-Dear Diary,
I don't normally write about my life, but my therapist says it could help. Me and Eddie have been dating for about 3 weeks. He demands to be with me 24/7 since the incident. Eddie is super antsy about the concert, but it's in a week. Jason has been all over me this week. Hitting on me. It's annoying because I'm CLEARLY with Eddie. Eddie is passing now, and I'm super proud of him. I have hardly been eating. Don't tell Eddie. I don't know why, I just don't want to. I have been seeing a therapist. (Mainly because Eddie insists I do.) She says my hallucinations were caused by the drugs. Eddie was heartbroken when he heard that. He said I'm only allowed to get high on 'special occasions'. News spread across the town about my dad. Everyone knows my mom is a murder now. Robin has been hanging around me more, which I love. Robin is a good friend to have around. Nancy has been acting more distant for some reason. I didn't think much of it though. Me and Eddie leave this Thursday. We will spend some time in the city before. (Mainly to skip some school.) Work is going pretty well, but Steve is picking on me. Eddie found my hiding spot on top of my fan, I need to find a new one. Oh, I went to Eddie's gig at the hideout on Tuesday. He was so hot. I shouldn't be writing this but he was... Tomorrow I'm going to-
"Ellie, get your ass out here, we are going to be late!" Max screamed to your room. You quickly shut your diary and hid it in your underwear drawer. "I'm coming," you slide on your converse that matches Max's. When you got outside, Eddie was leaning on the side of his van. "Took you long enough," you rolled your eyes and got in the van. Eddie's hand rested on your upper thigh the whole ride there. You rest your hand on top of it. He rubs your thigh softly. You bit your lip. He has really got to stop doing that. "Sooo," Max breaks the silence, "anything fun happen yet?" "Like what?" you ask. "You know what I mean-" "That's none of your business." Eddie laughs. He parks his van. "We have a test in Mrs. O'Donell's class," you say, getting out of the car. "We do?" he asks. "Yeah, and another in Kaminsky's tomorrow." "Ughh," he whines. "I will see you later," Max says, beginning to walk to her class. You look to Eddie. He was already looking at you. "Here, I'll carry your stuff." He takes your bag. "Thanks," you walk towards the building. When you got inside, lots of people were staring at you, it's no surprise. Eddie held your hand as he pushed to the classroom. The bell rung right after you sat down. "Phew," you sighed, taking out a pencil. The teacher passed the test out and you began. The test was pretty easy. Eddie passed you a piece of paper. 'Hey, guess what?" it read. You passed 'what?' back. 'Chicken butt' with a smiley face, he giggled. 'Need answers?' 'How could you ever think so low of me?! ...maybe.' 'Hmm,' you passed to him. 'What do you mean 'hmm'?!?' he asked. 'We went over this yesterday, Eddie.' you gave him an eyebrow. 'And alas, I'm still confused!" he wrote. 'You're not even going to try?' 'I did try!' 'You wrote your name...' 'Yeah... well I tried in my head.' 'Try on the paper.' Eddie sighed and started drawing on the paper you passed. He was bored. You took the paper away from him. He frowned. He started drawing something, you studied the paper closely. He didn't finish, so it was just a bunch of random lines. You hurried and finished your test, and you turned it in. Eddie turned his in second to last. You gave him back the paper. "Thanks," he whispered, when he was done with the drawing, he put in in his red notebook. He always drew in that notebook, or wrote random stuff. He never let you see what was in there. "I will grade them, you will see what you got tomorrow." Eddie looked kind of nervous. "I can't fail this test," he whispered. "It'll be fine," you smile. The bell rung and you headed to Kaminsky's class. You were already tired. Eddie wasn't paying much attention. The teacher basically reviewed everything for the test. Eddie put his hand on your thigh. It wasn't much of a surprise, he did it all the time. His hand glided up your thigh. You take a deep breath as his finger played with the edge of your underwear. "Eddie," you whisper, "we are in class." "I had no idea." he whispered back. You close your thighs. "Ellie," he smiled, "I'm trying to focus on my assignment." His rings were cold on your skin. He looked back at his paper. "I can't focus, Eddie." His finger slipped inside. You grip your desk with your right hand and cover your mouth with your left. The teacher didn't notice your soft gasps as Eddie's finger roamed inside you. You adjusted yourself so you could feel his finger better. The bell rung and Eddie stood up. "Really?" you mutter. "Can we go somewhere?" he asks. Your next class was boring anyways.
You and Eddie chilled at the table in the woods until lunch. "Focus," he snaps in front of your face. "I'm fo-" he cocks his head, "yeah, not when you're looking at me like that." "Like what?" "You know how..." "So the seductive eyes are working?" You shake your head. "No..." "So focus." "I'm focused." He just laughs. "Sure." Eddie stares at you from across the table. "You're so far away," he whines. You roll your eyes and stand on the table. You jump onto Eddie's lap. "Jeez, you could have given me a warning," he laughed. "Surprise!" you giggled. He put his hands on your waist. "You're a pretty boy, Munson." He blushed. "Stop," he kissed you and you put your hands on the back of his neck. You pull away, "god I love you." He giggles and put one of his hands on your cheek. You started laughing uncontrollably, "do you want to hear a funny story?" "Sure." "So every time you are drunk or high you forget that I'm your girlfriend so you'll ask me
out like the whole time." "I do?" he doesn't believe you. "Every time." you laugh. "Wow," he laughs. "Oh my god, and I love it when when you hug me from the back or when you lift my chin up before you kiss me, or when you insist I sit on your lap, that's my only chair now, I can't sit anywhere else." He smiles as he brushes your hair out of your face. "Or when I try to get up in the mornings and accidentally wake you up and you won't let me leave, or while we are making out you gently grab my neck, it makes me feel like we are the
only people in the world. Don't even get me started when we walk pass boys in public you grab my waist to make me feel safe." Eddie blushes, "I didn't know you thought that." "Of course I do, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me." "Why haven't you ever told me any of this?" "I don't know, it wasn't ever relevant." He pulls you in for a kiss by grabbing the back of your neck, but doesn't pull away.
Eddie pulls away to look at his watch several minutes later. "It's almost lunch." "I'll meet you in there," you say, getting off of his lap. He looks a little confused, but grabs his stuff and leaves. You sit at the table. "Dad," you say looking up at the sky, "thank you. I know I sound really fucking stupid, but I just needed to talk to you. Thank you for standing up to me. Mom is going to pay." You smile and head into the cafeteria. Jason spots you before you could and you run to the girls bathroom and lock yourself in a stall. "Hey, Ellie." Jason comes in and stands outside your stall. "Aw come on, I just want to talk." He puts his hand on the door. "No, go away." You shout. "I just thought you should know the truth." You say nothing, waiting for him to either continue, or leave. "We both know Eddie doesn't really love you." You knew it was a lie, but it still made you sad to hear. "He's using you, why else would he want to he with you. I mean, have you seen yourself." "Jason, just leave. Why do you always have to be such a prick?" you say, trying to keep it together. "You know I'm not lying," he walks away. You pull up your knees and attempted not to cry. "I hate being alive," you whispered to yourself. You get out of the stall and stare in the mirror of the bathroom. You left and entered the cafeteria.
The gang was talking about Hellfire. You stared at your food, picking at it with your fork. Eddie was trying to figure out why was wrong. "Shit! Did we have homework?" you ask Eddie. "Yeah..." he looks at you then looks down. "Shit, fuck me." Eddie looks up and raises his eyebrows. "I should really watch my mouth around you, Munson," you blush. He hands you one of his pretzels. "You need to eat something. What's bothering you?" he says it quietly so that you wouldn't be embarrassed. "It doesn't make sense." you say still not eating anything. "I don't know..." The Hellfire Club members started paying attention to your conversation. "What doesn't make sense?" You pause. "Why you stick with me." You don't look up. Eddie stands up, walking in front of you. "Cause, your my kind of woman. And, your beautiful. You're super sweet. Why do you ask?" You look up, "nothing." He comes back over to you, "you can talk to me." "Maybe I will tell you later." you fiddle with your fingers. "Okay, but why won't you eat?" You stand up and run to the bathroom. "Hey-" he yells, "be right back." Eddie tells the group. You lock yourself in a stall, stand on the toilet seat and squat. You cry softly. You hear heavy footsteps coming from the entrance of the bathroom. "Ellie, are you in here?" he shouts, he hear you, but doesn't enter, "I can't go in there." You could hear him muttering to himself. "Fuck this." He walked over to the stall you were in. He leans against the door, "you okay? Please don't cry." "You won't understand!" you cry. "You're right," you were shocked by his reply, "I probably don't, but maybe if you explain it to me I could help." You catch your breath, "I'm just not hungry." "Ellie, you gotta tell me what's up because your actually worrying me," Eddie says, "can I come in?" You unlock the stall door and Eddie sits on the floor in front of you. "Hey," he says, moving hair out of your face. Your hands are over your stomach and you're hunched over a little. "Okay, um," Eddie squirms around from the fact that he's sitting on a bathroom floor, "are you sick? Do you need me to take you home?" Tears stream down your face as you embrace him tightly. "I don't like how I look, Eddie. All these girls are so pretty compared to me and I feel like I need to look like them. Also, I just can't anymore, it's what I think I deserve anyways." Eddie's heart drops. "Holy shit." he
pauses. "Ellie is that how you really feel? I'm so sorry I had no clue I-" "Eddie it's not your fault." you say. "Ellie. Ellie, look at me." Eddie says lifting your face. "I know this is probably really hard for you. But that shit hurt to hear. You're the most beautiful girl I've ever set my eyes on." He pauses as he tries to think of what to say. "I'm gonna try to help
you through this okay? Why don't we go home early today and I'll help my uncle cook for us. I'll eat with you, okay? I love you." "Thank you. I love you so much." you say, "could we go back to the table first?" "Sure," he kisses your forehead. You both walk into the cafeteria. Eddie walking in front of you, but you run into a group of bullies. Eddie doesn't notice until you're already surrounded. "Go away," you try to push them away. "Oh no, go call your dad." "I said, go away!" you shove the girl. "Oh, no! Mom's going to kill me, Dad!" the girl said. "Leave her alone," Eddie tried to push in the crowd. "Where is your dad?" she asks. The expression on your face tightens, as your eyes widen. "Where is your dad, Ellie?" she asks again. Eddie looks up. "He dead?" she said in a high pitched voice. All her friends laugh as the crowd breaks. You laugh slightly, trying to make yourself feel better. Eddie had a very worried look on his face. "Now that was a lot of damage," you say with tears forming in your eyes. Eddie hugged you then walked you to the table. "Hey guys, we are going to dip." Eddie says to the group. "Is everything okay?" Mike asks. Eddie looked at you, to the side of him dazing into space in an attempt not to cry. "Yep," he turned back to the group. "Hey, I'll meet you at the van," you say, desperately wanting to escape. "Uhm, okay," he kisses you. You could feel a pair of eyes burning your skin. You ignored it and took your things to his van.
(Eddie's Pov)
"So, what is going on?" Gareth asks. "What do you mean?" I say, trying to avoid the subject. "I'm not fucking stupid, something is up with Ellie. I know you know, so tell us, what's wrong?" I see Jason walking over to our table. "She's not hungry." I say truthfully. "Bs." Dustin says. "I'm serious-" I was cut off. "Munson!" I hear Jason yell. "I have a first name you know." I shout back. "You really think she could love a freak like you." He laughs, pointing at me. I'm used to it. "No," he says, clearly in denial, "no fucking way." I just stare at him. "What do you both even have?" He says getting even closer to me. "Eddie," Dustin says, trying to calm me down. "That's my fucking wife.m, for your information. I don't understand why you think you still have a shot at her. She is not interested in you!" "What if I already have a plan on making a move on her?" he asks smirking. Oh fuck him. I just stand up and turn around, bluntly ignoring him. "What do you have that I don't?" he asks, almost genuine. "We do drugs together. We go crazy when we are apart. You have no respect for a woman whatsoever, so if you would please-" I practically begged, I did not want to do this today. "So you turned her into a freak, just like you Munson." He said, a twinkle in his eye. A trap. "That's it!" I shout.
(Ellie's Pov)
You have been waiting in the van for a few minutes. You heard lots of shouting and people running towards the cafeteria. You were bored, so you decided to check out what was going on. Whatever happened was moved to a different room. Everyone was looking at you and whispering. You saw Nancy and Robin. "What's going on?" you run up to them. She doesn't say anything, taking it in. "What the fuck is going on?" you were worried, and couldn't find Eddie anywhere. "Eddie beat up Jason for some reason. I don't know why." she says to you. Robin studies you. "Where were you?" "Oh, me and Eddie were about to leave," you say nervously. "He went over there," Nancy points to an empty classroom. You rush over there to see him leaning on the wall with his dark brown hair. "E-Eddie," you say running up to him. He doesn't say anything. "I-I'm sorry. They were saying bad things about you." you stand there. "It's fine, please, I don't want you to get hurt. Don't do this!" you grab his hands and look at his bloody knuckles. Eddie had blood running from his nose and massive bruises on him. "Trust me," he says softly, "he is in worse shape than me." "Mr. Munson." a firm voice scared the both of you, "you mind coming to my office?" Fuck.
You sat outside as Eddie was shouting at the principal. "Why do I always get pulled into this?" you whisper to yourself. Jason was sitting in the nurses office with an icepack on his eye. He waved. You flip him off. He just smiles. "Two days suspension!" the principle shouts. "I didn't start it, though! I was just sticking up for Ellie!" "Fine, whatever, two weeks detention." Eddie gave in, knowing full and well he would miss some days because of the concert. The principal opened the door for Eddie. "It would probably be best if you both leave." he says with sympathy towards you. "Good idea," you look at Eddie, trying to make it sound like that wasn't the plan all along. Eddie didn't say anything to you until you got to the van. "He called you a freak," he says, stopping in front of the door, "I don't want you to have my reputation." You didn't say anything. "I'm sorry," he says, waiting for you to say something. "Do you want to know what I was upset about before lunch?" you say. "Yes," he says, like he was waiting for you to tell him. "It was Jason," Eddie's facial expression instantly changed. "What did that son of a bitch do?!" he shouted. "He chased me into the bathroom. He tried to convince me you were using me for sex and reputation." Eddie hand, which was on your wrist, his grip tightened. "Ouch!" you say, your wrist tender. "Shit! Sorry!" he shouted, "wait... I thought they were almost healed..." You looked guilty. He pulled up your sleeve. "Ellie!" he shouted. "I'm sorry!" you started crying again. Tears were running down Eddie's face when you looked up. You buried your face into his shirt. "Promise me you won't do it again." he says slowly. "You know I can't do that," you wrap your arms around him. "Please," he begs. "I'm sorry, Eddie. I can't break another promise." Eddie started sobbing. "Stop! Stop hurting me like this!" he pulled away, he could hardly look at you. "Do you want to know something, Ellie?" he looks at you. You nod. "I have become a man who hate himself so much he can't even look at his own reflection in the mirror." "Oh, don't say that, Eddie. I-" You never thought you would impact people. "And I wish I could tell you that being with you doesn't make it worse. It does. The more that you love me in spite of it, the angrier I get." You close your eyes. "I'm sorry Eddie." "I don't like who I am." he says softly, "there's nothing good about me anymore." You squeeze your eyes shut. "Fuck! Eddie! I'm sorry I love you!" you say, unsure of how to respond. "Why?" he asks, nervously. "You make it sound like it's my fault, that loving you is the worst thing that could happen to you." you shout. Eddie puts his hand on your cheek, "Ellie, you are the only reason why I am alive. I can only thank you for that. I can't have you leave me!" You look down. Eddie was one of your only reasons you were alive, too. "I promise," you say. You didn't even notice you said it until a smile grew on Eddie's face. Now you can't break it. Dammit.