Chereads / Seishin No Koe / Chapter 11 - Hikikomori

Chapter 11 - Hikikomori

In a messy room: leftover food, mangas, clothes strewn everywhere, cables, consoles, games, a TV that must never have turned off, computers, used tissues, and a boy who is playing Beginning Fantasy 15, has just finished the game. The credits scroll and the final melody whispers. He drops the controller and lies down on the ground. His complexion would almost match the darkness of the room if his exhausted black eyes, long messy hair didn't already make him look messy too.

He only gets up to go piss and go back to bed. It's 9:52 a.m. outside but he doesn't even know it. He wakes up at 7:45 p.m. but he doesn't know it. He goes to the bathroom, he showers, brushes, gets dressed and gets his instant noodles out of the microwave and eats while watching Doggy Boy Kozo on his computer.

He only intended to watch one episode, but he finished the series and threw his sixth can on the floor. He gets up, and sits on his bed and falls asleep.

He wakes up at 3am: he gets up, showers, brushes, gets dressed, and goes to play Call Of Law Peacezone. He plays online but his microphone is not activated. In the game his team is about to win but when they are three against two, his sidekick takes a grenade.

He who used to bend over in his chair, now sits up and grips the controller well and stares at the screen : first he shoots on purpose so they know where he is, then he hides behind crates. He sees the sniper up on the stairs he thinks he's seen him before; while another walks around, he does not see the other. He changes his rifle to a pistol and launches a smoke bomb before headshot the one who bypassed. The sniper has lost him but as he looks through the scope, he sees the third one who has just arrived being shot down. He calculates that the shot has been made since… does he have time to aim for his right that he dies.

Another victory for him.

He leaves the game and goes to his store, he searches the latest releases and as he scrolls he can't believe it, how could he forget that yesterday was the release of Small Theft Bicycle 6 He has great palpitations, my hand shivers on the mouse and he feels the ecstasy rising. He clicks to add to the basket, click on buy for me, validate his bank details, accept the terms of use and it's validated! He is already rejoicing. It will drain its bandwidth to complete the download as soon as possible.

But does he come back to the store that he is surprised to read that he cannot buy the game, he does not understand, could it be an error from the store? His connection? His bank? He tries again without success. Then he will check on forums and see that his store has bugs and that he will have to wait for it to be fixed. It goes on other stores but the problem seems general, apparently the problem comes from a server room in another country which blocks the whole circuit.

He goes to Amazing to order the game but he will only receive the game in 3 days.

He's been waiting for this album for years. 3 days would seem tiny but it is unthinkable for him. He needs it right away, but how? It hangs on all the sites but it did not find anything.

Only one solution persists and it is impossible for him: the video game store to buy it directly. What is impossible for him is obviously not buying, but what it supposes: going out.

He can't get out, why should he?

He begins to imagine it, the eventuality, when he stops and goes on Facecritic to see the rating given to the game and sees a rating that unlocks his jaw: 101/100.

The following article and the comments of the players are unanimous: the game of the century. There is only one player who complains of having "a clover in a garden when there shouldn't be in this part of the globe, that it's an insult to botany but that otherwise the game is good."

He can't bring himself to waste any more time, but getting out...

He lays on his bed and wonders why he refuses to go out? He didn't do it until then because he didn't have to. The social worker brings him everything, he just has to pick up at the door and go back for another round. He didn't think about whether he wanted to or not, but why does that worry him? What would it take to go there? He looks on his phone at the nearest store and sees that it is 2km away, the store opens from 9 a.m. to 8 p.m. He fights against himself and resolves to go there, it won't take long, and, what does he risk?

He lets himself fall asleep, still, a little worried. He wakes up: takes a shower, brushes his teeth, throws the tube in a trash can filled with other tubes, gets dressed.

White t-shirt, jeans, cap, mask, glasses, credit card. He is ready ! Just open the door and go, but then why is he standing in front of the door? Why doesn't he go?

*

He closes his eyes, thinks back to the trailer, to the game… he goes forward, opens the door, goes down the stairs and leaves.

He hasn't left his apartment for a year, the feeling of the sun on his body stings him strangely, his body heats up a little too quickly, his eyes aren't really bothered by the light, the real one. As for his feelings, he is calm, as he suspected, he is not afraid; it is not going out that he is afraid of.

He observes the streets of his neighborhood that he has never seen in a year. He sees new horizons of the city, but quickly forgets when his headphones in his ears he listens to his music, watching the path on his phone.

So he arrives at the store, and tell himself that he didn't have to speak to anyone, except to nod to the salesman who said hello. He took a tour of the shelves, saw the game, took it, went to the cash register, waited, typed his code, and took his game with his receipt. The merchant thanks him and he leaves without another word. But before leaving, he stops on something: plush key rings.

So he goes home with a panda keychain attached to the pants.

Arrived at a junction, his phone tells him to continue straight, but on the map, he sees that a bend could lead him faster to the house, the atmosphere of the outside begins to weigh on him. He wants to go home as soon as possible. So he listens to his instincts and takes the hallway.

When he advances far enough, the algorithm redirects him for his hallway home and the remaining time has effectively decreased. Except that from corridors to corridors, he feels he has to stop for he doesn't know what reason. In front of him a right turn and another left.

He feels something, he goes slowly and on his right the little sounds he heard turned out to be those of a group of men.

He stays hidden while observing three gunmen on a man in his forties. He is on the ground, while one of the men seems to question him. The man is frightened, and speaks quickly, stressed.

The armed man points his pistol at the cheek of the victim who cowers in on himself in fear.

Assad, our character, watches the scene from afar, he is sweating, his heart is pounding, he is shaking but at the same time paralyzed. He can neither go forward nor backward but he forces himself to go back when a thought he would not have wanted to have now occurs to him. He stops, frozen…until a shot makes him scream in fear. He automatically closes his mouth hoping not to have made himself heard. He has just realized that he is on the ground, his phone thrown away.

He takes it back and does not know why, trembling, he goes to check the reason for the detonation. He still looks hide and sees the man holding his injured leg mimicking excruciating pain.

One of the aggressors is still lowered to his level and this time the barrel pointed at the heart. The attacker speaks to him calmly, Assad guesses that he agreed to listen to him this time otherwise he will shoot for good.

Assad doesn't know how much time passes when the assailant starts to pull the trigger so the man seems to give in, yelling something that Assad can't hear from where he is. He pulls out his wallet and hands the attacker a piece of paper to fold into a small square. The man opens it and says something, he seems satisfied.

He gets up and reads the paper again while firing three bullets without looking. He tucks his gun under his jacket. The man is inert, a pool of blood under him.

The man folds the sheet and puts it away when he sees his comrade looking behind him and drawing his weapon, moving forward slowly. Neither of them asks why when they follow him. Assad knows he has been seen, he knows they're coming, but he's too scared to act.

But when they are close, he takes the trash near him and throws it at them before getting up and running towards his home, he passes the men, passes the corpse of the dead man without stopping.

He sprints like he's never done in his life, his heart seems to want to escape from his chest, his face crumpled with fear. Now that they are visible to all, the men have put away their weapons and are content to pursue him. Assad is out of breath but stopping is unthinkable.

He crosses a red light without paying attention, and is close to being run over but continues. The men are slowed down by traffic and see him moving away.

Assad goes up the stairs, goes home and double locks. He sits against the door and catches his breath, but nausea takes hold of him and he throws up in the sink. The fear is still in his intestines, he does not know whether to stand or sit.

He just freezes until he feels something.

His instincts make him stare at the door, and he runs to push the couch against the door and hide under the bed and cover his head and pray he doesn't know what.

He does not know how much time passes when we try to open the door but it blocks, then we try to force, his terror growing with it; then when he feels knocks on the door, he hugs himself tighter.

An ax suddenly pops up from the other side of the door when it's soon smashed. The lock is kicked in and they just push to get in.

Assad is hiding when men are looking for him. One of the men questioned "what is this room? Is it a dumpster?"

One of the men looks in the toilet while another searches in the living room. His room is small, there is only the bed and a closet, if they come to check there, they will certainly find him. He hears the door open. It was the man who shot.

He scans the room, and approaches the cupboard which he opens, but the young boy is not there. He touches two or three things before retracing his steps. He still scrutinizes and his gaze falls on the bed. He watches it, confused.

Assad always has his eyes closed when his foot is grabbed and he gets pushed. When he seizes, he is first in shock and then he starts screaming to leave him alone. The man drags him with his leg to the living room. The three men gather on him. The man pulls out a cigarette with a lighter and lights it, then puts the lighter away.

Assad begs to let him live, that he won't say anything, that he hasn't seen anything but the man doesn't listen to him or look at him. Assad continues to plead when he is punched in the face, his head bangs against the ground, and he appears unconscious at first before slowly coming back.

"What won't you say? What haven't you seen?" asks the one who hit him

Assad suddenly recovers in tears, he shoots snot. He only whispers a "please"

"What were you doing there?" asks him calmly the man who smokes

Assad still cries and takes a few seconds to speak "I was coming home"

The man says nothing, he gets up and turns around

" Where did you come from ?"

"From the… from the game store"

"What did you go there to do?"

"I went to pay for a game I wanted"

" Which ?"

"STB6"

The man smokes one last time while the cigarette is still remaining; he throws it on the carpet and lowers himself to the level of Assad who is not looking at him.

"Why did you want this game? Isn't this a game where you steal cars and can kill people?"

Assad does not answer

"Do you think these things are worth having fun with?"

Assad does not look at him so the man squeezes both cheeks with one hand and makes him look at him, Assad meets the hard gaze of this man in spite of himself.

"Answer me, do you think it's fun?"

" I do not know "

"Of course you don't know, how could you know? Where are your parents, you live alone?"

Assad does not answer

" Good. No matter." He gets up and goes outside "I'm sorry, but I can't let you live, what you witnessed is too big for a witness like you to survive. If we don't kill you, one of our enemies will finish you off. Kill him, but slowly, I want him to suffer so I ask him again."

" Very well !" one of the men says and goes to the kitchen. Assad sees the man on the railing outside, smoking, he looks away.

Knowing what awaits him, heavier tears flow before the blows, he just whispers a "please" before being hit by he does not know what he does not know where because the blows collide and follow each other. His gaze is still on the man outside when a blow from the rolling pin makes him change his angle of view and then he loses consciousness. When he comes to, the pain is so colossal that he cannot cry out. He first sees blurry, then he recognizes the silhouette of the man who looks at him closely

"Are you up?" He thinks he heard when he sees his lips move because he can't hear well. " How do you find it ?"

Seeing that his whipping boy can't answer him, he looks away

" You know what ? keep the answer to yourself, and take it with you wherever you go"

He gets up and asks to end it. Assad thinks at first that he is rambling, that things are moving, but he understands that it is him, that he is being pulled. They slap him against the wall. Still blurry, Assad sees the men pouring gasoline all over the room, all over his puny objects. They finish and he sees that the carpet is smoking.

In front of him the fire is created while the men go out. The smoke, the growing flames, he sees his world burning in front of him without knowing what he feels in front of it.

His eyelids try to close, not knowing why he tries to stay conscious, finally he faints.

The flames are now immense, and soon, he will be consumed if it is not that the stages are announced: first, his conscience only returns, then he feels his heart beating, it is soon his brain that he feels a lightning current send through his body and he feels every atom of his body awaken. But he's not awake yet. He is in complete darkness, from which he only recognizes his existence before the second self sends him two shocks: resentment and an explosive survival instinct that he feels respectively in the two sides of his body. Both emotions overwhelm him when at the same time he dwells on his whole life. He sees the assassination again, he sees the fear in the eyes of this man, he sees the contempt in the eyes of the man who set him on fire.

Assad opens his eyes, he is consumed.

*

The three men are at a red light, they are waiting to turn green, the man who seems to be the leader is very pensive, his gaze distant.

He does not immediately see his two men turning to Assad.

Assad is standing, his body battered, he faces these men who are not surprised that he is standing, not only, but it is Assad, his gaze, his eyes... a bestial gaze, eyes that have turned to ashes.

They don't believe it's possible. But yet when the other finally notices, and turns around, and he too dreads it, Assad waves to them to come back.

He can't believe his eyes. The whole assembly stopped around them.

Assad continues to wave at them when he finally points the finger at the leader. He ends up, still surprised, by advancing, he walks calmly towards Assad until they are facing each other. He is much taller than Assad, the latter not even looking him in the eye.

"Are you sure about that kid? Is that really what you want?"

Assad does not answer. The man tries to speak again when Assad takes a step back, without looking at him, positions himself, raises his arm, throws the kick and the man collapses.

The man does not understand what is happening, he sees himself falling, and has a cut.

When he opens his eyes, he has his gaze pointed at the corpse of his two men, he is surprised that his gaze is directed there, then he realizes the hand that is pressing to make him look there, then Assad makes him look at him; and as soon as there is contact, a punch hits him in the face, and who knows how many others. When the rain stops, he cries, his nose is broken, one of his eyes has a bruise. Assad strangles him with one hand, the man tries to regain his senses and regain the upper hand, but Assad strangles him all the more as he ceases all revolt: "damn, his strength is inhuman" he thinks. He has his eyelids closed but the "Hey?!" of Assad brings him back, he opens his eyes.

"Tell me now: what did you try to teach me?"

The man tries to free himself, he chokes… he uses both hands against one of Assad.

" Go ahead tell me !"

The man tries to talk but Assad still strangles him.

" I can not hear you. Speak !"

The man gets lost, if he tries to answer he will be strangled, and if he is silent he will be strangled.

He remembers his weapon and gently tries with one hand to retrieve it, but it would be far too easy. He's confused, he's looking for his gun

" Is that what you want ?"

Assad takes the gun he had previously removed and shakes it in front of the man. He places the cannon on the man's shoulder, worries him, and throws it away. The man sees his weapon sliding on the ground.

"Why did you kill him?" Assad's tone is more serious. The man turns to him, he does not answer but he is clearly worried. Assad restates his question.

"Go fuck your…" Assad punches him in the face. He stops and asks his question again. The man does not answer and Assad leaves for a shot.

Assad's fist is streaked with blood. The man has lost a tooth or two or three.

"Why did you…"

"Do you think you're in a fit state to ask that? Do you think you can get involved in this?"

" In what ?"

"Fuck it!" he spits on him.

Assad hears from a civilian that the police are on their way, he feels carried away by this feeling but he has no control. He has to get it over with, so to survive he lets this thing take over.

The man sees him close his eyes, veins mark on Assad's hands, his hands twitch, squeezing the man's neck with it. He can't even try to defend himself anymore, Assad holds him like a sheet of paper, his eyes roll back. Assad grits his teeth, veins all over his body. When he opens his eyes again, they are clearly ash gray. A single shot by Assad that follows sounds horrific to onlookers. The man must have died on the second or third shot but Assad continues. Some film, others look away, a woman vomits. The man no longer looks like anything.

Assad gets up and the whole public eclipses in a panic. He remains frozen at first before going in front of the body of one of the men. He bends down to his level, the man groans, Assad picks him up pulling his head to see the body of his former superior

"Who are you, and why did you do this?"

At first the man is in too much pain to speak, then he says: "We work for Raven"

" What is that ?"

"A Clandestine Organization"

" Who was that man ?"

"I don't know, I don't know anything, I just got the order"

"What order?"

"To find the document"

"The order came from whom?"

The man points to the corpse "but it's not him who decides, the order came from the leaders."

" From the top ?"

"From the boss"

"Which boss?"

"The head of the organization. He ordered to take something back from him, I don't know what it is. Dude let me go I have nothing to do with it"

Assad drops him, goes back to the unrecognizable corpse, searches the jacket, and pulls out the document. He returns to see the other.

"Was the chief who ordered to kill him?"

The man is afraid to answer no but his survival is the only thing that matters to him

" Nope. He killed him for pure pleasure."

Assad gets angry. He pushes him to stare at him, the man contemplates Assad in spite of himself.

" Look at me. Look at every feature of my face, hold them back and go back to that boss and tell him what he's looking for is with me. Tell him if he wants to find me. Let him not send men after me, but let him come on his own: I have questions to ask him."

" I can't. I can't," he panics. Not knowing if he is more afraid of one or the other "nobody sees him, there are only his three generals. I don't even know what he looks like, I just know they call him Maestro." But when he meets Assad's eyes, he freezes in terror. He swallowed. "I…I'll do it, I promise I'll tell him, I'll talk to the generals.They will tell him." It sounded to him like a prayer to get out of there.

Assad releases him and leaves. The man lies down and suffocates.

Assad walks in front of everyone's eyes, the sirens are heard in the distance. It holds the paper firmly.

*

Assad is in front of the corpse of the man previously killed. He didn't die instantly, the blood dries up and the flies already surround him.

Assad is challenged by the position of one of his hands which seems to want to take... Assad sees the man's wallet and takes it. He finally opens it: credit cards, cash, lots of money. He searches again and finds the identity card. It reads: Kabir. It's a police card, he was a lieutenant, but the date goes back several years ago. Why did he want to take his wallet?

Assad digs again, he finds a secret pocket that contains a small ring, could it be? It is not a wedding band, the ring is worn, and an inscription is on it but he cannot read it. It is still readable but he does not understand the language. Could this be what the man was looking for?

He keeps the ring in one hand and searches again, he tells himself that he is going to remove the identity card, he does not immediately see the photo that falls. He takes it when he sees it: an old photo of five people. He recognizes Kabir who is on the side: there are two women in their twenties and two men apart from the lieutenant. The lieutenant wears his uniform and the others all wear suits except the oldest: large build, black hair, his eyes deep black. Assad feels a calm filling him as he watches him; the man smiles, despite his build that would make him look like a villain, he is a certain comfort. The two ladies are superb but one in particular is of a beauty that does not leave him indifferent. She is held by the shoulder by the older man. He must have been in his thirties at the time and they were in their twenties. The woman smiles, she looks eminently happy. They are on what appears to be a dune in the desert. An off-roader is in the background.

Assad wonders if this is the photo he was trying to see again. Assad looks at the corpse, then at the photo. He turns it over and sees the date on which the photo was taken and there are 4 different signatures and a trace of lipstick a little damaged due to time.

Assad is heartbroken. He puts the photo in the man's hand and puts the wallet close to the body. He wants to see the look he wore. He bends down and sees dried tears. His heart still aches and the energy that consumes him feeds on it.

He gets up and leaves before stopping. Retrace his steps and pass the body. He gets to the level of his game and his phone. He picks up the phone, calls the police and informs that "There is a body at Terminus, not far from the gas station; it is Lieutenant Nelson Kabir, he died a while ago of three bullets in the chest. Come get him as soon as possible." he does not let speak that he hangs up.

He throws the phone and the game in the trash before leaving.