It was a beatiful day, the sun was shining and the prison was now fully erased from the landscape. And this was the day I was gonna be executed for my crime of review swindeling.
There had never been any fair trial, well the officer in charge simply said " I had dun goofed" and promptly transported me into the shadow realm with his Punch-jutsu.
My execution was scheduled for the very next day.
Here I was, wearing handcuffs and chains waiting for the beginning of my my second reincarnation.
Surrounded by the people I loved, no one, I walked up to the place where I would bite the dust. I walked straight, into the closest library.
I was to die out of sheer boredom.
These monsters had taken out all of the mangas from this place. Left were only these dry history books about events that nobody gave a magical sewer rat's ass about.
But since the audience that had gathered to watch me die found the punishment way too boring, we quickly moved on to an alternative method.
That was why, the next execution was a far more brutal, nearly inhumane compared to the last one. I was to be killed by sheer cringe.
No, no, no, no were the planning on reading my old fanfictions?
My screams of agony served as good entertainment to the gathered crowd as I had to relive the awful adventures of the young Author's mind.
Slowly and in vivid detail did they tell everyone about the heroic adventure of the MC with the Rock-Smash-System. 20 full chapters of one dude "smashing" a boulder with his wiener…
Yes, these chapters did exist, but they were never meant to be seen by the public… Please, someone, end my suffering.
Yet, the crowd had the attention span of a goldfish, so they decided to seek for a more entertaining variation. They took me to the next station on the highway to hell.
The anime nose-bleed of death.
20 weebs were positioned 5 meters in front of me lying facefirst on a table. Afterwards, they were given pictures of lewd handholding and their bodies shot out at Mach 5 in my direction.
Propelled by the fountains of nosebleeds, they had one sole purpose to destroy me.
In the end, weebs did not make for a good projectile, since they could never hit on anybody that was 3d. Thus literally anything else but me was met with the fury of a thousand litres of bleeding noses.
NEXT
Drinking Bleach
Drinking cleaning utensils was certainly not a very creative idea─but since some special few people thought it would help more than actual medicine in a pandemic, it became quite easy to swallow it.
But of course, nothing happened. Everybody knew that bleach had to go into the eyes, after having seen the current weekly WSA ranking.
NEXT
Dying Of Shock
I was put onto an electric chair. To my absolute shock, a yellow electric mouse was forced to shock me to death with its attack. Sadly, due to copyright reasons, the monster had to be euthanized and was now in a better place.
The person responsible for training these kinds of creatures was fired on the spot.
NEXT
Choking on it.
Due to my arrogance, these people printed out the chapters of the story I had not written yet and forced me to literally eat my own words. They thought I wouldn't be able to stomach my own writing and kick the bucket cuz it was so bad. They wanted me to literally overdose on my own writing.
Yet, my story tasted really good. It was really flavorful and full of tasty scenes. Even the cover with, another bikini elf, I had just bought was fine as hell.
Next
Dying due to laughter
The request was vehemently denied. The target (me) was supposed to suffer and perish in total pain. Laughing did not satisfy the paying customers. They demanded that blood should be spilt.
Death by Snu Snu
No willing tall and buff amazonian ladies were found. Therefore, I had to announce with a heavy heart, that there would be no death by Snu snu punishment. The crowd booed and so did I.
We all had wanted to see it happen, but life had different plans.
Next
Stoning
Did not work; no powerstones were found to throw.
Hanging
Did not work, not even the rope wanted to hang out with me.
Thrown into a Black Hole
Okay, this was getting too out of hand. Instead of trying to end reality as we knew it, maybe could we address a more common method?
How about we use the fire-breathing Truck-kun to isekai the living snot out of me? It should be more than obvious that no good reincarnation could start without a random loser getting ran over by 10 tons of pure steel
Just take a look at this beauty. It has 600 horsepower and produces up to 2,050 lb-ft of torque. With its elegant design your involuntarily victims would undoubtedly say─what a stylish truck─as you crush them to death with your sheer manliness.
The Teenage Smasher 3000 was the leading innovation for the fast and secure transfer of souls. The fantasy worlds were no longer a mere fantasy.
Everyone agreed after listening to my sales pitch about good old Truck-Kun. Nothing could ever beat the classics.
A few seconds later everything had been set up. A truck began to speed up and took aim at my not-yet-like-that-isekaid body. Closing my eyes, I wait for my end with a smile on my face.
At least I met my end with a really unique concept. Its loud brake horns echoed through space and time as the Teenage Smasher 3000 came closer at levels of speed unimaginable.
And yet, as if the author had planned something else I opened my eyes again only to realize that I was still alive. The entire crowd had been run over by Truck-Kun, but who cared about others?
I was still alive 'n kicking.
And then I was abducted by Truck-Kun because he had a secret mission for me… but that was a story for another time.
Another time in this case meant the next chapter.