CHAPTER 12 ♛
I watched with blurry eyes as the casket was lowered into the ground with scraping sounds. My eyes burned with unshed tears, my throat scorched with a burning desire to wail and never stop. I lost track of everything and everyone around me after Emily was taken inside. I've never seen Emily cry so much. After then, I believed it was the physical manifestation of unbearable grief, because all I could hear was the scraping sounds of the casket and nothing else. Nevertheless after some minutes I faintly heard Pastor Fred saying something about how we were dust and how one day we'll also return to dust, not even when he hugged me and whispered words of encouragement in my ears as the tears finally dropped did I acknowledged what he was saying to me, every scene playing in front of me wasn't what I pictured my life would be. I wanted to freeze time and go back to how it was then, when I would complain about petty things, like how fast I wanted to be done with highschool and get to college where I could make my own rules without restrictions. However now I'm not so sure what I want anymore.
After everything, everyone started dispatching as the wind was picking up. I noticed Kola at the distance as he walked away. As we walked towards the house, I spotted the unknown woman, she was still wearing those glasses as she gracefully thread through the windy weather. I noticed at the grave side she stood with uncle Seth who was stealing glances at her every second, I wondered what was going on, something is definitely going on. She hurried to her car. From distance I could see Mama Gabby waiting for her, they spoke for a while, then the lady locked her car.
"Donna let's go," Gina grabbed my arm, pulling me towards the house. Although there were some guests lingering around but I still felt lonely nonetheless. Gina disappeared somewhere in the house and I passed by the dinning room - just in time to find my Mother's work colleagues standing with drinks in hand. There were three of them, a lady dressed in a black short gown and two suited men. They looked intimidating and intelligent, I didn't know how to start talking to them. However I knew I would have to greet them. I took a deep breath. Okay, what would mother want me to do in a situation like this? Smile and face the situation head on. So I plastered a false smile and walked up to them.
"Good morning." I greeted. their heads whipped towards me simultaneously.
"You're Ladonna right?" the lady with short kinky dreadlocks asked with a slight frown etched between her forehead.
I nodded, "yes Ma," I replied with a smile.
"God! you're a spitting image of Joyce," the guy with the clean shaved head spoke.
"We are so sorry about the loss of your Mother, we hope you find comfort," the other tall guy spoke, "Joyce was a gem that cannot be replaced."
"Yeah, she will be greatly missed. Truly." the lady chimed in.
"Thank you all for coming, and for your kind words, I'll leave you to it then." I dismissed myself and patted myself In the back mentally at my prim and proper response throughout the conversation.
Joe and his parents were standing beside the archway, as I approached them my eyes searched for Emily. I wonder where she was. I was suddenly dragged into a bone crushing hug by Joe's Mother. Oh here we go.
"Mom, you'll squeeze the life out of her," Joe tries to save me from his Mother's clutches of extravagant show of affection as she sniffed.
"Hush boy," she chastised. Her Husband just stood there with a frown at his wife's display. He was a giant man with soft features and a calm voice. Everything about him contradicted his stature. He squeezed my shoulder in a comforting manner. Joe's Mother finally released me, she had a tear running down her face.
"Grace you're not helping," Joe's Father said.
"I can't help it. Joe give me your handkerchief." she ordered, "I couldn't believe the news when I heard it. I mean what happened? how did it happen?" she rambled on as I tried to keep up.
"oh.." speechless as to what to where to start.
"She had an accident Mom," Joe deadpanned.
"I heard you were with her, something about her picking you at a party .."
"Grace leave the girl alone, she's had enough to worry about as it is." I smiled nervously, hoping I would miraculously disappear from here.
"I was just concerned, you men should stop attacking me," she said with a frown," I'm sorry Donna if It seemed like I was intruding."
"its okay Ma." Anything to shut her up.
"I sincerely hope you girls will come to me if you need anything," she touched my cheek.
"Anything and anytime," her husband chimed in with a warm smile.
"Thank you so much," I blinked rapidly to keep the tears at bay, " where's Judith?" I asked.
"Oh she's with Millie and Veronica," she waved off dismissively.
"alright then, I'll leave you alone now."
"I'll escort you," Joe said, more to his parents than to me. He jogged behind me as I walked away from his parents to the living room.
"I didn't tell her anything I swear it."
"She seemed to know quite a lot," I snapped. I smiled as a guest walked past us, my face is starting to hurt with the fake smile etched on my face.
"I'm serious Donna, somehow word got out, you know how Bridge Valley is and also how she feels about parties because of what happened to Maggie."
I sat heavily on the couch while he stood with his hands on his waist, we both stayed silent saying nothing, but I could feel his intense gaze on my face, I refused to make eye contact. The door opened, revealing the unknown woman following behind mama Gabby, she was without her glasses, which made her looked intimidating but beautiful. Who was she? why does she look so important. Meanwhile, Joe was talking but I was long gone deep in my thoughts.
"Are you even listening to me?"he gritted out. I grabbed him by his neck - tie and forcefully dragged him to sit down.
"Jesus Donna .."
"Shh. look. who do you think she is? I doubt she's from here, her style screams 'city woman' " I said with an intense gaze at the unknown woman
"So you want to kill me first before you ask that question?" he grunted.
"I think I've seen her someone but I'm not sure where," I said in whisper, ignoring his sarcastic comment. Just then uncle Seth was passing by, he spotted the unknown woman in a deep discussion with mama Gabby, his jaw clenched and his fingers tightened around the bottle of sprite he was holding. He marched towards them with a determined look etched on his face. Now I'm definitely sure something is going on.
"Her clothes looks expensive and so does her style," I pondered.
"so now its a crime to look good," Joe scoffed and I glared at him.
"Why don't you just ask mama Gabby?" he said it as if it was the simplest thing to do.
"It is that simple, you just tend to make things more complicated than they really are." I rolled my eyes.
" I hear you smart boy," I teased. We grew quiet. Joe was slouched on the couch, his long legs were stretched out in front of him, his eyes was focused - deep in thought.
His punk hair style was so full, I guess he didn't have time to barb his hair this week..
"I noticed this about you," Joe spoke up, " you tend to stare at a particular subject when in deep thought - which is usually me," he spoke in a whisper as he stared at me, his black tie was loosened from how I had grabbed him earlier.
"Are you okay?" I blurted out.
"Are you okay?" I frowned at his question.
"I meant earlier, I grabbed your tie real tight rig it must have hurt."
"oh my neck is fine, I don't know if your heart is." he looked intently at me. Which made me want to cry right here right now, instead, I bit my lip. He sighed.
"You know, when I had that accident, I hated talking about it to anyone," I remembered those times, Joe was a mess. He's shattered dreams and the loss of a sister.
"It kept eating me inside. Then you're Maa walked into my hospital room. The moment I saw her, she was like this light - a saving grace for me. She didn't treat me any different even if I had changed, and that was what I needed. The next day as she was normally discussing a topic we both liked, I just burst out crying. Sobbing. I told her everything and anything. She encouraged me to rediscover my passion for building, she said if things could easily crumble - surely they can be built back up. And that..that was what hit me.
Understand that I'm not saying this to make you talk - no, on the contrary I want you to make a decision to take a step if you want to heal from inside, because if there's anything your Mother would want is for you to only think about the good times you had together," he reached out a finger - with a crease between his brows and wiped a tear that had escaped my eye.
"Thank you Joe," I whispered and I leaned on his shoulder.
"Should I be worried?" Two voices I know very well, spoke simultaneously. We sprung apart. Gina and mama Gabby were standing above us with a confused frown on their faces. Gina rounded and sat beside me on the couch.
"so, should I be worried that Joe is stealing my 'best friend' position or should I be happy you two have made up?" I rolled my eyes.
"I agree. You two are spending too much time together these days," Mama Gabby said as she rummages through the drawers in the living room.
"Is that a bad thing?" Joe replied with a frown.
"you're always here darling."
"its a funeral mama Gabs,"he chuckled as he scratched his head. "I have to be here, if I don't, you'll be sure to come to my house and whack me. besides, I should be here for my friend," he said with a small smile.
"Smart boy, good answer." She smiled and dismissed herself.
"So nothing is going on?" Gina scrutinized us with her eyes. It was Joe's turn to roll his eyes. He stood up.
"I'll be on my way now, before Gina says anymore. Oh, hey, have you seen Judith anywhere?" he asked Gina.
"With your parents."
"okay. see you ladies."
I frowned, "see, now you made him leave."
"So you were enjoying his company," she wiggled her brows at me.
"What if I was ? he's my friend."
"Suree.." she shook her head and smiled.
"where were you?" I asked her .
"With Millie. she's asleep now."
"I wish I could do that too," I mumbled.
Her brows furrowed, "why? have you been having trouble sleeping?"
I waved it off, "no, its okay, its nothing." I sighted Alice talking with her father. I didn't realize she was sitting in the living room with us. I guess I was too deep in conversation with Joe. Come to think of it, I didn't properly greet the Chief, he has been a great help. I wonder if Alice is okay after what happened.
"I think Alice is having a hard time these last three days." Gina said with a mournful look directed at Alice.
"Why is that? because of happened to her?"
"Since your Maa died.."
"wait, what?" I frowned.
"She lost her Mother the first week of July, when she was eight. She didn't want to be here, but she's here for your Mother."
"She is?" I asked with wide eyes. Gina nodded.
"I'll go say 'Hi' to her and the Chief." I stood up. She stood up too.
"Are you sure? you and Alice are not exactly..." She shook her head in disapproval.
"I'm sure."
♕ ♕ ♕ ♕
"Ladonna.." the Chief called with a mournful look.
"Good afternoon sir," I greeted. He was wearing a black button up shirt with a black jacket, his beard was scruffy with grey hair sprinkled on it. He pulled me close for a warm hug.
"I'm so sorry, we didn't get to talk properly, how are you? how is Emily? where is she," he rambled as he released me from his warm embrace.
"Pa, one question at a time please,"
Alice said in a bored tone. Her eyes were trained on her phone's screen.
"I wanted to thank you sir for everything." he shook his head with a small smile.
"Don't mention it Donna, its what family's for. Joyce was a phenomenal person, we all loved her. Just take care of yourself and your sister, and if you need anything don't hesitate to reach out," I nodded at his words.
"Oh! speaking of help, 'Duchess' has been fixed, and your Mother's phone is in my custody, I could pick it up for you anytime if you want," I tensed up at the mention of my Mother's wrecked car and what I had experienced in it. I nodded at his words with a strained smile.
"Will! come here for a minute,"Mama Gabby called from the kitchen.
"The lady calls," he chuckles and sprinted for the kitchen. I watched with a smile as he disappeared into the kitchen.
"You're thinking love is crazy right?"Alice spoke as she walked close to me and stood, " to think it could make a grown man sprint across the room," she shivered, as if the thought disgusted her. I smiled at her antics.
"I'm sorry for your loss Donna." she said in a solemn tone. " I won't say I knew your Mom, but that one thing she did for me - she became my hero for those few minutes, I was going through something unfamiliar -something new," she shook her head and the kinky dreadlocks shook with her every move. She was wearing a long sleeved black top paired with a short jean skirt while her left feet bounced nervously, as a result her ankle boots made sounds on the tiled floor.
"I went through something new when I was eight, my Mother passed away and I had to get used to getting along with my busy police father," she chuckled humorlessly. I thought they were always this close?
"No we weren't always close with my Pa, we just got used to each other because we were all the other had. All In saying is, we all go through something new once in a while and that's okay, we'll wind up being fine in the end. However, truth be told, you're going to have a tough time. Just don't forget to catch some sleep. bye." She started walking away.
"Were you concerned about me just now?" I called.
"Whatever makes you sleep at night," my lips tipped in a smile. I don't think I want to dislike her for being with Andrew.
Before four in the evening, guests were dispatching. Mr Silas came also, with Miss Udi and Mr Newton in tow. They all mumbled 'take care girls'. Miss Udi even gave me a hug.
Emily finally came out after hours of being holed up in the room. She plastered a strained smile on her face whenever someone would smile at her or pull her in for a hug. The unknown woman came into view, she was staring at us with mournful eyes, yet there was no sign of tears. In fact ever since I set eyes on her I didn't notice if she cried or not.
She stepped closer to me and pulled me in for a quick hug - which was strangely warm. She offered a hug to Emily - a warmer hug if you asked me.
"Joyce was a good woman, you're lucky to be her children," her raspy voice contradicted everything I once judged about her. It was the most calming voice I've ever heard. She managed a small smile and walked to her car.
We were now alone, a house once filled with guests was now empty. I didn't get the chance for everything to sink in - to settle and reflect, so now everything felt so real and clear. We sat opposite each other on the dining table, with no words spoken for the last thirty minutes. The sound filling the silence was Emily's slurping her tea.
Mama Gabby and Gina had to attend to something in the restaurant. When she was leaving I felt like a child who was starting school for the first time, I didn't know how to act, she's been with me through this. Things would have been easier if she was here. To think I couldn't hold a conversation with my sister made me mad at the situation, mad at myself for not bonding with my sister earlier just so I wouldn't sit here speechless and battling with my mind on what to say to my own sister. To me there's nothing more miserable than having nothing to say when you badly need it. It suddenly started to rain. The rain tapping on the roof filled the silence. I had nothing to say, so I stared out the kitchen window as the rain poured heavily. I think I could somehow relate to the rain, my Mother would always say 'when it rains it pours' every time it would rain. Everything happened to me was in the twinkle of an eye, it poured like the cold drops of rain but hard like bricks. I wanted to cry out my frustration so the rain would drown out the agony in my voice. Although I knew nothing will change even if I cry but I'll still like to.
"Why are you crying?" my head whipped to Emily's direction, but she was slurping her tea, as if she hadn't said a word. So I touched my face and there was indeed a lone tear, I quickly wiped it off. I chuckled tearfully, I wiped another lone tear again.
"I did cry, I didn't realize."
"Does it get better?" she asked with hopeful eyes after silence fell between us.
"I wish I had an answer." she stood up
"Where are you going to?" I asked, alarmed.
"To our room where else." she made for the stairs and the only thing indicated her exit was a bang of the door after her. I slouched on the chair as it made creaking sounds, I felt physically and emotionally exhausted.
Is this how it was going to be from now on? emotional exhaustion? The sudden ringing tone of Nokia startled me, I tried to find where the sound was coming. The living room. I threw aside the cushions and finally I found it pressed between the couch. I had forgotten I had this old device. Gina's name flashed on the screen, my heart leaped, finally I'm able to talk to someone.
"Hello -"
"Hey girl! I'm so sorry we left you alone in the house -"
"I'm not alone, Millie's here." I mumbled.
"Yeah that's as good as no one - "
"Gina, why are you calling? I know very well you're calling for a purpose," I said with a sigh.
"You're right. Mama said she won't be able to come now till tomorrow morning, she also said she wanted to tell you girls something important, but I guess that'll be tomorrow then." my shoulders slumped, that means I'll be alone again.
"Okay -"
"Okay bye!" she chirped and the line went dead. I dropped the phone with thud and I slouched on the couch. I sighed heavily, I terribly wanted to go back to how things were, things were more simple - at the same I wondered if I should stay in the past or do I fast forward far into the future?
♕ ♕ ♕ ♕
I must have slept on the couch in the living room, I glanced at the wall clock and it was just 7:30pm. The knock sounded again, I scrambled towards the door and opened it, I came face to face with Andrew Salem. Gina emerged behind him, I clenched my teeth, Gina bought him here? was she aware of what happened between us? Now that I think about it, everything was so hectic I didn't get to tell her anything.
"Look who showed up in front of our restaurant!" she chirped with a wide grin. Her reaction shows she's not sure if I'm pleased about the situation. He waved, but I stood speechless like a fish out of water. He was still handsome - what am I saying, of course he still is. He grinned, showcasing his pearly white teeth that contrasted his dark skin.
"You must be really surprised seeing me here," he chuckled. A chuckle that once made my heart leaped now ? well, now I felt nothing. He seemed to be enjoying this little get together.
"What are you doing here?" I muttered. I couldn't even hear myself think, what was he doing here? before any of these happened I wasn't sure if I held any grudge against him, but now I felt different. However he was the opposite, he was giddy, as if he couldn't see how unhappy I was at his visit.
"Oh, sorry for coming without informing you, but I met with.."
"He actually came to our restaurant and
desperately wanted to come greet you."
Gina emphasised every word as if it would change what the consequences will be.
"Yeah, You've said that already Gina." I snapped.
Nevertheless I have decided I didn't want toxic people around me, and Andrew was one of them. I won't- no, I refuse to let him into my house.
"I was at my uncle's when I decided to
come offer my condolences."
Gina mouths a 'say thank you' at me.
"Thank you Andrew."
"Its okay." he mumbled. Silence fell between us.
"So. are you gonna let us in?" He asked with his once charming smile.
I remained quiet, just watching him. As I'm looking at him, I've released that he's nothing but a self involved person that couldn't reed between the lines. He intentionally led me on when he knew very well that I liked him. However, he's not a bad person. Therefore I've decided to train myself not to wait for the right time to speak my mind, so I said..
"No." Gina's eye widened at my statement. He wasn't also pleased at my response, I guessed not many people have said those words to him before. I folded my hands on my chest.
"I can't because I don't really don't accept visitors so late at night.."
"But it's only seven.." Gina said with a frown.
"It doesn't matter." I snapped. "Thank you for coming Andrew. Goodnight. Gina, I want to talk to you.."
"But he's alone.." she started to protest.
"Now." I gritted out. I walked back inside the house. I faintly heard him saying his goodbyes. Afterwards I heard the bang of the front door. The Gina's feet stomping in was a sign that she wasn't pleased with how I handled the situation. However I didn't care. Sure I might have felt different when I declined him entrance into my house but that was it. As a matter - of - fact, I felt good for the first time in days. Gina came and stood In front of me. I knew its just so she would show me she had the upper hand. I didn't care, I wasn't going to apologize, except she - she has a lot to apologize for.
"What was that?" she frowned as she folded her hands on her chest. I shrugged.
"He deserved it."
"No one deserves that - that insult. You have to apologize to him Donna.."
"I will do no such thing.."
"It was not very cool of you!"
"Well maybe I'm not cool anymore or wasn't ever cool to begin with!" Her eyes were wide with confusion as the tears dripped again from my eye.
"What happened?" she sat beside me.
"It was all because of me," my lips quivered.
"What was?"
"Mother's death."