"Ha- haha! long time no see, huh?" Kobi waved his hand with a forced smile.
"Yea...." Reka blinked her eyes dumbly, before she blasted out of her daze, "THE HECK YOU MEAN LONG TIME NO SEE? IT'S BARELY BEEN A FEW HOURS!"
"THAT'S WHAT I SHOULD BE ASKING YOU, YOU DUMBASS!! AND DON'T YOU DARE RAISE YOUR VOICE AT ME! I WILL RAISE MINE AS WELL!" Kobi yelped back in fright.
"THE HECK YOU MEAN RAISE YOUR VOICD? YOU'RE ALREADY SHOUTING!" Reka intended to point her finger, but the sword resting in her grip tagged along as well.
"HOLY SHIT! BRO CALM YOUR ASS! WHY DO YOU WANT TO MURDER ME WHEN YOU'RE THE ONE CLEARLY SHOUTING AT ME??"
"I'M NOT SHOUTING AT YOU, YOU'RE SHOUTING AT ME! AND WHO SAID I WANTED TO KILL YOU NOW?" Reka's face twitched from indignation.
"BITCH HOLD YOU HORSES AND LOOK! YOU'RE POINTING YOUR DUMB SWORD TOWARDS ME! IS THIS HOW YOU REPAY SOMEBODY WHO YOUR GRANDPA OWNS HIS LIFE TOO?" Kobi bit his lips, threatening to summon his weapons at a moment's notice.
"THE HECK ARE YOU SAYING NOW? I DON'T EVEN KNOW MY GRANDPA'S FACE!"
"OF COURSE YOU DON'T!! HE SAID HE DIDN'T HAVE A GRANDDAUGHTER BACK IN THE DAY, SO I KILLED HIM AS HE HAD NO BEAUTY TO OFFER TO ME!"
"THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN?"
"YOU WILL UNDERSTAND WHEN YOU SEE HIM! ONLY WHEN HE TELLS YOU YOU'RE MY FIANCE WILL YOU UNDERSTAND!"
"THE HECK!? HOW AM I YOUR FIANCEE NOW?"
"HUH!!? YOU DON'T WANT TO BE THE FIANCEE OF A HANDSOME AND COOL MAN LIKE ME? TCH! IS EVERYBODY BLIND NOWADAYS? OR DID HEAVEN FORGOT TO GIFT YOU TRUE SIGHT? JUST THINK!! HOW MANY GIRLS PROPOSE TO ME AND I REJECT THEM! YOU UNGRATEFUL WENCH!"
"THE FUCK YOU MEAN ARROGANT ASS?... Huh? Your fiancee?" Reka blinked, her fingers caressing her chin, in her hectic mindset, her thoughts flooded out, "That wouldn't be too bad!"
Kobi hectic nerves calmed and a strange expression tool over, "Oh shit!"
"I-I didn't mean that!" Reka's face turned tomatoish.
"You... YOU THIEF! How– HOW DARE YOU GET YOUR HEART STOLEN BY ME??"
"...The heck am I the thief for if my heart is stolen... isn't it you?" Reka, baffled, replied speechlessly.
"Oh... Oh!" Kobi nodded dumbly, his jaw hanging loose into an O.
Suddenly, his fiery eyes shot wide again and he pointed at Reka and retorted, "NO! DON'T YOU DARE TRY TO CHANGE THE SITUATION! YOU! YOU THIEF! HOW DARE YOU GET STOLEN? I– I WON'T EVER FORGIVE YOU! UUWWAAHHH!"
Kobi turned around and ran back inside the forest with his teary eyes buried in his arm. His other aem flailed around like a broken maiden running away after seeing her love stolen by another.
After a long while, the adrenaline that suddenly pumped into Reka subdued, "...The heck was all this?" Reka blinked her eyes idiotically. She felt as if she just lost a hundred brain-cells.
. . .
"Uwwa– oh wait! Why am I even running!?" Kobi suddenly halted and gazed back, he was far away from the exit by now.
"AAHEMM! AAHEMM!" Shik coughed hammily, his eyes popping out of his sockets from losing a thousand brain-cells. His expression seemed to ask, 'THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED AGAIN?'
The air turned heavy.
Kobi coughed, "Uff! That was some strenuous lip workout!" Kobi massaged his jaw as if he couldn't even move it anymore.
'This scum...' Shik rolled his eyes speechlessly.
"But... what was this mess?" Kobi gazed back. "How did I reach the village again?"
"I don't know." Shik shrugged.
"Useless baggage!" Kobi snorted, keeping his voice as secretive and quiet as possible.
Shik looked away in disdain before advising, "Sitting here and mulling it over with your puny brain won't work, best you start moving."
"Humph! Look who's talking." Despite everything, Kobi agreed.
He gripped a machete in one hand and the gold spear in the other. Incidentally, he had gifted the 'special machete' to Reka, in hopes it might guard her like it protected him.
With firm and strong steps, Kobi treaded on, his eyes peeled to the road.
As he kept walking, hours passed by without any thing happening.
The peace only served to make him sweat twice as fast.
Suddenly, Kobi's ears twitched, and a very deja vu sense struck him.
Sighing like a lonesome being on a mountaintop, he gave a sideways glance to Shik, saying, "Watch me!"
Kobi pinched his nose and flashing a detestful frown, asked loudly, "Where the hell are these disgusting farts coming from? Uff! Who ate potatoes today? Don't they know they need to keep their distance if they want to fart?"
Kobi glanced around, "It must be those shitty Kombop's, only they smell like a year old dung. Uff! I wish they were hygienic like us humans. Tch! I will tell my race to take a gas mask with them when they come to fight Kombop's, or they might just die from their smelly asses without even starting the fight!"
"GAHH!" Suddenly, a Kombop leapt from a tree and glared at Kobi in hate.
He was a good Kombop, he made sure to sink his butt in water after dumping, how could he stink? This human stunk, no, their whole race stunk.
"AWW! I AM DYING! SUCH DISGUSTING FARTS! UFFF! DOES YOUR WIFE NOT TELL YOU SHE'S GOING TO DITCH YOU? HUH? OH, SHE MUST BE CHEATING ON YOU RIGHT NOW AS WELL! I BET SHE TOLD EVERY MEN AT YOUR VILLAGE HOW YOU FART AT NIGHT AND RUIN THE WHOLE MOOD! THAT'S WHY SHE CAN'T HAVE KIDS! I BET YOUR PARENTS ABANDONED YOU, DIDN'T THEY? DAMN YOU! YOU BEAST SPREADING POLLUTION! I BET YOUR DUNG ISMORE HARMFUL THAN NUCLEAR WASTE!" Kobi collapsed to his knees and retched up.
His drowsy face and pale face made Shik slap himself.
'Oh shit!' Shik hurriedly turned to the Kombop.
"Gah!" The kombop stepped back, bit by bit, its Hp plummeting slowly but surely.
It's true... it was all true. He was abandoned, like every other Kombop, his wife cheated on him! Sometimes, when he reached his home, he could see other Kombop's hurriedly fleeing. His village's other men didn't support him, not like the whole race was solitary or anything.
It was all true! So, it was because his dung... was that bad? He secretly felt superior, thinking he was better than the rest... so, it was all just this?
A vomit of blood gushed out of the Kombop's mouth. Suddenly it's eyes fell upon Kobi.
Seeing him smile at him strangely, while nodding his head from time to time, he felt confused, he growled in confusion.
Kobi sighed, "So it's all true, brother Kombop? So... you're just like me then?" Sadness stretched across Kobi's face.
"Gahh?"
"Yes.. brothers, we are brothers! Its all the same... I was abandoned when I was born as well. My girlfriend used to bully me all the time, I had to suffer everyday, my step-siblings were all too busy to talk to me. Sometimes, I just wanted to end it all!" Kobi pointed his machete next to his throat.
His eyes despondent.
"Gahh!" The Kombop's eyes welled up, it shook his head, with quivering lips, it walked forward, "Brother!! We are brothers!!"
Seeing the Kombop standing right in front of him, Kobi felt his eyes turn moist.
"Gah!"
"Kombop!"
"Gahh!!"
"Kombopp!!"
"Gahhh!!!"
"Komboppp!!!"
The Kombop stepped closer and balanced itself on its hind legs, its arms spread apart, waiting for Kobi.
"Brother Kombop!" Kobi wiped his spit–tears from his eyes and hugged the Kombop.
"BROTHER KOMBOP!"
"GAHHH!
"As you are my brother now, I will award you with a secret!"
"Gahh!?"
"Yea, I think the reason your wife cheats of you is also because... you might be small down there." Kobi caressed the Kombop's back gently.
"So... everything might works out well if it gets big!"
"Really!?" The Kombop's puppy eyes shot wide.
"I am a doctor, I will help you. Quick, don't move." Kobi hurriedly took his gold spear–medicine and stabbed it in from the back.
Then he stepped back and gazed at the Kombop.
"Yep! This large golden-brother Kombop will help you win over your wife!" Kobi nodded his head happily.
Kobi felt pride filling his chest as he glanced at the bloodied spear passed through the Kombop's back and out from his groin region.
The Kombop's eyes trembled, only a shred of its Hp remained, which was being drained bit by bit.
"Oh! Brother Kombop, you're still alive? I wanted to reunite you with your deceased wife but– Oh, OHHH!!" Kobi yelled and jumped to his feet, "Ohohoho! I can feel it, it's here!" Kobi clasped his hips in admiration and turned his back to the Kombop.
"I see, so this is heaven's way of telling me what you seek!" Kobi hummed in understanding and hurriedly threw his pants down, the muzzle on his back pointing straight at the strength-less Kombop.
The latter's eyes shook like it would die any second, no! No! It WAS trying to kill itself.
"1!" Kobi took a deep breath, "2!" He spread out his legs, making the muzzle comfortably wide, "3! Ooo! I can feel this is gonna be a freaking ass atomic bomb!"
The ground ruptured and followed by a fierce screech, it extruded all the pollution buried beneath.
The Kombop felt something warm and gaseous caress his face . A strange odor drifted into its nose.
Its Hp guage... shattered.
'Fuck!' Shik's expression turned hideous, 'I don't know this bitchy devil!' Shik looked away, his heart melting for the poor soul.
"O yea! This is it, you see? Shik? It was waiting for this! Look, you need to fart like me, so that even your enemies want some of your gracious blessings before passing off into the other world? You see it? That relieved smile on brother Kombop's face? Look, he feels like his wife finally doesn't cheat on him anymore!" Kobi patted his chest in pride.
"SHUT UP! YOU CALL THE POOR THING'S WRETCHED, BROKEN FACE A SMILE? HE HAS SUFFERED! HOLY SHIT!a LOOK, HIS TAIL IS STILL TWITCHING! DAMN YOU! DON'T YOU DARE FART NEAR ME!» Shik flew away in fright.
He felt even staying near Kobi was a sin.
"Humph! Did you learn the Kombop's language or me? I can tell the tail is twitching due to its extreme euphoria! Heck! Its so lovely somebody could mistake it for a sexy woman!" Kobi scoffed, "You don't know what you missed!"
"I DON'T WANT TO KNOW!" Shik's scream pierced past the skies.
"Humph!" Kobi cleaved some flesh and placed in on his tongue. Seeing no notification, he sighed in dejection, "Tch! Stingy pest!" Kobi snorted and kicked the nuisance away.
Today, Shik swore he would become a donkey's brother but not Kobi's.
Kobi stored the corpse and kept walking.
The same divergent roads appeared.
Kobi crossed his arms, "Humph! I will take the other road this time!"
Kobi grinned and started walking.
After walking for a whole three hours, he was certain he had found the correct path.
Just as he started feeling prideful of his wits, he saw the light.
His speed shout up and he dashed forward, "HERE I COME! WOMAN, ON THE LEFT! MEN GO DIE! CHILDREN AND GIRLS CAN LIVE, BOYS BETTER HIDE!"
He jumped and plunged into the light. Still in mid-air, he sealed his eyes and basked in the moment's glory. But before he could relish in the moment, his feet connected to the ground.
"Huh!?" Kobi's eyes fluttered as some hideous dust invaded his eyes.
Seeing the group of men talking to a girl in all seriousness. Kobi's lip twitched.
Reka blinked her eyes, the extreme anxiousness on her face shifting into bafflement.
Kobi took a deep breath, and kindly whispered to the wind, "I WILL LEAVE YOU DAMNED FOREST!!!"