I don’t know how to react. This better not be another prank, because I’ve had enough of those in my life already. It pains me to have to put a pause on mine and Sander’s lovely hangout, but I’d rather not think about how much my cousin would rage if I ghosted him. Right away, when I enter the room, I can sense something is wrong. Maybe it’s the solemn look on their faces, or it might just be my imagination distorting my perception. I’m the last one to arrive, joining Juliano, Cyrus, Marvin and Kaiden.
“Finally, you’re all here,” Juliano is the first one to speak. “We are in kind of a dire situation,” he winces.
“What did Peyton say? I swear I’ll murder him if he ratted me out,” Kaiden curses under his breath, but loud enough for the rest of us to hear.
“The good news is he hasn’t said anything... yet. But he’s demanding we find some sort of solution for him to not get expelled. Or else he’ll tell on us.”
“Are you kidding me? Does he even care about the Force at all?” Kaiden huffs, forcefully slamming his fist against the wall. Fumes rise from his cheeks like he’s a riled-up bull ready for battle.
“Well, we have no choice. Either we figure something out, or all go down together,” Marvin sighs.
“Okay, so then what are we supposed to tell him?” I ask while frantically biting on my fingernails. Anxiety really brings out the worst habits in me, but chewing on something is my coping mechanism. Although it may not seem like it to them, I’m freaking out right now. I can’t afford any more drama. Last year was crazy enough as it was, and any more slander against my name will completely tarnish my reputation.
“We could blame it on someone,” Kaiden suggests. “That way our hands will be scot-free.”
“Hmm, but how would we make it sound convincing? It’s not like they’ll just randomly believe us without a valid explanation,” I reason.
“Sander,” Juliano says all of a sudden. “We could blame it on him. Think about it, he’s a non-boarder, and he was also technically the guy who gave us the drugs, to begin with.”
“Wait, what? You’re lying!” I shout in disbelief. How could he do something that idiotic? I will not let them spread these incredulous fallacies about him.
“It’s true,” Cyrus nods. “He was the one that sold them to us, at a hefty price too.” No, no, no. This can’t be. They must be confusing him with someone else. I refuse to believe that my sweet, little, innocent, Sander was capable of doing something that absurd. Was this really true?
“It’s a solid idea. We could use Sander as our scapegoat until someone else comes up with a better solution,” Kaiden says in agreement. I can’t believe him. I can’t believe any of them right now. They are not who I thought they were. How could they throw him under the bus like that and feel no guilt? Juliano is staring at me as if he’s waiting for me to speak, but when I don’t, he smirks and opens his mouth instead.
“He seriously didn’t tell you? I thought you guys were like super close or something. It’s odd how he kept that a secret...”
“Just stop talking,” I cry, storming away.
“Nicolas, wait! We aren’t done!” Juliano yells after me but his voice fades away, as I’m long gone. I’m not coming back. I can’t deal with this. Why can’t I get a break from all this chaos? Why me? I never asked to be involved in such catastrophic situations. Yet it always seems like bad luck trails me around, wherever I go. I need time to process this information. I’ll have to confront Sander eventually, since I need to find out the truth. But I need to calm down first.
I run back to my dorm and hurl myself onto the bed. Sander is the last person I would have imagined to be selling drugs. Maybe he’s not as innocent as I thought. This triggers a thread of unsettling thoughts, which creep up to the front of my mind. What else don’t I know about him? What else is he hiding from me? I go about the rest of my evening in silence, alone. Fortunately, there’s only a few more hours until my bedtime. I busy my mind with the homework that I’ve been putting off, and then slump into an unnerving sleep. I want to scream, but my voice is gone. I want to cry, but my eyes are dry. I can’t fall asleep. There are too many nightmares playing in my head. I don’t want to wake up tomorrow. I don’t want to face another day.
After what seems like a century, I become restless. With a last-ditch effort, I chug a bottle of water down in an attempt to calm myself. My head become foggy again, similarly to the time when alcohol splashed me into oblivion. It feels as if every individual eyelash weighs more than it should and that gravity has been yanked up five notches. Everything feels heavy, from my arms to my toes. My head lolls from one side to the other. I take deep breaths, and try to think happy thoughts. When that doesn’t work, I count. One, two, three... one hundred fifty-eight, one hundred fifty-nine...
I don’t know when I fell asleep, but when I open my eyes again, the sun is up and shining brighter than ever. I stifle a tired yawn before forcing myself to get up. I still haven’t talked to Sander yet, so I decide that I’ll meet him at his locker before the morning classes start.
“Hi,” I say, striding forward.
“Oh, hi. What’s up?”
“We need to talk.”
“Okay, sure. I’m all ears.”
“Peyton, he was caught with drugs yesterday.”
“I see, that’s not good.”
“Was it you?”
“Me, what?”
“Who sold them to him! Juliano accused you of it, and I need to know if that’s true.”
“Nicolas, it was simply my dad’s medication. He had extra, and they asked me, so I lent it to them.”
“Seriously? Are you out of your mind? Dealing is so low. So, so low,” I shake my head furiously.
“I’m-I’m not a dealer...” he stutters.
“I just want to know why,” I interrupt him. “Why?” My hands fly up, shoving the air out of distress. I can’t believe that he actually dealt drugs. It makes no sense.
“It was the only way for me to come to your initiation party! Remember the one at the start of the year? Yeah. I was only permitted in on the exception that I sold Juliano alcohol. One thing led to another, and now he owes me money.
“He owes you money?”
“A lot of it too. I keep demanding for it, but apparently, he’s broke.”
“What do you mean he’s broke? He’s royal blood. How is that even possible?
“I don’t know!”
“Well, that’s no excuse for what you did. I thought you were different from the others, but I guess I was wrong.”
“I’m sorry,” he pouts. “I’m sorry I’m not perfect, or anywhere where remotely close to your standards.”
“Ugh, it’s hard to be mad at you, but I don’t care that you’re not perfect. Hell, if I cared about those sorts of things, I would have chosen Aurora. But I chose you. Stop doubting yourself, although I won’t be as lenient if you make another mistake like that,” I confess.
“Frankly, I don’t know what I’d be doing without you. I won’t let you down again,” he promises, although he looks unconvinced at his own words.
“Honestly, you have no idea how convoluted everything would be if I didn’t have someone to talk to, and you’re the only person who I can truly open up to. However, now I don’t know where we stand anymore, and that really guts me,” I sigh. It feels like my insides are being ripped out from the stress I’m experiencing. A teenager can only handle so much. “On top of that, we sort of have a problem. Juliano wants to blame the drugs that were found on you,” I add.
“Seriously? You can’t let him do that! You said something right?”
“I tried, but it seemed like his mind was made up, and–”
“And what? And you didn’t stand up for me? Try to see it from my perspective! You have everything you could ever want, and this one thing, this one thing you can’t even do for me.”
“I didn’t say that I think you should take the fall! I have a reputation too, and this could ruin my whole family. My entire bloodline. Is that what you what?” My voice accelerates, breaking fire into my lungs.
“Is all you care about yourself?” he refutes. “I have a family too, and believe it or not, it’s just as important as yours. I’m not going to protect the royal hierarchy because the prince screwed up. You know what? I’ve had enough, and I think it’s best that I just leave right now before I start breaking things.” He runs away right before the tears start rolling down, multiplying beneath my eyelids. It seems like everything these days makes me cry, and I can’t control it. The tears pour down themselves, and they just keep on coming. I feel so weak. Like I can’t even stand my ground. I’m a baby. A baby in the shoes of a prince.
When I think about it, does anyone genuinely care about me? I don’t mean my looks, nor the power I hold, because all of that is replaceable and can crumble in a second. I mean my personality, my quirks, and all that’s in between. What they see is not who I am. They’re blinded by the mask they’ve come to love, the mask that’s asphyxiating me. The mask they’ve shaped to be like them. But I am not like them. I will never be like them. I will never relate to them.
My thoughts trail off, leaving a hollow pit in my stomach. I throw myself against the wall and wonder how I’m still intact. Sander’s words sting. More than I care to admit. They inflict the worst of pain, a pain more dire than mosquito bites. I take a cold shower to punish myself, even though I don’t have to. His words alone cut through my heart, and it will take more than a Band-Aid to repair the damage. We both said things we shouldn’t have, but the heat of the moment caught us off guard. I regret it, now. I will no longer let anger drive me, because that’s how people go mad.
The icy water bleeds through my skin, like daggers sharpened to the very tip. My blood circulates through my body, jolting my system with increasing alertness. The frigidness doesn’t hurt anymore because I’m numb. Yet strangely enough, I feel clarity. Like someday, I’ll be able to make sense of the world. Someday. After washing everything that needed to be cleaned, I dry my body and climb into my pyjamas. Sleep comes around a thousand times easier than last night, mainly because I’m too exhausted for my anxiety to come creeping in.
The first thought that traverses my mind when I wake up is the fact that Juliano is apparently broke. I don’t take Sander to be a liar, but I need to confirm this information, preferably with someone who has authority. An imaginary lightbulb illuminates in my head as I remember Miss Charlemagne telling me I could come to her for anything. Bingo. I dial her number on my cell phone, and I’m put on hold for a few minutes before she finally picks up.
“Nicolas! It’s good to hear from you. Sorry, I was a little busy earlier, but now my attention is all yours,” she exclaims.
“Hello, miss Charlemagne. I don’t want to take up much of your time, but I do have a question I’d like to ask you.”
“Sure, go ahead.”
“It’s regarding Juliano’s financial situation. Is he doing alright?”
“Ah, that’s a tricky topic. We’re looking into it at the moment, but it seems like his tuition fee isn’t paid for after winter break. As a result, he’ll be pulled out of Bayshore if he doesn’t find a way to pay before then. Apparently, a lawsuit and countless charges were filed against his father, which rifled a large dent in their savings, pretty much draining the majority of it. I know this might come off surprising to you, but we are working on a plan to guide him forward.”
“Oh, I hope everything works out with him, then. You know what? I’m sure my parents can help him out.”
“I’m sure he’ll be fine, you mustn't need to worry, we can figure it out amongst ourselves.”
“No, really. It’s no big deal, he’s part of my family after all.”
“Are you sure? That would be great!”
“Of course, my parents wouldn’t even sense a dime missing out of their pocket if I bought a dozen yachts for myself,” I affirm, not trying to sound cocky although it may come across that way to the untrained eye. Miss Charlemagne though, knows me well enough to understand my sense of humor.
“Thank you, Nicolas. We’re all very lucky to have you.”
“My pleasure,” I say, before hanging up the phone. As much as I can hate my cousin sometimes, he has helped me a lot with navigating my journey throughout Bayshore. I feel like I owe him this much; it’s the least I could do. After the call, I get dressed in my sage green button-up, the one my aunt gave me last Christmas. I can’t believe that it’s almost been a year since then. So much has changed. And for the better. This reminds me that the winter formal is tonight. The one I’d been dreading because of my inability to dance, not to mention the inexistence of my dance partner. It would feel awkward to ask Sander now, especially because we’ll be in public, and people will see us.
I feel like I’m in a lose-lose scenario, but I have to at least try to smooth things out with him before the night rolls around. I scroll to his contact and text him what I’ve been thinking. Heyy. I’m sorry for yesterday. I understand why you’re upset, but I really want to talk to you. Can we meet after the formal? I sigh, because I messed it up again. I don’t know what it’ll take for him to forgive me, but I’m willing to risk it all. Okay... His reply is almost immediate, but I was hoping for more than just a word back. I guess it’s better than nothing, because at least I know that he’s still willing to talk to me.
I’m about to swipe my phone back into my pocket when another ding chimes. Does Sander want to talk about something else? Sure enough, I get another message, but not from him. From Juliano. What does he want? We’re having a meeting in an hour. Please join us, or we’ll have to make a decision without you. I don’t have the heart to argue with the Force again, but I can’t let them blame Sander. I’m put in between a rock and a hard place, but my relationship with Sander comes first. I’ll come; I text back before shutting off my phone to get down to the cafeteria.