What? Really? He wants me to join? Never would I have expected to be let into an esteemed club like this, but I’ll take it. The Force is one of the first rumors that proliferated when I arrived here, but I never gave much thought of it. From overhearing conversations, all I know is that after every meeting, they hand out drinks and party like it’s their last day alive. I wouldn’t mind a shot of beer. Maybe it’ll make me feel more relaxed, which is exactly what I need. I write a reply, agreeing to join them, and then slip it under Juliano’s door. After that, I head down to the lounge area to do my homework. Coincidentally, Aurora is there too, so I sit on the bean bag adjacent to her.
“Hey!” I smile. “Want to study together?”
“Sure! I was just going to ask you to help me with my math homework again, since you did such a good job explaining the concepts to me last time,” she responds excitedly.
“Great. Well, let’s get started then.” I pull out my heavy binder from my backpack and free the pages from its clasps. We go over how to find the area given two sides and an angle. I show her a few examples, and she catches on pretty quickly.
“Wow. This actually makes sense now. Can I just hire you as my private tutor?” she jokes.
“I mean, as long as I get my paycheck, I’m down,” I reply sarcastically. We continue shredding through the worksheets until we’re exhausted. I must admit that it was way more fun than I had anticipated. In fact, I had such a good time that I almost forget about Sander. Almost. That is, until he shows up at the lounge as we’re wrapping up. For a second, I think he’s about to approach me, but he turns around and settles on the bean bag that’s located as far away from me as possible. I hate that I caused this, but it’s not like I had any other choice. I was getting too attached to him, and I needed to dissociate myself before people started getting suspicious. Whatever. At least I have Aurora back. I allow myself one last peek at him before leaving. There’s no harm in looking. My heart skips a beat while admiring his brown wispy hair that’s effortlessly messy, yet perfect. I swiftly turn away, say goodbye to Aurora, and run upstairs.
Back in my dorm room, I kill some time by listening to indie-pop songs. My music taste is kind of all over the place, but that’s just how I am. For me, music is an instant mood lifter. It touches my soul and helps to heal my mind in a way that lifts me up. It takes me away from the present, and into a dreamy land where I have nothing to worry about. I bury myself beneath the mountain of pillows on my bed and wear my headphones so I can blast the tunes without disturbance. My head bops to the chorus and I lay back. I’m so in my zone that I don’t even notice the tap on my door until it becomes a forceful knock.
I twist the knob and find Cyrus coming in.
“Dude, are you ready? I’m here to escort you to the Aquarine cabin,” he exclaims.
“Oh, of course. I’m ready.” I glance down at my phone and notice that it is indeed a quarter until midnight. Where did all the time go? Before I have time to say anything else, Cyrus grabs my arm and takes off.
“Come on. The earlier we get there the better,” he encourages me to run with him, which I do with moderate success. I end up trailing him like I’m a puppy blindly following my leader. From the outside, the cabin glows in the light of the night, its stones finding their way around the cobwebs. The old roof tiles wave, reflecting off the buoyant light. I cringe at each creak on the warped stairs. A shiver curls itself through the hairs on the back of my neck, cascading down my backbone. Out of all the places to host a meeting, why choose this morbidly haunted cabin? When I do eventually arrive, the others are already there. There’s Juliano, Cyrus, Kaiden, and two other students whom I don’t remember the names of.
“Nicolas! I’m beyond excited for you to be finally joining us. You already know Cyrus, but I will let everyone else properly introduce themselves to you,” my cousin gestures to his left, where everyone is sitting.
“Hello, my name is Peyton. We have history together, but I’m not sure you remember me since the class is literally crowded with people,” the first boy shares.
“I’m Marvin,” the second boy adds. “Welcome to the Force.” He smiles warmly at me and I give him a nod.
“Nicolas. We’ve already met before, and it seems like you have taken my advice,” Kaiden smirks. Advice? What is he on about? Kaiden is seriously starting to get on my nerves, because nothing he says to me makes sense. I shrug it off and walk to my seat at the end of the table.
“Now, let’s get down to business. Nicolas, before you’re officially in, you must pledge your loyalty to royalty. So, do you swear that in accordance with the Force’s interests, you will work to prevent the extinction of all the noble families?” Juliano asks me.
“Yes, I swear,” I affirm.
“Great,” Juliano pats me on the back while Peyton and Marvin fetch the drinks. I can tell how much this means to my cousin, and I’m happy that for once, I’m included in the decision-making process. Ever since the last century, royal blood has been declining at a steady rate, mainly because of outdated succession laws and the increase of scandals.
“Red wine or white wine?” Peyton taps me on the shoulder, holding a tray of fancy drinks.
“Red, please.” He hands me the glass and passes down the rest of the alcohol. The vivid smell of marijuana and beer pierce through my nostrils like a sword. A few sips in and I’m already tipsy. I clutch the pillar next to me so that I don’t lose balance and fall.
“You want more?” I look up to see Peyton pointing at the crystal bottle in his hand, the fizzing crimson liquid swaying as he juggles it from side to side. Even after one drink, I already am beginning to feel lighter, almost as if I’m not there anymore. However, against my better judgement, I reach my glass towards him, letting my drink refill. By the fourth glass, everything has turned foggy. In my sixteen years of life, I’ve never drank this much before. Is this really me? Why am I doing this in the first place?
I examine the room, and I see everyone having fun, and I feel like I should enjoy this, but I don’t. Instead, I struggle to catch my breath. Panic sweeps over me, sprinkled in with heaps of regret. I should not have said yes to all those drinks. That was too much. As my mind boggles with blaring thoughts, I gulp down the rest of my glass. My body starts to go numb, but I feel weirdly more relaxed and less inhibited. There’s a constant buzzing in my ear, just loud enough for me to remain conscious. A newfound energy surges through me in a way that I didn’t think was possible.
“Yo! Let’s do some classic Russian roulette!” Cyrus decides. “Whoever this bottle lands on, has to take a shot of this whiskey and eat the entire lemon dangling on the side. Okay?” None of us have time to react before he gives a big spin to the bottle. It comes to a stop in front of Marvin, the least drunk one out of all of us.
“Dang it, man!” he whines before chugging the glass down and taking a juicy bite out of the lemon. “Done,” he gags, scrunching when the sourness takes its full effect. We continue like this for a while, each of us daring the other to their limits. When it seems like none of us can take any more, I follow Juliano outside to get some fresh air.
“I feel like I’m going to mess it all up,” I confess to him once we’re alone.
“Mess what up?”
“Everything. I always tend to say the wrong things, do the wrong things, and I’ll never be as good as my brother was.”
“Don’t say that. From what I can tell, you’re doing a fine job so far. Besides, that’s why you have me. If you ever need something, I’m one call away.”
“You want to swap places?” I joke, but he straightens up a little too seriously.
“Sure, why not? I would do a pretty good job as crown prince,” he says in a way that makes it seem like he’s been waiting his whole life for me to step down. I ignore it and lead the conversation elsewhere.
“It just sucks. It’s my fault. I egged him on. I’m the one that told him that I wouldn’t be coming home for the break, and that meant that he didn’t need to stay home to wait for me and–” I run out of breath, but my words were increasingly elevated in anger as the guilt weighs down upon me.
“It’s okay. I understand what you mean. I felt the exact same way about my dad,” he sighs.
“Everything is twisted inside out! Nothing I do feels right, and I don’t know how to act anymore. They’re all giving me their sympathy looks and taking pity on me like I’m some lost charity cause. I shouldn’t even be functioning right now! My brother is d-dead! I’ll never see him again. And here I am, drinking my soul away,” my voice cracks on the last word. I’m about to melt down into a puddle again, but Juliano intervenes.
“Listen, it’s not your fault,” he stares firmly at me. “It’s not your fault,” he repeats, louder. Then, with both his hands reaching up to cover the sides of his face, he faces the sky and screams. He yells loud enough for the whole city to hear. His shout rustles all of the trees and echoes down the street. Releasing one hand from his cheek, he motions for me to do the same. Slowly, I open my mouth to release all the frustration that has been brewing up inside me these past few weeks. I scream and scream and scream until my lungs subside. This feels amazing. After Juliano’s voice is parched as well, he excuses himself to go to bed. I try to do the same, although my fuzzed-up mind can’t figure out for the life of me how to get back to my dorm. It feels like I’m spinning in circles, unable to decipher the difference between left and right.
It takes me a solid minute to find the back alley of Bayshore, where my bike is neatly parked. Intuitively, I hop on the saddle, letting my legs control my movements. My stomach growls, and I realize I haven’t eaten anything for hours, but I’m not hungry. I plow down the streets, clutching my bike while I peddle. I have no idea where I’m going, but I’m going to get there fast. The world flashes between my eyes. A blur of greens and blues takes over my vision, painting a watercolor of haziness. My head spins and I know I need to stop. But I can’t. If I stop, I’ll crumple like a puppet released from its string. It feels like my innards are being replaced by a black hole. Nausea is creeping up to my head. My mind swirls.
The chains of my bike crack and I take off running. I don’t care. Nothing matters. I want to break the rules. I want to destroy things and watch the smoke stain the sky. My heartbeat is crashing between my ears. Rage is howling down my throat. My legs wobble, and I collapse. Everything hurts: my knocked-up knee, my lungs, my half-slitted wrists. I’m lucky that nothing’s broken, nothing except my pride. I don’t know where I am, but there’s something poking me. I reach down and claw the grass. Except it’s not grass. My whole life, I’ve assumed that there was grass on rugby fields, but it’s all fake. Everything is fake! I need to tell someone about my newfound knowledge. I pull out my phone and dial the only number I remember. Two rings later, a familiar voice greets me.
“Hello?”
“Oh, Sander! I just found out something revolutionary. Everything in the world is fake. Everything!”
“Nicolas? Is that you? Are you okay?”
“I’m better than ever. Hey, did you know that the grass on the rugby field isn’t even real? It’s like... turf; all prickly and sharp.”
“N-Nicolas? What are you on?
“I discovered it. The world is made out of plastic. And everything is dark. It’s nighttime. I know that much. But why is it so bright?”
“Uh, that’s because the stars make it bri–.”
“Even the people aren’t real. They’re made out of metal and cloth and have eyeballs glued onto them. But I like you, and that is very real.”
“Nic- Are you at the rugby field?”
“Mhmm! Exactly.” The phone makes a beeping sound before it goes quiet. I breathe in the silence and make snow angels against the fake grass. Wow. I will never see the world in the same light again. Who knew the universe was playing tricks on my eyes, deceiving them under a false presumption. Still in a state of numbness, I begin questioning my existence. How did I end up here, as the crown prince?
I can’t think. My mind is drawing a blank. Who am I? For a moment, all I can do is live in the present, my brain too clouded to function any further. It feels as though everything is taking place right now. Like neither the past nor the future matter and only this moment exists. There are no movies playing in my head, no memories clogging the screen. It’s just reality itself. Freeing. Loud footsteps stomp the turf, and before I know it, a hand reaches down to me.
“Sander. You’re here,” I marvel in awe. I grab his face and rub my hands against his cheeks. It’s not an illusion. It’s actually him.
“Yes, I am. Are you high? What the hell did you take? Come, sit up,” he tugs on my tainted sleeve, dragging me up.
“You really came.” The edges of my fingers trace his jawline, taking all of him in. Tingling sensations creep up my stomach as I admire him.
“Ok that’s enough,” he whispers while gently pushing my arms down. “What did you do?”
“I don’t know. I don’t remember anything. I don’t even know why I’m here. But thank you. Thank you for coming.”
“Nicolas, come on. We need to get you out of here.”
“Wait,” I croon. “I want to look at you. God, you’re beautiful. You’re so beautiful.” Why have I never noticed just how gorgeous he is? Hypnotic eyes, plump lips, smooth skin, symmetrical face, he’s got it all. He’s perfect. Right as I’m about to slumber into another state a of euphoria, a rush of reality brings me back, and I start to worry.
“Are you mad at me?”
“No, of course not. How could I ever be mad at you?”
“Aww.”
“Okay, get up now, let’s bring you inside,” he says while pulling my feet. Once, I’m up, I tightly embrace him. I hug him like my life depends on it. It was foolish of me to think that I could get over him, and I’m never letting him go again.
“I’m so glad you’re here,” I admit, gripping him with all my strength.
“I’m glad too.”
We waddle our way to his bike and I jump onto his back, clutching him like a baby kangaroo. I inhale his scent, wrapping my arms around his back.
“Ready?” he asks.
“Uh-huh.” We go soaring through the dark streets, past the tall buildings and the overgrown trees. At this moment, I feel vulnerable. It’s like at any point I could fall off, except I’m holding onto Sander with my dear life. We’re surrounded by cars. I can hear their muffled radios through the semi-closed windows. I feel the radiant heat beaming off their engines. It’s a sensory overload. Everything speeds up, almost like I hit a fast forward button. Time actually flies. The wind kisses the cool sweat drenching my body.
I feel alive. I stop thinking of the next turn. I stop focusing on the details. A zen-like state settles on my shoulders as I glide through the world, immersed in it, in total harmony. By the time we arrive at my dorm, the crack of dawn peers through the window. I immediately sink into my bed, and before I know it, the world goes black.