CHAPTER 13 ♕
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"What did you do?" She asked with wide eyes.
I frowned and wiped my tear-stained face, what do you mean? What do you think I did? I replied. After telling Gina everything that had happened that night - including Andrew and Alice.
I tried to sound nonchalant about it; however, Gina could read through me, especially when it comes to situations like this. She always did. But I refused to show her that I blamed myself for it - not now at least. But in my heart of hearts, I know that I have to share it with someone, soon.
"I ignored them and left without a word. In the end, I had an evening - the last one at that - arguing with my Maa because of my bad decisions."
"Wow Donna, I don't know what to say," Gina said in a solemn tone.
"never mind that.."
"Never mind? this is something important and..."
"Where did you suddenly disappear to that night?" I asked with a frown. She suddenly tensed at the question.
"Uhh ..does it matter ?" she laughed nervously.
"Of course it does! I looked for you for almost thirty minutes, I thought something happened.."
"Why will you think anything happened!"
"Why are you nervous Gina?"
"I'm not."
"But you're rubbing your palms together and laughing weirdly." I deadpanned. She stopped when she realized that she was.
"Come to think of it, Maa said something about you getting into trouble. Did you perhaps go home with that guy?" I asked with wide eyes. Something flashed in her eyes, and before I could register what it was, it was gone. She suddenly smiled. "I did. Then went home afterward. I'm sorry I didn't tell you."
I scoffed, "seriously? " I raised a surprised brow. "I was looking all over for you, yet you went home without even sending a text? that doesn't even make sense!" I chuckled humorlessly. She suddenly pulled me in for a hug and patted my back.
"Forgive me Donna girl." She sniffed.
" I'll make sure not to do it again."
"Hey, it's nothing to cry about," I mumbled.
"I'm sorry," she whispered again. I sighed. Hugs always weaken my resolve.
"I want to go to school tomorrow," I blurt out. She sprung apart from me - still holding me by the shoulders. Her eyes are wide in shock.
"Are you sure is not too early?" she asked and I nodded.
"hundred percent. if I stay holed up in this house. I'll just die." I said with a teary smile.
"But.." she started to protest and I frowned.
"Come on Gina, you're the positive one here .."
"That's the more reason why you should listen to me I don't just say negative words, I just think that it'll be better if you skipped a day."
"No. I've already made up my mind." l replied in a firm tone.
"And I'm taking Duchess."
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I woke up startled. No surprise there. It has now become normal to wake up startled and confused about my current state. The night seemed longer than usual, the birds sang louder than the usual soothing tweet tweet. I stood up and sat on the bean bag, I stared at the houses on the other side of the large glass window facing the front lawn of our neighbors. I stared into space and I wondered if I caught insomnia, I'd never waited for the morning to come before, and when I remember she was no more, I wonder if I could move on. I didn't know how to take it. After all, you're never taught how to live without someone so precious because you're never prepared to, so you end up learning the hard way. I wanted to wake up and realize that the past three days were just a horrible nightmare that would pass if I would just stay woke. I wanted to see her waving to neighbors again as she would walk past and say something worthwhile to them and then witness her ebony face stretch in a wide grin. How I yearn for a sweet dream, cause everything is not so bad when I'm sleeping. I picked up my phone - which now sits on the table beside my bed, and it was past two in the morning and everybody else is snoring, my eyes were heavy I couldn't seem to close them, it was like pepper was spread - like butter on the bread between them. Everywhere was quiet, but the thoughts inside my head are back roaming and making me think too much. In an attempt to distract myself, I stood up and snuggled inside my blanket and hoped that I'll get some sleep this time. If I do it would chase all the Thoughts and questions swirling inside my head - 'is there an easier way to grieve?' "
I woke up with a heavy head and heavy eyes, my whole body felt like I had been beaten throughout the night. I never want to wake up in the middle of the night again, insomnia or whatever it's called, this better be the last time I experienced it. While I was going around the room arranging my uniforms and things I would need in school, Emily was still fast asleep. I'll bet she had a good night's rest unlike me.
I grabbed my towel hanging on the wooden wardrobe door and made my way blindly toward the bathroom. I needed more sleep. However, the cold water woke me up from my slight slumber.
After five minutes of bathing, I emerged. I dried myself and I took a glance at Emily, but she was still asleep. I'm not going to wake her. I examined myself in the mirror and nod in approval. I was done dressing, my hair styled into perfection, and everything I needed for school was in place, except my eyes had dark shadows beneath them and eye bags that I couldn't get rid of, other than that, I looked every part I should today; a depressed eighteen year old who was having a hard time coping with loss. Somehow I could still see her staring at me, the large eyes, the croaked nose - not sure much. It dawned on me that I looked so much like her, no matter how I tried to escape seeing her face I couldn't escape myself, because we were connected. Nevertheless, I certainly didn't see myself becoming everything she used to be, she was phenomenal and I am well..me. I shook the thoughts away and grabbed my school bag from the bean bag and padded down the stairs, my eyes glanced at Her door - which was constantly calling to me, but I refused to oblige and I headed for the kitchen. I decided to cook before Emily woke up, so I grabbed some noodles from inside the cupboard, brought out some ingredients I would need and I got cooking. The noodles was looking watery, but that's how I like them. I tasted it and it was perfect.
"What are you doing?" I screeched in freight. My eyes shut and my hand was placed on my chest to calm my erratic beating heart. While Emily stared at me with a bored expression, as if she hadn't just scared the living daylights out of me.
"Careful, you wouldn't want to wake the whole neighborhood." She muttered as she dropped her bag on the chair she sat opposite me.
"But you were sleeping." I deadpanned.
"Well, I woke up." she quipped. I rolled my eyes as I grabbed the soup bowls to start dishing out the noodles. As I kept the food on the table, she was staring out the kitchen window, deep in thought. Then I noticed how neatly she packed her hair and how - unlike my slightly croaked nose, hers was straight yet short. Hers neither resembled our Father's or mother's nose. Hers was perfect.
She looked down at the food and looked at me, I sat down just in time to start eating.
"Please, tell me you bought this at an unknown restaurant so that we can go and get a refund."
"Nope, I cooked it myself. live and direct. Now eat. We wouldn't want to be late." I slurped the watery noodles, while she plays the food with her fork. She finally tasted it. Her eyes shut in what I could sense as an 'upload' for the food.
" Oh God Donna, you're really bad at making noodles." She stared at it with a scrunch of her eyebrows as if in disbelief at how I managed to make it taste so bad.
As a girl who naturally knew how to cook and as time went on she managed to develop her skills, Emily likes her food, so it gets to her when it's not cooked appropriately.
" I don't remember you helping when I was cooking. What's the use of a talent when you don't practice it." I taunted. She clenched her teeth.
"I mean, you cannot even go wrong with cooking it."
"Don't eat it then. I'll finish it all by myself."Suddenly, There was a loud knock at the door. It resounded throughout the house. Must be Gina.
I meant to get the door but Emily was already making her way for it.
"Oh look! It's Gina, at seven in the morning." Emily announced in a sarcastic tone. I shook my head at her antics.
"Good morning to you too, rude child," Gina quipped and strode into the kitchen. upon seeing the noodles on the table, she dropped her bag and started digging in Emily's food.
"I wouldn't eat that if I were you," I said with a mouthful of noodles. "Millie said it's poison.."
"I said no such thing," she strode in and sat down.
"This is as good as a noodle gets." Gina deadpans as she swallowed her food.
"You're right, only I can make it better than it is now," Emily replied. A ghost of a smile played on her lips, but it only later for a second, still I was glad that she liked my friends enough to make jokes despite her constant denial.
"Chief is bringing 'Duchess' in a minute, let's wait outside," Gina announced. It took everything in me not to glance at Emily's reaction.
"Wait What!?" we stood and scrambled for our bags and made a beeline for the door. She came out with a glare directed at me as I wait for her to come out so I could lock the door.
"Don't look at me like that, I'm older than you." I chastised. She didn't utter a word. Which worries me deeply. I didn't want to tell her that I was trying to overcome the fast fear I had recently developed for cars by driving the very one that we had an accident in and that she was going to be a passenger.
Everything outside was refreshing, or it could be because I was cooped up inside the house for days, but everything was great, the trees were dancing around and the breeze blew in my face. I loved it. I should get out more.
As I approached Gina and Emily standing at the end of the driveway, I pulled my knee socks impossibly higher - the cold is coming on strong this day. I located my uniform jacket in my back and wore it as did Gina and Emily.
Then I caught the sight of a sky-blue colored car, my heartbeat plummeted to my stomach. Duchess. She looked good as new. Only the two people that once rode it weren't. One died and one.. well one was emotionally broken. However, now I understood what Joe said about wrecked things that could easily be rebuilt or thrown away. There were no two ways about it.
Chief Williams and his daughter got out of the car. She was effortlessly pretty - as always. The three of us just stared at the car. He was wearing his uniform today, and he looked great.
"Morning girls," He greeted.
"What is she doing here?" Emily muttered as she sighted Alice. I elbowed her on her arm.
"Morning Chief." We said in uniform.
"Hope you don't mind Alice joining us.."
"Not at all," Gina responds.
"Okay, let's go!" he said.
"Wait Chief" I exclaimed. He turned to me with a questioning gaze.
"Yes, Ladonna? do you want to say.."
"I want to drive!"
"What!" Gina exclaimed.
"No way." Emily deadpanned.
"She's joking right Pa?" Alice asked with her hands folded on her chest.
"Not possible, I can't let you drive this thing, considering the trauma you recently went through." He shook his head in disagreement.
"I took lessons when I was seventeen.."
you know that! " I said with wide eyes. " And here," I searched my bag for my driver's license. "Here are my driver's license." I showed him, but he waved it off.
"You haven't driven since you turned eighteen this April!" Emily laughed humorlessly.
"I promise that I'm in the right mind to drive," I begged. Just then his phone rang, and he excused himself indicating he needed a minute with his forefinger.
"Do you plan to kill us?" Alice asked bluntly.
"I have no intention to .."
"doesn't seem like it," Gina muttered. After making the call, he came back and sighed in defeat, I could sense his resolve weakened as he approached us. He scratched his head in thought.
"Look, I will allow you to drive.."
"yes!"
"Papa!"
"Aren't you supposed to be the police?" Emily asked with raised brows.
"But.." he raised a finger with a stern look. I nodded.
"I'll come to pick you up, girls, later."
"No problem sir." They all scoffed. At least the three of them were agreeing on something.
"I'm doing this because it's a one-way street to your school and because an urgent call came in that I cannot ignore." He gave me the keys.
"Please drive safely, if not Gabriella will have my head." He walked backward as he spoke in a firm tone.
"Yes sir." I saluted. The girls scoffed again.
"We're gonna die today," Emily mutters as they reluctantly got in the car. I had to use persuasion with Alice, using her head girl position as bait. She hates it when she's late.
I grabbed the steering wheel in a firm grip. "Okay, let's see if I can still drive this thing."
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"We should have used our bicycles. I would rather bruise my knee than allow a learner to drive me." Emily mutters as we drove past Alice's saloon. Well technically it was her Mother's, but she passed it to Alice as an inheritance. However, Alice's Aunt currently runs it, while Alice is being taught how to perfect plaiting hair by her Aunt. Compared to me - she was good at it. Dare I say, she has a talent, but she was determined not to acknowledge it. like someone I know.
"But you can't ride a bike." Alice deadpans.
"My point exactly," Emily replied.
"Millie You're not helping," I chastised. Gina was quiet, which was unlike her, she was the only brave one to sit in the front seat.
"Gina, you're supposed to be doing the opposite of what Millie is doing. Encourage me, my friend."
"What? tell you what you want to hear?" she snapped. I frowned.
"You're snappy," I stated. "Something is wrong," I muttered. She didn't say a word until we arrived at school. Now, to come to a stop. I tried to steady the car.
"What is wrong with you!?"Alice screeched as I struggled to stop the car. Gina held to the car as if it held her life. We jerked back and forth until we finally came to a stop.
"You crazy girl!" Gina exclaimed.
"Did I hit something? I think I hit something. A trashcan maybe?" I asked in a panicked voice.
"We don't have a trashcan outside the school!" Emily wailed. Alice suddenly burst into an uncontrollably fit of giggles. Emily also had a ghost of a smile on her lips despite her tear-filled eyes. However, Gina didn't find it funny.
"It's true. This is the part in a movie where the learners in movies hit a trashcan."
"Well, you almost hit a human being," Gina deadpans. I gasped and looked up and surely, there stood Joe in front of our car. He wiggled his fingers in a strange wave and grinned. The fear wedged in my heart has finally been lifted. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and walked closer to us as we got out of the car.
"We're alive!" Emily threw her hands in the air and hugged Joe. He smiled and pat her head. She released him and headed for the gate.
"Joe come pick me up later!" Emily called as she walks backward.
"Sure!" he laughed.
"What are you doing in school?!" he asked with wide eyes.
Why I'm I not allowed to?"
"Donna.." he started. Then Alice walked past us.
"Well good morning Alice," he flashed his charming smile.
"Your girlfriend is crazy," she gritted out and marched towards the school gates.
"I'm not his girlfriend!" I hollered even though she was gone.
"Won't be so sure about that," he mumbled. I hit his chest and he mouths an 'Ow' as he held the spot I had hit.
"You hit like a girl."
"She is a girl," Gina stated.
"Oh Gina! my girl." he slung an arm on her shoulder as we started walking towards the school.
We walked into the hallway and I noticed stares directed out of the way. Ugh. This is exactly what I feared. Attention. A boy I had never recognized ran up to me "Hey Ladonna ! I'm sorry for your loss, here's a token of my heartfelt condolence." he handed me cookies. Which immediately reminded me of my Mother.
"Thank you uhh.."
"Sam."
"Sam," I said with a smile.
"Let's share it.."Joe started with a mischievous grin.
"No way," I chuckled. I opened my bag and dropped it inside.
We entered our first lesson for the day, Miss Udi. The class was rowdy as usual, students were huddled in groups. Gossiping about the latest happenings - no doubt. I sighed. This was a good idea. This will be the perfect place to drown out my worries and not think about how I missed my Mother and her unusual loud laugh and..okay! enough.
I passed by some girls, and they all chimed in a 'my condolence Donna' I nod and smiled, willing myself not to cry.
"Hey, Gina! how is Phillips's health?" A girl suddenly asked.
"None of your business Jessica," Gina replied with a false smile. I frowned at Gina's tone. And who is Phillip? Joe didn't seem surprised as I was.
"Oh, but we heard he's in pretty bad shape," a ghost of a smile on her face. I knew she was trying to make a point.
"Hey Jessica, stop." He said in a firm voice. On the other hand, Gina looked angry to the point of tears. Her hands were balled into a fist. What in the world?
"What are you talking about ladies?" I asked with a cold smile as I stepped closer to Jessica, she stepped back, her eyes blinking rapidly.
"Why...why are you asking me?" her voice wavered. "Ask your, friend."
Gina hurried out of the class. I glanced at Joe and he nods. I ran after her as she sat on the lunch benches underneath the sycamore tree. I walked towards her and sat beside her. She was staring into space.
"I thought I had killed him, Donna." She spoke after two minutes. My heart started beating faster, but I kept quiet. Showing her I was afraid wasn't a good idea right now.
"I thought I did. remember that guy I went to get drinks with that night?" She asked and I nodded. She spoke in whispers I could hardly hear her.
"He tried to ..to touch me," She said the words as though even saying it pained her. I just stared at her. speechless.
"So I hit him, I hit him with a bottle on his head. Donna.." a tear dropped from her left eye and I quickly wiped it for her.
"What do I do? I know - knew this guy. Heck, I'm not even sure anymore. Either way, he got hurt badly and he wouldn't wake up and now I'm worried to death even when Chief Williams said it was self-defense and it wasn't my fault.. "
"It's, not your fault," I said in a firm tone as I looked into her eyes. "it's not, do you understand?" she nodded.
"But how could you not tell me? " I chuckled bitterly.
"I only told Chief Williams because he happened to drive past that area for patrol, he saw me and took me home."
"And Joe? why doesn't he look surprised?"
"Joe is just smart. He figured it out himself after putting the pieces together." she shrugged.
"Mama.."
"She doesn't know.."
"What!"
"And you will promise not to tell her," She said in a stern but pleading voice.
"I will do no such thing. you made me feel like a bad friend! I had no idea you were going through something so life-changing and I was just thinking about myself!" I stood up and picked up the school bag I had dropped on the bench.
"You lost your Mother Donna! that was more important."
"Yeah right!" I started walking towards the gate.
"Ladonna Vanni! Donna! where are you going?" she yelled in frustration.
"Home!" I yelled back as I continued walking towards the gate. "Turns out I'm not ready for life."
"Ladonna Vanni!" I faintly heard Joe's voice call behind me as I exit the gate.
I tried to open the door but my hands were shaking because of the anger I felt inside. I was angry at Gina, angry that I had to go to that cursed party, angry that because of it I will miss my Mother for the rest of my life, angry that I want to cry so bad but I can't because I'm the cause of everything happening to me. I never knew I would feel so much pain so early in my lifetime.
"Donna! what is wrong with you," Joe held me by the shoulders, but my eyes were shut as the tears dripped on my uniform.
"Just leave me alone," I muttered.
"Fine drive. Run away, see if it changes anything." he released me and I entered the car. However, something stopped me.
"What's wrong?" he asked after two seconds of me leaning on the steering wheel.
"It won't start," I mumbled. Embarrassed.
He chuckled. "Come on. I'll drive." he didn't wait for my permission. He entered the car and sat in the driver's seat. He started the car and it roared to life. I scoffed.
"After I tried so hard to start it?" I said, and he smiled and turned to me.
"That's the problem. You're trying too hard to make it work, let it move at its own pace and everything will come with ease. You'll see."
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After Joe dropped me home, he left right after with 'Duchess'. Said he wouldn't want to miss Miss Udi's class.
I grabbed a glass from the cupboard and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge. I sat on the dining chair and started drinking it when I heard a knock on the door. I frowned. Who could it be? Ahh! maybe Mama Gabby. I hurried and unlatched the door. I opened it revealing the familiar but not quite familiar face came into view. The unknown woman.
"What are you doing here!" My eyes grew wide like saucers.
"Excuse me?" she resisted the urge to glare at me with her tiny eyes. It was her indeed. The unknown woman. Except for this time she wasn't as cold, but she was still dressed in a prim and proper way, in a short floral gown and wedge sandals with a scowl on her face. My eyes were wide In shock at her mode of dressing. She was a city woman.
"I was just surprised.."
"Clearly," she mutters.
"I did not know how to react I'm sorry."
"It's okay." we stood for a minute in an awkward stance, I was unsure what to say.
"So..can I help you with directions or.."
"What do you mean help? Ugh!" I blinked rapidly at her display of anger. She was like a firecracker.
"Gabby, seriously?" she mutters and massaged her brows.
"Excuse.." I started.
"I'm staying here.."
"Excuse me?"