Many very slow explanations and a few more death experiences later, I finally understood or at least I thought so. Jan Itor the janitor was caught in a weird state, since our creator had never published the chapters he had written nor had he deleted them.
That was why Jan was neither alive nor truly dead.
Hmm, maybe we could exploit this situation and make our own organ spending station. We could get filthy rich by selling organs to people in need. Was it concerning that my thoughts directly saw the business opportunity?
The secret mission had already been forgotten for a long time. Way too many things had happened in the 10 minutes he had been in this school.
A lot of blood has flown and I mean A LOT. This story turned from fantasy into a horror story─only with an Immortal MC that died randomly due to all the crazy flying objects, which turned him into a human target board.
Who knew that being the main character came with this much danger? Especially disturbing was the fact that a lot of the projectiles homed in on his manhood.
At first, I wanted to make jokes about his big balls to not dodge any of them─but I am not sure, whether his balls did exist after taking all of this "head" on.
Of course, Jan did not seem bothered by our creator's hatred for testicles and continued to clean whatever mess appeared in front of his eyes. He even offered me to "take a look if he was still a man downstairs".
I had to decline that offer. My clone homie meant the world to me, but the world was not nearly enough to check his junk.
We both knew about the sad truth that we did not have much to regenerate down there.
…." Oh, is someone 'venting' their frustrations there," said our Creator clearly very happy with the outdated reference he just made. To further showcase the strength of his virginity he would soon make another one.
" What do you call a sussy scientist? An In-vent-or." With this our very creative, clearly mentally challenged creator had proven once and for all that nobody could compare to his vast ability to make everything unfunny.
Here, let me show you the peak comedy our genius here aims for. Seventeen adventures venture with their sussy imposter inventory…
Cue the laugh track; it could never be more funny. You see, many of these words had "vent" in them, which meant people would laugh at this expert usage of memes.
That was what any self-respecting reader would love to read about─ dead, outdated memes.
Hur dur, I am a very smart author; praise me for my ability to insert random words into my story.
" What our dear MC had not noticed was that while he was ranting about venting, the spy he had been searching for had used the ventilation system to escape. Good job Author, the author, the audience is very proud of you"
I must admit, the urge to punch someone in an entirely different dimension had never been any stronger than at that moment. Sadly, I was certain that our creator had made plans for this exact situation.
Though on second thought, the type of person to find these vent jokes funny, did not seem like they would make any sort of plans whatsoever.
Remembering to breathe must be hard enough on his peanut-sized brain.
Jan Itor, this settings beloved Janitor has listened to all the strange puns our beloved creator made and did not even bat an eyelid. This poor guy's will had been destroyed from all the torment he had to suffer through.
The loud ringing of a school bell tore me out of my thoughts and back to reality. My clone looked at the spotless ground, shook his head once in sheer satisfaction and handed me his wet mop.
"It's your turn now, my shift is over", having said this my clone disappeared into the school and was nowhere to be seen.
___________
Welp, here I was all alone, only the distant sound of puking in the far distance reminded me of my strange new duty. Author, the author was now Author, the author/janitor. Whether or not Jan had used this opportunity to escape from his own Novel remained to be seen.
All I knew was that my body moved on its own to the closest vomit a child had left behind and began to clean it up.
Weird, the disgust I felt before had magically disappeared. It was as if the mop was actively soaking up the leftovers.
Certainly, it was just a big coincidence that the cleaning tool began to whisper in old Latin.
Of course, it also began to glow in a deepish red light, when it came into contact with blood.
You know, it was just the usual shenanigans of those very ordinary, totally not cursed everyday objects.
I simply had to clean more to appease my new overlord. Wishumoppo would rule over this world once it had been set free from its wooden prison. This world had to be cleansed of all its filth and impurities… The domain of the Clean and Pure was soon to be upon us.
" Go forth my child return cleanliness to the land of the rotten Pukeproducers"
…I gotta say, never in my life had I felt that productive. I was like a machine; getting rid of every dirt that dared to cross my path of absolute sanitization.
"Whoa, whoa stop right there little guy. What are you using big words for? Sanitisation… all you are doing is cleaning up puke; you are not curing cancer."
Did the mop just criticize me for my choice of words? Quite the big ego it had, for literally just cleaning up whatever mess on the floor. What's so special about it anyway? Did it really think, it was the main guy here?
"Look at me, I am the almighty demon Wishmoppu, which just so happens to be trapped inside a mop. I'm very, very powerful. I use all of this power to get rid of dirt stains. Am I not the best thing evaaar?"
My sarcasm levels were over 9000 to speak the language of my creator, but the reply came soon after.
"Listen here you little shit", said the mop in a calm and composed manner while screaming in my mind. " Just clean up puke and stop using your brain. Using it is clearly not something you are good at"
" Give humans free will, they said. It will be good, they said".
…..
- One quick brain-washing later-
I… Must…Clean…Puke…!
My body moved forwards to the closest sea of vomit; I had to clean the puke.
I… Must…Clean…Puke…!
I… Must…Clean…Puke…!
I… Must…Clean…Puke…!
I… Must…Clean…Puke…!
"I must free him," said a mysterious figure in the void… one swift motion and the illusion was broken. Me, Author had been set free from the tyranny of the mop.
My saviour was a broom?!