The next day found me feverish and sick. I had had a bit of a cough for a few days but had managed to keep it under control. The control was now gone, my lungs ached, and my throat felt like it was filled with glass shards. The world spun and lurched, and my fever quickly rose higher and higher. I managed to pass inspection from the teachers and make it onto the train back home, but my condition grew progressively worse to the point I couldn't keep my eyes open, and my hands felt as if they were hard plastic blocks. I opened my eyes at one point, my breathing labored and painful, to find Emi, Mizuki and Momoka staring at me in concern. I recall my face attempting to work itself into a reassuring smile, but I couldn't hold the illusion and was soon asleep again.
Getting back to Tottori was a blur of faces and places and the sensation of swimming through muck. By the time I regained consciousness I was staring at the ceiling of a room I didn't recognize. My lungs burned and my body felt somehow swollen and leaden. I tried to move my head, but the slightest movement was like pins were being jabbed into my neck. A cough was rising and, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't keep it down. The cough ripped through my chest and throat and felt like it had taken half of my insides with it.
"Ah," a voice said from the area to my right. I slowly moved my head to see a nurse standing by a door. Apparently, I was in the hospital, I thought absently. "You're awake, finally. One moment and I'll bring the doctor." She flashed a smile at me and before I could protest, she was gone. Nurses were scary. They moved like predators, fast and purposeful with barely any wasted motion.
Another round of wracking cough shook me, seeming like forks raking the inside of my throat and lungs. After the coughing stopped, I felt drained and exhausted, like I'd just run a marathon. I was about to lay back when I glanced down and to my horror and shock found blood specks covering the palm of my hands. I was bleeding? From the mouth? Isn't that a sign of death?
My feverish brain searched desperately through its limited stock of knowledge on the subject and decided that, in every anime I'd seen and manga I'd read anyone about to die always bled from the mouth. Now, here I was. In the hospital with a fever and bleeding from the mouth. I was going to die. I lay my head back and sighed. That's about right, I thought.
Come to think of it, my first period was rather a bit like this as well. I remembered going to the bathroom and finishing and then the shock and horror when I looked down to find blood in my panties. This wasn't right, I had thought. Blood should not be coming from there! I had run through the house as well as I was able with my panties around my knees screaming for my mom. I was lucky at that time to meet my Aunt Nanami who had been staying with us. She patiently explained what was happening. She was kind and only laughed a little at my waddling through the house mostly naked and sobbing brokenly. Somehow, even though the memory should have reassured me, I was damn sure I shouldn't be bleeding from the mouth without biting my tongue or something first.
"I'm glad to find you awake, Kasumi," a voice from the door said. The doctor closed the door behind him and drew a chair up next to the bed, reading from a chart as he did so.
"Bluh!" I gasped, my voice a hoarse whisper that tore at my tender throat even more. I tried to make sound to come out, but nothing would come except an agonized squeak. The doctor glanced up at me and I showed him the palms of my hands, blood still fresh and sprinkled about like a Rorschach. I wondered what I would see. My eyes glanced down at my hands pointedly. It looks like…blood spots. This was, I decided, the worst Rorschach ever.
"Ah, don't worry, it's natural to have a little blood with your condition," He said in his best reassuring voice. Natural? This was natural? I stared at him aghast. What about any of this was natural? "So, you must be a bit confused since your fever was quite high when you were brought in. Allow me to explain a bit." He shifted slightly in his seat and smiled. While he was plainly not Japanese, his skill with the language was impeccable. His short blonde hair was pulled back away from his tanned face and he seemed like he would be more at home at a country club than an operating room.
"So, you have a couple of different issues right now we're working through," He handed me some hand wipes to clean the blood from my hands. "You've got a pretty serious case of pneumonia, as well as laryngitis and a touch of bronchitis as well. Your lungs are in a sorry state, I must say, which is why you're here and not at home. Were you not well prior to the fever?" Was I? Yeah, I guess I had been. Not willing to go through the sensation of needles sticking in my throat when trying to talk, I nodded my head.
"Well, I wouldn't worry too much. We'll have you stay here just in case for a while but you're in good shape and are still young, so I don't think you'll have any long-term health issues. My daughter had pneumonia not long ago, worse than yours, in fact! She made a complete recovery and I have no doubt you will as well. But for now, you're under doctor's orders to just relax and rest. Got it, young lady?" He smiled reassuringly, a smile that somehow never quite reached his bright blue eyes and patted me on the leg reassuringly before getting up to leave. The door to my room opened and a small, pretty-looking girl in a light pink uniform stepped through.
"Ah, Doctor Somerset, my apologies," the girl bowed her head. "I wasn't aware you were here."
"It's quite all right!" The doctor flashed that same half-genuine smile from before, making his way toward the door. "Make sure she has tea and a clear beverage. Also keep in mind she is contagious." The girl bowed again and stepped aside as the doctor strode from my room.
"I'm sorry to bother you, Mi…" She stopped cold and dropped the bag of linens in her hand and rushed to my side. "Senpai! Oh my god! What happened?" I stared at her for a long moment before I finally recognized her behind the mask which matched the color of her uniform. It was Saki. I could tell by the large doe eyes, now filled with worry, staring at me. Thinking back on it she did mention she volunteered at the hospital. I smiled at her reassuringly as she rushed over. "Are you ok?"
"It's ok," I croaked, my voice giving out before I managed to finish my sentence. I grinned sheepishly and shrugged, gesturing to my throat, and shaking my head to indicate I couldn't speak.
"Oh no! I am so sorry, senpai!" Saki apologized immediately. She searched the room for a moment as if looking for anything to comfort me with. "Let me bring you some tea! Are you hungry? Would you like some soda? Ramune? I can get you anything you want!" It sounded like an interaction I'd seen once on TV where a dealer was speaking to a perspective client. Had she been wearing an overcoat with goods stitched inside the illusion would have been complete. She certainly didn't seem nearly as meek and uncertain as usual. Perhaps it was because this world in the hospital was one, she was familiar with and felt comfortable in. I opened my mouth to speak but she held a finger up. She rushed to a small table near the window and quickly returned with a pad of paper and a pen. "Write down what you want, and I'll have it for you right away!"
I smiled in gratitude and wrote tea and ginger ale. She pulled off the paper I'd written on and rushed out the door, coming back in only momentarily to collect the bag of linen she'd dropped. I closed my eyes and lay back against the pillow. Oh! I thought, my eyes flying open. My phone! I looked around the sparse room to no avail. Some fake flowers, medical equipment and…that's it. It must be in my clothes in the closet. Of course. It wouldn't be sitting by my bed. How ludicrous of me. I was attached to tubes and monitors and some very expensive-looking equipment I couldn't even begin to imagine the function of.
"Here you are, senpai!" Saki exclaimed, backing into the room. Even behind her mask I could tell she was grinning broadly. "I hope this is ok!" She set the tray she was carrying beside me, waiting to see my reaction. I clapped my hands happily and bowed my head in thanks. "Are you feeling ok? Is there anything else I can get you? Anything at all I can do I will!" I wrote phone? on the pad and held it up for her. "Ah! Well, let me check! It's possibly with your clothes. I'll bring them to you!" She bustled off to a cabinet and returned quickly with my clothes in a plastic bag. I rummaged through the bag and sagged dejectedly. It wasn't there. Saki was quiet for a moment before brightening once again. "Leave it to me! I'll get your phone!" I smiled and shook my head as if to say that she needn't bother. I may as well have told her she didn't have to breathe.
"I know how boring hospitals are! Don't worry, Senpai! I'll get it for you! You can trust me!" She squeaked in surprise before reaching into one of the pockets of her uniform and pulling out a pager. Did they still make pagers? Evidently so. "Aww! I have to go. I'm sorry, Senpai! You have to feel better! You have to get better! I'll get your phone!" She looked briefly like she wanted to say or do something more, but she bowed deeply and with a jaunty wave rushed out the door. For someone who acted like a frightened animal around me she had this side to her also, huh?
I picked up the cup of tea and tested it with a sip before adding some milk and a bit of sugar. She was right, though. Hospitals were mind-numbingly boring. The incessant beep of the machines and distant sounds of voices in the halls combined to form a low, droning background noise that was just loud enough to be annoying but not loud enough to provide any entertainment value. I toyed with the idea of turning on the tv but quickly discarded the notion as unpleasant.
I was exhausted, to be quite honest. Not only exhausted, but effectively mute and now trapped in a hospital bed with nothing but a tv that got one channel and my own thoughts to keep me company. The way my thoughts had been leading me recently, the prospect didn't fill me with joy. The last thing I wanted were fever-induced thoughts about Aria. Which meant, of course, those were the first thoughts to enter my head.
The conversation I'd played a mute role to played through my mind again like hitting loop on a You Tube video. I hated the whole thing. I wanted to talk to her. I wanted to communicate. To tell her what I thought and how I felt and lay the chips on the table. But why should I? Honestly. I'd known Aria for less than a month and I was acting like some spurned lover. I was one step away from demanding she unlock her phone and let me see her call logs. I was, in effect, becoming a simp and I hated it with every fiber of my being.
I hated the bizarre caricature of myself I'd become. I hated being jealous and uncertain and dealing with soul-shattering self-realizations at what seemed like a daily basis. I hated myself and I was beginning to hate Aria for making me feel this way. It wasn't fair I was the only one to suffer. It wasn't fair I was the only one to feel this way and it sure as fuck wasn't fair, she got a free pass to do what she wanted when she wanted with who she wanted while I was stuck in my head with thoughts of her.
Emi told me to contact her and that had backfired spectacularly. Possibly. I'm sure there was a logical explanation for the whole conversation, but I couldn't think of one and, frankly, didn't care to bother trying at this point. She'd flirted with me, and I had simply over-reacted. She seemed like she enjoyed playing with people. As loathsome as Daishi was, I was beginning to suspect Aria wasn't quite as innocent in that whole situation as she'd made herself out to be.
Maybe she just liked the attention. If so, good for her, but I'd no interest in feeding her attention whore needs. While I was grateful to Aria for helping me realize my sexuality, I didn't owe her anything except my friendship. Maybe, I thought, Jun wasn't completely off-base in his repulsive womanizing. I'd dozens of confessions and turned them all down. Perhaps it was time to play the field. I nodded my head fiercely, causing it to ache. It felt like my head was going to split open, so I lowered it into my hands to hold it together.
The concept of thinking Jun was anything more than pond scum repulsed me, but there it was. Let's be honest, I reasoned, everyone could use some attention and I had at least a few people who were interested in providing just that. To hell with Aria and, more importantly, to hell with the emotions in me she'd dredged up. Jealousy, need, want, desperation. I hated all these things but there they were. If her and Jun could do as they saw fit, why couldn't I?