Chapter 4 - Pain

As I went inside my home after a day that felt longer than a week, Rowan, who was almost always disinterested in the outside world, had his head tilted to the right as he looked at me curiously. Chloe, on the other hand, clearly wanted to jump on me and ask everything in detail.

Before Chloe could approach me though, my mother pushed both of them out and turned towards me. Holding my hand, she lead me towards an isolated room to the west of the house that we had prepared for any guests that might be staying overnight.

Then, I was left alone, in the silence of the night, undisturbed. My state was the same as murky water in a pond, I felt dirty, muddy, and heavy inside. I was numb to the movements of the outside world.

The world around suddenly seemed bleak and colourless. The events that happened that day kept replaying in my head, over and over again. Those pictures didn't blur with time, instead, they only became clearer. I thought over and over about the mistakes I had made and how I could have avoided them. Not much time passed before I wanted to scream. I wanted to vent everything, but eventually, my tears dried as well.

My heart wanted to forget everything that happened and move on but my mind had those scarring images imprinted and carved in the deepest corner, where I was bound to never lose them.

Closing my eyes, in itself, turned into a scary experience for me. I had an unreasonable hunch that if I were to close my eyes, the mist that had been chasing us earlier that day would abruptly appear and eat me.

Bloodshot, I kept my eyes open, staring at nothingness until I felt weakness overcoming me.

I started remembering every little chance I had to stop Sister Hin, every opportunity I missed to make things better again. Soon, I vomited profusely out in the backyard.

A calm moon was shining over me, stars twinkling brightly with an optimistic hue, yet I remained in the dark, untouched by everything surrounding me.

I couldn't control myself when the regret burst up inside me and collided with my weakened body, which was on the verge of breaking down after everything I had experienced.

Drinking a few gulps of water and washing my face, I clutched my head between my legs and stayed like that in the corner of that room, still with bloodshot eyes, until I slept-no, fainted.

Before fainting though, I noticed someone coming into the backyard. Through the teary curtain covering my eyes, I recognized in a while that it was my father. Usually, I would have hopped over to him to give him a hug, but this time, I merely stared back at him like a wounded beast.

I didn't want to answer any more questions. I didn't want to remember any more of that incident. I didn't want him to comfort me. I didn't want him to approach me. I just wanted to be left alone with my thoughts, despite those thoughts being the very reason for my dreadful state.

As if he had read my thoughts, he didn't come any closer and instead, just stood there observing me. As I glared back at him emotionlessly, my eyes began to well up with tears once again.

For a moment I thought, 'How good would it be to be held in my father's arms, to be able to cry my heart out while he patted my head and calmed me down?' But those thoughts were instantly replaced by the echo of a horrifying shriek from Sister Hin that I had heard earlier in the day.

Finally, after observing me for a while, he let out a heavy sigh and left me alone in the silence that was slowly eating me out.