"There are probably fifty thousand different kinds of tea in that shop," Mizuki flung herself down on the unrolled futon as soon as we got back to the room, letting her bags fly from her hands and crumple against the wall. "How am I supposed to know what kind of tea my mom wants?"
"I thought your mom drank coffee," I mused, collapsing on my own futon in a heap. The trip back from the bridge had been far more of an adventure than we'd planned. Mizuki and Momoka had shown up nearly an hour after Emi had finished off the last Takoyaki looking bedraggled and stressed, crumpled bags held tightly in their hands. Evidently the people in Hiroshima liked their tea, that shop in particular, and the crowds had gotten unruly at some point with some jostling and shouting going on. It was difficult to wrap my mind around a run on a tea shop. Trying to picture frustrated octogenarians and hostile housewives trying to outmaneuver each other for the new and hottest teas simply eluded me.
We'd tried to take the bus, but Emi had read the schedule wrong, and we'd ended up in the wrong area entirely and the voyage back to the hotel had been fraught with panic, running, confusion and multiple bus and train changes so much so that when we finally did get back to the room it had been dark for some time and the teachers made certain we knew how very, very wrong we were to make them worry.
"Yeah, but Uncle Taro is coming to visit next week, and you know how he gets without his precious gourmet teas." I nodded. Mizuki's uncle was…unique. He fancied himself a learned man of nobility. I'd had to sit on the sofa in their living room for hours on end listening to him prattle on and on about the Sengoku period. He'd gone over every general, every battle, every castle, ever bit of minutiae in a measured, almost condescending tone. I had no clue what he was talking about or even if what he was saying was true, and yet he droned on until Mizuki finally rescued me. All the while he'd sipped imperiously on some yellow tea that smelled of berries and lemon.
"I need a bath," Emi sighed, digging listlessly through her bag for her pajamas.
"I smell of desperation, anger and tea," Mizuki sniffed herself and wrinkled her nose.
"It's our bath block in like ten minutes," I dug my own clothes out of my bag. Each class had been given a certain amount of time in the bath and when they could take one to avoid causing trouble for the other patrons and classes. We each grabbed our towels and made our slow way toward the baths on the first floor, taking our time to make sure our bath block had started.
"I want to get naked!" Emi proclaimed loudly, trying to throw off her towel. Mizuki and I wrestled her hands down to her side to diffuse the situation. The other girls in our class stared on with a mixture of surprise and bemusement as Emi thrashed wildly.
"You know you're not allowed! We're supposed to wear the bathing towels!" Mizuki struggled to hold on as the smaller girl flailed. "Do some sort of Karate sleep hold or something, Kasumi! I can't hold her!" Emi nearly broke free before I finally simply picked her up and stepped into the large bath with her in my arms. Much like an animal show I'd seen where some Australian guy had rubbed an alligator's belly to make it fall asleep Emi gradually calmed down as the hot water surrounded her.
"Can I let you go?"
"Yes," Emi replied sullenly.
"Will you keep your towel on?"
"Yes."
"Do you promise?"
"Yes."
"Ok, then. I'm letting you go." I released Emi from my arms and the girl floated several feet away placidly. Mizuki and the others watched warily as Emi curled into a ball, legs curled up tight under her butt and floated listlessly toward the drain in the center.
"Waha!!" Emi exclaimed, standing upright suddenly, and flinging the striped towel toward showers.
"You promised!" Mizuki gasped at Emi's nudity.
"I didn't say for how long!" Emi put her small hands on her hips and laughed like a maniac. The rest of the girls ignored her for the most part.
"Let her go," I sighed, closing my eyes, and leaning my head back against the side. "Besides, it's not like everyone in class hasn't seen her naked in the dressing room at PE anyway."
"But the rules…" Mizuki fretted.
"She's like a weasel," I muttered, "you can try to catch her but she's going to wiggle free again."
This was…normal. Watching Emi laugh and thrash around while Mizuki tried to corral her was just like every other time we'd taken a bath together. Emi shot me no strange looks, there was no hesitation or awkwardness in her movements, no judgement in her voice or actions. Emi had accepted me for who I am. Or what I was. I wasn't sure.
Did being a lesbian define me or was it simply a facet of my not-so-great personality? I'd seen an interview on tv once with a group of women protesting LGBT discrimination and one of the girls had said that being lesbian was who she was. Honestly, I couldn't think of myself that way. I wasn't positive, but I was fairly sure my sexual preference didn't define me.
Still, the questions roiled around in my head like mist, obscuring things. Would I be accepted by others as easily as Emi had accepted me? Would I be able to live my life as I always had, or would there be repercussions? Would I, like those girls on TV, be discriminated against simply because I happened to like girls? Would Mizuki accept me? I wanted to think she would but there was a glimmer of doubt. If it got out around school, I was gay would people try to bully me? Would my quiet, listless, nondescript life be able to survive if it got out?
"-sumi?" The voice broke through my thoughts and I blinked and glanced up to find Mizuki staring at me.
"What's up?" I asked.
"Jeez, I've been talking to you forever, you know," Mizuki pouted.
"Sorry, I zoned out."
"We're moving to the showers," Mizuki pointed to the showers along the wall. "Better wash your hair or it'll end up like Emi's."
"Ah, yeah, true," I replied, allowing her to haul me to my feet. After washing our hair, we made our way back to the room where Emi promptly collapsed on her futon with a groan.
"I'm pruuunnnyyyy!" She wailed into her pillow. "Look at my hands! They're like my grandma's!"
"Oh, yeah," Mizuki grinned. "What did your grandma have last time you visited?"
"Have?" Emi mumbled.
"Yeah, what disease did she get?" Mizuki prompted. "We never asked."
"Oh, yeah, hemorrhoids," Emi replied evenly. Mizuki and I shot a look at each other and grimaced. "She had to sit down on a balloon or something, so I went to help her do the shopping and stuff."
"Ah," I mumbled, taking my phone out of my jacket pocket. No messages, no calls. I sighed. It looked like I was going to be the one to break the stalemate.
"That's…" Mizuki searched for the right word to use. "…unfortunate."
"Just say it," Emi said with a sigh. "It's a pain in the ass! MUAHAHAHAHA!!" She giggled ferociously, her whole body shaking in laughter. We all laughed, though I'm fairly sure Mizuki felt bad about it.
"I'm going to go make a call really quick," I said, hauling myself to my feet.
"When you're done call for a pizza, too," Emi nodded at me knowingly. "I'm starving."
"I don't think we're allowed to do that," Mizuki worried.
"Then give me chocolate," Emi insisted, holding her hand out to Mizuki.
"I don't have any," Mizuki shot a quick glance toward her bag. Emi caught the meaning and scrambled toward it, Mizuki hot on her heels.
"Lies do not become us!" Emi crowed as Mizuki grabbed onto her.
"It's not yours! It's not yours!" I smiled and stepped out onto the deck, closing the glass sliding door behind me.
The city of Hiroshima spread out before me as I turned from the door. Shimmering in the cool night like fireflies the lights of the city lay wider and further than I had ever seen before. The sound of the cars and trains were dull rumblings in the darkness, punctuated by the occasional honk of a horn. It was like a living, breathing tapestry of lights lay across the dark night. Far in the distance the sliver moon had risen into the sky, hanging low and dim on the horizon. Back home even the sliver moon was bright, but here it was pale and wan, swallowed up by the other lights.
I took a deep breath filled with the evening dew, air pollution and hint of the sea. Was I going to do this? Was I going to call Aria up and make a potential fool of myself? What would I say? Would I apologize? What would I apologize for? I didn't do anything wrong, except maybe over-react, I guess.
But Emi was right. Ever manga was filled with miscommunications and they always spiraled out of control and threatened to tear things apart. If I wanted a chance to explore my feelings for Aria, I had to dispel all of that as soon as possible. I sighed again. I seemed to be sighing a lot recently, I thought absently.
I would tell her how bad what she said hurt and tell her not to do that anymore and…wait, that wasn't what I wanted to say. Was it? Shit. What did I want to say? Did I want to tell her I liked her? That I wanted to date her? I shook my head, my damp hair brushing uncomfortably against my neck. I had to have a solid plan before I called. A script! I should have written a script for it. No, that would be even more cringy than just making things up as I went along.
I would tell her that I liked her and why what she said hurt me. No. I'd switch the order. Tell her why what she said hurt me and then tell her I liked her. Yes. That made more sense. I sighed yet again and tapped the phone screen. With shaking hands, I tapped her contact photo and pressed the call button. Fighting back every urge in my body to hang up I brought the phone to my ear and listened as the ringtone sounded. I shivered in the cold, my knees nearly knocking together. Though, whether it was from the cold or nerves I couldn't tell.
"Hello?" A voice said on the other end. A male voice.
"Urk," I gasped, my voice catching in my throat, my hands frozen in a death grip on the phone.
"Hello?" The voice said again. My mouth moved but no sound came out. In the background I heard a voice that sounded like Aria.
"Why are you on my phone?" Aria's voice asked, clearly displeased.
"Ahhaha," the person who'd answered the phone laughed. "You were busy, right? I'm just helping out."
"Don't answer my phone!" Aria's voice demanded. I could hear the phone brush against cloth, and it seemed as if a minor scuffle for control of the device had broken out.
"Why? Afraid your other boyfriends might get jealous?" the male teased.
"I said before- "Aria began but I didn't hear the rest. My hands finally moved, and I tapped the screen to end the call.
My whole body shook in the cold as I tried to get the phone back into my pocket unsuccessfully. The phone in my shaking hands seemed to slither about like a snake and I couldn't manage the dexterity needed to get it put away. I jumped as my phone vibrated. Aria was calling. No, my mind decided. No, I can't talk to her. I held the button down with shaking fingers and soon the phone shut off. I'm sure it's a misunderstanding, some rational part of my brain told me. I'm sure there's an explanation.
I woodenly opened the door and returned to the warmth of our room. Emi lay partially nude and not caring while she shuffled through Mizuki's bag of candy as Momoka stared at them in shock and disbelief. Emi glanced up and her smile immediately became a mask of concern.
"What's wrong?" Emi asked. Mizuki looked up and was on her feet in a moment, moving toward me.
"What happened?" Mizuki asked, grabbing my hands in hers. "You're frozen!"
"Hmm?" I looked at her, struggling to regain control of myself. "Ah, haha, nothing. Wrong number. It's kind of cold and I have wet hair and all, you know?"
"Really?" Emi eyed me suspiciously. I smiled in what my face estimated to be a reassuring manner.
"Yep. I'm kinda tired and am going to sleep," I said. Just then Emi's phone rang. She pulled it from her bag and checked the name.
"Ah, it's Aria-chan," Emi said, glancing at me. I shook my head with a scowl before heading toward my futon. Emi pressed the button as I curled under my blankets, facing the wall. "Ah, no, sorry, Aria-chan. Kasumin's gone to bed. Hmm? Yeah. Yeah. Oh. I see. Well…yes. Ok. Goodnight."
Fuck this, I thought bitterly, fighting back a rising panic which threatened to overwhelm me. Fuck this whole thing. I don't need these feelings and I don't need this stress and I sure as fuck don't need her.