I was in the prime of my life then, even if I didn't know it. I was 15 and every little emotion that I felt would stay in my head for days and sometimes weeks. There was a time when I was called up in front of class to read my report on my family history. I stood there, completely frozen in fear and anxiety. I wanted to force the words out, but I don't know. I think it was because I made the report very personal, if it wasn't, I think I would've had an easier time reading it.
Although no one laughed or humiliated me for being silent, their gazing eyes were enough to leave me uncomfortable in my own skin. I felt like a fool. Despite my reputation of being a delinquent in my school, I was still just a normal girl...
"Ms. Babel!", shouts out an adult.
I whipped my head towards the voice and I'm suddenly in my history class. Whenever I'd dream, they're usually just memories of when I was younger. Often times, they are the dreams that I get embarrassed in.
"Yes Mr. Farb", I call out to the teacher sounding nervous. I remember this specific memory; it was the first time I caught eyes with Jeremy. We had many classes together throughout Elementary and Jr. High but this was the first time he looked back at me. It was because I was embarrassed by the teacher for staring at him.
"Pay attention or your grade will slip. All this material will be in the test this Thursday. "Now, after the Sector conflicts, the New Constitution was written by the 12 selected Abbas which gave birth to the common laws of the NAC", says Mr. Farb.
I wouldn't say that I hated this teacher, but I wouldn't say that I enjoyed being in his class either. He had made it a habit to teach class through embarrassment and shame. If a student got a question wrong, he would try his best to make the student feel stupid for not knowing the answer. This day, he saw my longing gaze towards Jeremy, and called me out for looking at him.
"Do you know what the common laws of the NAC are, Ms. Babel?", Mr. Farb asks me. I stood quiet because honestly, I never really paid attention in his class. "Ms. Babel?", he calls again.
I remained quiet but no matter how long, he would just look at me, waiting for the answer. "I'm sorry, I don't know", I tell him.
Mr. Farb would make a smug grin before he would say a back-handed thing and I knew it was coming. "Maybe if you paid more attention during class, "he says before looking at Jeremy," instead of looking at Mr. Hall, you would actually know the answer." I became so red from embarrassment.
Jeremy turned his head and for a second our eyes met.
"The common laws of the NAC are that men and women must follow the life path created by their forefathers and to never stray from the primrose path. Failure to do so, is nothing more than a liability to the betterment of the Human race. For one rotting fruit does not affect the tree", says some showoff.
"Correct, Ms. Miller. You said the common laws word for word. Maybe you can learn a few things from her, instead of staring at boys, Ms. Babel", says Mr. Farb, causing the class to laugh at me.
"Yes. Mr. Farb. Sorry", I say fast and stuttering. I was dying from embarrassment. Despite of my dark skin, I am sure, my face glowed red.
"Yes. Question?", Mr. Farb asks the kid behind me.
"What caused the downfall of the Old American Empire?", asks the same showoff kid but by then I checked out again. Now that the class had settled down from humiliating me, I turned my attention back to Jeremy.
I don't know, there was something I liked about him: the way he looked, the way he always had a smile, or maybe the way he carried himself. Something about that boy made me crazy for him. I knew of him all my life, watching him from afar but never really tried to initiate a conversation. It wasn't love but it was a strong attraction to him. So strong that all the times I can remember trying to talk to him, I would freeze up and just walk in another direction away from him.
"Well before America was split… Some historians say that the Old American Empire was punished for praising false Idols of that time. Some others say that the citizens themselves began to become infected with some kind of evil", explains Mr. Farb.
I've spent many times just staring Jeremy from behind in this class but because of Mr. Farb, like a sixth sense, he now was aware that I was looking at him.
"Yes, there's a lot of answers about life before the NAC but it's ok, I won't put a question like that in the test. That kind of question isn't something relevant to this course. I am just here to prepare you guys for when you have your own children and hopefully steer this country on the right course", continues Mr. Farb.
Jeremy turned his head around to see me. He had a nice small smile on his face, but I was still too shy to look directly at him. I turned my head and pretended to pay attention.
After the class had ended, I walked out as fast as I could so I could avoid seeing Jeremy. What Mr. Farb did to me that day was just way too embarrassing to handle.
"Hey Sel-", calls out a voice from behind me.
Turning around, I see that it's Jeremy and like a shock to system, I yell out, "Hey Jeremy!" But I noticed that I said it too loud, and I awkwardly apologize to him, "Sorry…" I said hi way too fast for Jeremy to even finish saying hello to me. "I didn't mean to interrupt you."
Jeremy just laughs it off in his cute way.
"It's fine, don't worry about it. I just wanted to ask you if you wanted to go out on a date with me?"
"What?", I said in shock and for a second, everything went slow, and my ears began to ring, blocking out any other noise that was going on in the loud classroom hallways. "A date? I don't know if I might be busy that day", I said without thinking.
"I haven't even asked you when I could take you out though", awkwardly says Jeremy but still just laughing it off.
"Sorry… You haven't huh… Well, when were you thinking?"
"How about this Sunday after mass?", he asks.
"After mass?", I repeat, trying to make up an excuse, "I don't know. Something might come up and I'll have to help my mom. You know how parents can be."
"Come on, we'll just go out for some coffee and maybe something else afterwards if you're free", insists Jeremy.
See at the time, I only had that other boyfriend that I hit trying to defend myself and I was afraid that my reputation of being a teenage delinquent was affecting my relationships at school. I had friends from Elementary and Jr. High no longer talking to me because they were afraid of me. So, when this boy that I had a crush on came up to me. I felt off, like he was trying to embarrass me like that teacher did.
"You're not saying no", playfully says Jeremy.
He stood there quietly and with a smile, waiting for my answer to him. I mean I would love to go on a date with him, but I don't know. Maybe I was just insecure at the time.
"Ok fine… you convinced me Jeremy, but I can only go out for coffee, is that's ok?", I tell him. A small part of me still felt like he was playing a joke on me and was hoping that he would say something like," Ha! I'm just playing!", or something. But no, he was serious.
"Yeah, that's perfect", he tells me with a brilliant smile.
Seeing his smile made me feel all nice and warm inside. I can feel my face begin to glow red again.
"By the way, I forgot to tell you that it was going to be a double date, with one of my friends."
I knew it, that was the catch. I was just someone he brought along so he would be third wheeling. I knew it was too good to be true.
"Oh", I let out.
"What's wrong?"
"You didn't tell me that other people were going to be there."
"Does that make you nervous?"
"No, of course not", I said. It wasn't nervousness but I just felt let down.
"If you get nervous, you can always hold my hand. Unless I make you nervous too."
What did he say? My blush comes back and in full rage.
"You don't make me nervous!", I say with embarrassment, " I just… I just didn't expect you to invite me to a double date.
Jeremy takes time to think, and he says, "Next time, it'll be just you and me."
"Me and you?"
"Yeah. Me and you."
Without even having to try, I can feel the corners of my mouth begin to rise in happiness. Then, suddenly a bright flash. I woke up to my morning alarm and I am back.