The salon Aki chose to go to was in the heart of Shibuya, and it was obvious he had been there many times before as he greeted each of the hairstylists. He introduced me to a woman who would be taking care of me called Tanaka-san, and we were seated in chairs side by side. I watched Aki speak familiarly with the man standing beside his chair, as he motioned with his hands and nodded his head. As he pointed to his nose, I knew he must have been retelling the story of the attack.
"Well, Sugimori-san, what would you like to have done to your hair?" Tanaka-san leaned down slightly, speaking to me while looking at me through the mirror. She rand her hands through my hair, assessing what she had to work with. She was a cute sort of woman, and I could tell by just her look that she had a bubbly personality and was good at talking to people. As she touched my hair, she did so in a motherly way, and I knew she wanted to take a lot of care in whatever she did.
"What do you think would look good on me?" I asked her. "I haven't been to a salon in years. I just trim my bangs."
She ran the hair of my overgrown bangs through her fingers. "I think it would be pretty to let your bangs grow out. I can make layers here at the sides of your face to blend them in." I nodded, instantly happy with her suggestion. "Do you want any colour?"
I thought for a moment, looking ay myself in the mirror. My hair had grown long, cascading down the front of me as Tanaka-san had pushed it over my shoulders. I had parted it down the middle, where it easily wanted to lay, and my bangs had grown to reach my cheek bones. "Maybe." Was all I said, still in thought.
"Aki?" Tanaka-san called over, interrupting the conversation beside us. "What do you think of blond highlights on her?"
I looked over to see Aki's reaction, and I could feel my eyes were wide. He nodded in approval slowly, staring at my face, I imagined so that he could try to picture me with a different look. "I think it's a great idea."
Tanaka-san nodded once definitively. "Do you still have purple shampoo at home?"
The man beside Aki spoke up. "Yeah, Aki, we're fixing these roots."
Aki held up a hand to dismiss the conversation. "Just dye it all black." He said. "But I do have purple shampoo for Natsu." He continued the conversation as if the rest of us weren't surprised at all by what he said.
"Dye it all black, are you sure?"
Aki nodded like he had been thinking about it for a long time beforehand. "It's getting too difficult to upkeep it being blond with the new label, more work, more tours. It's hard to get time to come see you guys now, and it's time for a change anyway."
Tanaka-san set to work taking care of my hair, but I paid little attention to what she was doing. I was captivated by Aki presented to me in a new light, and I watched him as he interacted with his hairstylist with interest. I had washed Aki's hair for him in the shower plenty of times before, but I could never see the expression on his face as I did so. His hairstylist was careful, knowing that it would be painful still for Aki to lay back into the chair to put his head in the sink, and he made adjustments without prompting to make Aki more comfortable. I recognized the look on his face was of trust as he let the hairstylist work, closing his eyes and letting his body relax. He was relieved, I could see, to have someone else take care of him and have just one moment when he didn't need to act strong. As I witnessed how relaxed he became, I resolved that I wanted to be the one in his life to offer him that comfort more often.
I stood looking at myself in the mirror for a long time after Tanaka-san had finished. I hardly recognized the girl I had become, but I couldn't stop looking, proud of myself for growing up. I recognized the influence of Aki's style in my clothes. I had chosen a neat black skirt that stopped above my knees, black sheer tights, and baggy socks with boots. I had on a plain white t-shirt and wore one of Aki's black jean jackets that was a little big on me, but still looked neat. With my hair newly done in layers falling around my face, thin light blond highlights scattered through it, I had left behind a simple nineteen year old's image and stepped into one deserving of her place beside a rockstar.
"Natsu." I heard Aki say my name, and looked over at him still sitting in the chair beside me. "You look amazing." He said. He was sitting somewhat relaxed, looking like the pain had subsided. His hair was freshly dyed black, back to his natural colour, and his style had been refreshed. His hair fell over his face, shorter in the front, and reaching his shoulders down the sides and back. His signature style, cleaned up.
"I like your hair black." I said quietly, and caught him smile.
Tanaka-san appeared beside me, holding out a cup of coffee for Aki. He leaned forward in his chair to take it from her with both hands, like it was something precious. She turned to me. "I'll bring you some tea." She said, and I nodded in acceptance hesitantly, unsure of why we were being served drinks at the end of our appointments. "Aki booked in a little surprise for you. Come on."
I began to follow her obediently, looking back at Aki as he just continued to smile. Tanaka-san lead me to the other side of the salon and sat me down at a little chair and table. Another woman was sitting at the table, turning on a small but bright light and beginning to gather instruments. She placed a large keyring onto the table, sliding it toward me. Stacked neatly one on top of the other were short slats of wood, at the tip of each was a fingernail, each in a different colour.
"What colour do you want?" I look from the woman at the table to Tanaka-san, who was setting a cup of tea down beside me.
The confusion I felt must have been apparent on my face. "Aki really thinks of everything, doesn't he?" Tanaka-san said to me. "Enjoy!"
I took a moment to stare at my hands before leaving the salon to reunite with Aki outside. My nails had been filed and polished, and I had chosen a natural pale pink colour. The sun was setting, the sky a bright orange, and I found Aki sitting on the bench just outside the salon with another cup of coffee in hand. He looked like he was simply basking in the last rays of sun for the day, a fresh expression of relaxation on his face.
I sat down beside him, pressing my thigh closely against his. Without a word, he put his arm around my shoulders, holding me tightly. "I just want to sit for a minute longer and finish this coffee." He said. "My ribs are really hurting right now."
I felt my eyes fill with hot tears, and they spilled over and began to run down my cheeks. "Thank you, Aki." I said.
He lifted my chin with his hand to kiss me, and looked at me smiling. He laughed once, but bit his lip. "Why are you crying?"
I could tell he knew I wasn't crying out of sadness, but rather the opposite. I blinked the tears out of my eyes and they rolled softly down my cheeks. "It's almost been a year since we met." I said. "The whole time, you've been so kind to me. I've never felt anything but love from you."
He chuckled softly again. "And that makes you cry?"
I joined him in a soft laugh, retrieving a tissue from my bag to dab the tears away from the corners of my eyes, hoping I wouldn't ruin my makeup. "I just feel very lucky, and thankful. You could have met anyone that day. But it was me. I wish there was enough I could do for you to repay the kindness you've shown me."
He pulled me in to lean against him, wrapping his arms around my back. I rested the side of my face on his shoulder, letting my hands lay flat on his back and side. "Natsu, when we met, I wasn't even ready to love someone else yet. If it wasn't you I met that day, it wouldn't have been anyone." His voice was soft in my ear. "You do plenty for me. I understand that you're in a place in your life right now where you have to focus on your goals. I want you to do that, so I'm fine taking the lead for us right now and making more of an effort to make sure you're comfortable. I want you to be able to work hard for yourself, and know that I'm here to give you safety and comfort. Maybe later in our life together, it will be the other way around."
We took the train the few stops home, Aki struggling too much from the full day to walk the thirty minutes. When we arrived at the apartment, Aki went directly to the couch, shrugging off his jacket, and slumped into it, leaning back with a sound of pain. It made my heart feel tight, watching him as he took a few deep breaths, knowing how much it hurt him. I crossed the room and knelt at his feet, beginning to untie his boots to remove them for him.
"How was your first full day out?" I asked him.
"Full." He said. I could hear in his voice that he was out of breath still. "And painful."
I carried his boots to the entryway at the door, picking his jacket up off the floor on my way, and returned to him, reaching for the hem of his shirt. He let me strip it from him, letting his arms fall. His hands went directly to his ribs, trying to cover the bruising. The black spots had lightened to a dark purple, and radiated blue to green. I could see a yellow cast from lingering bruising all the way up to his shoulder and neck. The stitches of his wound had been removed, but the scar was a red line still across his otherwise flawless skin. I didn't want to look too long or too hard, as I felt the familiar sting of tears begin to form in my eyes.
I leaned down to kiss him, trying to make him smile at least. "Do you want me to run the bath?"
He nodded, perking up slightly. "That sounds like exactly what I need. Thank you, Natsu."
I made tea and filled the bath, keeping the door closed to keep the steam and warmth inside. I was overjoyed that there was something, no matter how small, that I could do for Aki that made even one moment a little easier for him. When the bath was full, I crossed the room to him with my arms out in front of me, inviting him to take my hands. He stood to meet me, and I guided his arm over my shoulder, reaching around his back to hold his waist and walk him to the bath. I began to unbuckle the belt of his jean to help him undress, and my eyes flickered up to his without thinking about it.
He was smiling, and I could feel the energy of how relaxed his body was. "Careful." He said.
I tried not to laugh. "Calm down, I'm just trying to help." I said, returning his smile. "Aren't you in too much pain anyway?"
"Not for you. I will carry you to bed right now."
The determination in his voice was apparent, but I couldn't tell if he was serious. "Get in the bath." I laughed. "I'll bring you tea."
I gave him time to get into the bath and relax, even though I knew my presence wouldn't be a hinder to how well he would accomplish his relaxation. I knelt on the floor beside the bathtub, putting the tea down. Aki reached for it as I let go, and our fingertips brushed together. For a moment I savoured the contact as if I hadn't touched him in a long time. I found myself consumed with the urge to touch his skin with my fingers.
I draped the towel over his shoulders as he stood to get out of the bath, turning my back to him so he could put his hands atop my shoulders to steady himself as he stepped over the side of the tub. I turned back to face him, taking the towel from his shoulders and wrapping it around his waist. I kept my eyes on his dragon claw tattoos hugging his ribs, my hands lingering against his hips.
"You okay?" I hadn't expected the sound of his voice, and it broke my daydream.
I dropped my hands. "Sorry." I said, looking at his face. "I just wanted to touch you. I feel like it's been a long time since I've been able to." There was no use making up an excuse, I knew he would see through me, but I felt like it was important in that moment to speak my desire for him out loud.
He took my hand and we walked slowly to the bedroom, climbing onto the bed together. I saw the pained look on his face as he settled himself half sitting up against the pillows. His energy continued to be peaceful, his eyes never leaving my face. "I still can't lay down." He said. "But I'm all yours."
I crawled on my hands and knees over him as he always did to me, and he began to feel like prey. I wondered if he felt the same way about me, but he was a natural leader, and I was not. I wasn't sure what to do next, and I began to recall the first time we spent together after we had come home from the hospital.
"Stop thinking." Aki laughed with his breath as he grabbed the bottom hem of my shirt and pulled it over my head. I lifted one arm at a time to let him take it from me completely, and he tossed it to the side of the bed. He pulled me in to kiss him with his hand on the back of my head. "Why are you so nervous? We've done this plenty of times." He smiled into each kiss, talking through them, so close our teeth touched.
I laughed and smiled with him, and enjoyed that little something familiar in the way we spent time together, that took the seriousness out of it. "I don't know. I'm not used to being in the lead." I said. "And I'm afraid to hurt you."
He shook his head dismissively. "You're not going to hurt me." He grabbed my waist with both hands and pulled, encouraging me to rest atop his thighs. He pulled me close against him, his hands firm on my back. I skimmed my hands across his chest, over his shoulder, rested my arms on them and let my fingertips wander up his neck into his hair. "I'll help you lead this time." He said.