercises where I get 'lost and overwhelmed' in a crowd and freak out. Samson does good for the most part, but gets overwhelmed and doesn't know which way to go.
This summer should be perfect training for him, with more than fifteen people that showed up.
"Get your ass down here before we drink all the booze!" Marleys says and then yells at the end of her sentence, "And Samson, I actually haven't seen Samson, I thought he was upstairs with you." Marley says making my stomach drop instantly.
Where the hell did my dog go?