The second hearing for the divorce will be held in a month, and here I am, inside my closet, staring at the fancy outfits I bought but never wore. I chose one of them to combine with a jacket to at least appear to be a corporate suit, plus it's been a long time since I wore something like this, and it would be a waste not to wear it. Especially because I'm the only one that has them.
I prepare it together with the heels I want to wear with it, and I consider going to the kitchen bar to have a glass of wine because taking another sleeping tablet to fall asleep won't help, and drinking wine when I have a low alcohol tolerance would make me feel rushed.
I exited my room, unconcerned that I was only wearing a lingerie outfit. It's late, the maids are already in their rooms, and the guards are patrolling outside the home, so I don't mind thinking they'd see me like this, and I don't mind the cold, because everything feels cold to me.
On my way down, I almost fall when someone walks out of the balcony. I was anticipating a ghost, perhaps my father or mother's ghost, but it's only Aleksei, holding his phone and catching my gaze.
Aleksei still lives here, but we haven't seen each other since the day he sought a divorce. I was attempting to catch up to his schedule, but he didn't always come home, and the guards complained that he was leaving too early and returning too late, while I was still sleeping or had already left the house for work.
I avoided his gaze when I saw him grimace when he saw what I was wearing outside my door. I stroll by him on my way to the kitchen, and if I think of taking only a full glass of wine, I carry the entire bottle with me and just put three ice cubes in the glass of wine before walking up the stairs when Aleksei appears out of nowhere.
"It's already late, and you still intend to drink," he observed as he examined the glass and bottle in my hand.
"Just a few drinks." I have no intention of being inebriated; I simply want to push myself to sleep since my mind won't allow me.
"As you should, don't allow your hangover and irresponsibility prevent you from attending the hearing tomorrow." I avoided staring at him, smirking at my own thoughts.
"Don't worry, Aleksei, I'll be there on time," I stated emphatically as I walked inside my room. "How could I have thought he cared?"
I chuckled and sneered at my own ideas. I assumed Aleksei intended to stop me from drinking since he knows how poor my alcohol tolerance is and how much I enjoy the flavor of wine. He always tells me it's bad for me and gets upset when I become a little tipsy.
He's no longer the same, Zavia...
He's not the Alek you remember.
He's already transformed.
I placed the glass and bottle on the tiny table first, then sat in the chair and sipped the wine while gazing up at the sky. I can see how overcast it is. There's no moon, no stars, as if they've abandoned me here as well. I was expecting to see how lovely the heavens were tonight, as they always are, but they weren't.
I disregard the idea that I'm here to view the stars, yet all I see is complete blackness. I sat back in my chair, sipping my wine from my second glass as I glanced up, and perhaps it was the alcohol that caused me to start chatting to them.
"Can you understand how the marriage you planned for me caused so much pain?" I wondered.
I don't despise my father. I simply know that one of his reasons is that he knows he won't be in this world for long and wishes to be with someone who will not be snatched away from me by the world. He wasn't stolen from me—my mistake, he's just not mine. I just assumed he was.
"Is this all happening because you cheated on my mother?" they ask. They believe the girls will suffer the consequences of their father's infidelity.
Is this the turning point? I'm at a loss as to why this is occurring to me. What went wrong with me? Why do I need to go through it? Was it because I'd previously been nasty to our employees? Is that all? I can't think of a single significant reason why this should happen to me, no matter how hard I try.
"I got duped by Alek," I said, laughing. Yes, that's it, since I create Aleksei's world while he creates his own with another lady. "Why do people just come to me for money? I'm exhausted."
I'm sick of dealing with individuals like them. Money and power are what they seek as a result of me. Because of the name I carry, even if I'm Mrs. Valentin today, I'm soon to be Ex-Mrs. Valentin. Valentin, no matter what my surname is or if it changes, the people around me do not.
I only have these individuals I can trust: my maids, my guards, Miss Evelyn, Athena, and the other people I know who have been excellent and loyal friends to me, so that even if I don't have any money, I may still grasp their hands when I need them.
"We're going to divorce shortly," my voice trembled after the third syllable. Why was that term ever invented?
People arrive and depart. That line is a shambles. I want people who will remain. I never wanted them to leave once they had established themselves in my life. I do not want them to leave. I do not want Aleksei to leave.
With the wine I've already consumed and its effects on me, I'm being as emotional as I can be tonight. I let go of the tears and sobbed, hoping to let go of the anguish as well. It's difficult to adjust to a new way of life. Aleksei has always been on my side. He'd been there for years, to my worst, but now it was him who was making me feel what I'd felt on my worst day, only worse.
At that moment, I had him with me. He wasn't this time. He wasn't because he wanted to abandon me, as if nothing mattered to him. Those wonderful moments and memories we create together, that laughter, excellent discussion, and even our husband and wife connection are hotter than any married pair, but suddenly it goes frigid as ice one day.
I wanted to wake up and see whether this was all just a nightmare. Maybe my spouse is in the Aleksei I like, admiring me while I sleep and wanting to be the first thing I see when my eyes open.
The Aleksei I know is gentler to me than anyone else. He's kind, caring, and compassionate; he's protective enough that he doesn't want me to get near any guys; and he doesn't want any male board members to sit next to me if there's a board meeting. He drives me to and from my office. If he could, he would devote his entire time to me. And Aleksei... he never wanted me to be unhappy.
But the Aleksei I see now is cold, harsh, devoid of affection, and unconcerned. Even though my lawyer is a man his age, I don't perceive any concern for him. He'd never looked at me the way he did before. Those eyes look like they are filled with hate rather than affection. This Aleksei is convincing me that I couldn't find a man who would love me without a reason, that it's all because of my money and the power I can give him.
I honestly don't care. I'll give him all of my wealth if he wants it. I would leave nothing to him in order for him to stay, but even if I did that, even if I gave him everything, he would still leave. My efforts were in vain to persuade him to stay. Because his body is with me, he is physically with me, but his spirit and emotions are with someone else.
"I wish I was her." I didn't mind having accidently let go of the glass as I cleaned my cheeks and struggled to stand as everything seemed to be whirling. I grabbed the chair, but even though it shifted away from me and I fell to the floor, I burst out laughing. I wanted to weep more, but my eyes stung almost as much as my chest.
I entered my room after standing up with wobbly legs. Before I even took another step, my drunk ass got me tripping and I just let it be. Falling on this chilly floor won't hurt; neither will breaking a bone.
I'm not sure if it was simply the drink, but I felt like I was floating. It's like someone is holding my hand. I felt moved. I don't get it. When I turned around and saw a person, my head ached. I can't see him well, but I get the impression that someone is carrying me.
"You smell like my spouse," I whispered, my eyes and voice tired. This individual smells just like him. He is carrying the sentiments with him, and it feels the same. "Could you be him, Aleksei?"
I know I'm going insane. Aleksei will not be around. I felt him place me in bed. I felt that huge blanket cover me and saw his figure ready to depart, but I grabbed his shirt in time.
"Please remain. I don't care if you're a sleep paralysis demon—no matter what you are... " Stay for a while." I didn't let go of his hand, but he removed it, and I assumed he'd leave, but he sat beside my bed.
I got to touch his hand. They both feel the same; they're chilly, which is why I usually grab Aleksei's hand to keep it warm before kissing it and closing my eyes; they're weary.
My tears began to shatter once again. I allowed them and secretly prayed that this time would at least endure until I awoke. I think I fell and injured my head earlier. That knocked me out cold. Or perhaps I fell asleep on the floor and this is all a nightmare, and the guy beside me is Aleksei.
Sleep paralysis demons are said to be frightening because they feel so real. This one was not frightening. To cope, I may even prefer to have him visit me every night. I squeeze his fingers tighter against my chest.
Aleksei Valentin seemed like a dream come true to me. I had no idea he'd be such a nightmare.