There are few combination of bonds, though they practically don't match at all but in our life we have to learn how to adjust them well. For instance, working (volunteering, interns or doing jobs) and relationships (marital, family, friendships or girlfriend/boyfriend)... here maintaining both of them well sometimes become challenging. And if your opposite partner/s or family members is not at all cooperative then, more trouble comes.
...
It has been two week since, I am working as an intern in the hospital and here Erik too started working. And just because I am no more in contact with none of my best friends (Ani, Vicz & Jazz) and other college friends that is Ketty and Zoe so, the only option that I left is with Erik. Though I am not comfortable with him, his lifestyle is quite different from me and honestly I don't like it but talking to him, it has moreover become an addiction for me me or may be I am just obsessed.
Uff I am so much confused here!!!!
Honestly, I am confused to clearly explain my feelings, because usually I feel that, I don't want to be left alone, I just needed someone with whom I can share things which I do or I just want to feel that feeling of having someone who could be with me like a shadow, listen to me and simply care for me. Though, here I am the one you usually listen to what he has to say but I don't want to feel rejected or alone again so, whatever it is now I guess it is all right for now.
However, like I was saying working and handling relationships is difficult and believe me I am feeling it not only difficult but quite exhausting and suffocating too.
On daily basis my duty starts at nine in the morning, as the hospital is one and thirty minutes away so, I used to wake up at seven in the morning then in thirty minutes I get ready in formal clothes and later with my bag I leave the house. I reach hospital just fifteen minutes before my duty to begin so that, I could have cup of coffee without sugar as this makes me feel fully attentive, awake and calm my stress nerves too at the same time.
And what I actually work is observing different mentally ill patients, talk to them in general then I attend grand round with doctors, M Phil students and other interns too, however all of these activities I do under the supervision of the doctor. As I am doing my internship to learn so, I invest all of my times in working hard and efficiently. At the end of the day when the duty got over and then the time would be five in the evening so, finally when I reach home its after seven in the evening and that means I am being outside for twelve hours.
Though, this whole schedule is a bit hectic but it has its own benefits, like I don't have time to be with family members which is actually good because they have nothing else to do except to speak shit and nonsense plus by end of the day I got so tired that after dinner usually I fall asleep early that is around eleven in the night. Another plus point is I am having nightmares rarely but the major drawback is my and Erik's arguments on daily basis, honestly this is quite irritating and suffocating.
Anyway my trance breakdown by one of another intern whose name is Yaseer, he is married and he is thirty one.
Yaseer: Hey Siya.
Siya: Hey Yaseer.
Yaseer: How are you?
Siya: I am good and you?
Yaseer: Good too. How many patients you have to watch it for today?
Siya: I have four patients in OPD, two in IPD and rest I have my duty in day care till the day end. What about you?
Yaseer: I just have to be in IPD and OPD only.
Siya: Okay.
Yaseer: Hey by the way why are you sitting here all alone and not with girls?
Siya: I am just having my morning coffee then in five minutes my duty is about to start so, why to start something which I can't finish plus girls usually start their duty late and I like to be on time.
(This is the most practical & mature approach that I am using to answer this question, otherwise my honest answer would be "why do you care? I can do whatever I like and lastly its rare for me to enjoy girls' company as because they are just irritating as they usually do gossip, working efficiently is not in their behavior." But of course I can't say anything like that, as it would be not acceptable in the society.)
Yaseer: Okay see you at the time of lunch.
After this I finish my coffee and head towards the OPD department where I would be observing behavior of the patients while doctor would be asking questions to them related to their health or problems they are facing but here I am trying to be a bit smart as I am also making a mental note of the questions that I can ask from such patients. I just loved the job of doctors or helpers or healers because, this give me chance to be connected with humanity and let be the one who can heal/help others.
Once my both duty (IPD & OPD) got over, I come back to canteen. As soon as I step inside I found the group of the intern girls eating lunch, seeing no empty seat in there for me, I go and sit on complete empty table. First, I order my lunch, then I start checking my phone, while waiting for the lunch and the moment I switched off air plan mode then I received multiple notification of text message and calls that I have missed, it is something which I am used too because hospital is some of the place where if you are working then phone should not be used here (this is completely belief).
However, all of the message and calls are from Erik's side, seeing this I rolled my eyes as I have told him from day one about my working hours and way of working but till now he is not able to understand. I mean common bro he is being quite impatient here, let me tell you what type of text I received from his side,
(Erik's Text & Calls Begin)
Hey
How are you?
How work is going on?
Where are you?
Why are are you not replying to me?
Are you angry from me?
Siya!!!! today also you put your phone on airplane mode, how could you???
Lastly I have received a notification which says from five missed call from his side.
(Erik's Text & Calls Ended)
Like seriously, I have a job to day but look at his behavior, if you don't have any kind of emergency then why to be such an impatient person. However, for sure I know we are going to end up fighting again but sometimes I think if friendships are like this then how bad would be, to be in a relationships. Ignoring all this I text him back,
Siya: Hey, what happened? Anything serious? I just got lunch break so, switch off the airplane mode.
Erik: (Immediate reply) Are you mad or what, how many times we have discussed that you should keep your phone off from that mode?
Siya: I can't and I won't as this is my way of working, we have talked about it number of times already.
Erik: I am also working in office but I keep my phone so, why can't you?
Siya: Both of our working set up is different, who keep phone on that too on ringing mood in hospitals? I also don't want it to keep vibrating my pocket so, I put it on this mode as I have lots of work to do and I don't want to get distracted.
Erik: O really? I am also working but my phone is not on airplane mode like yours but see you.
I so want to reply him but my lunch come on the table so, I just text him,
Siya: Look, my lunch is at my table now so, we will talk in the evening directly because I will again get busy after this.
Without waiting for his reply I put my phone on airplane mode again then I keep the phone back in my pocket. After this I focus on my lunch which I have to finish in ten minutes as after this I would be walking for sometime in the hospital park, as soon as my lunch got finish I move outside to the near by park. I start walking, soon Simon joined me too and he is the second and last guy of our interns batch this month, he is also married but he is quite different from Yaseer as he is a bit mature and responsible. Hence, either I would prefer to work alone or rather with two of these boys.
However, while walking Simon initiated the conversation and catch me off guard because of what he said,
Simon: Maintaining work and relationships balance usually become stressful plus difficult.
Siya: Yeah I guess.
Simon: I am not guessing, I know it so. I don't know why?
Siya: May be because opposite person is not living our life.
Simon: But if we put some effort to understand then why they can't?
Siya: May be this is how relationships work.
Simon: I hope we could have someone who could teach us about it.
Siya: (After thinking for some minutes) I think we can do it what if we can take some advise from the psychologist doctor working here.
Simon: Do you really think they will help us?
Siya: Yeah I think so, I mean they are also doctors and we are here to learn from them. And there is no loss trying for once.
Simon: Cool. Shall I go and talk to them for the evening session just after grand rounds?
Siya: Yeah sure. Come on now we need to go inside the hospital as we have have duty in day care.
And he just give a single nod to me, then we together go in the basement of the hospital for the day care department. Once we reach inside, I got confused because I see a crowd of people in the corner of the room and all I can hear some crying voices but they are quite low, and just because the crowd is silent I can hear it. Hence, out of curiosity I move toward it, here I found a young boy is crying but little bit silently and I got a smile on my face seeing this because this boy is twenty years old but never cried I mean at the time of birth also he didn't it cried so, technically its his first cry.
Basically, according to the file I know he is suffering from ADHD, never cried or laughed, rarely express his feelings, hyperactive. However, I heard someone saying, her mother is coming to pick him up for a day out and after five minutes or more I guess, I see his mother coming with a box of chocolates and a giant teddy.
Though, all of these moments are truly beautiful in front of my eyes but the another most beautiful moment between them is the next one where both mother and son hug each other, however mother is the one who is actually hugging as son is somewhat looking as to be bit confused and then comes the cherry on the top moment, all of the mentally retarded patients clapped for them.
Honestly, such moments are define the beauty of blessing in disguise, I mean all of these patients are somehow or in someway facing some kind of mental health issues or suffering in their lives but still they have found a reason be in happy in their lives. I think one should live their like this only, where we can always found the reason to be happy in our lives, no matter what situation we face.
The last part of my duty passed on smoothly, here I helped three mentally retarded patients to play games, taking care of them and reading stories to them. Last, I signed the register before moving out of the hospital and around seven fifteen in evening I reach home by car sharing transport. Before going to fresh I switch off airplane mode from the phone, again bunch of messages & call from Erik's side but I ignore it because I need to bath first then I would be eating dinner so, that I have energy to tolerate our night fight session.
Around eight I reach at dinning area all fresh up, here I found father, mother and brother is already sitting there with their plates so, I go directly in the kitchen and serve food on my plate too, then I sit on a chair beside my brother. Though, three of them talking with each other, I choose to ignore it and keep my focus at the food only because I have no extra energy to listen up their taunts and then deal with Erik. Thankfully, they just look at my side once or twice but doesn't utter a word so, I finish up my food in less then fifteen minutes I guess and then with a bottle of water I leave for my room.
Once I got settled in my room, I opened Erik's message
Hey, how can you hang up on me?
hey you reached home?
hey its eight still your are not replying me where the hell are you?
are you ignoring me?
and then 3 miss calls from his side...
And after reading all I sighed out frustrated, sometimes I feel I am not his friend rather I am his girlfriend. He is making me feel as I if I am in some kind of police custody where I have to report him about everything and it is making me feel suffocated. But what if I say all this to him and I will lost another friend too, who will be with me then? I can't confess to him all these thing can I?
However, keeping all this side I text him with an apology message,
Siya: Hey, I am sorry I just got free, at that time I was eating dinner.
Erik: (Replied in less then five minutes) Hey its okay I can understand, I was eating dinner too.
Siya: (Shocked and surprised a bit) Really?
Erik: Of course, look I wanted my time which used to be mine when we were in the school but now you don't have time for me. That's the reason behind my behavior.
Siya: Okay, but my duty is really time consuming and tiring. Only this is the time that I can give you understand.
Erik: Look you have lunch break, morning coffee time pus your traveling time too, you can talk to then and if possible you can talk to me in between also.
Siya: (Like, seriously do I even get some personal space after work or not) I can't promise you but I will try.
(Honestly, I am not going to try because I need my personal space too but an apology and trying word, usually works in such situation).
Erik: Okay. Today was such a hectic day for me and when you don't reply to me it increased my stress level too.
Siya: Okay. (At first he said he understood then, making me fell guilty)
Erik: What are you doing now?
Siya: Listening music, reading novel and talking to you. (Lying)
Erik: Okay, I am going for an holiday with my boss and his wife in next month.
Siya: Okay but don't you think its a bit unprofessional?
Erik: No. It just that her wife like me as her own child so, she want me to join them.
Siya: (Its totally unprofessional, I am sure) Okay enjoy and take care of your self.
Like this we talk for an hour or more on texts only, then I told him I am going to sleep as I have duty tomorrow. Around eleven I called it a night after brushing my teeth and changing into my nightdress.