"When is it going to end, not just the voices but the people, the world? Why will time not stop? Why can I not bargain myself out of existence? I have tried to live in this world but it will not have me." Is the thought that runs through Faidon's mind everyday, my mind. A man is only a man when he is brave enough to survive, to take control of his own mind. My mind, the situations around me and my inability to not react is vulnerable with no direction or person to help me. Staring into the night sky with the world on my shoulders i cannot help but dwell on the thought that there is a better, there has to be a better. There is a better, my dad who is pulling me out of this shit hole, away from my mum whom I do love and her disgusting fat entitled good for nothing husband. I do wonder why my dad after all these years is finally coming back for me but I do know that I am happy, I am sad that I won't see Michael again, or Alana but it is time that I moved on. It is time that I chose me, I stopped being rebellious and I do something decent. Yes I am not a decent person, I am a surviving person. What do I do to survive, I shove my dick into any female that consents to it, I am in a bar everyday or I am running away if not hiding away with Michael. Michael is my step brother and Alana my step sister. Michael and I are the same age Alana is two years younger than us. Tomorrow I leave to another town, another school, new people again, stupid, stupid people who will attempt once again to force the truth out of me.
"I brought the booze." Michael jovially said
"Hell yes!" I responded
"You getting wasted tonight, because I am. I need to be drunk in order to say goodbye to you."
"I need to be sober in front of my dad, so I'll only have one. Don't be a pussy I will see you again. It's not forever."
"Six months is an eternity in hell here without you."
A silence fell after Michael said that. It hurt him more than it hurt me to stay here because he was biologically related to that bastard inside. I wasn't tied to any of this. Regardless, leaving my brother hurt, a lot. It always hurts when you are leaving for better but the people you love the most are still stuck in the same dump, especially when they are your chosen siblings. Michael and I formed a bond over these years, so deep and real that right now this silence hurts. His statement makes me want to cry, I want to burst out into a ball of tears, but men do not do that. We drink. So I take a can and open it. It is still cold, perfect. Thank you Mic for feeding my booze addiction. He then opened up a can too. He gulped it down and I cannot judge he needs it. After I took a much needed sip I said,
"keep Vi warm for me?"
"No red head needs to be kept warm. I need a light."
I watch him light the cigarette, before he hands me back the lighter.
"Indeed." I said in a laughing tone.
We both look at each other and half smile, before looking back up to the night sky.
"Do you think Kayla will miss me?"
" Hell no. if you wouldn't mind, I would love to taste her and get some revenge."
"NO! She is off limits. She is mines. Nobody is going to harm her or take revenge out on her. It wasn't her fault!" I belligerently proclaimed.
There was silence again; an understanding silence that he went nowhere near what was mines. I might never have it again but its mines and he nor any guy I know will touch her. She can do whatever she wants but no one I know or anyone I drink with will ever get close to her, she deserves better. Just wish I was the better. After Mic jugged the can away and opened another one he began playing Avicci. Love his song choices. We sat in silence; he occasionally made jokes with smoke and insurmountable liquid filling out lungs. We made conversation that required nothing more than a laugh. He was drowning his sadness and I was trying to comfort him by laughing, trying to silently tell him that he will get out too one day, just a little bit longer. In all honesty it was only a little longer until he left this place but like he said six months alone is an eternity in hell here.
The night went on and we made countless jokes, some that are extremely inappropriate but I mean we are two teen men who get horny a lot, so why not? I do not know when but sometime between listening to ghostmane, and talking about how we both fucked Sam's mother we fell asleep. I woke up to the first streak of dawn. It is beautiful the way that first ray of orange makes you fear the sun, yet it there is this absurd yearning to feel the heat on your skin. I do not like extreme heat, especially because it makes you sweat but this is something I would love to see every morning. I love seeing the day begin, a new dawn for me. Mic eventually wakes up and there is sadness in his eyes. A deafening silence between us. I can hear him pleading with me to not go or to take him with me but we both say nothing. There is nothing to say. The sun finally sitting on the horizon. It is blinding us but neither of us look away, even if we do, where else do we look, and is there anything as beautiful as this? The sunrise with two brothers loosing each other. I light a cigarette and so does he. Eventually we both get up only to be faced with a dizzy spell. He is more hung over than I am but we both need to take a minute to remember how to walk.
We silently sneak into my room and climb into bed. He lays on the couch across me. We both know that it is not a good idea for the both of us to be seen sleeping in the same bed. Last time we were caught it ended in sunshine.
"This is really it, isn't it?"
"You waking up next to me instead of a sex goddess, yes." I ludicrously say.
"Don't tell me you fell in love?"
"I did. What time is it?"
"7:53."
Two hours left I silently thought. Two hours.
"Do you want to go sober up while I shower?" I asked.
"I need another smoke, some coffee, and panado."
I laugh.
He looks at me and smiles.
"I need to shower, when you make that coffee bring one up for me, and a few pills too."
I stand up and head out of the room into bathroom. I brush my teeth and take a shower. The shower itself brings back so many memories. Good ones, a lot of them, and an extremely gruesome one too. I cannot wait to never think of this shower again and never see it again. When I get back to the room, Mic is not there but a cup of coffee with panado (a form of paracetamol). Love him. I change up and pack away my roll on, toothbrush, hairbrush, deodorant and sponge. I almost forgot my pack of cigarettes, also put an extra light in my bag. Two hours are almost up, about 20 minutes left. How do I say goodbye to my brother? How I leave him here? How can I be happy and so sad? I am leaving behind so many good things. I am leaving Kayla most importantly. Then too it is a good thing that I am leaving her. Hope she suffers a little bit by missing me. I take a good last look at this room and God am I happy to never see this room again, or at least for not the next six months. I roll my bags out the door and out onto the front veranda. My mum follows me out. Her eyes glistening with tears of sadness or joy but she smiles at me and makes her way towards me. She urgently hugs me, she tightly holds onto me for dear life. She does not let go until that man steps outside. Alana is looking out the window, I can see her tears falling. I can hear my dad's car approach the gate from behind me and I need to see Michael one last time. That man opens the gate up and I run inside, barging into Mic's room calling his name. He is sitting on his bed look up. Mic doesn't move, he stares up. I make my way towards him and pull him up. Pull up my brother and hug him.
"I'll see you soon. Do not go getting an STD, or an STI."
"I'm definitely eating your leftovers though."
I let out a laugh.
"Love you man."
"I'll see you in six months."
"yeah."
"yeah?"
I nod my head and we both walk out the house, me into my dad's car. Mic forlornly stands on the veranda. He slowly grows smaller and smaller until all that's left is our lingering goodbye that we very badly said.