When I asked her the second time, her guilt was clearer. As she noticed my flickering eyes looking at her deeply, she let out a bitter smile and shook her head. Embracing me tighter, she whispered in my ear,
"Sweety, we weren't trying to hide it from you, please try to understand. Your father and I don't want you to stay in that room like that. What happened was unfortunate, but it cannot be changed now. Please don't carry it with you…"
Her consoling words only made my heart sink deeper and deeper until I heard her next words and it skipped a beat.
"...that kid, Hinisha. She didn't wake up after that. That Nefaly tried to blame it on you, but I kept her out of our house. How is this our little darling's fault? I've known you two since you were young. How could I not know that she was the one dragging you to those dangerous places all the time? Eh-Tiff? TIFFANY!?"
To make it easier for me to process the shock, my mother kept talking after dropping that explosion on me, but it felt like I couldn't understand the words coming out of her mouth anymore.
I stared blankly at the entrance of the house over my mother's shoulder.
It felt like I saw the silhouette of Sister Hin skipping there, inviting me to go somewhere again but then it shattered. Everything, from her smiling face to her cheerful voice distorted and her expression turned into that of overwhelming rage as she looked at me with mean and disgusted eyes.
And then it disappeared. Everything was normal again, as far as the main gate of our house goes, but my mother's words kept resounding in my head,
"...she didn't wake up after that…"
"...didn't wake up…"
"...wake up…"
"Wake up, Tiff,"
As soon as I opened my eyes, my mother's concerned face graced my eyes. I was lying on the floor of my living room, a wooden chair lying nearby. From the corner of my eyes, I saw Chloe hurriedly bringing a glass of water, spilling it from all sides.
I couldn't process anything I heard before I fainted. No, I did hear, but I refused to accept it. The worst thought associated with it quickly appeared and was amplified until it was echoing in my mind.
Perhaps because my mother saw through me, or perhaps because she was just afraid of me misunderstanding it further, but she explained as soon as I began thinking of the worst thought again,
"She's still breathing fine, Tiff. She's just missing an arm. Don't worry, I'm sure she'll wake up soon. Please don't take it to heart. Think of your old mother, Tiffany. What would I do without you?"
Fortunately, her approach worked this time around. Knowing that at least the worst hadn't happened, I was able to heave an inward sigh of relief.
However, before that comfort could reach me, I got attacked by the river of guilt that I was already suppressing within me.
I thanked Chloe for the water and sat up with the help of my mother. After silently processing the information for a few moments, I asked my mother to bring me back to my room. Of course, she didn't do it without trying at least three new ways to talk to me and to stop me from going there. Finally, after hearing me pleading to be left alone, she took me back inside.
Chloe kept looking at me all that time, but since she knew that mother would send her away if she started pestering me with questions, she stayed silent and waited for me to explain everything to her.
Hinisha was her close friend too, and she probably also considered her an older sister. She deserved to know everything but my parents definitely didn't tell her much, or perhaps anything. I knew this from the confused and curious look she was giving me.
Lacking the strength or the courage to meet her eyes, I had my eyes focused on the floor all the time, even as Mumma took me back to my room.
Once inside, as my eyes slowly regained focus, my mother kept on talking, likely to calm me a little. First, she mentioned the little things that happened around the house, then the best parts of the story my father told at the dinner table last night, and at last, she talked about how little Chloe was trying to help her with the chores.
Usually, it would've been heartwarming to hear my Mumma talk like that but at that time, I was feeling far too heavy inside. Every word coming out of her mouth seemed to be resounding in my head, making me feel gloomier and bitter than ever.
Finally, when her face began to distort in front of my eyes as well, I tried to stand up again to see her to the door.
Mumma helped me stand and quietly accompanied me to the door. Even from the outside, Chloe kept on looking at me with a concerned face. It scared me. I couldn't face her at all.
I locked the door once I was alone inside, leaving my mother and Chloe's sights outside. Her face now started appearing occasionally in my mind.
In my head, my cute little sister was giving me a nasty and fearful look, as if I was a monster.
In my favorite corner of the small room, where I felt protected and invisible from the rest of the world, I closed my eyes, waiting for the nightmares to wake me up again.