As I reach home from the school, I enter in the house and I start hearing some faint voices coming from the living room so that means may be some guests are there. And the name of guest filled a feeling in me that, I have to be fake, a little more. As just like my family members they also look things which is usually good or the high capability of achieving something which is highly valued.
However keeping all these thoughts aside I step in the living room with my best and biggest fake smile, here I found my grand mother from mother's side and this time especially for her my smile turned into the genuine smile, because I really like her and more over her nature is down to earth she is the most kind, honest and loving person on the earth that I know. Though, rest of my family member plus her grandson are the one's, which I don't like that much and why would I they anyhow found the way to pass taunt at me or push me towards the bad side of the world.
My thoughts come to sudden halt when I hear my name being called, I look towards the direction of the voice and here I found my maternal grand mother calling me with her arms widely open, inviting me for the hug as well as she is smiling brightly at me. At first I look at my father who is surprisingly early at home, however my father look back at me with curious looks as if he want to know or see what I am going to next because since I was in eight class he only told me,
"For talking to someone, its not necessary to be physically closed to that person. No need to be clingy always, learn to talk from distance because physical touch is not good."
All of the other family either not paid attention to our look look session or they intentionally ignore it, because they don't say anything but in a minute or so, I look back at my maternal grandmother and keeping everything aside I just hug her and in reply to this I got a bear hug from it. To be honest this filled my heart with warmth and happiness, after two minutes we break our hug and then me and my cousin young brother look at each other, we slightly nod our head in recognition of each other presence.
Soon I too settle on one of the chair which is unfortunately, beside my Aunt and all I want to this to run away from here, especially away from her because of her negative aura plus from her bad body odor. However, I remain seated at the edge of the seat in the alert mode, as soon as I got settled down on my maternal grand mother initiated the conversation,
Maternal Grand Mother (M' GM)
M' GM: Hey Siya how school is going on?
Siya: Good
As room got silent for some seconds, at this time only I heard a slight chuckle which is full of sarcasm and I don't have to look at the person to know who it was because I know its my father. At this keep my head down and keep looking at my shoes, suddenly I am finding them quite interesting. This is because, I know what is going to happen next and just like I thought they all look at my father except me because I keep looking at my shoes but all of my senses are quite active so can I hear shuffling in their seats.
However, M' GM break the moment of pregnant silence,
M' GM: (Directed to my father, speaking with care) What happened son?
Before, father could speak anything else, I heard my mother voice
Mother: She failed an exam so, now she got an year gap.
I heard all of them gasping loudly plus some of them take sharp breath, at this moment my inside mind started its own conversation,
Inside Mind: What my life is to them, any kind virtual telecasting or some kind of newspaper that everyone should hear or read, they are sharing the information like that only.
Siya: I don't know but do you remember, something like this Erik said too.
Inside Mind: Yeah I am telling you bro, karma is taking revenge.
Siya: May be possible but what can I do now, its their decision to share or talk about anything but yeah somehow I wishes that it wasn't my life issues. You know I can't argue because, they will taunt or insult me more.
Inside Mind: Yeah I know but I am not happy bro.
Siya: Me too.
With this I came back to reality, I take a deep breath then release the same out. I pick up my head, found them engrossed in talking on my life as a failure so, I take it as a cue and leave towards my room to get fresh and change my clothes. It takes me around twenty minutes in all to get fresh and ready to leave the room, though I don't want to go out and face all of them as they all might be having bunch questions for me to ask. And to be honest I don't want to answer them but I don't have any choice, do I?
However, keeping all these thoughts aside I leave the room then I go towards the dining area from where I am hearing all the voice coming from. On reaching their I observe two extra chairs placed for the guest and they are all eating food, dining table is filled up with different styles of food. I go and sit at the only empty chair which is beside my cousin brother, I pick up a vegetable sandwich and start eating but some of it vegetables fall down on my lap and I immediately hear my M' GM voice,
M' GM: Hey Siyu be careful dear.
Cousin Brother (CB): (Speak it in low tone so, that only I could hear) What can you expect from a failure?
However, to my surprise not only me but mother and M' GM also heard it because I hear them snapping at him immediately in whispering yell tone,
Mother: Be careful son, no need to speak unnecessary, you are young so, you should speak in limit and properly.
M' GM: Son no need to speak no-sense, everyone has their own circumstances and problems behind their failure. You will understand once you will get big, till then don't you there to speak such words.
After hearing this cousin nod his head in understanding, then they all start eating their food again but here I feel bad and the words of my cousin hurt me bad. I understand I failed the exam but does it real mean that I am a complete failure for my whole life, how can my family/parents think so low of me and another thing that disturbed me is that how can people change so fast. I mean look at it, initially my parents were the ones, the who shared this news and now mother is the one who speak up in my favor, what kind of behavior is this.
However, as soon as my early dinner got finished I said my goodbyes to them and leave for my room with a water bottle in my hand, though, they tried to stop me but I give an excuse saying I need to study for the test that I have tomorrow. I reach inside my room, first thing that I do is to lock the door because I can't tolerate anymore of their non-sense talk or discussions and after that I plug my ear phones in, start playing the music bit loudly.
I might have fall asleep for some minutes because next when my eyes open I heard the loud noise of someone knocking my door and music has been stopped, which is quite surprising as I play Possibility by Lykke Li on repeat plus I am sitting on the couch which is also quite surprising because I have no memory of doing so.
However, ignoring all this I get up, go towards the door to open it and there I found my Aunt standing there, without any invitation from my side, she just barged in my room. I shut the door but not locked it, because she would leaving after sometime. Here, I go and sit on my bed, opposite to her and without waiting for second she initiated conversation,
Aunt: How does it happened?
Siya: (Pretending to be innocent) What happened?
Aunt: You know you getting failed? How can you fail the exam, knowing how much successful all of us are in our family in their life as well as in their career?
Siya: I was distracted with too many things happening around me so, may be that's the reason.
Aunt: O really, in this age what could had happened that caught you attention, that you got distracted and failed?
Siya: I....
Aunt: You know when we (all of the aunts plus my father) used to be at your age, our focus usually remain on studies only but look at you how careless are you? So, immature and careless attitude of yours.
I keep my mouth shut just listen to her because as usual she has made a opinion and she won't be going to change and I can't argue because father's word playing like a tape recorder in the back of my mind that is,
"she can say anything or do anything she wants to do but you cannot argue or stop her because once she quite elder to you plus I don't want any kind of scene to be created by you."
However, to my rescue I receive a call which of Jazz and I immediately pick up the call. Here, I tried to tell my Aunt with sign language that the call is important, I have to attend it and we will talk later. Somehow after some minutes or so, she understood what I am trying to say and she leave the room, as soon she take her exit I locked the room. Then I called her back again because in all of these sign language scene, she hang up the call.
Phone Conversation (....)
Jazz: Hello
Siya: Hey
Jazz: Hello, I am audible.
Siya: Yeah yeah
Jazz: How are you babes?
Siya: Thank you so much
Jazz: Why?
Siya: You just saved me from the torture.
Jazz: (Laughed out whole heartedly) You are doing same to me, because I had some fight at my home too.
To this we both we laughed out loud for sometime, once we get sobered up we start talking about animals (O yeah, these are one of those thing which we both like it). Then we start talking about each and everything like political issues, social issues, food and lastly she give me more sexual education. In short we talked till an hour almost or more, then we both started feeling sleepy so, we hang up the call.
Have you ever felt this feeling where you were feeling mentally exhausted because of all chaos created by others in your life, but after talking to that one person, you feel so relax and calm as if nothing happened. This is what I am feeling now, I get from the bed, go to washroom to perform my daily routine which I usually do before going to sleep. Once I am done with it, I called it a night.