I took a moment to myself alone in Aki's dressing room to really look at the things that belonged to him. His backpack was hung from a coat hook on the back of the door, the same one he always used, with the charm I had given him hanging from the zipper pull. The t-shirt, jeans, flannel button down, and sweater that he had worn to the studio were draped carelessly over the top of the clothing rack. His habits from home were clearly visible. I didn't recognize the stage clothes he was wearing, nor any of the pieces on the rack, and I skimmed each one of them with my fingers. His scent was permeating the clothes, and I thought he must have tried them on before the recording began to make sure there were no problems with any of the items. I took one last look around the room, and exited to join Kota in a few chairs that had been lined up behind the cameras and lights to watch Aki on set.
"Are you okay?" Kota asked me as I sat beside him. He put an arm around my shoulders in his brotherly way to offer comfort. "If Aki did anything to hurt you, tell me. I'll punch him for you."
I laughed and shook my head, waving my hand dismissively. "No, no, it's not that." I said. "I got bullied in school. Some girl tried to make me believe some bad things about Aki that she made up."
I looked forward to the set as I spoke to Kota, watching Aki take some direction from the man with the clip board. He stood with his arms folded nodding at what the man was saying to him, making some gesture with his hands once in a while. He walked to the edge of the set, leaving the microphone in the stand in the middle of the set. Yellow and blue lights swung overhead. The man shouted to start the music, and the song came on quieter than before. Aki took his cue to walk into the centre of the room. He walked from left to right, remained facing right as he grabbed the microphone off of the stand. He looked as though he was taking a deep inhale, and right in time with the song, he lifted the microphone to his mouth, and lip synched his scream as he arched his back. I had never seen the stage clothes he was wearing before, an oversized coat that draped neatly around his form, and tight black pants. The coat's hood was large enough to engulf Aki's whole head, and the sleeves were long enough that he had pulled them up so they created layers around his forearms and wrists.
"Aki is no mastermind." Kota said, leaning over to talk into my ear so I could hear him. "He is really transparent. And he is even more genuine about who he falls in love with than he is as a person." I looked at Kota to listen closer. "If anyone says anything other than that about Aki, they're lying."
I nodded to him. "I know. It shouldn't matter anyway. Aki's past is his past, and even if he was a player then, it doesn't matter now."
As I watched, Aki doubled over to headbang in time to the heavy riff, so intensely he almost lost his balance. Even as he stumbled, he made every movement look intentional. I admired the control he had over every inch of his body, how aware he was of every angle.
Kota nodded at my sentiment. "You're right. But I want you to know, from his best friend, Aki is very in love with you. And as his best friend, I would never cover for him if he did anything wrong."
I laughed. "Thank you, Kota. I know you're all taking care of me, and I really appreciate how you've all welcomed me into this family."
Aki had begun to lip synch to his voice as the song began the first verse, standing straight at the microphone stand. He bounced one knee in time with the beat of the drums, his stance wide, and he used his hands and arms to make gestures as if he was dramatically speaking to the audience through the music. Watching him perform, I saw that he had fully transformed into Aki, the frontman of a metal band called Guardian, and Hasegawa Akira was put aside for the time being. He came to life in a different way when he performed, almost as if Aki was really a demon that momentarily possessed him.
"You're important to this family." Kota said. "Aki may be the one who takes you home at the end of the day, but we all love you in our ways."
As the last note of the song sounded, Aki stood in the centre of the set at the microphone stand, his feet together, his arms spread wide to his left and right, his fingers outstretched. The stance made him look monstrously tall, taking complete control of his surroundings. The note faded, and Aki dropped his arms, turning on his heels and walking into the shadows at the back of the set as the man with the clipboard called "Cut!" I couldn't take my eyes off of him as he turned around and ran with a smile on his face to the man, connecting palms with him in an enthusiastic high five. I caught the man hand his phone over, and without looking at it, he ran toward Kota and I, the excited smile still on his face.
As he approached, Kota and I began to applaud his performance. "That was seriously something." Kota said. "You set the bar high for the rest of us in our solo shots now."
Aki bowed theatrically. "Thank you, thank you." He held out his hand to me. "Come take a picture with me on set. We have one minute until they reset for Kota's solos."
I put my hand in his and let him lead me onto the set, under the blue and gold lights. As we walked toward it, I remained one pace behind him, and imagined he was a vampire prince leading me into the dark forest. My eyes were on his back, able to see only the large hood covering his hair, creating a smooth surface of black that ran the length of him. His nails were neatly manicured with a glossy black just like usual, and he wore silver rings on his fingers. The image made my skin crawl with excitement.
He handed me his phone and asked if I would take a picture of us together. I held the phone at arm's length and positioned us in the frame. As soon as the shutter clicked, Aki told me to take one more, and I counted down from three. The second I pressed the shutter button, Aki grabbed the collar of my shirt with one hand, and my chin with the other, turning my head to kiss me. His timing was perfectly matched to the camera, and the picture was a clear moment in time of a vampire prince and his princess.
The evening was passing, and Aki and I returned home without watching any of the other member's solo shoots. Aki wished them all good luck, explaining that we were leaving early because I had school in the morning. It was the truth, but I knew he was tired and didn't want to admit to the rest of them that all his energy had been spent on his performance. We retired to bed together, but Aki fell asleep almost instantly, and I took the time to study a textbook a little more before turning off the light. What a contrast it was to remember the way he looked on set with makeup and stage clothes, in comparison to how gentle his face looked when he was asleep. Without meaning to, I watched him for a while as I drifted off beside him.
I woke as usual in the middle of the night to the sound of Aki's voice on the phone. One lamp in the living room was turned on, and the light was dim, but after hours with only the darkness of sleep, it was enough to illuminate the room for me. I peeked my head around the corner of the bedroom door to see Aki pacing the room. I could tell this was not his regular 2am phone call.
"I'm not offended, Kota, I feel bad for you. I don't know how to help you." As he spoke, he noticed me, and put a finger to his lips to signal that I should be quiet. He motioned for me to come closer, and sat down on the couch, inviting me to sit with him.
He put the phone on speaker for me to hear, but pressed his finger to his lips again to make sure I understood not to make a sound. "I feel bad." Kota's voice came through the phone. "And I feel really sorry. Of course I'm not going to say anything to her. I don't want to say or do anything that would make her feel weird around me."
Aki pointed to me, signalling that it was me who Kota was talking about. I was confused, and continued to listen. "I'm sure it's just a crush, Kota." Aki said to him. He was keeping his voice low, pretending I was still asleep and he was talking quietly so he wouldn't wake me. "She's cute, and she's nice to you, and you're ruthless so those two things are your only criteria. It will probably pass."
"I'm still really sorry, Aki. I wanted to think that as well and just let it run its course, but I felt so bad about feeling that way, I just needed to tell you. I've been feeling like I've been sneaking around, especially when you trust me to take care of her."
"I'm glad you told me, Kota. You don't need to be sorry, and I know you don't have any ill intentions. You're innocent." Aki spoke as if he was a judge giving a ruling. "Besides, it would be up to Natsuko anyway, if you did say something to her. Maybe she likes you better than me after all." He smiled to me in a sly sort of way.
Kota sighed loudly. "Aki." He said firmly. "Don't let your reins loose. On me or her."
Aki chuckled. "Do you feel better now that you told me?"
"Yes, actually. I think I can actually get some sleep now. Don't say anything to her about this, okay? I'm just going to continue to try not to act differently around her."
"Kota, stop talking like you're a criminal." Aki laughed. "You've done absolutely nothing wrong. I'll see you in the morning." There was a sound of affirmation from Kota, and Aki hung up the phone. He looked at me seriously, but a smile was still on his lips. "Just so I'm clear, you still like me better, right?"
I laughed, surprised that it was the first thing he said. "Aki!" He wasn't wearing a shirt, so I reached for his chain to pull him close to kiss him. "I don't want to share a life with anyone else."
He took my hands in both of his. "I would have told you about this even though he asked me not to, if you didn't wake up to hear that conversation." He said. "This is the first I'm hearing about it as well. I think it's important for you to know so you can make decisions about it. You spend a lot of time with Kota when I'm working, and I'm glad that you do. Guardian are really my only friends, because I'm too busy to have any other friends, and I'm glad that we can all be a family. But it's only fair that you know so you can decide if that make you uncomfortable being around him or not."
"I don't want it to be a big deal." I said. "He's been acting completely normal around me, and I want it to stay that way."
Aki nodded. "Good. Let's get back to bed." He lead with with the grip he had on my hands, walking backward until he reached the bed. He rolled to his back and seemed to sink into his pillow, an expression of exhaustion on his face. I pulled the blanket up to cover him as I slid under it beside him.
I stroked the side of his face lightly with my fingertips, and he turned his head into my touch to look at me. "You look really tired. Have you been up long?"
"About two hours."
"What do you do when you get up in the middle of the night?" I let my fingertips wander down his neck and onto his chest in an attempt to make a comforting gesture.
"Tonight I made tea, wrote down some music, and thought about what we should do for Christmas. Then Kota called." He took a deep breath of relaxation in response to my touch, as if he was demonstrating that I had accomplished what I was trying to do. "I've been writing a ballad, but just the vocal line and the lyrics. I think I want to keep it that way, but I don't know if the rest of them will be on board."
I nodded, smiling, and continuing my exploration of his skin. "It's a bold move. But I think your voice can stand alone. You have the skill and control for it." I laid back on my own pillow and sighed deeply, thinking about returning to school in the morning. "Can I just come to work with you? It would be like field research."
His face softened, as if he was preparing to listen closely to what I had to say. "Are you worried about something happening at school again?" I didn't say anything, fighting to stop more tears from welling in my eyes. "Go to school. But after, when you come to studio, I'm going to introduce you to the gym they have there."
I was surprised by his response, wondering what the gym had to do with anything. "What for?"
"So you'll have a line of defence. I'm going to teach you how to box."