Autumn came. We helped Veronica and Miles move to a new apartment. We were close again. Not like we used to, but this felt real compared to that. It's funny. The entire summer you felt more like a boyfriend to me than Floyd ever did. You were more like my boyfriend, than my actual boyfriend, and I felt as we got closer as friends. You were my best friend, even though I know I wasn't that to you. We talk on the phone now every single day. I was happy for two reasons: you would call me in the morning, so my day started well and you would call me in the morning so I wouldn't be late from school. You were now opening up to me from the little things and I felt as you were honest and real. You weren't pretending to be someone you were not, you were you. That's what I always wanted from you. Mutual trust and opening up from the little things. Telling about our day and all the things that were bothering us so we could be there for each other. My family already liked you, because you were nice, respectful, clean and thoughtful. You always looked after me and you were on my side. Now you weren't hiding things anymore, not like before. Or maybe I just imagined it all.
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There is always a moment of peace inside the chaos. This was it. Still it didn't change anything. The group was now broken for good. There was no coming back. Us four had so much fun during the summer that I didn't mind not having the group anymore, but it mattered to you. You lost your best friends. I couldn't imagine the pain of losing so many friends at one, but I didn't make you choose me. You did it all by yourself and we all knew that Floyd and Ryan wouldn't get along with me or my friends anymore. I felt like it was my fault. I mean, it kinda was.
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One day you told me about a dream you had. Ryan was there, so you sent a message to him and now you were talking again. I knew what was about to happen. You were back in the crossfire: me or the boys. I cried myself to sleep several nights. I didn't want to be in the way of your or anyone's happiness. You didn't realize that, but after a while you were in that situation. We didn't talk that much anymore, and losing you was the only thing I thought anymore. I didn't want you to choose me if you didn't want to, but I also didn't want to lose you. You said that you didn't have to choose, and that you could keep all your friends. It was too much for me. I couldn't take it anymore, I wanted a break from everything and everyone. I got that, you stopped talking to me for good, you choose the boys.