"Sam! Sam! Baby! Come on! Wake up! "Amelia tried to wake him up. But, he stirred in his sleep, murmuring " Shut up! Amy! It's not even morning. Just let me sleep!" and proceeded to take her hand as a cuddle buddy.
If I am not that pathetic, I would have cooed at their cuteness.
Amelia's concerned face quickly turned into an amused face. She chuckled, shaking her head saying, " Sam, It's not our bed. You are sleeping on an unknown bench at this god damn hour".
Suddenly, As if he gained his consciousness, he woke up and sat down on that bench messily swaying here and there.
"Amelia! You came. You don't know how much I missed you. You know that I hate fighting with you. Don't you? Then Why did you fight with me? I already apologized for that. Why don't you forgive me?" He asked holding her face in between his palms with a deep, hurt expression. So, He loves her to the point that a simple fight will cause him such painful hurts.
"Samuel, It's not an ideal place to discuss this. I already said that I won't forgive you for that thing you did. That poor girl! How much she would have been hurt? Did you think about that?" She said with an expression full of disappointment, shoving his hands away.
He looked away, unable to handle the look of disappointment in the eyes of his beloved.
"But, I already apologized to her." He whined like a kitten asking the attention of its mother. I admit that it's cute.
"You did?" Amelia's voice was filled with surprise and satisfaction. He nodded lowering his eyes.
"What did she say?" Amelia asked with hopeful eyes. But, Still, I don't understand what are they saying? Who is that girl?
"She...Amy! Why are you caring for her? She dared to replace you." He said looking away from Amelia to settle his eyes on me. The amount of hate I saw in them made my eyes burn indicating the sure arrival of my unwanted tears.
I looked away from his brown eyes, gulping heavily, closing my eyes as a slight teardrop made its arrival. I quickly wiped that tear preparing myself to hear the upcoming conversation. Because I was sure that it will cause nothing but hurt to me. Because that girl who dared to replace Amelia was me. So, He apologized because Amelia asked him to. Not on his own.
You would have a doubt. Why Amelia hasn't recognized me? Because We have never met. It's that simple. Because, According to them, I am just one of many who desired Sam. Of Course! She wouldn't know me. It's completely useless to know about someone who is not your worthy opponent, Anyways.
"Sam! Listen, She said that she didn't know about us at that time. Didn't she? So, she doesn't deserve that. Nobody deserves it. But, you were arrogant enough to show off such a filthy act to me as an act of your affection for me. Isn't it, disgusting?" She asked that question which I desperately wanted to ask him since that day of my proposal. I silently sobbed knowing how good of a girl she was.
I don't even know whether to cry in happiness or agony. Happy for her standing up for me. Agony for daring to replace her even though unknowingly.
She is literally an angel. She was supporting me, who is nothing above an insignificant being for them, who dared to replace her.
Now, that I saw why he loves her so much, why he desperately cares for her, desperately protects her not even caring about others' feelings, I suddenly want to give up on him. Not that I have anything to give up. But, Just the thought that one day, he will notice me. That I can have some compromised love someday. My happy imaginary bubble burst and died deep inside me.
I have to give up on him. I owe her that much. You may think that I am quite dramatic. I knew that Amelia was a good girl. But, this good? No! I didn't know truthfully. That gave the much-needed push for me to give up. Who will protect a girl who dared to propose to his boyfriend? Amelia did.
She is an angel, an elegant beauty, a rich heir, and has a heart made of gold. Can I compete with that? Am I even qualified to compete here?
Will Samuel even like me? Will he even notice me? Will he even speak to me? Will my fairytale become true? Can I dare dream that?
You know what in some stories the heroine's opponent is evil, So the hero chooses our heroine for that reason. But, For me is there a chance? Hell, If I were Samuel, Amelia will be my sweetheart. Not some stupid girl like me.
If I am not happy then I should at least let others live happily. They are fighting because of me. Some worthless girl. No! I should make My Ame happy. If this is what he desires, then I give up. Happily! I will give up showing them their way to their happily ever after. They both deserve it.
I mean, if there is no sacrifice, is that even love?
I just don't want to mess up their beautiful, strainless love story. I am just a strain that will be removed one day, if not today. I don't want to hurt an innocent girl like her. I don't want her life to be messed up just because I am selfish and stubborn enough to attain the unattainable. No! I am not that. I am not a homewrecker.
"I don't believe her. I don't know why you believe her. She is just a liar. she is just trying to make a soft space in my heart by guilt-tripping me." He said continuing to accuse me by looking straight into my eyes. I can't confront him now. Not by my words at least. I looked straight into his eyes and rolled my eyes at him.
He frowned his eyebrows not liking my behavior one bit. He turned to Amelia avoiding my gaze. Good, No one has the right to degrade me. Even if I am dying inside.
"Sam! We should not assume things. Let's leave it, Ok. We should concentrate on our lives. Leave that poor girl, alone. Let her live her life. We will live ours." As soon as she finished talking, a bright smile came on his lips shaming the moon residing right above his head in the dark night.
That's my girl! What she said is the only possible solution that is good for everyone. I should leave this mess.
Samuel nodded smiling widely at the thought of him living their life without any mess.
By now, I am already confirmed that he was sober. Because the drunken him is cute, not this rude. His sober is rude which is what he is now.
They both got up, holding hands walking toward me. If I said, it doesn't hurt, It will be a lie for sure.
"I am really sorry for this trouble. I hope you forgive us. And I am really grateful for your help this night. I don't what I would have done if it wasn't for you. My boyfriend is really clueless and careless at times. Please, Don't mind." That Angel both apologized and thanked me at the same time. Rather I should say simultaneously.
I am the one who should thank her for caring for a stranger like me. I shouldn't tell her that I am that girl. It will make this mess a never-ending one. And, I am not ready for that. Neither they will.
I should leave their life silently same as the way how I entered in the first place.
"No! It's okay. It was not a problem. He stayed good. Thank you." I said looking into his eyes at the last words. A look of confusion crossed them. But, I don't care at this moment. I thanked her heartfully for her good nature of standing up for me, indirectly.
"Ok! Then, We will be going. Goodbye!" She bid goodbye not only now but as a forever. It seemed like that.
I simply nodded with a heavy heart, stepping aside. When I was about to walk to my dorm, Amelia stopped me with her words.
"By the way, What's your name? I haven't seen you in this college." She asked casually.
As I looked over my shoulder, I saw her smiling softly. If I said who I am, that beautiful smile will vanish. I looked over at Sam who is completely sober now and only shook his head side to side, his eyes pleading with me to not tell his girlfriend.
"I am not someone who is loved by many," I said looking into his eyes. "Just a normal student. As for my name......" I started then pretended to see my phone ringing and answer it. The phone sound will not be heard anyways as we are at a safe distance. I pretended to be busy and showed my hand as a goodbye to them.
I turned back but not before taking one last, last look at My Ame, who stood near his girlfriend, his eyes full of gratitude and relief. It's much he likes to get rid of me. Don't worry, Samuel. I will make sure that your wish come true safe and sound.
I took my things from the bench and proceeded to my dorm. I heard the sound of the car decreasing until there was none. Pure silence, like in a horror movie house.
I sighed and proceeded to walk. I stopped near his motorbike and took it inside. I am sure he will not ask it. Because he doesn't use any damaged items. Even though it's light scratches for me, for him it's like a huge scar. Just rich people things. I love him enough to predict his decisions.
I went inside to see Emily still sleeping. I lay on my bed and thought about how my life will be going from now. And ended up sleeping with those thoughts about my future.
I am right. He doesn't come to me for his bike. We don't meet after that. I neither met him nor Amelia. And I thank god for that.
I just don't cry, can't cry because it's worthless. My tears are more precious than that.
It's pointless to desperately hang in with an imaginary hope now. I can't fool myself to see a compromised future hereafter. Amelia truly deserves what she has now. I am not even jealous, let alone envious. I am truly happy for her.
As for my pain and hurt, I will take time to heal. Even if take years. Just to make myself happy again.
As for My Ame. I can't even imagine myself saying I don't love him anymore. Because I do. So much. To the point of pointless.
I loved him, love him, maybe will love him too. I don't know if I can have a happy future with others who are not my Ame. But, I will not try it with anyone. Not until I have my pains, hurts, and worries healed and become my happy self again. That is the day I will be anticipating from now.
My Ame,
I can't have a compromised love from now.
I don't know what my love for you will change into.
Only, Time can answer that.
I hope it is not selfless love.
Because, If I have that, I don't think I will have a happy future myself.
And I am too selfish for that.
Too selfish to depend on a man for life.
Too sure that any man is a part of my life, Not my life.
Even if it is you.