You were still keeping your distance. We still saw each other at the stables where V and now also Miles were working. Miles didn't have a job and he hadn't finished high school, so getting a job as a foreigner was hard for him, even though he was fluent in English. It was the beginning of March. Schools went to lock down during the start of COVID 19 pandemic, so we had online classes. Because of the distance learning, we saw each other at the stables every day. The whole group was there most of the time, or at least the guys. It was so fun. We had so much fun. For a moment I thought everything was ok, that everything was back to normal.
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I always told everything to V and to my best friend Julia. We had been best friends only for a year maybe, but we were closest as it gets. I told her everything, and she told me everything. Things had been hard for her, because her dad died when she was just a child, and her new step dad wasn't the best. He hit her mom and was always mean and demanding and just a psychopath. Julia was a really skinny, beautiful girl with a big ass and funny laugh. I loved her. She was always so happy for me when I talked to her about you Max.
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One day, I don't know why you did it, but you added Julia on snapchat. She didn't tell me at first, but then she said that you started flirting with her. If this was your way to get back at me for that one night with Floyd, you should've grown up. You were a year older than me and still acting like a child even though you said everything was ok. I was confused again. I was sad and mad and I didn't know what to do. When Julia asked me if I was ok with it, I just said I didn't care. She knew me, of course I cared! She didn't care, but started flirting you back. That fucking bitch had to bring her and her daddy issues into our friend group.. You asked if I could go get Julia to the stables with us. I said I don't want her in our friend group, because I knew what was going to happen.
We started arguing, and you said
"If you can't stand Julia in the friend group, then you shouldn't be a part of it."
You were really willing to throw me out of the group, so you could get Julia in. I was shocked. I gave up. "Let her come", I thought.
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You started getting closer with Julia, so I felt left out. Floyd was still looking at me in a certain way, so I started getting closer with him. I felt like I had to get someone. I guess I didn't care who. You tried to warn me that he wasn't a good person. That he didn't want anything else than sex. I didn't believe you. You seemed just jealous. I didn't listen to you. Yet again, I made a huge mistake which I didn't know was gonna affect all of our lives so radically. How would've I known? Even though this was only five hundred and seventy eight days ago, I can tell that I was young and stupid. Hurt, that you would choose someone prettier and smaller than me. Someone who was close to me. I guess karma is a bitch, that's how it goes right?
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Not long from that, I lost my virginity to Floyd. It was not good. He was drunk and he didn't get hard all the way. We still kept seeing each other few times in the name of sex, and I was ok with that. I was still in love with you, but at the same time you were fucking my best friend. I thought it wouldn't last long. Luckily I was right. It didn't last long. We were celebrating my sixteenth birthday at my house. We were having so much fun, until my sister got mad, because Floyd had dragged me into the bathroom, and wanted to give me head. Veronica was yelling at me for "fucking in the bathroom" while my guests are bored. We were not fucking. He wanted to give me head. I said I don't want to. I didn't want anything. I tried to say I don't want to, but he didn't listen to me.
"Please don't, I don't want to", I said while sitting on the counter and crying. He didn't listen to me. He pulled my pants down and started licking me. I was crying, I didn't want it and it didn't even feel good.
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Finally he stopped and we got out of the bathroom. Everyone was mad, so I tried to cheer them up. After a while it worked. The next day was not what I thought it would be. The first fight of the group started. Julia got kicked out of the group. I was of course on board, because even though I cared about her, I still was in love with you Max. You told me that the night before she pulled your pants down and started giving you head not caring who would see you. I was shocked, but at the same time not surprised. She was a bit of a hoe. She blamed me for getting her kicked out of the group even though the decision wasn't mine to make. She stopped talking to me. That was it. I lost my best friend.
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I was lucky to have the rest of you. We were finally back to where we started. Except something was different. Floyd asked me to be his girlfriend also the night before. I was stupid, I wanted you, but I was also enamored, so I said yes. I finally had a boyfriend, but deep down I wish it was you.